British Expats

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-   -   In Denial? (https://britishexpats.com/forum/canada-56/denial-685308/)

helcat12 Sep 14th 2010 7:20 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by G77 (Post 8847997)
Emigration is the best way to find out who your true friends are back home - you will find that there are those that make an effort to keep in touch, those that you have to make an effort to keep in touch with and those who don't want anything to do with you anymore.... The latter I would say weren't true friends to begin with!

Luckily, I haven't come across any of the latter over this - geographical separation in this country and having kids (them, not us!) have already weeded out those who were going to fall away already.
I think some of the second category will show up a bit later for us.
On the plus side, some of our less-close friends previously have become much better friends since this has been in the pipeline. Also some of our old friendships have actually been rekindled with people we hadn't seen for a while (due to boring stuff like work etc) as we and they realise that we really don't want to lose touch. So, it has not been all bad for us.

Howefamily Sep 14th 2010 9:08 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by helcat12 (Post 8847993)
How sad! Did she expect you not to like it, perhaps and give it up? This thing shows up stuff about people, doesn't it?
Of course, we have encountered lots of people who say, "Well, we thought about it but ..........." insert excuse, as if thinking about it is just as good as actually doing it.
Also, the people who want to see you fail - I met an ex-colleague a few days ago who I had not seen for 6 months and the first thing she said, as a statement , not a question, was, "Oh, so you didn't go to Canada, then!" As soon as I replied that on the contrary, OH had just gone to start work and I expected to follow, she just walked off.
I never expected the OH's family reaction, though.
My Mum is quite well adjusted; she says she will miss us and has had a few tears already, but she says it is important for us to do it while the opportunity is there.


I think unfortunately thats true British mentality, they cant wait to see you fail.

princess caribou Sep 14th 2010 9:15 pm

Re: In Denial?
 
We've only told our immediate family and a few close friends about our plans and hubby's father didn't react well at all. He said he couldn't see why we would want to go and live somewhere so cold and that he would never come out to see us if we did. He has refused to talk about it since. When we told hubby's sister she went into a rant about how we have now stuffed her plans to go to Australia because who then would look after Dad as they both can't leave him (just to be clear my husband's father is fit and well able to take care of himself) and basically that our applying to move to Canada has ruined her life! We didn't even know she wanted to go to Australia until we told her - but even if we did it wouldn't stop us.
My family on the other hand have already planned their visits and we've not even had our med requests yet!
We so badly want this opportunity to come good for us but I know it's going to be really hard when the reality of it hits our families - and us for that matter.
It's so true about the mentality of people getting a kick out of your failure which is why we're keeping our cards close to our chests at the moment until we know for definite if this is going to happen for us.

Howefamily Sep 14th 2010 9:23 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by princess caribou (Post 8848201)
We've only told our immediate family and a few close friends about our plans and hubby's father didn't react well at all. He said he couldn't see why we would want to go and live somewhere so cold and that he would never come out to see us if we did. He has refused to talk about it since. When we told hubby's sister she went into a rant about how we have now stuffed her plans to go to Australia because who then would look after Dad as they both can't leave him (just to be clear my husband's father is fit and well able to take care of himself) and basically that our applying to move to Canada has ruined her life! We didn't even know she wanted to go to Australia until we told her - but even if we did it wouldn't stop us.
My family on the other hand have already planned their visits and we've not even had our med requests yet!
We so badly want this opportunity to come good for us but I know it's going to be really hard when the reality of it hits our families - and us for that matter.
It's so true about the mentality of people getting a kick out of your failure which is why we're keeping our cards close to our chests at the moment until we know for definite if this is going to happen for us.

Bimey, thats worse than my issue with my dad. You have my full sympathy with that lot. Its one thing to tell yourself that you are doing this for all the right reasons etc etc etc, its quite another to not be affected by their behaviour....

el_richo Sep 14th 2010 9:39 pm

Re: In Denial?
 
Crikey, you lot have retarded friends and family. :blink:

princess caribou Sep 14th 2010 9:39 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by Howefamily (Post 8848213)
Bimey, thats worse than my issue with my dad. You have my full sympathy with that lot. Its one thing to tell yourself that you are doing this for all the right reasons etc etc etc, its quite another to not be affected by their behaviour....

