Kaye.

Hi
To cut a long winded post short, we can't make up our minds as to whether we should move to Canada or not. Or rather, I should say, I can't make up my mind. My husband is all for it.
I'm really very close to my siblings and parents, see them all at least twice a week and talk to my mum everyday. I'm not sure I could live without seeing them so often. Visits would be maybe once or twice a year.

Is there anyone who is in the same situation? Or has been?
I understand everyone misses their friends and family, but it's the only thing holding me back. If they all said they'd move too I'd be over in a flash.

Obviously there are a lot more things to consider, we haven't even done our recce trip yet, but this family thing is really putting a dampener on things for me

Thanks in advance for any replies

triumphguy

You've not decided 'til you quit your jobs, sell your house and furniture and board the plane.

Don't think black and white right now. Slow down and take a little time.

tinytears

I know exactly how you feel, I am incredibly close to my siblings and my mum especially and the thought of leaving them has left me feeling physically sick. The route to decision was not something we took lightly at all but we are making this move because our personal belief is that it will be beneficial for our children. Me? Well I have reached that stage in my life where, if we achieve a greater quality of life that would be brilliant but really we don't see the future in the UK for our children and that is what this move is about. My siblings have their own nuclear family to worry about and they have to do what is right for them. In fact there is nothing stopping any of them emmigrating and leaving us behind, they have talked about it for long enough.

As it turns out my siblings and parents are also looking to move out to Canada, we have all talked and they can see the reasons for the move (helped by me already having a sibling in Canada anyway).

This is one of the hardest things we had to do, effectively decide between our families (ie our own brothers and sisters, and both sets of parents) or what we believe is best for us and most importantly our kids.

Have we made the right decision? Only time will tell!

Souvenir

You're not moving to Mars, you know.

I'll confess that I'm not particularly close to my family, but I now have more regular and better quality contact with them than I ever did when I lived in the UK.

tinytears

I do know that thank you! But I see them almost every day and we are very close so to be that far away from them all it may as well be mars or venus. You couldn't possibly understand that because as you have said you aren't close to your family so there is no comparison at all.

Souvenir

If being apart from them is that big an issue, you probably should not emigrate. I believe family issues are one of the biggest reasons for migrations going wrong.

Perhaps you could conduct an experiment. Make a point of having no contact with your family at all for a month and see how you feel about it. Just an idea.

iaink

Thats an excellent idea I think. Great advice.

I was similar to souv I guess, we were spread around the UK and were not in each others pockets, and now we keep more regular contact and have longer visits then before I came to Canada.

But if you are really close, then pretending to be abroad and out of physical contact for a month might at least let you know a bit what it will be like...

Technology can help lessen the impact, but there is no doubt that web cams and phone calls are not the same as being there in person, and even family visits can be an inconvenience when you only get 2 or 3 weeks vacation in most jobs here.

pinkmcfarquhar

It was something I worried about before the move.

However, since being here, although at times its hard and I miss them, I still keep in regular contact with my mum and dad - at least 2/3 phone calls a week up to an hour long. As for other family members, now make a point of contacting them whereas before would have gone for a good while without being in touch. With cheap phone calls (i spend about $10-$15 a month on international calls) and skype, facebook and email, I never feel "out of the loop" and always now what's going on.

leepee

No contact for a month is a fantastic idea and frankly something everyone close to family should try before moving away....Frankly I would say that if you are that close to your family then you will probably be totally miserable here.....If there is no burning desire or need to escape then I wouldn't even think about it.....

Good luck with whatever you decide
Lisa

lucieg

Well why don't you try not having the physical contact them? Just keep in touch via phone and email?

Souvenir

Look, I'm trying to be helpful. Migration is not a trivial thing for many people.

I'm not suggesting that you will break all contact with your family if you emigrate. I'm suggesting that you need to establish whether or not you can cope without the regular physical contact. If you cannot, you should probably not move.

Piff Poff

I think Souvenirs idea was a good one. For those of you that see their familys on a daily/weekly basis, if you were to try to limit contact, maybe a phone call on a Sunday (at 2pm) for a month or two and see how it goes.

The reason I say 2pm is because (from Alberta) that makes it 9pm UK time. My husband calls his son every sunday at 3pm - 10pm UK time as that's his curfew time on a Sunday. What does this mean? It means we can't just decide to go out for the day and not worry about the time. If we know we are going to be out arrangements are made for a different day to call or just a e-mail that week.

p.s. I think a lot of people at the moment are taking unnecessary offence to comments made.

joelsa

I think if you have such a close connection with anyone, not necessarily family, but with anyone, then not seeing them regularly will leave a huge void.

Only you can decide weather or not you can live with that void. Maybe you won't know until you try.

I used to see my family once or twice a month, at least, Quality time - not just flying visits and i really miss not seeing them.

I really miss all the Mums i made friends with at my kid's schools, i used to see them everyday.
There's another void for me.

I had a really good neighbour that i could rely on and vice versa, i don't have that here and i miss her too, so there's another void.
Some days it's really hard to live with.
But i tell myself it's better here for the kids, which is ultimately why we came. It's just not necessarily better for us adults.

I knew i would miss all of these people so I looked upon our immigration as a 2 year adventure, it doesn't have to be forever.

hth

Kokanee

I agree with this - I know its not the same but I see (via webcam) and talk to my family so much more now i am in canada.

Before I would 'pop in' once a week for a cup of tea then 15mins later out the door, of course you misss birthdays,christmas but in terms of regular contact/conversation there is so much more now i am in canada because I make more of an effort.

nikki dreaming

Hi

To the OP, it is really hard, but I would go on your recce trip and then see how you feel, our flights are booked and I still have the odd wobble re family etc

Good luck with your plans