bozonightmare

I'm not gonna let mine know till about 2 weeks before I go.
Not that they would mind me going. but they are incapable of being supportive in any way shape or form.
I empathise with ya, they should be supportive regardless what they think or want.

StefkeUK

I guess it 's either that way or telling from the age of 16 that you would like to go. Sounds silly but that s what I did when I wanted to move in England. So when i finally moved at they age of 27,they were not that surprised.

For the Canada move they know already and since my wife is from USA, they won't be surprised either when we finaly go.

As my brothers said, parents need to be educated too.

Stefke

IckleHelen

Have you asked your parents why they spend 6 months away from the UK? If it's such a great place to live, why to they abandon it for 6 months a year? The answer is probably because they like the lifestyle in Spain. Just as you envisage a better lifestyle for you and your family in Canada.

It is very selfish of your parents to put you in this position. They've not given up the UK completely, as the mix they've got means they can have the spanish lifestyle, without giving up seeing family frequently. However, by you moving to Canada they can't have everything exactly as they want it. If they want to see you, they'll have to make the effort to come over to Canada.

Not being in this situation myself I can't offer any solid advice. But I just wanted to add my thoughts to this thread just to say that your parents are being totally unreasonable. This is your life, and it is up to you to do what is best for you and yours.

I wish you lots of luck.

LotteW

I sympathise with you.

My own parents passed away before we started the emigration process, but my In-laws were definitely very "off" with us right from the start.

they were not interested in anything we had to say wrt Canada, they just didn't want to know.

And once we got our Visas through and the house put up for sale they refused to speak to us at all!

They just said that seeing as we were "abandoning" them and taking their grandkids away from them they didn't want anything more to do with us!

Nearly 3 yrs on we still haven't "spoken" to them. I have contacted them with our address and phone number but they still don't want any contact.

Oh well - their loss.

DaveLovesDee

Exactly. They can only see what they're losing, not what you're gaining.

Selfish is a polite word for what I'd really like to say.

athena88

Hi

That must be very hard for you.
I know where your coming from Im dreading telling my family.
when we were thinking of going to nz about 2 yrs ago my mum went crazy and really used my children to make me feel guilty it was horrible and in the end got to much for me and I put the breaks on. We started making plans again last year to move to nz again but changed our minds and are now heading to ns if all goes well. We havent told them of our plans this time just incase we dont get nominated (and because Im a wimp) but when I do tell them I know I will have no suppport they probably wont speak to me. my mum will look up all the negatives on the internet and say she wont visit. so for now Im living in my happy bubble.
I think that if your able to do so Id tell your parents how they are making you feel they might realise what an impact they are having on you.
Im sure once they see the life style that you have and that your children are happy things will be different.
I hope everything goes well for you.

Zookie

My parents weren't exactly happy about us wanting to emigrate at first. We have been talking about it for at least 5 years and every time we mentioned it she would have something negative to say. However my Mum changed this year when my brother died. He worked really hard all his life and finally got to live his dream and move to Malta when he was 51. He moved there in the November and then died of a massive heartattack in January this year. He only got 2 months there. Since then I think she realises that you have to fulfil your dream before it is too late and she has really chilled out about the whole idea. It is also what has made me think that we should now maybe stop talking the talk and start walking the walk so to speak. You only live once and if you wait around too long it might just be too late.

compchris

I have to sympathise with you. My parents were a little worried when we told them we were moving to Canada (my OH is Canadian), this was about two years ago. We have been in Canada now for just over a year and my folks have been over twice - they now tell me it was a great decision to move here and not stay in the UK. Good luck! Kriss

JonFJ

I think it's so sad that so many of our parents are so negative about us going to Canada. Most of us are going in order to make a better life for our children, their grandchildren, and that is surely an admirable thing?

We are moving to Fredericton in New Brunswick, close to where my birth mother and family live (I was adopted in 1964). My parents by adoption are 100% behind us, saying "of course we'll miss you, but it's absolutely the right thing to do". My Parents-in-Law, and particularly my Mother-in-Law, are in a right state about everything. They generally refuse to talk to me about things (they know that they're on a hiding to nothing with me), but concentrate on emotionally blackmailing my wife. This is horrible for her, and makes things so difficult. They say to her that I am in a conspiracy with my family in Canada to take her grandchildren away from her!