I just feel hurt for my husband that his family can't be supportive of his decision and I hate to say it but I think their reactions show a little bit of selfishness but it's been thrown back at us that we're the selfish ones.
Am sure it will all be ok and if it's not...well then we'll deal with it when it happens.

Oink Sep 14th 2010 9:43 pm

Re: In Denial?
 
The issue is that, your lives change but their lives stay the same, apart from the fact that their grandchildren have been taken away from them. They also probably can't understand why one would leave a perfectly good country, a country where you intimately understand and thus can easily navigate the culture to move to one where you don't and can't.

el_richo Sep 14th 2010 9:46 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by princess caribou (Post 8848241)
I just feel hurt for my husband that his family can't be supportive of his decision and I hate to say it but I think their reactions show a little bit of selfishness but it's been thrown back at us that we're the selfish ones.
Am sure it will all be ok and if it's not...well then we'll deal with it when it happens.

But you are selfish. You're emigrating for you (family unit), not anybody else. Everybody in this kind of situation is being selfish and it's very natural.

One thing i would be curious about is how immigrants on this forum in this situation react if their children decide, in many years to come, to emigrate to another continent. They may deal with it slightly differently than their family/friends but i very much doubt many would take it lying down, leaving them to grow old alone in the harsh wilds of Nova Scotia ;)

Edited to add: I'm not following Oink around, honest :o

princess caribou Sep 14th 2010 9:49 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by Oink (Post 8848250)
The issue is that, your lives change but their lives stay the same, apart from the fact that their grandchildren have been taken away from them. They also probably can't understand why one would leave a perfectly good country, a country where you intimately understand and thus can easily navigate the culture to move to one where you don't and can't.

Well get this for irony - my husbands father is himself an immigrant to the UK!

Oink Sep 14th 2010 9:51 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by el_richo (Post 8848256)
But you are selfish. You're emigrating for you (family unit), not anybody else. Everybody in this kind of situation is being selfish and it's very natural.

One thing i would be curious about is how immigrants on this forum in this situation react if their children decide, in many years to come, to emigrate to another continent. They may deal with it slightly differently than their family/friends but i very much doubt many would take it lying down, leaving them to grow old alone in the harsh wilds of Nova Scotia ;)

Edited to add: I'm not following Oink around, honest :o

I think there was someone on here making that point. They were furious that their child went off to live back in London leaving them on their own in BC.

Oink Sep 14th 2010 9:52 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by princess caribou (Post 8848261)
Well get this for irony - my husbands father is himself an immigrant to the UK!

I suspect he moved from a poorer country to a richer one, not the other way round.

el_richo Sep 14th 2010 9:54 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by Oink (Post 8848266)
I think there was someone on here making that point. They were furious that their child went off to live back in London leaving them on their own in BC.

Ha, that might have been a receptionist in Vancouver i was talking to the other week. Nearly in tears because her child was moving to London, UK, and vowed she's trying everything to stop her :thumbsup:

Brilliant.

Oink Sep 14th 2010 10:03 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by el_richo (Post 8848275)
Ha, that might have been a receptionist in Vancouver i was talking to the other week. Nearly in tears because her child was moving to London, UK, and vowed she's trying everything to stop her :thumbsup:

Brilliant.

Yeah that was it. Ironic but sad. Life makes hypocrites of us all.

el_richo Sep 14th 2010 10:11 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by Oink (Post 8848291)
Yeah that was it. Ironic but sad.

It was sad. She was absolutely gutted. Still, at least they gave the kid the opportunities British immigrants in Canada strive for. They gave the kid the opportunity to live and work in the UK and be closer to their family and friends, so that was nice of them.

Hopefully the next time i pop to the mums place of work, she hasn't moved into a caravan and living in a field in Kent with her incontinent dogs to be closer to her daughter.

Oink Sep 14th 2010 10:15 pm

Re: In Denial?
 

Originally Posted by el_richo (Post 8848308)
It was sad. She was absolutely gutted. Still, at least they gave the kid the opportunities British immigrants in Canada strive for. They gave the kid the opportunity to live and work in the UK and be closer to their family and friends, so that was nice of them.

Hopefully the next time i pop to the mums place of work, she hasn't moved into a caravan and living in a field in Kent with her incontinent dogs to be closer to her daughter.

Next time you see her, tell her that's the UK is only a plane ride away and that she'll at least see her grandchildren twice before she dies.


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