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-   -   Full circle.....?...maybe (https://britishexpats.com/forum/canada-56/full-circle-maybe-440423/)

R2D2 Apr 7th 2007 3:01 pm

Full circle.....?...maybe
 
How bizarre life can be sometimes. 2005 saw us saying goodbye to all that we knew in lovely Cheshire, and heading into the unknown realm of a new life in Alberta.
We researched it, did fact finding trip, secured a great job, felt really excited to go through with this fantastic opportunity to have a taste of a 'different' way of life.
Everything was in place. We couldn't have asked for a smoother transition.
Hubbys job was and still is great, good salary and prospects, we bought our lovely home and have seen it double in value in just 2 years.
Kids really happy, great school and pre-school.................................now here come the BUT's..............................feelings.

Hubby has struggled with homesickness from the word go. I have only had periods of it and on the whole love it here. Here lies the problem. For my husband, his feelings of missing the UK are getting stronger. He can't see himself being here long term. He says its not that life isn't good for us here, it is, but he misses all the little things that have shaped him and make him the person he is. All those things that are uniquely British and you just don't have here.
He puts the feelings to the back of his mind as much as he can, but he says he constantly feels something is missing.

As for me, well, I was happy in Cheshire, just as I'm happy here, so really I guess my hubby's strong desire to be back where he "belongs", will ultimately lead to us all heading back.

We have a trip back to Cheshire this summer for a family wedding, so I guess that will be crunch time for us. A decision one way or the other will happen then.

I'll keep you all posted.:confused:

High numbers Apr 7th 2007 3:19 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 

Originally Posted by R2D2 (Post 4611657)
How bizarre life can be sometimes. 2005 saw us saying goodbye to all that we knew in lovely Cheshire, and heading into the unknown realm of a new life in Alberta.
We researched it, did fact finding trip, secured a great job, felt really excited to go through with this fantastic opportunity to have a taste of a 'different' way of life.
Everything was in place. We couldn't have asked for a smoother transition.
Hubbys job was and still is great, good salary and prospects, we bought our lovely home and have seen it double in value in just 2 years.
Kids really happy, great school and pre-school.................................now here come the BUT's..............................feelings.

Hubby has struggled with homesickness from the word go. I have only had periods of it and on the whole love it here. Here lies the problem. For my husband, his feelings of missing the UK are getting stronger. He can't see himself being here long term. He says its not that life isn't good for us here, it is, but he misses all the little things that have shaped him and make him the person he is. All those things that are uniquely British and you just don't have here.
He puts the feelings to the back of his mind as much as he can, but he says he constantly feels something is missing.

As for me, well, I was happy in Cheshire, just as I'm happy here, so really I guess my hubby's strong desire to be back where he "belongs", will ultimately lead to us all heading back.

We have a trip back to Cheshire this summer for a family wedding, so I guess that will be crunch time for us. A decision one way or the other will happen then.

I'll keep you all posted.:confused:

Good luck but I guess the wedding will remind you of why you left the UK in the first place and you might start missing things in Canada!!

R2D2 Apr 7th 2007 3:29 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 
Yes, it may, and thats why we are glad to be having this trip back.
But we never left the UK because we disliked it. For us, it was purely a case of having an opportunity to try something different .......at least for a while.

Judy in Calgary Apr 7th 2007 3:44 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 
It's a nice position to be in. You managed to do this when your children were young, when it wouldn't interfere with their GCSEs and stuff like that. So, if you do return to the UK, you can look back on your couple of years in Canada as a sort of extended working holiday, almost like a longer version of BUNAC.

Hope you have a great trip in the summer, and good luck with your decision.

Bleech Apr 7th 2007 3:58 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 
Hi R2D2, my advice would be to leave him and live on your own (joke :D).
Sorry things aren't working out, luckilly you've got the trip back, as a holiday back in the UK would be the best way to decide one way or the other.
Have you been here long enough to keep your PR? Just thinking ahead that if someday you decide you want to return it'll make life a lot easier.
Good luck, I hope it works out.

Butch Cassidy Apr 7th 2007 4:27 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 
Deb,

I'm with Bleech on this one. Try and keep him here till you ALL have citizenship. Even if you and he never return the kids may wish to one day.

Butch.

P.S. like you we left the UK not because we disliked it (or the life we had) but because we saw coming here as an opportunity. AT THE MOMENT we are more than happy here and can't see ourselves returning at all, BUT we have only been here 12 months so who knows how we will feel in another year.

Good luck to you all whatever you decide.

Cookie Apr 7th 2007 4:42 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 
Hi R2D2

Sorry to hear about the home sickness. We have been in NS for only 3 months and haven't felt any yet. It must be terrible when it strikes.

