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Are you toilet phobic?

Are you toilet phobic?

Old Aug 17th 2007, 1:45 pm
  #46  
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Default Re: Are you toilet phobic?

Originally Posted by Nu-Shooz View Post
Ok, we believe you. It wasn't your's.

Also, don't you just hate it when someone is in the next cubicle to you and your waiting for them to leave, so you can have a good shit and farting session in peace.
Just give lots of courtesy flushes and strain away!!
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Old Aug 17th 2007, 1:46 pm
  #47  
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Default Re: Are you toilet phobic?

Originally Posted by gobbyjock View Post
The place I worked at back in UK had very low water pressure and sometimes you would find a present waiting for you when you went to the loo, or you`d stand there flushing your own wee presents (it used to take aaaagggeeeees for the costern to fill up each time)- swings & roundabouts really. Until one day I, no sorry someone who definately wasn`t me, went to the loo and gave birth to a baby whale, which did not want to disappear, 6 times I flushed , waiting with baited breath each time, it just kept bobbing back up to haunt me, sorry I mean her, errr, this other person, so what does a girl do in a situation like this I hear you ask?? Why she tries to cover her shame with loo roll, put the loo seat down and hide in the loo until there is no-one around, sneak out the door and then leg it up the stairs to her office. All well and good until the next day this person nips down to the loo and finds some very snotty posters plastered around the loos informing everyone that just because the water pressure is bad, it`s no excuse to leave a present and that you should stand there as long as it takes and flush it away rather than trying to hide your shame with loo roll. It also went on to say that whoever left the floater in the loo the previous day should see a doctor as they obviously needed medical treatment after giving birth to it.
So there I stand completely horrified, face burning with shame and what do do I do?? Why I walk out the loo to find it is a subject of heated conversation throughout the building, everyone is annoyed about the poster but everyone is paranoid that they could be the phantom poo floater, we all stand there talking about it, looking for signs of guilt whlst trying not to look guilty ourselves. I happily stand there saying "Yeh cheeky bitch, for all she knows it could be someone with a bad tummy, or IBS, after all shit happens!!" next thing the posters are taken down by HR as they feel it is a form of bullying and harrasment which could lead to someone feeling upset, especially if they have a medical condition. The person who put the posters up gets a talking to (she was a senior grade and should not have done it) and I keep a low profile, after all it might not have been mine you know!!

You've done me proud girl!

Do you remember when I blocked up the loo at work and blamed the psychologist!!!!!

I dont know why poeople think you need to seek help when you drop a brown whale, I would rather do a firm large browning than nuggets any day of the week.
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Old Aug 17th 2007, 1:48 pm
  #48  
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Default Re: Are you toilet phobic?

Originally Posted by jerzo View Post
Just give lots of courtesy flushes and strain away!!
I have been unable to control myself and have noisily farted in a pre-defaecate kind of way before.

A lady at my old job would leave Massey Ferguson Tractor type marks in the pan.

Im sure it was all that pasta she ate, and she loved her cheese - her bowels did smell a bit dairy.
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Old Aug 17th 2007, 1:49 pm
  #49  
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Default Re: Are you toilet phobic?

gagging now
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Old Aug 17th 2007, 1:51 pm
  #50  
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Default Re: Are you toilet phobic?

Originally Posted by Nu-Shooz View Post
gagging now
My sides are hurting from laughing!!!

Sometimes I marvel at the human rectum. The size of a brown job and how it forces its way into the world to start its new life down the toilet.

Quite incredible when you think a turd has to come out of such a tiny orifice.
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Old Aug 17th 2007, 1:52 pm
  #51  
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Default Re: Are you toilet phobic?

Originally Posted by Nu-Shooz View Post
Ok, we believe you. It wasn't your's.

Also, don't you just hate it when someone is in the next cubicle to you and your waiting for them to leave, so you can have a good shit and farting session in peace.
Yes but if they don`t leave what do you do?? It`s mad because they are probably needing one too and are waiting for you to leave, so you sit there quietly for ages rustling loo roll wondering who is going to cave first. What do you do ??
A - leave and hang about out side the loo, then rush back in once they`ve gone
or
B - Do you try to do it quietly and pray it won`t make a splash when it hits ground zero.
Answers on a postcard please
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Old Aug 17th 2007, 1:54 pm
  #52  
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Default Re: Are you toilet phobic?

