sparkling_gal

Can anyone advise me please? Kids seemed really keen to emigrate before and suddenly they are both saying they don't really want to move to Canada at all.

My son, only 14 is seeing a horrid 15 year old girl and I think she has influenced them. He met her through a friend - she doesn't go to proper school because of bad behaviour and truancy. Her sister had her first baby at 16 and she seems like the type of person who will do the same - exactly the type I want to get him away from.

Any advice on what I can do to change their minds? The reason they are both giving for not wanting to go, is that they will miss their friends.

I've told them they can still visit the UK and have their friends over to stay. Also, once they've finished college - they can move anywhere in the world they want - even back to the UK. What else can I do to try to persuade them? Would really appreciate any advice/suggestions.

Alberta_Rose

It's a tough one.

What you really don't want to do is dig trenches for yourselves. Taking the ostrich way out I'd say try to avoid talking about it too much for a while.
Kids are all different I guess. My friend had one kid that really didn't want to come at early teen-age I think.

In the end they just said, well we're the parents and you're going to come with us. Of course he's great now, just started university at Edmonton.
When they first got here he would throw it at them whenever he was pissed at something; how they ruined his life etc. That became less and less, and petered out.

My lad was 14 when we arrived, and he was quite gung-ho about coming until it came to saying good-bye to his many friends. We let him chat on the internet etc, and never told him he couldn't go back to visit, but held off for over a year just to let him settle.
One friend has been over to stay (but it's a VERY long way, and expensive) and he has been back the once, and says he'd never want to go back to live in the UK now.
He still keeps contact over Facebook etc, but has as many good friends here now as he does back in the UK, which is great!

It takes time though ... for everyone!

paolosmythe

I would tell the kids that if they didn't go to Canada, then they would still miss their friends because they'd be stuck working to pay bills and rent etc......

Failing that, you could reassure them that as parents you have examined the global perspective, the long term situations and prospects, and all those things waaaay too dull for kids to neither know nor care about and that ultimately they will thank you in the long run.

Or, you could just remind them that they are juveniles, whereas you are worldly wise and that the parent - dependent pecking order still exists, even during times of imminent upheaval and that the process is tumultuous enough as it is, without them being disruptive.

but then, perhaps the above is indicative of why i have no kids nor plan on having any??

best of luck.

DibDibbler

My nephews are 15 and 19, just arrived, they both love it here now, 1 is enjoying school but he hated it to start with as he didnt know anyone, that quickly changed, they change their minds all the time. The other one has a girlfriend already and is loving it.

Ride the storm I say, they will probably play up for a while but then enjoy it.

drivemel2

Hi, My son didn't want to go to NS, Longtime serious girlfriend etc., but the other kids in school told him that if they had the chance to go to Canada they would jump at it and he would miss out big time if only for the experience.
He changed his mind completely and has now gone out ahead of us!!
Making new friends has been really easy, in fact it's difficult to phone him because he is always out doing things.
If your son wanted to, he could send my son an email with any questions if that would help

el_richo

Slap him on the back of the head and shove him on the plane. Tell him he can still find skanky 15 year olds in Canada if he so wishes

Bellanova

Bellanova

Hi there!
It is such a hard time whilst trying to convince kids that this is for the best because they just dont get it. My son is coming up 14 and my daughter is 10 and out of the 2 of them I thought the 13 year old would be the most difficult to settle, but actually its the opposite he has adjusted so well and has far nicer friends here then he ever did back home. He did say the other day that there is no way that he wants to go back to the UK Our daughter on the other hand has and still is finding it difficult, we have been here just over a year and we are still having 'deep and meaningful' chats about the UK and our reason for coming here.
Every child is different and all you can do is give them all the information, include them in EVERYTHING and most of all make them feel secure about things as much as you can bearing in mind the upheaval. Good luck with it all, PM me if you need a chat and like a previous posted said maybe we could link the boys via email if your lad needs to chat to someone the same age

purple80

I agree with both posts, at the end of the day you are the parent and have to do what is right for you and your family, however with teenagers you can't force life changes upon them.

I thinking talking is the key.....Maybe put your son in touch with other children as already suggested. Hope it works out for you.

MR79

save your kids NOW and get them away from the dirty chavs!!!!!!!!

dont give them a choice and tell them when the whole family is leaving!!!!!!

why would any kid(s) throw a good life in Canada away for some dirty chav(s) who is probably jealous as they wont ecer get a chance to leave town....

good luck and all the best...

__TJ__

"i bought you in to this world and i can take you out" is all my mum would say if i disagreed with her on anything.

i agree pack them up, you cannot leave them behind, they might hate you now but in 20 years when they have good jobs and loving families you can smile and say "see i DO know something"

farjojo71

I have to agree...granted my kids are a bit younger..4 & 11...but they would be coming with us regardless of whether they wanted to or not but thankfully our 11 yr old really wants to move and the baby doesn't have a clue. In our case, primarily this move is for the children but it is also for my OH and I too and there would be no chance in hell that I would change our entire familys future because of a chavvy girlfriend! Just hope you can get the move sorted before he is 16 years old as he may decide to stay behind!

Good luck

sac_de_loup

I've been told, and I'm no position to confirm or deny this, that "Canadian girls are easy". Maybe you should pass this on.

Lychee

When I was young teen and my parents made life-altering decisions on my behalf (putting me in a new school, enrolling me in a new program), if I wasn't happy, I was always told that I should try it for a year, and if after a year I was still against it, then we could discuss options for getting me out of the school or out of the program. By the end of the year, I was happily settled.

I know you can't really do the same when you're moving to Canada, but can't you at least tell them "give it a year"?

johngrimes

I have to say this has really made me smile....skanky is such an under used word. It might be that he is getting "action" from this girl and that is why he wants to stay.....Just tell em when ya pay the bills and are old enough you will have a say until then get on the plane.....maybe mention about the rumour??