Conflicting minds with moving to Canada 🇨🇦
 

Hi BE,

Just a post about how people (if anyone has) deal with other half in two minds about going and moving to Canada.

I am definitely 100% set on wanting to live in Canada as I feel it would be good for our family in the long run and enjoy a different culture out there.

My partner on the other likes the idea, but the thought of leaving family which she is close to and scared of just being alone out there is holding her back from agreeing.

It’s very hard as we have to small children.

Have anyone dealt with clashing issues and disagreements?

Re: Conflicting minds with moving to Canada 🇨🇦
 

We were both on board from the beginning. Friends of ours decided to join us after a couple of years. He was always the one pushing for it. They went as far as getting their PR. Then she put her foot down and they never came. He resents this about her and it has put a lot of strain on their relationship. So my recommendation is that if you’re not both up for it there could be a bumpy road ahead. Maybe go in with a two year plan. Not that that necessarily helps but it might ease the concerns she has?

Re: Conflicting minds with moving to Canada 🇨🇦
 

I completely agree with the above suggestion, have a plan to come back if either of you don't like it or want to stay. What you have to remember is that if one of you loves it and the other hates it, the person who hates it cannot leave with the children without permission of the other parent, so can find themselves trapped in a country they don't feel is home. It's an awful thing to have to think about the worst case scenario, but we've seen it time and time again on this forum.

Moving will cost a small fortune so definitely worth making sure you're both 100% on board with the idea before you uproot your family and go, it can be a very expensive mistake. Has your wife visited Canada before? If not, that's an essential first step IMO and may well get her on board (or the opposite!).

Best of luck to you.

Re: Conflicting minds with moving to Canada 🇨🇦
 

I think it would be an incredibly difficult move unless you are both on board, especially as you have two very young children, I can see resentments building quickly if your wife finds herself without family support with bringing up the children, especially if she is working too. There have been quite a few threads on here about people in your situation - one loving it and the other one ranging from feelings of homesickness to completely hating it. Most of them have not ended well. I do know families where one partner was not happy at the beginning but did come around in the end and is very settled here now, so it is not all doom and gloom - I think you do need to have a real heart to heart and make the decision together.

Re: Conflicting minds with moving to Canada 🇨🇦
 

Maybe write down a list of pros and cons and the ultimate reasoning behind any decision, whether it be a move or not.

Covid has not made is easy for those to see family members back home and with the ongoing restrictions on travel who knows when things will get back to normal. We nearly went a year ago, but due to family illness stopped and then covid happened. I read of people in Canada desperate to see aging family members and have not been able to for over a year now. Some people are very worrried and hurt by the ongoing travel restrictions. It is not an easy move and the grass is certainly no greener in Canada right now.

Being away from any support network needs to be considered carefully. Canada is not the easiest to get used to and much of the processes can be frustrating for us brits who have things very easy in general, and work culture is certainly different.

Are you prepared to sacrifice your annual leave in the UK? This is an important point as if you are to argue the case of going home often to keep in touch with family (as per your partner's wishes), the lack of annual leave in Canada will be a big issue to overcome.

Think carefully and prepare a plan of action, dont look at it through rose tinted specs and factor in that problems that will occur and that there will be times where you will wonder why you ever bothered. There needs to be a very strong motivator in order to make it work and to get passed all of the difficult times.

Re: Conflicting minds with moving to Canada 🇨🇦
 

From experience I would say that unless you are both 100% for the move then don't come.
A two year transition period has been suggested, that might work but it'll be a costly exercise if you have to return.

Re: Conflicting minds with moving to Canada 🇨🇦
 

There's a few posters in this forum who had hesitant spouses before moving to Canada and, sadly, it never seems to work out.

Re: Conflicting minds with moving to Canada 🇨🇦
 

If one in the family has 'family they are close to in the UK' and have already stated how much they will them, then don't move.
On this forum, almost all the people who have left the UK and then returned, have stated:
- missing family and friends
- not having the support of family
-children not seeing their grandparents, cousins etc

...... as the main reasons for returning.

Both parties have got to really want to move......

Re: Conflicting minds with moving to Canada 🇨🇦
 

Are you sure it's possible for you to move here? In another post you said you were healthcare assistants which isn't the highest paying job. As a new employee you'll get all the shitty shifts, very little vacation time, have last choice in when you can take that vacation. You'll need to pay for childcare of course, run two cars. It'll be a struggle.

Re: Conflicting minds with moving to Canada 🇨🇦
 

The other thing that always surprises me is that Canada is Canada, Australia is Australia and USA is USA. Apart from all the other points, what type of Canada are we talking about?
A person who is happy living in St Austell and doesn't want to live in London would struggle and imagine moving to a random location in a different country. The same person would argue in the UK and say that they wouldn't move from street A to street B, so imagine the challenge when you pick the wrong town and the wrong country.