Originally Posted by gobbyjock View Post
Yes but if they don`t leave what do you do?? It`s mad because they are probably needing one too and are waiting for you to leave, so you sit there quietly for ages rustling loo roll wondering who is going to cave first. What do you do ??
A - leave and hang about out side the loo, then rush back in once they`ve gone
or
B - Do you try to do it quietly and pray it won`t make a splash when it hits ground zero.
Answers on a postcard please
I would just do it quickly and leave the building....leaving the smell behind

Then say to the next person, god it stinks in there..
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Old Aug 17th 2007, 1:54 pm
  #53  
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Default Re: Are you toilet phobic?

This is a fairly typical example of a squat toilet you may visit in China.



What about this beauty. Notice the lack of doors.



Some Chinese people may be unfamiliar with westernised toilets, so have to have instructions of what NOT to do. But footprints on the seat are still common.



And for who may not be able to work it out - instructions on how to squat.

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Old Aug 17th 2007, 1:55 pm
  #54  
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Default Re: Are you toilet phobic?

That's the funniest thread I've ever read
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Old Aug 17th 2007, 1:57 pm
  #55  
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Default Re: Are you toilet phobic?

Originally Posted by C&R View Post
This is a fairly typical example of a squat toilet you may visit in China.

http://myweb.lmu.edu/myeung/Travels/...4/DSC03130.JPG

What about this beauty. Notice the lack of doors.

http://www.flumesday.com/images/Toilets/china.jpg

Some Chinese people may be unfamiliar with westernised toilets, so have to have instructions of what NOT to do. But footprints on the seat are still common.

http://www.neatorama.com/images/2006...-on-toilet.jpg

And for who may not be able to work it out - instructions on how to squat.

http://www.tian.cc/toiletsign.jpg
OMG....i don't like the look of them.

What if you missed the hole. Might as well just crap all over the floor.
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Old Aug 17th 2007, 1:59 pm
  #56  
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Default Re: Are you toilet phobic?

This is a true story,
My friend had had a curry the night before, got to work, and mid morning had to excuse herself for a curry dump. She did her business, and was washing her hands, when the cleaner came in, and said " christ, what is that smell, its terrible" my friend replied "I know, its awful isn't it" to which the cleaner then proceeded to spray virtually a whole can of air freshener into the toilet, which then set off the smoke alarm, which then resulted in the building being evacuated and the fire men turning up.
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Old Aug 17th 2007, 1:59 pm
  #57  
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Default Re: Are you toilet phobic?

Originally Posted by Nu-Shooz View Post
OMG....i don't like the look of them.

What if you missed the hole. Might as well just crap all over the floor.
What happens if you`ve had a dodgy curry the night before??
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Old Aug 17th 2007, 2:00 pm
  #58  
 
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Default Re: Are you toilet phobic?

Originally Posted by Nu-Shooz View Post
gagging now
OK I said to myself I wasn't going to join in this conversation but sod it.

Before I met OH, he had the most appalling diet I had ever seen. I followed him to the toilet once after he had been in and never done it since.

He then went on to tell me about the time when he went to meet a friend in a cafe at the local Co-op, with a large amount of pride as well.

He had been sat waiting for his mate for a while and felt "the need". So off he went, a few minutes later he came out and very firmly closed the door behind him. A couple of minutes later another bloke went toward the loo, opened the door, put his hand over his mouth and very nearly threw up everywhere. While OH is finding this extreamly ammusing the poor old bloke had to get a chair to prop up against the door and waited till it was possible for him to breathe.

OH found it funny because he only rated it an 8. Now he wonders why I insist on at least two toilet in the house.
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Old Aug 17th 2007, 2:01 pm
  #59  
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Default Re: Are you toilet phobic?

Originally Posted by Professional Princess View Post
Ive just read your post whilst eating my noodles. One of the managers has just walked by and I burst out laughing almost giving myself a 'noodle nose'.
OK... I have had to stop reading this at work now cos I'm laughing so much. Will try and read the rest of it tonight.

Thanks PP
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Old Aug 17th 2007, 2:10 pm
  #60  
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Default Re: Are you toilet phobic?

Love the poem PP

No stories that I wish to divulge but i do enjoy reading them nevertheless!

Lynn xx
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