Coping with mother's tantrums
Feb 20th 2008, 2:53 am
#31
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Re: Coping with mother's tantrums
my 87 year old granpa now has a facebook page and has just discovered his 19year old grandaughters (not me) hobbies are drinking and sex!!
my granny (99) very happy as she has a railway pension so can come over to visit on the train. (suffers from dementia, she originally thought I was running away with Santa when we told her - still can't work out if that was a link with snow or if canada sounded like santa
).
).
Feb 20th 2008, 3:38 am
#32
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Re: Coping with mother's tantrums
I haven't talked to my mother for 2 weeks and I can't see things changing for a while now.
Read my thread in moving back titled would you be upset?
A long, long list of reasons.
What mother wouldn't want you to go and visit and all they had to do was see you?
What mother would be upset with you because you are feeling ok one day and not upset about living here?
What mother wouldn't intend on sending anything for her grandson for Christmas but quickly does a week before when I initiate contact after trouble?
I could go on and on but I would be here all night. but I feel a lot better without her in my life dragging me down to her level.
Read my thread in moving back titled would you be upset?
A long, long list of reasons.
What mother wouldn't want you to go and visit and all they had to do was see you?
What mother would be upset with you because you are feeling ok one day and not upset about living here?
What mother wouldn't intend on sending anything for her grandson for Christmas but quickly does a week before when I initiate contact after trouble?
I could go on and on but I would be here all night. but I feel a lot better without her in my life dragging me down to her level.
Feb 20th 2008, 3:50 am
#33
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Re: Coping with mother's tantrums
HELP!!! My mum has just sobbed down the phone begging me not to take her boys away!
When we first told her about our plans to emigrate she was suprisingly calm, I think she thought that it was all talk. But now we have sold our house and have a recce trip booked for May . . . .she's panicking.
I feel so cruel, she absolutely adores our two sons and currently see's them 2 or 3 times a week, being just 5 minutes down the road. My Dad has been very quiet with me for the past few weeks, but he is not a man of many words, Mum on the other hand will stamp her feet and scream if she doesn't get her own way!
I have tried to rationalise this in my own head - they are very computer literate so communication will not be a problem, they are both fit, in their early 60's and reasonably well off, so a couple of visits a year wouldn't be a problem. . . . . . . . . . . but I can't help but feel like a total bitch.
To make matters worse, we haven't even told my mother in law yet!
Any advice guys - I'm sure this is a common situation - how did you all cope with it?
When we first told her about our plans to emigrate she was suprisingly calm, I think she thought that it was all talk. But now we have sold our house and have a recce trip booked for May . . . .she's panicking.
I feel so cruel, she absolutely adores our two sons and currently see's them 2 or 3 times a week, being just 5 minutes down the road. My Dad has been very quiet with me for the past few weeks, but he is not a man of many words, Mum on the other hand will stamp her feet and scream if she doesn't get her own way!
I have tried to rationalise this in my own head - they are very computer literate so communication will not be a problem, they are both fit, in their early 60's and reasonably well off, so a couple of visits a year wouldn't be a problem. . . . . . . . . . . but I can't help but feel like a total bitch.
To make matters worse, we haven't even told my mother in law yet!
Any advice guys - I'm sure this is a common situation - how did you all cope with it?
Hi there
In a brief how did I cope statement - "it devastated me and stopped me and mom talking for a while"
My advice - try to understand how she feels and get on with what you are doing when the time comes near to come on that one way trip then she will have come around a bit and then once you have been here for a month or two you will hear the softening come back in her voice.
Take it from me it is hard to cope with when you are going through it but it does get better.
good luck
Gaynor
Feb 20th 2008, 5:46 am
#36
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Location: Newfoundland at last!
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Re: Coping with mother's tantrums
My cousin got off lightly as it was my granpa who saw it - he has always been pretty forward thinking. Although I did confuse him this year at christmas - via oxfam unwrapped bought a pile of condoms for africa - he thought he was getting the condoms!
He's 87!!! Me and oh about peed ourselves laughing trying to explain it too him.
Feb 20th 2008, 6:00 am
#37
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Re: Coping with mother's tantrums
My mum is the same - she is less computer literate than my granpa!
My cousin got off lightly as it was my granpa who saw it - he has always been pretty forward thinking. Although I did confuse him this year at christmas - via oxfam unwrapped bought a pile of condoms for africa - he thought he was getting the condoms! He's 87!!! Me and oh about peed ourselves laughing trying to explain it too him.
