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-   -   In Denial? (https://britishexpats.com/forum/canada-56/denial-685308/)

Alan2005 Sep 14th 2010 10:20 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by Oink (Post 8848291)
Life makes hypocrites of us all.

Some of us are just born that way.

Oink Sep 14th 2010 10:26 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by Alan2005 (Post 8848344)
Some of us are just born that way.

"Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains."

nikki dreaming Sep 14th 2010 11:02 pm

Re: In Denial?
 
very familiar here too, dreaded bring up the "C" word:rolleyes: wasnt talked about for months more or less right up until we left, denial stage for sure that we were actually going.

Since moving has taken time but since some of the family have visited that we had the issues with it has been fine, still find we dont talk as much to other people and with closer friends/family think a lot of this is still them getting over the fact we have gone and its too much for them to be in touch, hopefully this will improve with time.

Like others have said, I believe as far as friends, this is a true test of good friendships:thumbup:

emigration all round is not for the faint hearted:eek::rofl:

helcat12 Sep 15th 2010 12:06 am

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by Oink (Post 8848250)
The issue is that, your lives change but their lives stay the same, apart from the fact that their grandchildren have been taken away from them.

Easy in that respect for us - haven't go any to take away or worry about not being happy and then wanting to come back. Just us two.

robert_masters Sep 15th 2010 10:52 am

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by Howefamily (Post 8847934)
One of my very best friends has completely dropped me since we got serious about our emigration plans. Originally she was very keen and even said, and I quote, whilst online chat when we were on our recce " oh you can bore me with it all when you get back, you will need the support"
But actually since we got home in June, I have seen her once, she blows me out constantly, without explanation or apology. We used to see each other every week.
I have asked her about it and she says that yes she is pulling away and I find it sad as we are still here and are likely to be for another 6 months. But still, she has no interest in our friendship anymore.

Hi

Not much of a friend then, true friends stick by!!

Angela

Oink Sep 15th 2010 1:44 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by robert_masters (Post 8849700)
Hi

Not much of a friend then, true friends stick by!!

Angela

That's a little unfair. I might be a little pissed off if my mate buggered off thousands of miles to the middle of nowhere.

reggiedh Sep 15th 2010 2:07 pm

Re: In Denial?
 
[QUOTE=spaceace;8847246]Yup, we had all of my partners family interested in the whole thing, where they constantly brought up the subject.

My family however, were in total denial for 2 years and never uttered a work about the subject until I went to start my job in CA (I went back to the UK shortly after for 3 weeks to sort stuff out)

After packing the container and leaving for good, my lot were very emotional and my dad said "it's different for you, it's an exciting adventure, you're starting a new life, but we are sad because we are loosing you"[/QUOTE

I said the same to my 19 year old as he left on Monday for a year off.

Oink Sep 15th 2010 2:28 pm

Re: In Denial?
 
[QUOTE=reggiedh;8850162]

Originally Posted by spaceace (Post 8847246)
Yup, we had all of my partners family interested in the whole thing, where they constantly brought up the subject.

My family however, were in total denial for 2 years and never uttered a work about the subject until I went to start my job in CA (I went back to the UK shortly after for 3 weeks to sort stuff out)

After packing the container and leaving for good, my lot were very emotional and my dad said "it's different for you, it's an exciting adventure, you're starting a new life, but we are sad because we are loosing you"[/QUOTE

I said the same to my 19 year old as he left on Monday for a year off.

Do you think he'll ever come back?

helcat12 Sep 15th 2010 4:12 pm

Re: In Denial?
 
[QUOTE=Oink;8850214]

Originally Posted by reggiedh (Post 8850162)

Do you think he'll ever come back?

Maybe just "for 3 weeks to sort stuff out".
That's the trouble with being a parent - your children do to you what you did to your parents!
What goes around, comes around.

ninaDGBCA Sep 15th 2010 5:41 pm

Re: In Denial?
 
We got mixed responses. from "great, we'll defo come and visit", "good you actually do it and don't just talk about like others" to "if you think you can't raise your kids in the UK then go" (which we never said, we just said we'd have better opportunities and life in Canada) and my husbands brother just totally ignoring it.
I guess some are jealous, some sad, some don't care, some feel like you moving to a"better life" makes there staying a "worse one" and nobody likes that and some are happy.
Wait a few months/years some will get used to and some won't but at least you'll know then who genuinely wants YOU to be happy and succeed.
My brother in law just (after almost half a year) said he was thinkink of maybe coming over next year. If he does I don't know but at least he mentioned it at last.
Heads up!!!!!!!!! You are not alone :D

el_richo Sep 15th 2010 5:54 pm

Re: In Denial?
 
