Cowgirl

Hi everyone,

Well, as difficult and time-consuming all the form-filling has been, we are about to do the hardest thing of the immigration process of all: telling our family here in the UK the news that we're moving.

It'll be especially hard for us as we're part of a family business here in the UK - my husband works for his father. But the business has not been doing well for a long time and my hubby hasn't been happy at all in his working environment. He has a job offer in Canada for something that he's really excited about doing, which is why we are going to Canada. He'll be starting a new job and a new life there.

The trouble is, his father is in denial (of the family business doing badly) and chooses to bury his head in the sand. He really genuinely thinks there's nothing to be concerned about. Therefore my husband knows his dad will be furious when he tells him the shocking news.

Anyway, don't worry, I'm not looking for any Ann Landers-type people out there. I just wanted to see if there was anyone else out there who had a tough time telling their families and would love to hear of your experiences.

Thanks for your time.... and wish us luck - we'll need it!!

iaink

Good Luck! Some take it better than others, some come around in time, others never do. My whole family was incredibly supportive, I was lucky.

Tripitaka

I don't have family to tell but my wifes family gave a mixed reception; some thought it was wonderful, others - particularly mother and brother - took it very badly. Fortunately her mum has come round to the idea now but her brother will take a long time. There are other issues there as well, as there usually are in these cases.

The one thing we did differently was that we told them way up front that we were attempting it. It sounds like you have done it all without a word to them so they may feel aggrieved that they have been kept in the dark.

Whatever happens, you cannot live your life in unhappiness just to keep someone else happy; you must do what makes you happy. You already know this though! ;-)

Cowgirl

Thanks for sharing! I hope her brother comes round soon. Only time helps the healing process.

We've only made our minds up about going a couple of months ago, so it's all a bit of a whirlwind.

We haven't actually sent off our application forms yet, not until after we tell them. They certainly would be in the dark if we'd sent them off before telling them which would be really unfair.

You're right - it's important to do what makes you happy!! This is what we've finally come to.

R I C H

The un-sugar coated reality is that where you choose to live and what profession you decide to follow is your own business. If family can't be supportive of your own ambitions, they're acting selfishly.

Steve_

I know it sounds selfish but if you're moving you're going to get cold feet. You could be moving from a slum to a mansion in the Cayman Islands and you will still feel a bit nervous about it, human beings are territorial animals and it's a natural thing to happen. There will always be some sort of negative to moving and your family most likely will whinge on about those negatives which will make you worry. Having moved internationally, er... four times I think the trick to it is to focus on the positives then you won't feel so bad. What everyone else thinks is frankly a moot point. They aren't psychic. No point your being miserable to make them feel better.

No doubt my family in the UK don't like me living so far away but I can't stand the place so I'm not going round the bend on their account.

Another thing friends and family throw at you is how "lonely" you will be, maybe it's just me but I only get lonely when I'm bored and have nothing to do, so find something to do and you won't feel lonely and if you're doing lots of things no doubt you will meet people anyway.

Tripitaka

Just bear in mind that in far too many cases, people want you to do what they want, not what you want. Selfish? Certainly, but often it isn't done deliberately which makes it worse (IMHO) because that behaviour has had to have been going on a long time for it to become a habit.

You may get a lovely surprise when you tell them; they may be very pleased for you so don't pre-empt the reaction. Perhaps Dads denials are only to reassure son that it will be OK? What do I know...I don't know the people involved but I hope it goes OK for you. When are you breaking the news?

mattieuk

When family members asked if I was intending to go back after spending a year on a BUNAC visa, the response was "what, and come back to the dole queue?", and that was pretty much the end of it. It helps that most of my family would get out of Britain if they were younger/could do so.

edwinslad

My parents couldn't believe that we would actually go through with it and were really angry. Some really nasty stuff followed and we didn't talk for 15 years, mostly because of my stubbornness. In the end, my daughter contacted them and got us back together. I think my brother still has some anger even after 40 years, but we both keep hidden these days.
Wife's parents had no problem with it.
I should have tried harder to keep the lines of communication open.

KeithSonja

Keith's family were very supportive and wished us all the luck in the world!

My family on the other hand have all been sitting on the fence - they are trying to put on "we're pleased for you" face but its obvious that they are not keen for various reasons and are hoping that it all falls through, sometimes saying some not very nice things to me (i actually think that they are just jealous and wish they were brave enough to do it).

As previous people have said you really need to do what is right for you, you only get one life and you cannot live it through other people.

Good luck guys, we wish you all the luck in the world!!

Howefamily

My mum is very pleased as she lives in Germany, loves Canada and cant stand the UK, my dad on the other hand threw all his toys out of the pram and was initially very nasty. He said some truly shocking things and made out we are moving to the back of the beyond, will not get jobs and that we will fail.

Hes now known for about 2 months and now I just receive digs about how the British economy is so much better and that we must consider if we are making a mistake.

We dont talk that much right now which suits me but I feel a bit guilty as he suffers from depression and my stepmum is fighting breast cancer. But he also makes me feel about 2 years old and in a very miserable frame of mind, so I just try to keep conversations to a minimum.

The only alternative is to change our plans for him and we certainly arent going to do that

Bali2010

We've been through it with my sister...was never an issue, we looked at all the photos, were excited about the recces, even though we knew we would be sad when the time came.

Was easier as their regular trips to the states often came with comments of wanting to move abroad so was not out of the blue.

When I decied I wanted to move it was harder as I'm the only one left near our Dad who spends most of Sunday's with me & I take away / out alot (our Mum died yrs ago). He has decided to move nearer his Grandchild, so at this rate he will move away before I will.

Mind you, he wouldn't want me to stay in one area in the UK for him either, it is just more sentimental as the journey is long and expensive so he knows there won't be so many visits.

Hope it goes well, and make a lot of skype - the web cam makes a real difference to staying in touch.

Howefamily

and I know that this goes a little "off thread" but the most trouble we have had over our plans is our friends.
One of our closest friends has completely disowned us, she no longer wants anything to do with us when before our recce was saw each other all the time and our kids played together most weekends while we hung out over lunch.

She even was happy to talk about our plans with enthusiasm and offered support but when we started making concrete changes she just completely changed. Makes me feel very sad still.

Another friend has had the hump saying its all about canada and he cant believe we have FB friends in Canada that we hardly know and its like "scr&w your english friends...", its not like that at all...... Heavy sigh

KeithSonja

I know what you mean, most of our friends have been good but others have almost dropped us all together - its almost like their take on it is "well we have to get used to not being close friends anyway - may aswell start now"

For me thats the real shame as I am closer to my friends than I am my family!!

Does anyone sit wondering out of all the people that have said to you "We'll come over for a visit" will actually turn up? I cannot help but wonder if in some cases it will be "out of sight, out of mind" ??

Tripitaka

Have you ever had a clear out of your Facebook account and got rid of the ones you aren't communicating with? Well, moving abroad is a lot like that but in real life I guess!

It will be a cleansing experience; you will keep the people in your life who are worth keeping - those that are happy for you and who will find the time and effort to stay in touch because they value your friendship wherever you are - but you will also have the opportunity to make loads of new friends too. It is good to have a clearout now and again; I'm looking forward to mine.