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You sure find out who your real friends are....

You sure find out who your real friends are....

Old Sep 16th 2007, 7:54 pm
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Default You sure find out who your real friends are....

...........when you say you're moving to OZ!!!

A few months ago I would have said we had a good group of friends, but announcing that we are applying to move to Australia really put the cat amongst the pigeons!

Some friends have been great - suggesting that they will buy a webcam and keep in touch. Others have said they will come and visit. Some have said they will miss us but are happy for us.

Some haven't reacted at all - they don't ask about it and if we mention it, they change the subject.

Then on the other hand we have had out right hostility. Rude comments like we will be putting our 7 year old daughter through hell! One person has just stopped phoning and walks off when we're around. What is the matter with these people??:curse:

Don't get me started on family either....:curse:

The whole thing has made us question whether we had as many friends as we thought and made the move a whole lot easier!!!
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Old Sep 16th 2007, 8:05 pm
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Default Re: You sure find out who your real friends are....

Its strange the way people react isnt it

I thought some of my friends had taken it really well, now I find that they have started keeping their distance as though oh goodness gotta find a replacement!!

You really do find out who are true friends

Last edited by asher; Sep 16th 2007 at 9:10 pm.
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Old Sep 16th 2007, 8:54 pm
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Default Re: You sure find out who your real friends are....

Originally Posted by Gotooz1 View Post
...........when you say you're moving to OZ!!!

A few months ago I would have said we had a good group of friends, but announcing that we are applying to move to Australia really put the cat amongst the pigeons!

Some friends have been great - suggesting that they will buy a webcam and keep in touch. Others have said they will come and visit. Some have said they will miss us but are happy for us.

Some haven't reacted at all - they don't ask about it and if we mention it, they change the subject.

Then on the other hand we have had out right hostility. Rude comments like we will be putting our 7 year old daughter through hell! One person has just stopped phoning and walks off when we're around. What is the matter with these people??:curse:

Don't get me started on family either....:curse:

The whole thing has made us question whether we had as many friends as we thought and made the move a whole lot easier!!!
Yeah can relate to all those, other friends find the pettiest little things to end the friendship over. An everytime something like that happens you think well thats one less person worth being here for.
I've only got 2/3 friends that live fairly close by I thought I had more but apprently they weren't real friends at all.
Any friend worth their weight IMO will obviously be upset that you won't be round the corner or whatever but will do everything possible to keep in touch, arrange to visit if possible and will be there and support you regardless of wether they think it's the right decision to make or not. Unfortunately these ppl seem very rare nowadays.

Family obviously find it harder. My mum is moving away in a few weeks so although i'll miss her when we move the chances of us seeing her much once she's moved up north are quite rare anyway - she lives 10 minute walk away at the moment.
My brother I only see every few years - he lives up north. My aunt wants us to go, she's prob thinking about holidays for herself etc and she's jea;ous of how close me and my dad are. My dad - well it'll rip my heart in two the day we go, but I will spend all my free time chatting to him, sod the phone bill. An he promised to visit so i'm hoping it will be months he spends with us not jsut weeks and i've hopefully got Bordy on board (lol) to help show him how nice it would be for him to move to Melbourne too Dad is on his own and with us being so close I will miss him more than words can say - til we can pursuade him that he really should be with us.

Just think of all the new friends you'll have in Oz
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Old Sep 16th 2007, 9:06 pm
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Smile Re: You sure find out who your real friends are....

our 'good' friends have been really positive,
other 'mates' have been negative "youll never do it/last" etc others are like "youve got more money than sense (i wish) or what about the kids - your not considering them (err alot of our motivation for this move is for the kids)

so far family have been pretty cool, but only time will tell...
ive even been told that breaking my leg is a sign we shouldnt go! so all you other oz wannabes need to go wrap up in cotton wool
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Old Sep 16th 2007, 9:38 pm
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Default Re: You sure find out who your real friends are....