We too left, not because we disliked UK but we did fear where it is heading. I am not going to bash the UK as its 'home' to us all.

Hope that your return trip doesn't rock the boat too much. It'll be great seeing your family and friends. Indeed a trip back home may be enough to make you realise that living in back in the UK may not what you want after all. The only people who will know is yourselves :)

startwin Apr 7th 2007 4:47 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 

Originally Posted by R2D2 (Post 4611657)
How bizarre life can be sometimes. 2005 saw us saying goodbye to all that we knew in lovely Cheshire, and heading into the unknown realm of a new life in Alberta.
We researched it, did fact finding trip, secured a great job, felt really excited to go through with this fantastic opportunity to have a taste of a 'different' way of life.
Everything was in place. We couldn't have asked for a smoother transition.
Hubbys job was and still is great, good salary and prospects, we bought our lovely home and have seen it double in value in just 2 years.
Kids really happy, great school and pre-school.................................now here come the BUT's..............................feelings.

Hubby has struggled with homesickness from the word go. I have only had periods of it and on the whole love it here. Here lies the problem. For my husband, his feelings of missing the UK are getting stronger. He can't see himself being here long term. He says its not that life isn't good for us here, it is, but he misses all the little things that have shaped him and make him the person he is. All those things that are uniquely British and you just don't have here.
He puts the feelings to the back of his mind as much as he can, but he says he constantly feels something is missing.

As for me, well, I was happy in Cheshire, just as I'm happy here, so really I guess my hubby's strong desire to be back where he "belongs", will ultimately lead to us all heading back.

We have a trip back to Cheshire this summer for a family wedding, so I guess that will be crunch time for us. A decision one way or the other will happen then.

I'll keep you all posted.:confused:

For what it's worth, my advice is get your citizenship first so that you can return if you want. You only have to wait a little while longer for residency requirements.

From my own experience, if you have to go back, it's better to do it before your kids are grown and their lives are here in Canada, meaning it's hard for you to leave and go back. We got stuck in that, we yearn to go back to the UK to live and it gets worse even after many years here, but no way we could leave our kids and grandkids. We settle for annual trips back there. However, we've had a good life here in Canada, it's nothing to do with any negatives here.

Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

Tiffin Tease Apr 7th 2007 5:02 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 
That's too bad, sorry to hear this news cos you did seem so happy when we met... one way or another you still have to all be really proud of yourselves for giving it a real go and if you do decide to go home it's no failure but you never know what's round the corner and this trip back could be just the ticket one way or another...

Good luck xx

stepnek Apr 7th 2007 5:11 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 

Originally Posted by R2D2 (Post 4611657)
For my husband, his feelings of missing the UK are getting stronger. He can't see himself being here long term. He says its not that life isn't good for us here, it is, but he misses all the little things that have shaped him and make him the person he is. All those things that are uniquely British and you just don't have here.
He puts the feelings to the back of his mind as much as he can, but he says he constantly feels something is missing.

This paragraph sums up nicely how I've felt all along since being here. I'm not sure long term what we'll do because my wife is Canadian and her roots are here as much as mine are back in England.

As you say it'll be interesting to see how things are when you visit England later this year. I've yet to get back since arriving in September 2004 but I don't enjoy the feelings that you so well described in relation to how your hubby feels.

R2D2 Apr 7th 2007 5:31 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 
My youngest is due to start school in Sept 08, so ideally we want to have this resolved before then so we aren't messing our children about anymore than we may have to. Having little people to consider sure makes it a bit more complicated. We could apply for citizenship in May 2008, so we'll just have to see what happens over the next 6-12 months.
We are in a great position in that we could go back to the UK with more money than we came here with, potentially even enough to have little or no mortgage....which is a huge incentive actually !

Its so weird. We were watching Bridgit Jones Diary on DVD the other day and that bond, that connection you have with the images of Britain and the humour of the people, it makes you seem so far away from all that is familiar and cosy. I feel it too, but to a much lesser degree than my husband.

Canada has been great for us, and if we did leave there would be a ton of stuff we would miss I'm sure, but at the end of the day, if my husband has such a need to be back where he feels right, then thats what we'll do.

lilacheart Apr 7th 2007 5:49 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 
I hope your husband appreciates your adaptability, I don't know how I would cope if hubby wanted to return and I didn't, how do you compromise on something so huge?

