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-   -   Advice for a Canadian moving to England? (https://britishexpats.com/forum/canada-56/advice-canadian-moving-england-662705/)

ExKiwilass Apr 6th 2010 8:08 pm

Re: Advice for a Canadian moving to England?
 
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...=655845&page=3

fledermaus Apr 6th 2010 8:25 pm

Re: Advice for a Canadian moving to England?
 
Er, you wouldn't have to live with his parents too would you? That would rule out any move for me.

You said he has only been thinking about going back since his parents have gone back. Maybe he is just missing them and not missing the UK.

You're young, 27 isn't old at all, let him go back by himself and see how he settles. Don't spend $$ on shipping stuff over and burning your bridges here until you know more about what he really wants. Once he is earning enough to buy a house in an area that you would like, ie not hemmed in, then you can rethink. Maybe he won't like being back but if he likes it more than being with you in NS then you are well rid of him.

oconnorkerry Apr 6th 2010 9:42 pm

Re: Advice for a Canadian moving to England?
 

Originally Posted by Chookie (Post 8476702)
What would happen if you didn't move?

Would he go back to the UK anyway and leave you where you are? Or would he stay with you?

What if you went and absolutely hated it - would he be agreeable to you moving back to Canada?

Personally I think you really do need to try to visit before you make this kind of decision. And you need to discuss the above questions with him as well.

The way it looks now, he'll be going with or without me and our son. I think you're right I do need to see it beforehand and we have to have a solid agreement. This should be a fun prospect, but it's truly daunting!

oconnorkerry Apr 6th 2010 9:44 pm

Re: Advice for a Canadian moving to England?
 

Originally Posted by fledermaus (Post 8476766)
Er, you wouldn't have to live with his parents too would you? That would rule out any move for me.

You said he has only been thinking about going back since his parents have gone back. Maybe he is just missing them and not missing the UK.

You're young, 27 isn't old at all, let him go back by himself and see how he settles. Don't spend $$ on shipping stuff over and burning your bridges here until you know more about what he really wants. Once he is earning enough to buy a house in an area that you would like, ie not hemmed in, then you can rethink. Maybe he won't like being back but if he likes it more than being with you in NS then you are well rid of him.

That's a possibility, that he's just missing his parents. He's also convinced that he'll make it big over there with the products his father is distributing. They had bad luck (i.e. made bad decisions) in Canada. No, we wouldn't be living with his parents. I couldn't deal with that either!

I think you're right in that I should not go over there just yet.:)

oconnorkerry Apr 6th 2010 9:51 pm

Re: Advice for a Canadian moving to England?
 

Originally Posted by Kiwilass (Post 8476732)

That's heartbreaking and scary. I think before I set foot in the UK I'll have a letter of permission to leave with my son written and signed by my OH.

fledermaus Apr 6th 2010 9:59 pm

Re: Advice for a Canadian moving to England?
 

Originally Posted by oconnorkerry (Post 8476979)
The way it looks now, he'll be going with or without me and our son. I think you're right I do need to see it beforehand and we have to have a solid agreement. This should be a fun prospect, but it's truly daunting!

Er, if he is contemplating going without you, leaving his son behind then let him go.


Originally Posted by oconnorkerry (Post 8476984)
That's a possibility, that he's just missing his parents. He's also convinced that he'll make it big over there with the products his father is distributing. They had bad luck (i.e. made bad decisions) in Canada. No, we wouldn't be living with his parents. I couldn't deal with that either!

I think you're right in that I should not go over there just yet.:)

Has his father made it big over there yet?? If so he can pay for his son/future employee to go home

oconnorkerry Apr 6th 2010 10:00 pm

Re: Advice for a Canadian moving to England?
 

Originally Posted by fledermaus (Post 8477027)
Er, if he is contemplating going without you, leaving his son behind then let him go.

It's harsh, but yeah.. that's what a lot of my friends have been saying. My mother thinks I should just compromise for him and come home if I'm miserable, his parents think I'm difficult, it's a mess!

ExKiwilass Apr 6th 2010 10:03 pm

Re: Advice for a Canadian moving to England?
 

Originally Posted by oconnorkerry (Post 8477004)
That's heartbreaking and scary. I think before I set foot in the UK I'll have a letter of permission to leave with my son written and signed by my OH.

You've got a head on your shoulders. Good idea. :)

I agree with Fled. HE's willing to leave without you? :eek: Bugger him.

dannyg1001 Apr 6th 2010 10:26 pm

Re: Advice for a Canadian moving to England?
 
No offence intended, but he sounds really selfish.

He has a child for God's sake!

Chookie Apr 7th 2010 12:03 am

Re: Advice for a Canadian moving to England?
 

Originally Posted by dannyg1001 (Post 8477096)
No offence intended, but he sounds really selfish.

