Depressed or just lonely?
Oct 1st 2013, 2:22 pm
#76
Yo
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 24,474
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
No difficulty with making friends when I first came to Canada, only that after a while (3 years in) it came to me that it was about 'friends for (my) benefit' attitude of others in the circle of friends. Many playing off or feeding off each, comparing roles, status, ranks & serial numbers - you win some - you lose some.
I'm a people person, but strictly at arms length. I don't share too well, nor want to know or confide in this buddy - buddy friendship/kinship relationship too well.
When I was working it was just the acquaintance relationship of having to be with folks in my office - after work there was zero interaction
I/we won't or don't go to or invite folks to social events, tea, coffee, wine BBQ or house get together's. Maybe I'm one of a kind - but it suits me fine thank you very much
I'm a people person, but strictly at arms length. I don't share too well, nor want to know or confide in this buddy - buddy friendship/kinship relationship too well.
When I was working it was just the acquaintance relationship of having to be with folks in my office - after work there was zero interaction
I/we won't or don't go to or invite folks to social events, tea, coffee, wine BBQ or house get together's. Maybe I'm one of a kind - but it suits me fine thank you very much
Oct 1st 2013, 2:29 pm
#77
Dichotomus tinker
Joined: Aug 2013
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 6,678
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
I was the immigrant in England just like I am the immigrant in Canada and I can say that the Brits were a lot more welcoming than the Ottawans. Then again Almonte is incredibly friendly, still a bit reserved but a lot more interested in meeting up, going to the pub than the people in the City were. I think it's a big city thing, people are busy, rush to work, sit in their cubicles, rush home, do family stuff.
It just takes a lot longer and more effort and is sometimes exhausting.
It just takes a lot longer and more effort and is sometimes exhausting.
But there are really nice, friendly Canadians out there and once you found them they are genuinely helpful and honest.
Very funny are folks & it is rare to find a cross mix of friends from different soci-economic backgrounds - only in Canada is it possible
Imagine the plumber living in a million dollar home with next door neighbours who are bankers, doctors, accountants, or a doctor living in a sub-division of factory workers ... well you get the idea.
Oct 1st 2013, 2:42 pm
#78
Dichotomus tinker
Joined: Aug 2013
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 6,678
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
Oct 1st 2013, 2:47 pm
#79
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Dec 2008
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 1,497
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
I'm a people person, but strictly at arms length. I don't share too well, nor want to know or confide in this buddy - buddy friendship/kinship relationship too well.
When I was working it was just the acquaintance relationship of having to be with folks in my office - after work there was zero interaction
I/we won't or don't go to or invite folks to social events, tea, coffee, wine BBQ or house get together's. Maybe I'm one of a kind - but it suits me fine thank you very much
A quick google on the definition of a people person:
Someone who enjoys being with other people and easily becomes friends with them.
From what you have said so far you surely come across as the antithesis of a people person?
Oct 1st 2013, 2:47 pm
#80
Yo
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 24,474
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
You have some opinions and experience to share. You might be shutting yourself off for no good reason at all. Maybe the crowd you met all those years ago were the wrong type of people.
Oct 1st 2013, 2:56 pm
#81
Dichotomus tinker
Joined: Aug 2013
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 6,678
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
thinking back, most of em were from the UK region (English, Scots, Welsh & Irish), throw in a few home grown canucks, a few Italians, Poles, Germans, Swiss, folks from Caribbean, SA, OZ & NZ ... yes, you are probably right.
Then again after 46 years and so much water under the bridge - do you think it might be a good idea to start socializing again, possibly start with a 'Darby & Jones club' social meddling
Oct 1st 2013, 3:02 pm
#82
Dichotomus tinker
Joined: Aug 2013
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 6,678
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
Arms length people person.
Oct 1st 2013, 3:03 pm
#83
Yo
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 24,474
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
thinking back, most of em were from the UK region (English, Scots, Welsh & Irish), throw in a few home grown canucks, a few Italians, Poles, Germans, Swiss, folks from Caribbean, SA, OZ & NZ ... yes, you are probably right.
Then again after 46 years and so much water under the bridge - do you think it might be a good idea to start socializing again, possibly start with a 'Darby & Jones club' social meddling
Then again after 46 years and so much water under the bridge - do you think it might be a good idea to start socializing again, possibly start with a 'Darby & Jones club' social meddling
Sorry, no idea what Darby & Jones is.
Oct 1st 2013, 3:05 pm
#84
Dichotomus tinker
Joined: Aug 2013
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 6,678
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
typo .. darby & joan 
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Darby+and+Joan
a video to go along with it from Pathe news
http://www.britishpathe.com/video/darby-joan-club
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Darby+and+Joan
a video to go along with it from Pathe news
http://www.britishpathe.com/video/darby-joan-club
Last edited by not2old; Oct 1st 2013 at 3:07 pm. Reason: added some
Oct 1st 2013, 3:08 pm
#85
Yo
Joined: Nov 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 24,474
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
You're not elderly yet. Another decade or two of mobility and mental faculties, surely.
Oct 1st 2013, 3:19 pm
#87
Muskoka, Ontario
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 3,045
Re: Depressed or just lonely?
Do not worry hun. And if you really hit rock bottom, then come for a visit to Ottawa (it's about 4h I'd guess) I'll put the kettle on and get digestives from the Brit store. :-)
I am serious, take me up on it any time. I am sure you'll be fine, don't worry just be aware it won't happen over night. I have been here now for about 3.5 years and would say I have 3 or 4 friends I can count on. Also a few to meet for a brew. I am getting there.
I think Ottawa is as bad as Vancouver by the sounds. It just seems many (not all) Canadians take longer to bond and are more resevered and less outgoing.
It takes time, effort and a positive attitude to make friends for life! Better only 1 good friend to count on whenever you need her than 20 that run as soon as they hear the words "please help me"
I am serious, take me up on it any time. I am sure you'll be fine, don't worry just be aware it won't happen over night. I have been here now for about 3.5 years and would say I have 3 or 4 friends I can count on. Also a few to meet for a brew. I am getting there.
I think Ottawa is as bad as Vancouver by the sounds. It just seems many (not all) Canadians take longer to bond and are more resevered and less outgoing.
It takes time, effort and a positive attitude to make friends for life! Better only 1 good friend to count on whenever you need her than 20 that run as soon as they hear the words "please help me"
Ah thank you!! It's very kind of you!!! I most probably will take you up on that