I wish that they would realise that it is much easier to carry on with our plans whilst they are being so obstructive, and that if they were very sadly supportive, it would be much more difficult for us.

I would be interested to know if anyone has actually written a letter to their parents/parents in law, as suggested by others, and how that letter was received.

One last thought. The Japanese have a proverb which goes "Never count on the blossom of spring or the love of your mother in law". How true !

dinger24

I must be the lucky one, my father n law was chuffed to bits, I think it was because I was taking his daughter with me LOL
Isnt it a shame that ppl cant be pleased for you trying to better your self, your family etc and why cant they visit? or does that not suit their plans

thesidds

Thanks for all of your supportive and interesting replies.

I think that I've finally managed to break down a few barriers with the parents. Had a very heavy telephone conversation with my Dad and basically told him that I thought they were being ingorant and unsupportive - he went mad, saying that he only kept quiet so not to upset my Mum - she cries a lot!
So later that day I had another blunt, firm but fair chat with my mum. As usual it started off with her birsting into tears (but it was on the phone, so she was unable to run into another room). I really stuck at it - explaining our reasons and the benefits. After 1 1/2 hours she started to settle down, ask some questions and show some interest
We've not spoken about canada face to face yet, but I've sent her some web links so that she can absorb it at her own pace. One step at a time hey!

Once again, thanks for the replies, it really helps

Wee Hels

It's really tough, the whole family thing. When I told my mum the we were thinking of heading to Canada, her eyes welled up at the mere thought of us going. We are really close and we would be taking the wee man away from her (our little lad). My dad kinda knew why we were doing it but didn't like to disciss it, not because he didn't want to but I think it hurt too much. My sister had a real go but she is sooo happy with her lot in life, she doesn't see it the way we do. We are still researching and going ahead with our application but I've told my folks we're not. I don't want to worry them until the final decision is made, and then I don't know if I'll be able to leave them behind. The idea of Canada is great, it has everything our lives lack here - space being the main thing - but the reality of it is really daunting. Good luck to all out there going through the process and to their families dealing with those decisions.

Sorry, not really a response, more of an out pouring from me!!

Alberta_Rose

We decided fairly instantly, when we were over here for a holiday and staying with friends, that we'd like to do this too.

Unfortunately while we were here my mum had a bad accident, got pinned under a car, and then had to have reconstructive and plastic surgery to her lower leg.

So here's me, breezing into her hospital room where she lies all battered and bruised, and with a happy grin telling her we'd decided to emigrate! OMG, I look back now and shudder, but previously had not stopped to consider the impact my "happy news" might have! Jeez!

The dear thing stoically managed not to burst into tears (while I was there anyway .... probably waited til I'd left!) and told me that was wonderful news, and she was not at all surprised! All the way through, both my parents were wonderfully supportive, and though getting on in years have been able to make a trip out to visit us, and though they miss us madly, both say that we have done wonderfully well to come out here. Dad even says he feels he has more contact with me now than he did when we lived 6 miles down the road, cos we talk on the phone most weeks.

MIL was devastated, and in contrast, showed no hesitation in showing it! She never really tried to talk us out of it, but is always harping on about how lonely she is, and how much she misses us. I know it is probably much harder for her in many respects as she is widowed, and has no other kids but my OH, so I do see where she is coming from, but the decision was not taken lightly. If we had waited until she no longer "needed us" we could/would never have come. The timing was just right for the boys and we would have been too old if we had waited.

She's OK, but it's a shame she refuses to contemplate coming out here. She did say that she was saying goodbye for once and for all when we left as she "could not go through that heartbreak again". However since hubby calls her at least once a week she seems to have come to terms with it at least a little.

He told her yesterday that he didn't really have plans to come back to visit next year (which she was expecting), due to the expense and limited vacation time. He said she took it surprisingly well!