Reading many of these posts, i'm curious about a few things.

1) Are your families slightly chavvy, uneducated, lack travel experience, or just very old and from a generation where the furthest people emigrated was to the next town/village?

2) When you told your friends and family, did you spend the proceeding 2 hours telling them how amazing Canada is and how shit the UK and, more so, the area where you/they live is?

3) For those having issues in this way, will you regret burning these bridges if your move turns sour?

4) How will you react if/when your own children grow up, give you grandchildren, and decide to move to another continent? And be honest with yourselves. Will you work with them and be so happy that they're moving towards a better life and opportunities for themselves and their children? If so, does this mean you made the wrong decision to move to where you did? Or will you try to persuade them to stay close by and/or sulk at the thought of losing them forever other than a few weeks every other year?

Just a few thoughts really. I do feel for you all having such retarded family and friends and am so happy at how lucky i am with my own.

Thanks for cheering me up :thumbsup:

Oink Sep 15th 2010 6:00 pm

Re: In Denial?
 
Since I've been in Vancouver I've had all manner of friends and relatives come and stay. I wish they'd all bugger off back to the UK and not bother me out here. It also gets expensive when they come, plus it takes up time and energy. They all want to be picked up at the airport. Why they can't take a taxi is beyond me. And then they drink all my beer and wine and are generally just a bloody nuisance. :frown:

umpalumpa Sep 15th 2010 6:10 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by helcat12 (Post 8847227)
We are experiencing a weird state of affairs with family and friends which I had not forseen. Despite talking (probably at quite boring length and frequency) about our wish to immigrate to Canada and our ongoing plans, including OH actually going on a job-hunting trip in June, quite a few of our loved ones seem to have totally ignored it or failed to take it in.
Anyone else had similar experience?

Yes, yes and yes. my mum has been such a nightmare. We decided back in Sept 07 that we wanted to make the move. Since then, my mum basically disowned us (including my then 3 year old son, her only grandchild). She wouldn't call us, speak to us, visit or anything. On the week we were leaving, I had rung her and left a message (she wouldn't take my calls) to let her know about 2 months before we were due to go when our flight was. They booked a holiday to Portugal for 2 weeks so weren't in the UK when we left! :(

Then my dad got ill, he has a heart condition. Which i only found out about by a chance convo with my brother! :huh: He was told not to tell me about it cause "mum didn't want to worry me" - more like wanted to tell me how selfish I was to leave once its too late for me to even say goodbye to my own dad.
Luckily he came through it, but d'ya know - they say you can't chose your family and they are right. I've tried to ring my mum since we've been here. Sometimes she is receptive and chats like mad. Other times and more often than not, she is cut off and short, not wanting to hear anything or communicate anything about life.
Long and short of it? I feel sorry for them. They won't accept it, won't have any kind of relationship, so they get to miss out on a grandchild growing up the opportunity of visits etc.
Such a shame for people to behave so unbelievably at a time of massive upheaval and stress for you. :confused: It just adds to the difficulty.
I'm so sorry you are experiencing this pressure. One thing I can say is that we feel that we did the right thing 100% moving here. That does NOT mean that my mum won't keep withholding key information, just that I have to find a way of dealing with it and accepting it.
Good luck to you and your new future. x ;)

el_richo Sep 15th 2010 6:26 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by umpalumpa (Post 8850748)
Such a shame for people to behave so unbelievably at a time of massive upheaval and stress for you. :confused: It just adds to the difficulty.

Selfish bastards :thumbdown:

Joe_Sleepy Sep 15th 2010 6:40 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by Oink (Post 8850092)
That's a little unfair. I might be a little pissed off if my mate buggered off thousands of miles to the middle of nowhere.

Of my two oldest & closest friends (both over 25 years), one visits regularly & we share a beer via webcam at least once a week whilst the other stopped speaking to me two weeks before we left & the last thing he said to me was "Enjoy your new life in America"...

I am in contact with all of my other mates in some fashion, some as regularly as before & some less so..

Some share in the joy & excitement of others & some are just egocentric, selfish pricks...;)


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