thesidds

My family and I are moving to the Okanangan next spring. We have 2 young boys and can't wait to get over there!
Almost everyone has been so supportive, with the exception of my parents!!!!
We are a close family and the decision to leave them was not an easy one. I understand that it must be horrendous to have your grandchildren taken away, half way around the world, but one of the main reasons we are going is to offer them a better life!!
My mum totally refuses to talk about it or anything even vaigly connected to Canada. My dad listens, but will not have a conversation or comment on anything to do with Canada - It's driving me mad:curse::curse:
I see them 2 - 3 times a week, so it's really difficult. The move to Canada is massive for me and it's so hard without their support.
My biggest argument is that they are away for more than 6 months of the year - a place spain, a motorhome and several long haul holidays - they have a great life, but expect us to wait here for them, for when they're home
Any advice from you guys who have been there
We're going to Spain with them next week and I don't think that I can cope with a week of bad atmosphere or "Canada" being barrred from the conversation!
Please HELP!!!

nikki dreaming

Hi thesidds,

sorry cannot offer any advice re this, but totally know where you are coming from on this

It is so hard, would be great to see others comments who have gone through this, I know that we are doing the right thing, but there's this constant nagging in the back of you head

Good luck with your move, you are not on your own

Jules Europe

Why don`t you try and get them over to Canada ASAP and they will quickly realize that Canada is a much better country than Spain to spend their time in. They could easily spend 6 months each year in Canada anyway and get a motorhome there and explore North America. So much more to see and do in North America than there is in Europe anyway. Also flights are not that expensive these days from the UK to Canada. Just think you need to ease them into the Canada concept little by little.

Londonuck

My dad used to drive me nuts. He'd comment on the weather all the time when talking on messenger. He'd ask me what the weather was like, I'd say its nice and hot today and he say, well the Daily Mail said it was on 12c. Used to drive me insane!

They change their view once they come out and visit you and see how happy you are.

StefkeUK

Hello,

Why going to Spain with them ? If you need a break, take a break from them. It's your life, not their live.
Also, try to see them less often during the week. Just to get use to seeing each others less often. That will be go for both of you.

Finally, I second the advice of bringing them to canada 6 month a year. They won't even need a visa for it. And no language barrier problem.

Stefke

DaveLovesDee

I don't think it's the issue of you going to Canada that's the problem, it's that you are going anywhere except Spain.

I'm sorry for them that they can't seem to understand that but they've probably been going to Spain for as long as you remember. There are expats over there and they probably feel comfortable amongst these people.

I personally feel that you should just say to them that you're moving, and that their attitude of not even talking about it is making you even more determined.

leslee1946

Hi,
I know exaclty how you're feeling. We originally went to Canada on holiday 3 years ago and as soon as we came home wanted to move over there...but were put off with the long wait. My OH brother and his family stay in Toronto.
We went back again this year, and it's only reinstated that that's where we want to be. As soon as we came back my OH started applying for jobs and within weeks had a job offer, we are now waiting on the LMO which we're told will take approx a month.
I'm really close to my mum and see her and my dad about 3-4 times a week, and we also talk on the phone every day. To say they are devastated is an understatement. They were hoping that our dream would just peeter out like it did last time.
Although my mum talks about it she says she can't allow herself to think that we are going and that I'm taking her babies (my 3 sons' aged 13, 8 and 5).
My dad doesn't say much at all.
Don't think it'll hit them until the flights are booked, and we have a date to go!

ali-simon

We're in that situation too. My OH parents wouldn't discuss it. In fact we went to a family party and was told on crossing the front door, no talk of Canada or you can go home.

My parents are devastated. We are very close and lost my sister 16 years ago so I am kindof an only child who has given them the best grandchildren in the whole world. But they are totally behind us. What has made it difficult is that my father has become quite ill over the last few weeks after never having a day's bad health in his life. But they both still say go and give the grankids a decent future.

OH had a big moan to parents and basically told them if they don't come round to the idea soon, we will be gone, so to ease the pain we have purchased (through gritted teeth) a computer and set up email & skype and promised to keep in touch everyday. The novelty will wear off but it shows we are making the effort.

