beckiwoo

So I am approaching the end of my IEC year (up on August 31st). I have another 2 years and how long I stay/if I stay depends on whether or not my contract at my current jobs becomes permanent. I could look for other jobs as I need something permanent in order to apply via EE for FSW (CEC will take another year from if/when I become permanent).

Problem is I don't know if I do want to stay, I love Vancouver and my job but equally I have struggled out here socially and I have fewer friends here then I do in the UK.

The reason I would return to the UK is because there is someone there that I care about and I know feels the same way about me. At 30 I want to start thinking about settling down and I just don't think it will happen out here.

I'm not going to go on about the dating scene in Vancouver or how bad Vancouver born and bred men are as there has been enough on that - I just don't think it will happen for me out here and I feel my mental health may start to suffer because of this.

So my question is would you give up everything to be with someone who it may or not work out with or would you stick it out and see if it turns out ok where you are?

Tirytory

What would be your reasons for staying?

JamesM

It doesn't sound like you are giving up anything to be honest.

Your happiness in life is largely determined by your relationships and if you are not kicking on socially and pine to be with someone who is else where then why would you stay?

Tirytory

Yeah but a year isn't enough to really know about friendships... I'm just starting to sift out the good un's after meeting a ton of people. Sure I miss the friends that I have had around for 10/15 years- of course I do- all that shared history/laughter/nights out etc, but it's only now 18months on that I can see the ones that have the potential to be like my friends back home.

Becky...take the guy out of it.... Would you want to go back if he wasn't around?

beckiwoo

I love Vancouver and Canada, I love the opportunity to be in the outdoors (snowboarding, cycling, heading to the beach to chill) and I love my job and the people I work with.

I was unhappy in my home town in the UK but I loved my friends.

It is kind of the situation where if I could take my friends from the UK and live in Vancouver it would be perfect. If only

beckiwoo

Probably not to be honest. I know I said about my friends and they would be the next reason to go back but it probably would still not be enough

Tirytory

I feel the same... If I could just have my friends here

But I think it needs time. If it didn't work out with this guy and you had given up this chance how gutted would you be?

Personally I think you should stay... You might find a snowboarding man of your dreams next winter..

BeenTrainingDogs

Guys are terrible no matter where you go!

Have you tried bisexualism?!

beckiwoo

Thanks

I think people would probably say the same as you that I cant give up this opportunity and you're right, I would be gutted if it didn't work out.

Its just very hard sometimes when you are wondering if its all going to work out or not

JamesM

It depends what you define working out as being?

There is no happily ever after.

You're born. You die and a whole dose of stuff happens in between.

I know tonnes of people in Canada but I think about going back more and more. You are fine now but when you get to years 3 or 4 how will you look back on your time in Van?

You are younger than TiryTory and don't have a significant other or children. Your mobility is very different.

if you are not building social relationships I personally would not sit it out in the hope that time might mend it.

That being said if you are going to stay then you need to change your approach to meeting people and change it up.

BristolUK

In the UK I had a good, safe job (but a terrible employer and if I had to do the nasty things required of it now I couldn't) and a very affordable home, enough money, holidays abroad etc...though only 2 or 3 what I'd call "good" friends.

I gave up that lot to move to Canada and be with the woman I met a year previously.

I remember you talking about the guy back in the UK before. Did that "happen" after you began the process of moving to Canada or if it already existed why did you move/him stay?

Jericho79

My two cents.

I wanna go back to the UK, the missus doesnt. I miss family and friends and the variety and choice that Canada doesn't offer (for me personally). I miss home comforts, travel, TV, etc.

We're staying here for the timebeing, but I honestly look at the last few years as wasted time. It's not where I want to be, and there's other things I could have done/wanted to do in that time. I'm getting to the age/point in my life where I want to enjoy myself, not spend it in a country I have no desire to be in. There are certainly things that I do enjoy about being here, but on balance, I'm making the best out of a bad situation.

So, if you wanna go back, I would go. Waiting here to see if things improve for you is nothing more than wishful thinking in my opinion. Things might improve, they might not. But as they say, life is what happens to you while you're bust making other plans.

scilly

would HE come out here?

is that a viable alternative?

bats

Are you going back on a promise or are you just hoping it will work out? or indeed are you just settling on someone?

Pizzawheel

This is something you've talked through with him?

Relocating because of an existing relationship is tough enough, relocating because of a potential relationship is another level altogether.