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Can anyone help me?

Can anyone help me?

Old Jun 23rd 2020, 2:41 am
  #1  
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Default Can anyone help me?

Please take some time to read this as I am becoming desperate for some help and advice.

My wife, who is 82 years old, and I emigrated from the UK to Canada in May 2016 to join our unmarried son. We are now living together in an apartment in Burnaby, BC, near to Lougheed Mall. My wife has not settled in Canada and is becoming more and more depressed. She wants to return to the UK but this is not an option. The situation has deteriorated to the point where the relationship between my wife and my son has broken down completely.

I can understand my wife's frustration but she is so depressed that she is making little or no effort to integrate into the Canadian way of life. Unfortunately living in an apartment she has been unable to find a female friend that she could talk to. In fact she has not spoken to anyone other than myself and my son for over 4 years. She feels completely isolated.

I am sure that if she had someone to talk to it would help her enormously. Can you, or do you know of an organisation, who could provide her with the companionship that she needs? My wife has some mobility problems so a home visit would be ideal. However, we could arrange to bring her to a local site if nesessary.

I would really appreciate any help or advice that anyone could give me.

Les
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Old Jun 23rd 2020, 3:14 am
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Default Re: Can anyone help me?

I'm sorry to hear of your situation, I did a quick search and found these guys, I'm sure someone will be able to help you all soon.

https://www.bsoss.org/files/2020/Res...s-20200512.pdf

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Old Jun 23rd 2020, 5:07 am
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Default Re: Can anyone help me?

Hello - and welcome to BE! I hope you can find some help here... and feel free to reach out for yourself too - if you have anything you would like to 'chat' or moan about We've got a miriad of different forums but for off topic chat about Canada, the Maple Leaf is the place for a little light hearted diversion from the daily grind.

So sorry to hear that your wife is struggling with the move over to Canada - not easy at any age but especially hard as an over 70 year old who has mobility issues.. perhaps you could contact this society and see if they could offer any help.. https://www.seniorsservicessociety.c...cial-programs/

There are senior support services including home visits, regular phone calls etc., -- https://www.burnaby.ca/Our-City-Hall...r-Seniors.html
https://www.burnaby.ca/Our-City-Hall...-Services.html
https://www.burnaby.ca/Our-City-Hall...y-Visitor.html

What did / does your wife like to do - what were / are her interests? Is there anything she particularly misses?

Is she computer savvy so she could connect with people online - or could you get her online to 'chat' with friends and family - video chats could make a big difference to her.. if she has friends or family in the UK (or elsewhere) they could video chat with her - using Facebook / Skype / Zoom or one of the other free programs.. which might help her feel less isolated... perhaps get in touch with some of them - or their children/grandchildren to arrange a once a week 'chat'


Last edited by Siouxie; Jun 23rd 2020 at 5:11 am.
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Old Jun 23rd 2020, 8:22 am
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Default Re: Can anyone help me?

That's tough Les. It's good that you asked for help. It can't be easy for either of you.
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Old Jun 23rd 2020, 8:44 pm
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Default Re: Can anyone help me?

My Mum Was in that situation when we lived in France. She was unhappy and after we left home the only person she spoke to was my Dad.

Eventually after 19 years in France my father who at the time was 83 relented and agreed to move back to the UK. Unfortunately he passed away before they made the move.

My Mum then moved back to the UK and lived there happily until she passed away in 2014.

I don’t think anything would have ever made her happy when she was in France. They got to know a few expats but as we all know it’s not just because you’re both British that you’re necessarily best friend material.

if you can’t move back then the only way to get anywhere close to making her happy is to kind of recreate the UK here by getting to meet retired expats.

I feel for you and hope you can turn this around so you’re both happy and that she can rebuild bridges with your son.
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Old Jun 24th 2020, 2:51 am
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Default Re: Can anyone help me?

Hello Les

I'm only a couple of years younger than your wife, but we've lived in Vancouver a long time, over 50 years. I was born and raised in Lancashire, and we left the UK in 1967.

I'm so sorry to hear that your wife is so depressed and unsettled, but I must ask ........... did she want come here 4 years ago? Is this a case of things not living up to her expectations, or a determination not to settle? We older women can be pretty awkward at times, you know

I've had to do a bit of googling to find what is available in Burnaby as against here in Vancouver.

I think that contacting the organisation given by Danny B to the Burnaby Seniors Outreach Society, also shown as Seniors Helping Senior will provide you with some help and answers for things to do and to take her to. It may well be the first place to try.

https://www.bsoss.org/files/2020/Res...s-20200512.pdf

Start off by reading their website and see what they offer, then phone and talk to someone there. There have been lots of programmes set up during this strange time we are in aimed at trying to help Seniors.

Contacting the Burnaby Neighbourhood House group might also provide you with some ideas. I know the Vancouver Neighbourhood Houses have access to all kinds of information on help available.

https://burnabynh.ca/

Finally do you have a family doctor? It sounds as though your wife might need to have a check-up as she is so depressed, and that she might need some help from the doctor.

If you think it would help, I could contact you by pm on this site and see what else I can suggest.




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Old Jun 24th 2020, 3:33 pm
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Default Re: Can anyone help me?

Many thanks to everyone. I really appreciate people taking the time to respond. I will be following up on all of the links and suggestions. I will let the forum know how things go.
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