Tony-the-Tigger

We went through the same thing. Our boy is 9 now and has more or less lost his fascination with his own faeces. For 2 years, he was deliberately waiting until he was alone in order to be able to have a bowel movement, spread it all over his room and eat it. For 3 years, this was a regular occurrence and had us at our wits end. Support! There was none (We are in Glasgow by the way). My wife basically got round this by being with him nearly 24 hours to 1. stop him from having a bowel movement privately and 2. to get him on a toilet when he looked as though he needed to go. She made a big thing of it when he finally had a movement in the toilet. This went on over the Summer holidays (8 weeks). The praise and rewards she gave, encouraged him to stop the terrible habit he had - I've got to take my hat off to her. His and our lives have drastically changed since then. To this day, we still make a big deal of him going to the toilet.
We have no support over school holidays either and programs like ABA and other intervention programs cost thousands of pounds here (whether you think they work or not is another topic). I don't think it matters much where you are, when you have an Autistic kid, you need to learn to be an expert pretty quick.
Are you happy with what the school provides?

Tony-the-Tigger

You need to do what is right for your own sanity as much as what's right for your kids. Services and facilities for appropriate education and even respite, will they be found in a rural area?

stepnek

Thank you for your experience with regard to the toilet issue. It was interesting to read and definitely gives us something to work with. As big a challenge as it is!

We like his school very much and his EA is a remarkable woman. My worry is that at some point she will change and just as with any school, any teacher, any child, there are some better than others. When we lose her then I imagine the care changing too. When he was at daycare the city provided him with an EA and we found that the interest and care varied considerably each time a different person was assigned.

The school in the past has arranged special farm trips for the special needs children that included horse riding and it was a big success but these things cost money and the financial resources are limited. They really seem to try their best.

I suppose the bottom line is that we have been on what seems forever a never ending learning curve. Whenever we think we know our son something new comes up. It's a continual test of him trying to get past everything we try to do to keep him safe. He's a thrill seeker and it's scary to see. He has no fear.

banesberie

I have been there with the poo thing and using it as wall art.

Husband seems to think if only we he can return to Canada then all will be right with the world. He has very tunnel vision about the whole thing and this is why I have taken to researching the forum.

Thanks guys for all your advice.

Tony-the-Tigger

There are 2 more points I should forward to you from my wife (she told me they were important). It may sound unbearable, but if you decide to take the route she did, she - and another parent who went through the same - stopped using nappies during the day. The other is to take away his favorite toy or whatever he has at the time of the accident and don't give it back for some time. He will probably go nuts and our boy certainly did, but for all his problems, he knows what he likes and he eventually caught on to what was going on.

Best of luck.

stepnek

Our problem has always been to try and find something that motivates him. Something that he regards as a loss or a reward. It's almost as if he sees what we are trying to do and decides to be no part of it.

But your experience has encouraged us to persevere with a more positive approach and we thank you for that. Very informative and useful.

Siouxie

I don't know if these links are of any use, but thought I would post them. They are related to respite care for children with autism located in Ontario and where to get help.

http://www.autismontario.com/client/...s?OpenDocument

http://www.autismontario.com/client/...s?OpenDocument March break respite funding

http://www.respiteservices.com/Durham/index_e.aspx * drop down list of different cities is available. *

http://www.children.gov.on.ca/htdocs.../programs.aspx (including respite)

http://www.footprints4autism.org/

http://www.children.gov.on.ca/htdocs.../08142008.aspx

A google search bought up quite a few - I am sure there are services in other Provinces too. There are also grants available to hire 1 on 1 assistance for up to 7 days a year, amongst other programs with grants for things like March Break respite etc.

Tony-the-Tigger

Souxie, thanks for the links - especially the ones for support with respite. It's something we've yet to use but are at the stage now where our older boy, who is fine, is looking for a bit more adventure than what we can provide when his younger brother is with us. Actually, it feels quite depressing typing this, but we knew it was coming.