Intersting to read this. I have found recently that unless I raise the issue - it dosen't get raised at all so I decided yesterday not to say anthing more and see if particular people in my life ask how things have gone as I have some importnat dates comming up. Ironiclaly, it has also opened my eyes up to who are real friends and who I didn't realise I had a bond with. At work I have calmed down now and 'try' not to talk about it too much. However, I am constantly being asked about things by so many people that I was thinking a group email would save a lot of time (kidding).

I went out on Friday with a couple of people and when I was talking about places to see around the Uk and Europe - talk about changing the subject. I was so gutted and it hasn't gone from my mind. I am so excited about seeing places and they wouldn't have a bar of it. I listen to people and take a genuine interest in what other people do even if it isn't my thing - I would never cut them off - like what happened to me. That's the joy of choice - you can choose to email someone or not to..
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Old Sep 16th 2007, 10:34 pm
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Default Re: You sure find out who your real friends are....

Sounds like it isn't just me who has had some strange reactions.

I have had a good think about who has been positive compared to those who have been negative and realised that those who are negative are very unadventurous people. They would not take this risk in their lives and either think they are being helpful trying to put you off or are so blinkered they think their experience is all there is.

I have decided to offer the negative ones pity! That will shake them up a bit. LOL.
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Old Sep 16th 2007, 10:59 pm
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Default Re: You sure find out who your real friends are....

Originally Posted by killamarsh View Post
Intersting to read this. I have found recently that unless I raise the issue - it dosen't get raised at all so I decided yesterday not to say anthing more and see if particular people in my life ask how things have gone as I have some importnat dates comming up. Ironiclaly, it has also opened my eyes up to who are real friends and who I didn't realise I had a bond with. At work I have calmed down now and 'try' not to talk about it too much. However, I am constantly being asked about things by so many people that I was thinking a group email would save a lot of time (kidding).

I went out on Friday with a couple of people and when I was talking about places to see around the Uk and Europe - talk about changing the subject. I was so gutted and it hasn't gone from my mind. I am so excited about seeing places and they wouldn't have a bar of it. I listen to people and take a genuine interest in what other people do even if it isn't my thing - I would never cut them off - like what happened to me. That's the joy of choice - you can choose to email someone or not to..
I know what you mean Killamarsh - It took years for our dreams to be realised and foolishly i kep everyone including family up to date with the progress (or lack of it) - but thent owards the end my family began to hate it when I mentioned Oz so i stopped talking about it.

When the visa was granted - I remember one family member saying 'Oh my God - you still on with that lark?' as if we had given up the idea!!!!!:curse:

Of course it has taken a long while for that family member to get to grips with me being here - but there is no way I would have remained there in the UK - no way at all
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Old Sep 16th 2007, 11:17 pm
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Default Re: You sure find out who your real friends are....

Originally Posted by Gotooz1 View Post
...........when you say you're moving to OZ!!!

A few months ago I would have said we had a good group of friends, but announcing that we are applying to move to Australia really put the cat amongst the pigeons!

Some friends have been great - suggesting that they will buy a webcam and keep in touch. Others have said they will come and visit. Some have said they will miss us but are happy for us.

Some haven't reacted at all - they don't ask about it and if we mention it, they change the subject.

Then on the other hand we have had out right hostility. Rude comments like we will be putting our 7 year old daughter through hell! One person has just stopped phoning and walks off when we're around. What is the matter with these people??:curse:

Don't get me started on family either....:curse:

The whole thing has made us question whether we had as many friends as we thought and made the move a whole lot easier!!!

Hiya,

Just read this, well we have started to tell all our friends and most of them are saying go for it and happy for us, just had 1 friend that when i said are you gunner come for your holidays she said oh flights to expensive, GOD sorry, she could have lied and said oh yes would love to, to be polite, anyway her hubby is gunner come over, she can stop at home. This did hurt me as she is a really close friend.

