Rose51

Hello Everyone
I am a young 53yr old from the U.K & looking for friends in Maastricht.
I lived there for 9 mths last year but found it difficult plus I got ran over & returned to UK for operations. I am now ready to return & am apprehensive. I will be returning to live with my Dutch partner.
Please get in touch if you are in same postion & would like to meet for coffee etc...

karij1980

I live a bit too far away in the North East, but wishing you lots of luck! Don't give up again.... I keep telling myself not to give up as something will change sooner or later.....

koalabear1

Rose, I live 60km from Maastricht and am a similar age to you. If you'd like to meet up, we could arrange something in the new year.

My husband is Dutch but I know from when I lived in the NL how almost impossible it is to make Dutch friends. They will be friendly to tourists but it's a tough society to try to live in.

I know Maastricht fairly well and quite like visiting it - drop me a PM if you feel like meeting.

gioppino

I totally disagree with this statement but I understand where you're coming from. There are a lot of foreigners in the NL that come with a lot of enthusiasm and then go. The locals are used to this and assume you'll get bored and leave soon. Plus the expats ruin the housing market because they rent at astronomical prices and the locals don't like it.

I used to live in Maastricht. The first two months I was completely ignored. Once they start to see you around they'll get used to you and open up. Actually NL is a nice and relatively safe place to live once you have got into their customs.

My advice is to join the local ROC and join a Dutch course for foreigners (it won't be cheap). You'll learn the language and meet new people.

EDIT: There's no ROC in Maastricht but I've found this:
https://www.cve.nl/vind_een_nt2_cursus_of

koalabear1

I think we will have to agree to disagree then

I'm not saying NL is more dangerous, but I really didn't like the majority of people, for example in the shops or out and about. They were unhelpful and often rude. If you speak to them in English they think you're a tourist and are great (although bitchy behind your back - a dreadful experience I had in Amsterdam is an example: they didn't realise I could understand them as my German friend and I were speaking English, and the shop assistant said to her colleague, "these dirty foreigners always look through everything but never buy anything" - my friend was looking for a beach towel).

I tried really hard to learn their language and even got to the level that about half of them thought I was Dutch. I found them cold, dismissive and arrogant.

I didn't go there all enthusiastic; I was asked to do a year's contract that then got extended. I never liked it from the start in NL but fell in love with a colleague He is Dutch but luckily prefers Belgium and England to his own country! I'm happy to visit though, and think Maastricht is brilliant in the summer with the fantastic cafés and river, but I will never live in NL again. Ten years was pretty much ten too many for me.

As for making friends, I never made friends with Dutch people; my friends were from other countries. In Belgium (Eastern Cantons) and Germany, however, I found making friends with local people a LOT easier. And that despite my Dutch being loads better than my German or French.

gioppino

koalabear1, I think you have taken as example Amsterdam and Maastricht which don't really represent the whole country, Amsterdam being the capital and therefore most of people you've met are either foreigners or Dutch from a foreign background, and Maastrich being Dutch just on paper and having a culture and a history of its own.

I am not 3/4 fluent in Dutch and I can see the difference in the feedback I receive from the locals. They are much more helpful when you speak to them in Dutch.

You have to take in consideration that the Dutch are exceedingly tolerant in letting us live and work in this country without speaking the local language.

koalabear1

I see your point, but I lived in The Hague for a year too, and in a town in SE Limburg. In my job back in those days in Holland, the people were 99% Dutch, and really nasty When I worked in Maastricht they were nice though

But I do speak the local language; half of them even think I'm Dutch when I speak Dutch. I also did a bachelor's degree in Dutch at a Dutch uni. I find them a lot friendlier when I use English, funnily enough

Casa Santo Estevo

koalabear1 Two things things that made me smile from your posting.
Irony of the fact you chose to write about German and beach towels in one posting.
http://www.spitsnieuws.nl/archives/b..._weer_aan.html
http://www.goeievraag.nl/vraag/maats...g-kuilen.49969
The second is somehow the British think they are clear to non Brits when they are not: http://bit.ly/JvkgoQ

Thank you.

gioppino

koalabear1, for your own sanity you really have to get out of NL ASAP.

koalabear1

I did! I left in 2003 when we moved to Belgium

koalabear1

I love that chart. I'd seen it before but still find it amusing

Btw interesting to see you're in Galicia; I worked there for a while ages ago, in La Coruña

Rose51

Hi There
Thanks for the help
I am coming back to Maastricht to give it another go...I am returning approx 3/2/14
I would love to meet up.

I think it helps just to have a chat I think it makes you feel sane again as when I mention things to my Dutch Partner he just says "Oh it`s not like that here & sometimes your not sure if it`s their point of view or it`s true, as at the moment I don`t know any better. For instance I mentioned I needed my foil hi-lites doing & my Partner said "Dutch women don`t have them" I find that hard to understand & not sure it`s just men don`t notice & wouldn`t know ...Perhaps you can give some light on that one ?

Look forward to hearing from you

koalabear1

Rose,

I have actually left this forum, but luckily I received an email about your reply.

Yep, that sounds right: in NL you MUST do as the Dutch do. Anything different will NOT be tolerated, let alone accepted. I remember a Dutch colleague saying to me, "I wonder when we're going to get you into Dutch clothes" while giving a sort of critical look at what I was wearing. Guess what, the Spanish, Germans and Belgians have never been like that to me, so it has to be a Dutch thing.

You do your hair as you see fit; stuff what Dutch women do. If you need highlights and the Dutch won't do them, pop over to us and my local hairdresser will do them. She is a young Mum who works part-time in her Dad's salon and is very reasonably priced for really good hairdressing. She did my highlights too.

Please send me a PM with your email and we can set up a get together in February or March. I shouldn't publish my email on here, it's not a good idea, but a PM should be ok.

Hugs

koala

gioppino

Koalabear1, what a load of tosh!

How you can have such a high reputation given you have been here for less than two months (and your reputation score is even higher than the moderators) is beyound my comprehension and quite frankly brings the forum into disrepute.

StevieLW

I have to weigh in here and say I've experience quite the opposite.

The dutch people I've met in the shops, at work and through my partner have all been quite accepting of me and my british ways. I often try to speak Dutch with them but they also want to use the opportunity to practice their English also!

I have experienced a bit of "thats how its done here", but hey, we're in a foreign country, and perhaps we should adapt a bit to the culture we live in, and its how we broaden our traditions.