Almost Canadian

It sounds like (from what you state below) that a Divorce Judgment and Corollary Relief Order will soon be presented to the Court. If so, you may have difficulties with this provision as the Court has parens patriae jurisdiction over the children. Child support must be paid. Spousal support may be payable. There is a difference and, as the Court will likely have a copy of the Separation Agreement at the time it considers the Corollary Relief Order, it may decide that your ex has inappropriately bargained away his children's entitlement to child support and it may have something to say about that. It will very much depend upon how the lawyer presents the position.

It sounds like you have your head in the right place and I trust that the parties will reach an agreement upon what should happen.

Clematis

As far as I see it, it is not for the parties to decide, but for the child. I would prefer her to stay there and finish her education BUT but I am not totally sure that emotionally she can do this.

What ever happens I would like it to be her decision.

Almost Canadian

The problem is that a Court will be very reluctant to place such a decision upon her young shoulders. The best decision will be one that the three of you are able to reach on a consensual basis. If not, others may have to become involved.

On the spousal support/child support issue, such a clause is frequently seen in separation agreements. Separation Agreements are little more than glorified contracts between the parties. The parties, for example, can agree to any amount of child support they believe is appropriate. Ditto with spousal support.

When the Court is involved, it will wish to ensure that vulnerable parties are protected. In this instance, the children.

What many lawyers will advise their clients to do in such a situation is to put in the appropriate amount of child support and the appropriate amount of spousal support on the basis that neither party will actually pay any of the amounts. Clearly, this is risky for obvious reasons.

It is very difficult (in Alberta at least, but divorce is governed by federal legislation) to obtain a Corollary Relief Judgment that provides for a child support payment of zero. Offsetting the child support against spousal support doesn't really work as the amount of child support payable will decrease once the children are no longer children of the marriage. I accept that it may be different in Ontario.

I suspect that, as the children are not "children of the marriage", it will be this fact that will be used to do away with the need for child support to be paid (accepting that it will then seem strange if a term is included to permit the children to have time with you each year). Hopefully, the separation agreement was appropriately drafted to reflect this too.

Greenhill

There's a general guide here that might be of some use:

http://divorce-canada.ca/child-custody-in-canada

"When determining child custody in Canada a judge will consider items such as:

• First and foremost the best interest of the children.
• The parent-child relationship and bonding.
• Parenting abilities of each individual.
• Each parent’s mental, physical and emotional health.
• The typical schedule of both parents and children.
• Available support systems of each parent (for example, help and involvement of grandparents or other close relatives).
• Sibling issues. Generally, brothers and sisters will be kept together, but under some circumstances it may be necessary to consider separating them.
• Care arrangements before the separation. Who was the primary care giver?
• The child’s wishes. The Office of the Children’s Lawyer is often appointed by the court to help in determining the child’s wishes. Once a child turns 12 years of age, his or her wishes to live with one parent or another are usually respected by the courts

"

Almost Canadian

That very much depends upon the individual child. Some 12 year olds are intelligent and articulate; some 17 year olds should not be left in charge of a kettle.

To be honest, the child will have to put forward a much more coherent reason than simply not getting along with the father's new girlfriend to justify such a massive upheaval. Relocating to the UK just before GCSEs is not likely to be in the child's best interests. As I said above, all interested parties should try to reach a consensus as this is likely to be the best solution.

Greenhill

Is sending her to boarding school an option?

Novocastrian

Are there any boarding schools in Ontario?

Greenhill

At a guess, I'd say there are thirteen of them.

(However, I feel like you're just about to pull the lever to drop me into a pit of despair )

Novocastrian

No. I'm just too lazy to google it. I don't think I know of any of the thirteen.

Zoe Bell

Fee paying ones , yes

Novocastrian

OK. I did google and there are four in Ontario either co-ed or for girls only, one of which is an International School, so three.

I know the OP and I know of her ex. These are not an option for them from a simple financial POV.

Clematis

Our divorce does not involve lawyers, he is filing himself...

My soon to be ex, myself and children agreed everything that we did, I would hope that any future decisions would be made the same way. I do not wish to go to court and fight.

I would hope that any decision she independently made would be discussed and agreed, they are many reasons to stay in Canada, mainly her education. On the other had if she chose to return here, she has a half brother, birth mother, me, and all the other family members that she misses.

The one thing I do not want to happen is her ping ponging.

All of this is slightly more than her not getting on with the current girlfriend, but I don't wish to air it here.

As far a boarding school goes that would never be an option even if we could afford it.

Novocastrian

As I said earlier, trust your judgement. I do.

Zoe Bell

In terms of emotional support, have you tried talking to her guidance counsellor at school. They may (should?) be able to point her and you in the right direction for some emotional support.

Maybe some counselling would help her understand what is happening and come to a decision as to what she does actually want to do.

It ma be that talking to a neutral party would help. Many schools ave access to a social worker who would be able to put you in touch with the appropriate support agencies.

I may be able to speak to our social worker just to get you some agencies details but I'm not back in the office until next week.

Clematis

Thank you

I have suggested to her that she talk to the school guidance counsellor, I am going to ring her school today. Thank you Zoe