I also cant stop talking about it, we are starting the visa process tomorrow so i have 18 month of rabbiting on to my friends, i will drive them up the wall.

I do think though that they act a little funny not from jealousy but from just not wanting things to change, and not having us on the door step.
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Old Sep 16th 2007, 11:36 pm
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Default Re: You sure find out who your real friends are....

Originally Posted by Gotooz1 View Post
...........when you say you're moving to OZ!!!

A few months ago I would have said we had a good group of friends, but announcing that we are applying to move to Australia really put the cat amongst the pigeons!

Some friends have been great - suggesting that they will buy a webcam and keep in touch. Others have said they will come and visit. Some have said they will miss us but are happy for us.

Some haven't reacted at all - they don't ask about it and if we mention it, they change the subject.

Then on the other hand we have had out right hostility. Rude comments like we will be putting our 7 year old daughter through hell! One person has just stopped phoning and walks off when we're around. What is the matter with these people??:curse:

Don't get me started on family either....:curse:

The whole thing has made us question whether we had as many friends as we thought and made the move a whole lot easier!!!
Our friends were the opposite those who we didn't really see much of anymore for one reason or another suddenly saw free holidays and couldn't keep away bloody hypocrits they won't get my new addy. I'll tell them I'm in Cairns
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Old Sep 17th 2007, 1:40 am
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Default Re: You sure find out who your real friends are....

Hmmm ... look at it from their point of view though. The bottom line is that *you* are the ones that are going. You are the ones that are moving on (with all that that implies) and putting a hemisphere between yourselves and your old friendships. Yes they're your friends now and some of them will remain just that, but don't be too hard on those that don't, when it's you that are removing yourselves from your current surroundings, routines and institutions ... not them.
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Old Sep 17th 2007, 2:03 am
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Default Re: You sure find out who your real friends are....

Originally Posted by Hutch View Post
Hmmm ... look at it from their point of view though. The bottom line is that *you* are the ones that are going. You are the ones that are moving on (with all that that implies) and putting a hemisphere between yourselves and your old friendships. Yes they're your friends now and some of them will remain just that, but don't be too hard on those that don't, when it's you that are removing yourselves from your current surroundings, routines and institutions ... not them.

True.

I think there is also a level of self protection from some people... they know you are going, which is hard for them to deal with, so they start putting some distance between you and them long before you go.

Don't underestimate how hard it is for them. I remember feeling totally bereft when a friend of mine moved to Oz a few years ago! I always kept this in mind when we made the move last year.
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Old Sep 17th 2007, 2:14 am
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Default Re: You sure find out who your real friends are....

You'll find it changes again when you get here... people you thought would keep in touch no matter what drift away... it is sad, especially at first, but once you make some good new friends (and I mean proper friends not just aquaintances) you soon forget about them
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Old Sep 17th 2007, 5:24 am
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Default Re: You sure find out who your real friends are....

yep, just wait until you get here, we've been here a year now and only a few keep in touch regularly, loads moan I don't email them (I sent three to all in the beginning they never replied). When you've been here a while and get very, very few birthday cards with a UK stamp on makes you realise that they never were the friends you thought after all.

Good thing is, you get the chance to start afresh and pick people to be your friends who are really worth the effort !!
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Old Sep 17th 2007, 5:28 am
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Default Re: You sure find out who your real friends are....

Originally Posted by ohippy View Post
yep, just wait until you get here, we've been here a year now and only a few keep in touch regularly, loads moan I don't email them (I sent three to all in the beginning they never replied). When you've been here a while and get very, very few birthday cards with a UK stamp on makes you realise that they never were the friends you thought after all.

Good thing is, you get the chance to start afresh and pick people to be your friends who are really worth the effort !!
wise words from a master
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Old Sep 17th 2007, 5:45 am
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Default Re: You sure find out who your real friends are....

oi cheeky, get back to work !!
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