My (I feel) best piece of advice is to write a 'from the heart letter' to your parents separately and in it tell them how much you love them but if they can't accept the situation and you do expect tears then it will be impossible to come and have a really nice family break in Spain.

It really will be so much simpler in a letter and its up to them when and how often they read it.

Hope this helps. It will get easier. Stay on this website so when your down there will loads of support from people who really do understand.

thesidds

Thanks for the advice guys, it's good to know I'm not alone! My parents have been to Canada once (about 15 years ago), but weren't overly impressed. They are more the "Costa del sol / Vegas" type, (We are very differant). I'm going to Spain with them basically because I feel that I need to "indulge" them untill we emigrate - silly, I know, but it makes me feel less guilty
We're very close and I hate hurting them, but I don't think they will ever understand, they see our move as a personal insult
Oh well, they say times heals!

Tim E

When we first told my Mum that we were moving to Canada she was devastated and then she also refused to talk about it. The only time I brought the subject up after that was when we hit a milestone ie Meds, 90 day letter etc.

When it came to to go she refused to even discuss coming to visit as she said she had never flown with my Dad when he was alive and she wouldn't do it now he was dead. We've been here a year now, we skype at least 1 a fortnight so that she can see the kids and she is now coming over for Christmas. Not only is she looking forward to it but every time there's something bad on the News she tells me that I've done the right thing.

If your as close to your parents as you think then they will eventually come around, If they don't then you can live safe in the knowledge that what you did was the right decision for the Kids.

To be blunt, they've had their life and it sounds like they are still enjoying it, but your children have their whole life ahead of them and you have to give them the best start possible. I haven't regretted the decision we made at all, the kids love it here, the wife has had a few tough moments but she has started to make friends and has signed up for various activities and is very settled now.

Sorry for rambling on but you can't afford to let others sway your decision if it's what's best for you and your family.

Best of Luck

Tim

lifeisgood

Oh it's very hard! It will get easier, especially once they have been over to Canada to visit. Until then, I'm afraid you just have to try to deal with them and make the most of any time you have together. When I told my parents I had decided to move to the UK instead of my husband moving to the States, they went crazy! They refused to attend our wedding, my mom gave me constant guilt trips accompanied by crying, and my dad refused to speak to me.:curse: It was very hard, and it hurt a lot at the time, as you just wanted people to share in the joy of your new life and happiness.

Well, 4 years and two visits from them to the UK later, and things are much, much better. I still get the constant don't know why you live there, if you lived here blah blah guilt trips off of them, especially if I miss any important family events, but they can see that I'm relatively happy and have a life here. Your parents will be the same, they'll come around when they see you happily settled. Although if they're like my dad they'll still think wherever they stay is better

I daren't say to them that we're even considering moving back to North America as if we can't see our dream full-filled in moving to Canada and/or change our mind I'll never hear the end of it! Nor do I let on that there are any issues with our life here as we'll get the whole "told you so" attitude - likewise you don't want to hide anything from your family, but you may want to keep initial issues or problems when moving over to yourself as it'll only set your parents off iyswim? Things are still a bit strained at times, but they've come around and your parents will as well!

Best of luck x

Cassie 10000

Hi, The Sidds

Just sent you a PM.

seanyg

rwin

moondevil

We went through the same as you

My mum was totally against us going and his side would not even listen to us everytime we talked about it they just changed the subject :curse:
A couple of months before we came over my mum was my rock, she calls me regular and our closeness with never change (i hope)
She is fantastic and misses the kids like crazy, but with internet and cheap or free calls now adays life is alot easier.

It helped me to tell her how it was, but shes my mum, so alot easier, once she knew how i felt she started to understand why i was making the move.
For my hubbys family it has been harder and we did get a letter from them, which hurt badly, they think that we have taken there grandkids off them, but we havent, they didnt see them everyweek and had there own lifes, so doing this is no different to us as we have not had that close contact.

We have been here acouple of weeks and now i feel totally relaxed, i seemed to stress about everything in the uk, now i dont and i get on with life and making my kids life happier

I would advise to tell parents how you feel, but it is personal decision for you and your OH to make.

Good luck and you can always come on here and scream