zoeisababe

I'm really torn, this could be the end for me and my partner, he so wants me and our little girl to go but i dont think i can.

My nan isnt getting any younger and i would never forgive myself if i left and something happened.

I dont want to go and resent him and i dont want to make him stay and he resent me....

anyone see an answer?

Advice PLEASE!!!

Getting There

Don't see it as forever. With all big decisions, we try to break them down into "baby steps" so that they seem more manageable and one of the things we said for our move to Alberta was "let's give it 2 years and then make our next decision". That was a powerful coping mechanism for us as we had the same thoughts as you. Eamonn's mum is 81 and not in the best of health and Janet's parents have their health problems too. You know what though, we bet your nan would be mad as hell if she knew you were using (completely understandable) concern for her as your reason for putting the brakes on this great life experience that is presenting itself here.

The whole family thing is tough but we bet there will be a whole bunch of other people along here soon to agree that, if that is the only thing holding you back, then you should try and be really strong and give it a go with an open mind. Use the collective BE folk as a support mechanism too...you're not on your own.

Kind regards,

Eamonn & Janet.

Muskoka

Hi Zoe
Definitely go to Canada & see how you get on. I think your nan would be so proud of you & if she was ill, it is only 7/8 hours away from the U.K. and you could easily pop back. You will find Canada is so family & community orientated & a wonderful place to bring up children.

Its so easy to keep in touch with the internet & cheap phone cards these days.

I am in a similar situation & advising you is making me think. Believe it or not, I am Canadian through & through, but have spent most of my life in the U.K. (due to parents bringing me over many years ago). I regularly go to Canada & visit friends, but my family is in U.K. & refuse point blank to move to Canada. I KNOW Canada offers a much better lifestyle, but the pull of family and friends is difficult.

Isn't it better to have tried & decided you want to return to the U.K. rather than never have tried at all.

zoeisababe

Thanks all, i will have to reply tomorow properly as i am sat reading this thru tears...sounds stupid i know but im really struggling

Getting There

Not stupid at all. It's a major decision and best to be thinking about making it when you start to feel more settled. Picture lots of very supportive BE faces (probably as freaky as these) all sitting here in front of our computer screens, reading your few messages today and wishing you well.

Kind regards,

Eamonn & Janet

R I C H

Are you living your own life with your own ambitions, or through your relatives?

Nobody's getting any younger, and it's a tough thing to deal with when people pass on, but, to be frank, should you be waiting for someone to die at some point in the future, or should you be getting on with life itself?

Mikey B

Well said, live your own life not your parents or grand parents.

HullCityFan

Go to Canada Zoe. Britain is a hell hole, Canada would mean your daughter having a much better life.


Britain is a crime infested, politically incorrect, corrupt crap hole. You won't regret moving.

walkerv05

i totally agree, my mum is 80 and i love her with all my heart but the way i have coped with it is that she is comming over in october (if we are over there by then) and see me settled and happy then i think she will then be settled and happy about it and be proud of us for taking such a big step, and she could live hopfully for anoher 20 years!!, then we would be too old and have missed our oppotunity. im just not looking forward to saying goodbye.

lauder99

Hi there

I'm sorry your having to suffer over this. Its a huge move in your life. I don't have any family issues so i can't relate to your situation but in an attemot to mitigate the situation arising for OH we have put a fund aside for emergency travel in either direction. I know it wont last forever and that there are sometimes occasions when things happen in close proximity but knowing you have the funds available to drop everything and go should your family require you might make you more willing to take a chance.

Hope you find a solution you can live with.

Cheers
Tom

Steve_P

I totally agree with this ^^.

To the OP have you mentioned the idea of emigrating to your family and if so how do they feel?

nikki dreaming

Hi

I know where you are coming from, I have always had my family close by and it does feel like we are going to so far away.

However, I am really trying to keep at the front of my mind the reasons why we are looking at this move and that is to offer my immediate family i.e my husband and my children a better quality of life. This may come across as selfish, but my children still have their whole lives ahead of them( god willing) and I want to be able to do the best that I can for them and this is why we will make the move(although granted it will be extremely difficult when the time comes).

I wish you lots of luck with whatever you decide, it is only you that can make this decision, however there is lots of support on here should you need it.

One bit of advice from the early steps we have made in this process is that you and your OH need to be completely together on your decision to move as there will be hard times ahead aswell as good and you will both need each others support. As you say you do not want to be resenting each other for conflicting reasons.

Good luck

Getting There

Hi zoeisababe...told you there'd be a whole bunch of people coming along to offer advice and support and Tom's input above here is something that we have done too. Also, iIf you don't have one, you could sort yourself and your family at home with a webcam. It's great to be able to see and speak to family and friends back home (although I appreciate your Nan might need a bit of help with that, but hey, even our parents are getting the hang of it, so it's not impossible). Phone calls home are cheap as chips here and you can use your computer to make VOIP calls to landlines too for next to nothing. We use a blog to keep people at home connected to us and that seems to work really well. Others will no doubt come up with other suggestions as to how you can reduce the perception of distance.

Kind regards,

Eamonn & Janet

Mikey B

The goodbyes are sad I wont lie, the big one leaving and then every subsequent one when friends and family visit and then return to the UK, theres defo a lot of tears but you just have to look at it differently rather than seeing family/friends for a few hours a week/month here and there you get to see them a lot for 2 weeks straight or if your folks have retired like mine whats to stop them from coming for 2 months? Seeing them is just all in one go.

moondevil

I was like you a couple of years ago and didn't want to look at the moving, even though OH had wanted to move for years

He got me over for a visit as the company he worked for wanted him to visit that factory or so i thought
Came back from the trip full of i want to be there, even though we cant go to there as there isnt any work, we have done some more recci trips and now fell for a fantastic area.
We get hassle from close family, but the one who is totally kicking our bums is his 84yr old gran, i have had wobbles, taking 3 young kids to a different country, but like others have said "you only get one life"

Great Gran says that if we dont go she will kick me everyday and i better give my kids a better life, if she was doing the whole life again she wouldnt be doing it in this country, she'd be joining us.
It has really hit home last week as she was rushed in hospital, but when we visited her she said you are still going, i love you all and miss you all, but dont you dare stay, yeah heart killer for us or what, but we can still talk to her on the phone and she wants the kids to write to her, like the old days

Do look at it, the whole move etc is not for everyone, but what happens when you are older and sit there and think "what if we had tried it or even looked at it"

i wish you all the luck and we are here on BE to help you along if you need it

Gill