My cousin got off lightly as it was my granpa who saw it - he has always been pretty forward thinking. Although I did confuse him this year at christmas - via oxfam unwrapped bought a pile of condoms for africa - he thought he was getting the condoms!
He's 87!!! Me and oh about peed ourselves laughing trying to explain it too him.
Feb 20th 2008, 8:04 pm
#38
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Re: Coping with mother's tantrums
thesidds - have you any siblings who can pitch it for you? My sisters were a huge help in this respect.
also, whenyou are getting these emotional blackmail phonecalls can you break any patterns here (not being available to hear anymore of this, phoning her at a time when you have only a few minutes to speak...)
Chin up, for most of us it is more than worth the stress to get here.
Clare
also, whenyou are getting these emotional blackmail phonecalls can you break any patterns here (not being available to hear anymore of this, phoning her at a time when you have only a few minutes to speak...)
Chin up, for most of us it is more than worth the stress to get here.
Clare
Feb 20th 2008, 8:54 pm
#39
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Re: Coping with mother's tantrums
course being evil but you could always ask her why she doesn't want the best for 'her' (and that is incorrectly proprietary' boys, and they'll be so much better off there, etc.
its not nice, but you can do the guilt trip thing back.
its not nice, but you can do the guilt trip thing back.
Feb 20th 2008, 9:08 pm
#40
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Posts: 106
Re: Coping with mother's tantrums
Your mum is losing her babies so bear with her but you are a grown woman yourself with a family so you have to do what you feel is right.
On the other hand, you've sold the house but not told your mother in law you're moving - that sounds a bit mean! Surely she deserves to be told as she is 'losing' her family too.
On the other hand, you've sold the house but not told your mother in law you're moving - that sounds a bit mean! Surely she deserves to be told as she is 'losing' her family too.
Feb 20th 2008, 9:14 pm
#41
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Posts: 106
Re: Coping with mother's tantrums
thesidds - have you any siblings who can pitch it for you? My sisters were a huge help in this respect.
also, whenyou are getting these emotional blackmail phonecalls can you break any patterns here (not being available to hear anymore of this, phoning her at a time when you have only a few minutes to speak...)
Chin up, for most of us it is more than worth the stress to get here.
Clare
also, whenyou are getting these emotional blackmail phonecalls can you break any patterns here (not being available to hear anymore of this, phoning her at a time when you have only a few minutes to speak...)
Chin up, for most of us it is more than worth the stress to get here.
Clare
Although she was joking I firmly believe that many a true word is said in jest!
Her 2 daughters are older so she doesn't really see the "better life for the kids" thing.
Feb 20th 2008, 9:19 pm
#42
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Re: Coping with mother's tantrums
Thanks to you all!
It helps to know your not alone, cliche but true.
It helps to know your not alone, cliche but true.
Feb 20th 2008, 9:34 pm
#43
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Re: Coping with mother's tantrums
Reading about all the people who have parents screaming blue murder when you announce your plans to move I'm starting to question what is going on with my family and friends. They're all cheering me on, encouraging me to go for it and making plans to visit. Not that I think they ever will. I spent 4+ years in UK and not once did they visit.
One of my best friends is already talking about trying to get a company transfer should the company he works for open up in Toronto. He's also in the process of buying a house here in Sweden so go figure.
But looking at what many of you here are experiencing I'm starting to think my family is trying to get rid of me.
One of my best friends is already talking about trying to get a company transfer should the company he works for open up in Toronto. He's also in the process of buying a house here in Sweden so go figure.
But looking at what many of you here are experiencing I'm starting to think my family is trying to get rid of me.
Feb 20th 2008, 9:36 pm
#44
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Re: Coping with mother's tantrums
Nah, there are a few good families out there. Now friends...most of htem lately have been teh fair weather variety...very dissapointing.
Feb 21st 2008, 2:01 am
#45
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Re: Coping with mother's tantrums
In our case my husband's family just blame me for anything they don't like, they think I'm a snob and look down on them (OK I kind of am and kind of do!) so anything my husband does is basically because I have made him!
Never mind that his company transferred him over here (OK it's my dream in reality but he did the work!)
Because I rarely go over with him to see them and don't really speak to any of them when they phone it's easy to let them think that way because I don't have to deal with them.
If you have more of a relationship with yours then that might not work!
Never mind that his company transferred him over here (OK it's my dream in reality but he did the work!)
Because I rarely go over with him to see them and don't really speak to any of them when they phone it's easy to let them think that way because I don't have to deal with them.
If you have more of a relationship with yours then that might not work!