He has a child for God's sake!

This...

And put it this way - if he is prepared to leave you and his son and go back to the UK, how long do you think your relationship will last if you DO go over to the UK with him? HE doesn't sound all that committed to me.

I could easily see you being in exactly the same position as some of those women on that thread that was linked - alone in a strange country, but unable to come back to CAnada because of your Son (And I would take good advice before relying on a signed letter giving permission to allow you to bring your son back! You need to speak to a lawyer to check that that is sufficient).

Alan2005 Apr 7th 2010 12:04 am

Re: Advice for a Canadian moving to England?
 
Seems to me that the OP knows exactly what they are going to do and are just prevaricating.

fledermaus Apr 7th 2010 12:57 am

Re: Advice for a Canadian moving to England?
 

Originally Posted by Alan2005 (Post 8477332)
Seems to me that the OP knows exactly what they are going to do and are just prevaricating.

It's a big thing, you have to bolster yourself up.

dippy Apr 7th 2010 1:22 am

Re: Advice for a Canadian moving to England?
 
I seriously suggest you stay in Nova Scotia! England like all places has its good and bad sides but you are moving for all of the wrong reasons.... stay where you are and ensure stability for you and your child. I would also agree with the post that suggests that your partner may become difficult if you go and then return to Canada. Not sure of what would be possible in law but sounds to me that the best course for you is to stay in Canada and just move on if he doesn't accept that.

highlandspirit8 Apr 7th 2010 3:35 am

Re: Advice for a Canadian moving to England?
 

Originally Posted by oconnorkerry (Post 8473741)
Hello all,

I'm a Canadian possibly moving to England looking for some advice from those who have done the same except the other way round. My partner moved to Canada nearly 5 years ago with his family, we met and had a son together who is nearly 2 now. His family has gone back and he would like to follow.

I'm not "sold" on the move yet. I love it here in NS, I've never been to England and we can't afford for me to even have a visit before moving there permanently. The visa fees and container would be expensive, not to mention the flights for us and the higher housing costs there. I'm prone to seasonal depression and am terrified at the prospect of not seeing a full sunny day from Nov-May. I'll miss the wide open, unpopulated spaces. I'll miss my family. I would love to have an extended visit in the UK, but I'm afraid I won't like living there. I've dreamed of travelling to the UK all my life but when faced with a permanent move I'm balking.

Do you have any advice for me? When you moved to Canada did you have reservations? Should I just take the plunge? It seems like some of you really love it here in Canada. I sure wish my fiance felt the same way. :thumbsup:

I recently moved to Nova Scotia from Scotland, and though I miss my old home very much, I could never contemplate going back. I may be biased being a Scot, but I lived in Manchester, England for 5 years and really didn't like it. My neighbours were bigoted, everywhere was really congested, houses were tiny and astronomically priced, weather was terrible and the culture is horrid.
If you like open spaces and will really miss your family/friends etc I would not even consider it. Britain is going down hill rapidly. It's becoming very Americanised with crime, vandalism, litter, and drugs. You will get sunshine occasionally especially the more South you go, but winters can be very, very depressing, just constant dull days, rain, wind and NO snow (or very little) From what you are saying I think you would hate it.
I would not think about moving all my belongings but try going for an extended stay first.
My children who are 16 and 9 have said that their lives have changed dramatically since moving to Nova Scotia, they have opportunities that they would never have had in Scotland. My 16 year old said she would never go back and is so glad we came (even though she put up a fight at first).
I know it is probably difficult because you have a child together, but think long and hard and watch the BBC news if you can.
I hope this helps.

christmasoompa Apr 7th 2010 8:51 am

Re: Advice for a Canadian moving to England?
 

Originally Posted by highlandspirit8 (Post 8477731)
Britain is going down hill rapidly. It's becoming very Americanised with crime, vandalism, litter, and drugs. You will get sunshine occasionally especially the more South you go, but winters can be very, very depressing, just constant dull days, rain, wind and NO snow (or very little)

With respect, this will very much depend on the area you are in. Where I was, we had no crime, drugs or vandalism, but I lived in a Southern rural village rather than a large city like Manchester. Also, no constant dull days - a friend who recently visited the UK had only one day of rain throughout nearly four weeks, and guess what, he was in Manchester at the time!!

So again, it comes down to where you are in the UK (and to some extent, the amount of money you have to spend on housing etc) as to your experience of it. I don't recognise the UK from what you've said, but lived in a very different area to you.

To the OP - everybody has said exactly what I was thinking. If your husband is prepared to disappear and leave you and his son, are you sure he's worth uprooting your life and moving to a place you don't particularly want to go to? Doesn't sound like much of a 'give and take' relationship to me! I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide.


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