Good luck with whatever you decide,


I think with your attitude whatever you decide to do will work out.

dingbat Apr 7th 2007 5:51 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 

Originally Posted by R2D2 (Post 4611911)
My youngest is due to start school in Sept 08, so ideally we want to have this resolved before then so we aren't messing our children about anymore than we may have to. Having little people to consider sure makes it a bit more complicated. We could apply for citizenship in May 2008, so we'll just have to see what happens over the next 6-12 months.
We are in a great position in that we could go back to the UK with more money than we came here with, potentially even enough to have little or no mortgage....which is a huge incentive actually !

Its so weird. We were watching Bridgit Jones Diary on DVD the other day and that bond, that connection you have with the images of Britain and the humour of the people, it makes you seem so far away from all that is familiar and cosy. I feel it too, but to a much lesser degree than my husband.

Canada has been great for us, and if we did leave there would be a ton of stuff we would miss I'm sure, but at the end of the day, if my husband has such a need to be back where he feels right, then thats what we'll do.

For many, the first trip home is the decider and many realise that the reasons for which they think they left the UK, are simply not as compelling at they thought. Others find that their first trip home sends them hurtling back to Canada as they have embraced the life there. Emigration is exciting, it's the lure of the unknown and above all, an adventure of a lifetime. When that excitement wears off....I am with your husband and felt as he does from day 1. What makes me, well me is rooted in an English/European culture and as I get older, I realise that I have to go home. I have to, for my own sanity.:o All I would say is that if you could wait and get citizenship, your children will thank you for that in later life. I know my eldest two are very happy that they have dual citizenship as they know it means that they will have choices available to them in their adult years that many do not. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

R2D2 Apr 7th 2007 6:19 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 

Originally Posted by kerlynkeo (Post 4611952)
I hope your husband appreciates your adaptability, I don't know how I would cope if hubby wanted to return and I didn't, how do you compromise on something so huge?

Good luck with whatever you decide,


I think with your attitude whatever you decide to do will work out.

Aaah, that is so nice, thankyou.
I've found myself coming to this acceptance now, but its not been without arguaments and tears I have to say.
At first, I just told him to get a grip, its just bouts of homesickness and it'll pass. Look at all we have and do here. Trying to pull him out of it in any way I knew how.
Then it went to 'understanding' mode, but this was almost like giving him permission to feel the way he did, and his feelings got stronger .........arghhhh !

So now, its a case of, lets just see how we feel when we go back and if he still feels as strongly about it then, we'll start to look into it in more detail.

I can appreciate what everyone is saying about getting citizenship, but in some ways that may open up even more cans of worms. We don't want to ping pong. But at the same time we know its a heck of a thing for our children to have for their futures.

Oh god, what to do !:confused:

stepnek Apr 7th 2007 6:27 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 

Originally Posted by R2D2 (Post 4611911)
We are in a great position in that we could go back to the UK with more money than we came here with, potentially even enough to have little or no mortgage....which is a huge incentive actually !

.

Now that is a very nice position to be in and was actually my incentive to move to Canada. But if I could be mortgage free (or a very modest mortgage) back in England I know what I'd choose!

Ruby Murray Apr 7th 2007 7:21 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 

Originally Posted by R2D2 (Post 4612009)
Aaah, that is so nice, thankyou.
I've found myself coming to this acceptance now, but its not been without arguaments and tears I have to say.
At first, I just told him to get a grip, its just bouts of homesickness and it'll pass. Look at all we have and do here. Trying to pull him out of it in any way I knew how.
Then it went to 'understanding' mode, but this was almost like giving him permission to feel the way he did, and his feelings got stronger .........arghhhh !

So now, its a case of, lets just see how we feel when we go back and if he still feels as strongly about it then, we'll start to look into it in more detail.

I can appreciate what everyone is saying about getting citizenship, but in some ways that may open up even more cans of worms. We don't want to ping pong. But at the same time we know its a heck of a thing for our children to have for their futures.

Oh god, what to do !:confused:


Hi Debbie
I think you remember my story when I first joined Expats....you were one of the first people I chatted to on here. Our experience of returning back to our little area of "Cheshire" wasn't good at all and in 8 months we lost three quarters of our money, struggled with depression, had no where to live, lived separately for 4 months, and very nearly split us up for good! However, you seem like you have a totally different scenario as we did. You mentioned that you can apply for citizenship in May 2008, but it is still another 8-12 months before you are eligible to take the test, which will then bring you well into early 2009 and I don't foresee your hubby lasting it out that long??:confused: ! No one can advise you as to what's the best decision to make - only yourselves, as our experiences and attitudes are all unique. I just want to wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do. Canada was our only way to return back to sanity, whereas you will probably fit back into UK life like a duck to water. Your summer wedding trip will make it all fit into place one way or another.

Jaycee :)

acer rose Apr 8th 2007 3:07 am

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 
Remember that even if you feel you cannot stay until you get citizenship this time, you still have PR so keep an eye on the regulations to make sure it stays valid. These things can change regularly it seems.