Stepnek, yes my wife had the summer from hell that year but she was so fed up with the whole toilet thing and the so called "support" were beginning to question our ability as parents to deal with it.
Our son is stubborn too. He also knew that he was being manipulated and tried to retaliate. It took what felt like an eternity of cleaning the floor and changing his clothes before he eventually caught on that it wasn't actually so bad. Buy him a new toy that he would like and use it as a training tool. You've probably heard of autism being compared to animal instinct. When I first heard this, I thought it was cruel but in many ways it's true. Behavior intervention methods like ABA were originally developed to train animals and were later adapted for Autistic children. Language is not of much use so routine and reward can be used to get results. I would say that our boy is now more or less toilet trained but still requires routine and prompting to help avoid soiling himself - it still on occasion happens but increasingly rarely.

Reading back on what I've written, I sound like a bit of a smart arse! I don't mean to - just wanted to pass on our experience. When you eventually get through it, your life, and his will vastly improve.
We're at the stage right now of him and me going into a cubicle in a public toilet and looking conspicuous. Even better, an airplane toilet. It's not a good look!

dbd33

The way the respite programs work is that the parent finds someone to offer the care and the government pays that person directly through a system of timesheets signed by the parent. The pay isn't much, worse than minimum wage, iirc, so it's difficult to find people to take on the work. You could, of course, find someone to not do the work and to split the respite funding with you, there are lots of people happy to do that.

LaylanSte

Some extremely useful info on this thread.As a parent of a 4 year old with ASD the soiling/smearing issue is hard to bear sometimes.We are at the stage where we put ds on the toilet and distract him with messy play eg jelly,playdoh slightly warm so it has the same consistency as the poo. This has worked a couple of times with ds and the rewards and praise he gets for using the loo are brilliant.We are looking at the emigration process at the moment,hubby got a bit of interest from some employers in Kelowna,BC.We were originally going to look at NB or NS.However it looks like it will be Kelowna.Have to say we are gonna come on TWP as Im so scared of us being rejected if we apply for PR.We are going to apply for PR when we are in Canada.My ds currently attends a special needs nursery here in the UK, but other than that and family support groups I go to,we have no help.He is not on any meds,however I feel the Canadian authorities may feel he is a drain on society,but heyho we will cross that bridge when we get to it.Once again thanks for the info on this thread.

dbd33

I know all about the house looking like the H Block. That's the sort of behaviour brought on by stress. I can't really imagine anything more stress generating than taking the child out of "a special needs nursery" away from "family support groups" to a foreign country where there's no support and to do so on a temporary basis to be followed, as likely as not, by moving back to the original place the child having lost his or her place in queues for schools and support groups. I don't think this is a well thought out plan.

christmasoompa

Just checking, but you do realise that it's the same process whether you apply in Canada or from the UK, and you can still be rejected?

It's just that if you go over on a TWP there is no guarantee you'll be able to stay, so it is a big upheaval if you think your child may fail the medical and not get PR.

Best of luck with it.

LaylanSte

I am aware its the same process whether we apply here or in Canada yes. Our general feeling is that we would like to give our family a chance of a future,we have 5 kids altogether,currently live in a cramped 3 bed house with no parking facilities,husband works all the hours god sends to support us. Family to be quite honest dont give a toss about us.All we want to do is have a better life for ourselves and the kids, I am fully qualified special needs ta and would educate ds from home if necessary.To say its not a well thought out plan is pretty condescending really.Its all we have thought about for the last year.This country is going to the dogs as far as education and employment prospects and are we really so selfish to deny our children a future somewhere else just because one has a disability?

Tony-the-Tigger

Don't get annoyed by dbd33's comments. Rarely, does he make a posting without a controversial line in it! He has though, been through it all with his daughter and probably knows what it is like to have hopes and aspirations dashed with a disabled child.
Do all the research you can before you go, maybe even one of you take a trip out. Best of luck.

dbd33

Sticking to the point, if you move on a TWP and your application for PR is rejected you will have twice disrupted the children, some will suffer more than others in consequence, none will benefit. If you apply for PR then they'll be moved one or zero times. I don't think any will benefit, especially not the disabled one, but none will suffer.