Re: Conflicting minds with moving to Canada 🇨🇦
 

What is it that draws you to Canada and makes you feel it would be good for the family? If you could determine what the draw is, perhaps we could advise whether your thoughts of what life might be matches what is likely to be the reality. One of the reasons that comes up again and again for leaving Canada is because one partner/spouse/family member is unhappy, missing family and friends and just can't settle.. resulting in resentment (from both sides) as the family struggle with their decisions. If one member of the family decides to file for divorce and leave anyway they may end up having to leave their children in Canada if the other parent doesn't agree to them removing them out of the Province (let alone the country).

A solid foundation is tantamount for emigrating.. unless both of you want it, then it could end in disaster. Perhaps read some of the 'challenges to moving to Canada' in our wiki to get some idea of the impact it can have on family https://britishexpats.com/wiki/Categ...ada_Challenges including this one: https://britishexpats.com/wiki/Consi...ving_to_Canada

Some threads on the subject that may be of use and what can happen if one partner is unhappy, or needs/wants to move back to the UK for any reason.

https://britishexpats.com/forum/cana...easing-925263/
https://britishexpats.com/forum/cana...caused-931568/
https://britishexpats.com/forum/cana...l-home-925907/

Re: Conflicting minds with moving to Canada 🇨🇦
 

HI
I understand the OP completely. 12 years or so ago that was me with a very reluctant husband and two small children. It was my dream and I was having such a hard time navigating his lack of interest and the notion that my dreams were about to hit the trash.
I managed to get him to agree to a vacation which I saw as a reccie trip and he resolutely refused to view as such. To keep waters calm I made all my contacts (mostly through here, one of which was DandNHill) and planned appointments with recruitment consultants and real estate agents. I swam a lot to burn off frustration that I couldnt discuss it with him but he was sick of the very word "Canada" in the leadup to the vacation, and I didnt want to make it worse.
For me he agreed on a plan B called invest in a Florida vacation home, if he still didnt want to emigrate. I admit I had no plans on how to do that at the time but it was a plan B I could be excited about.

Two weeks before we arrived he showed some interest in where we were staying but that was it.
When we arrived, on day two he announced he liked it very much. We carried on meeting up with people that I had made contact with on here and my appointments. We were also able to spend the day with a real estate agent just looking at houses to do some research. By the time our two weeks was up he was firmly on board.
On return home he was the one who pulled all the paperwork together and within a year we arrived with Nova Scotia nomination until the provincial nominee route. We sold our home in the UK as we had agreed to give it two years and wanted to make sure it was a "fully in" two year attempt.
Interestingly enough he settled more quickly than I did. He had his fair share of hard days looking for the right job (he had been a police officer in the UK) and took a couple of jobs that led him to his sheriff role.

We have now been here 10 years and while we love English pubs and countryside etc and still have close friends and family there, we would never live there again. This remains the dream and each day I am grateful to live here. Its a reset I often do when I am mulling over some small BS that might be getting me down, I just think "remember when you wanted the life you have now", works every time.

Good luck and as someone once said to me on here , "there is no point in tearing yourselves apart over a place on the planet".

Re: Conflicting minds with moving to Canada 🇨🇦
 

I think your partner has to be 90%+ or a person who can adapt to make it work. How old are you guys? What area of Canada are you considering? It's worthwhile doing a few recce trips if one person is not totally up for the adventure.

Re: Conflicting minds with moving to Canada 🇨🇦
 

I hope your reasons for wanting to move to Canada are a bit more developed than this: " I am definitely 100% set on wanting to live in Canada as I feel it would be good for our family in the long run and enjoy a different culture out there". Why would be it be good for your family if one them is reluctant to move, to the point where you have joined a forum looking for advice, or dare I say it, a magic bullet, on how to get the other party on board? Have you had an honest discussion on the topic and actually listened to what they have to say? Those are questions for you to answer but, if you haven't, you are likely on a hiding to nothing.

I can give you some insight from the point of view of the party who was reluctant to move, but liked the idea in theory: I wish I had never agreed to it. We did not have the proper conversations, we did not sit down and do a pro con list, we did not define what success looked like and when we might pull out. Huge mistake and, but for covid, we would probably have been looking to return to the UK, or at least I would. I started a new job last February just before covid and it is my last roll of the dice here - my wife acceots that if it doesn't work out we are finished here. We don't have kids, which makes whatever happens then less complicated.

So, in summary, take your partner's concerns very seriously before moving.

Re: Conflicting minds with moving to Canada 🇨🇦
 

Tumbling Dice tumbled the dice !! It's sound advice for the OP, but out of curiosity, why did you as a couple not do that ?