There are at least a couple of people who post here who went back to the UK and are now wondering if that was the right move. People grow and change over time and your husband's feelings may be different after a couple of years back in the UK. On the other hand you might get back to Europe and settle to a happy life. Compromise is never easy but it is even more difficult to deal with a seriously unhappy partner. Good luck with your decisions.

ontres Apr 12th 2007 1:50 am

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 
I haven't seen a post about how the different ages of potential immigrants affect the way they react after arrival. Perhaps it is thought of as one of those 'small' things that people put to the back of their minds when musing about the adventure of it all, and say to themselves that they'll adjust. Not everyone does. Maybe people have thoughts about that.

My two younger brothers were 14 and 15 when they came in 1954. Our parents went to a farm in Ontario and the two boys attended the local public school. They weren't then and aren't now, dumb, and have done well, but they never adjusted to that school. The curriculum was entirely different from what they were used to, and they lost interest in school. That became a burden to them that I think would not have happened if they had continued their schooling in England.

We visited a friend in New Zealand a few years ago. They had friends over for tea; he was a Kiwi, and his English wife his war bride of 43 years. She apparently had never for a minute been free of home-sickness, and when we listened to the way she went on about it, and heard the sadness in her voice, it was obvious how much of a strain it had put on their marriage.

After one year here, my wife and I were still in two minds about the place. An opportunity came up for her to return to London, so she sailed from Quebec City on the 'Homeric'. The ship docked in Southampton, and my wife said that the uncertainty she'd had until then was completely resolved, standing on the deck, looking out over Southampton's forest of smoking chimneys belching coal-induced smog, and she remembered the dirty clothes from it, the coughing and wheezing, then about the shortages of everything and all the other things that came flooding back to her - all because of chimneys!

Our plan was that I would go out west and 'seek my fortune' while she decided whether it was to be England or Canada. The fortune evaded me somehow, but the experience of seeing first hand the Northwest Territories, the Yukon and BC was the best thing that ever happened to me. I knew for sure that this was the place for me, and hoped it would also be for my wife. Fifty years ago of course, a vastly different social pattern existed in this country, but I found that if you 'did in Rome' etc, there was no antipathy to speak of, and if you rolled with the punches with what there was, it was easy to live with the people. When my wife returned, we went over all that happened to us in the previous year and came to the firm conclusion that there was really no comparison to be made. Both places are so different from one another that to form opinions based on what similarities there are, is futile.

Eden Apr 12th 2007 3:01 pm

Keep Your Options Open
 
As other posters have already said it would be very wise to get your citizenship, even though you (or rather your husband) can't imagine needing it at this moment in time. Never say never.
We moved to Canada in '98 and lived there for 6 years before moving back to London for a variety of reasons. At that time I didn't think our Canadian citizenship would be needed but, low and behold, we are now considering returning to Canada, albeit a different part (again, for a variety of reasons!) and it is great to have the option whatever we decide to do. Good luck.

Piff Poff Apr 12th 2007 3:17 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 
Hi,

I have friends who were in the same boat. He wanted to move here, she didn't, she loves it, he's not sure - he got really homesick went back to UK for a 2 week holiday, had his fill of fish'n'chips and curry's and seeing the family and drinking pints and came back on a earlier flight. He still doesn't feel settled but knows he is in the right country, she still loves it and misses everyone back home, they are thinking of moving to BC next year to give it a go there, because thats where they wanted to go in the 1st place. They have been here for about 4/5 years.

What will be will be, everything will work out for you how it should be, for you all to be happy. Enjoy your trip back and then go from there.

Best wishes to you and yours.

NovaBoy Apr 12th 2007 4:05 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 
Sorry to sound so repetitive - but I totally agree with the previous posts about waiting till you get your citizenship. If not for your sakes - for your childrens.

Just think of all you went through to get to Canada - you could save your children from all that hassle and give them the choice of a lifetime - should they so choose!

Your trip across to the UK will probably make your mind up once and for all.
Ultimately, it's your (you & your husbands) decision!

Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best and good luck for the future.

:thumbup:

Yoong Apr 12th 2007 7:34 pm

Re: Full circle.....?...maybe
 
I can understand how your hubby is going through , I missed UK so much
during my first 6 yrs. here and I had to go there to attend to unfinished
business. Then came back and got my citizenship the next year.

Looks like your husband needs to go back to find his himself.
May have to ping pong to keep the PR valid.Yes it is expensive,
but got to weigh your hubby's mental health versus expenses
on travelling.

That's the way the ball bounces:)
Yoong


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