Cheetah7

In your views I mean.

We were discussing at work this morning about women working, women working when they have children and how many years ago a man would go out to work and the woman stayed at home.

Some men still like their wives to stay at home and I have to admit that sometimes I would like to do just that but whether or not I would still think that way if I was told I had to stay at home is another matter.

Do you think it should be a womans job to stay at home with the kids or is being a 'house husband' OK?

I suppose in an ideal world one of the parents would stay at home while the kids are young but money can be a huge issue and both parents need to work.

I think if I had kids I would stay at home with them and perhaps work part time - if our finances allowed.

But I suppose if I was married to someone who really believed that a woman's place is in the home then I could see myself rebelling considerably.

Or are you a woman who believes in these values?

Just thought it would be an interesting debate.

Gonnago

I stay at home with the sprogs, not because I feel I have to, but because it is important to me and the kids, DH was never keen on me going to work full time but his thoughts are irrelevant

I have sampled working full time - apart from coming out of it skint I missed my kids something rotten. Now I work for myself as a birth Doula (proffessional birth support) and work around the kids as much as possible, but only have one or two days away a month so its all good.

Dh would probably make a better house wife than me lol, he has OCD so the house is sparkling, but the kids wouldnt learn a thing as he puts cleaning before the kids lol.

I like the idea of more dads being at home with the kids, gives us more eyecandy in the playground

Wendy

It's great being at home with the kids when they are little, but it's not always possible. I was at home for the first two years of my eldests life, and for 5 years with my daughter.

I did however have to work when my middle son was little, and his dad stayed at home with him for about 8 months before he started his electricians apprentiship - my kids were then looked after by my Mother in law.

After saying that though if my OH told me I had to stay at home, then I would tell him where to go. Not because I wouldn't want to stay at home, but because I believe I should have the choice. If he was that adamant that the child should have a parent looking after them 24/7 then he should be prepared to do it too.

I don't think anyone has a right to tell people what to do, even if they are married - it's a partnershp after all and all decisions should be joint ones. I also think that people shouldn't ask someone to do something they aren't prepared to do themselves (money aside).

Cheetah7

It is surprising at just how many men feel that they are in charge of their wives.

One of the guys at work goes out to the pub, has a good social life but when asked if his wife did the same, he was horrified and replied 'Oh god no, shes at home with the kids'.



I do wonder if they truly believe that men and women are equal or if there is a secret part of them that believes that men should be in charge.

Or more to the point, how many men would like that anyway?

Wendy

All of them

Kapri

I went back to work part time when both of mine were 4 months old.
In an ideal world I would have had the first year off completely then worked part time.
As it is I've been working full time for the past 2 years due to having a management job. I've found this really hard at times,
luckily my boss has agreed to me dropping a few hours per week.
I now do 1 full day and 4 days 9-3 (school hours).
this is making a huge difference.
Personally I don't think I'd be happy at home full time but each to their own.

charb

I couldn't bear to be a SAHM, it is totally not me. If I had to stay at home, I think I would go insane! That doesn't mean for one second that I think SAHM's or SAHD's have it easier than someone who physically goes out to a workplace - if anything the complete opposite! lol

I wouldn't have had a child with, or married my OH if he truly believed a womans place was in the home, bringing up children. I personally do not think it is healthy for you & your child/ren to be together 24/7 - but that's my opinion, some may think that me going out to work 2 days per week whilst my son is in childcare isn't right. Different children, different parents, different opinions.

Saying all that, if I decided next week that I wanted to be a SAHM, I know my OH would 'support' my decision... he wouldn't dare question me! lol, bless him!!!

Fly Away

In an ideal World, parents would all be able to stay at home or work from home with their little ones. I firmly believe that children who have (whichever) parent as full time carer are more secure in themselves.

It breaks my heart when I see little babies going to childcare because the parents both have to work. I know sometimes it has to happen, but I do wonder about the parents........

I was a career girl until I had mine and thought I would want to go back to work. Once I had my baby though, I felt differently. My OH would have been happy either way but in certain respects he is very old fashioned - HE wouldn't have sacrificed his career.

We were unlucky in that we had NO family support - no baby sitters, no help with looking after a new baby etc. So the only options were us or childcare.

We took a dip in income and lifestyle in order for me to stay at home and provide a few years of dedicated nuturing. It was our choice and ironically, it has turned out to be the best thing we ever did financially! I now work from home and earn more than I did when I had an employer! My daughter is now at school and I work from home during the day, but I always drop her off and pick her up. I'm always at home if she's off school ill.

I realise that I'm lucky, but I do want other parents to realise that it's possible to combine what is best for your child / children with work.

PP, if you are thinking about having a family, then I would say that you are in an ideal position to organise your life in a similar fashion.

charb

Without wishing to sound rude, your idea of an ideal world, would be my worst nightmare! My son has been in childcare from the age of around 18 months, & I believe he couldn't possibly be anymore secure or full of himself!

IMO, it also depends on what line of work someone is in, to whether or not they can combine that with children going into childcare or not.

Fly Away

So who looked after him for the first 18 months? He is secure in himself because he had a good start in life with your family.

True, sometimes it is hard to combine some sorts of work but I know plenty of parents who do it - in all sorts of professions, doctors, teachers, builders, plumbers - all people I know who have altered their working pattern to fit in with their kids. Not all women - I know plenty of fathers who have changed their working life to be part time carers. In this respect my OH is different, he wouldn't do it, but doesn't expect me to do it either.

dmitrii

i think, that husband must work and wife must stay at home with kids

Cheetah7

I think the husbands should be kept at home and used purely as love machines and only bought out in public for paying the bills.

Fly Away

In the ideal World............. lol.

ozdreamer

I was very lucky that both my OH and I agreed that once we had children I would stay at home with them until they went to school (I never confirmed to my hubby which school I meant - primary, junior or scondary )
I did this for 12 happy years until my youngest went to junior school, I then returned part time. I did this for 2 years and then decided I quite liked this working lark so would go back full time. I have just completed a full year full time and have hated every minute of it so from december until we leave for Oz I am going back part time. OH has said that he thinks I shouldn't go back to work straight away when we arrive cause the boys will need me at home - I think he forgets they are going to be 11 and 14 by the time we arrive
I believe everyone is different and that we all should do what is right for us as well as our children.

chris and farideh

I went back to work when my eldest was 2, just P/T, when he turned 3 I worked full time, until he was 5 then we moved to another country, when my second was born I had her with me and I worked p/t in the English school over there, when we came back I worked P/t for short while then went back to college, until I had my 3rd, again worked P/T until he was 3, but soon I had to give up, as OH was away so much.
I haven’t worked since living in OZ, but I'm bored out my head, & cant work due health reason at the moment, nothing wrong with working, so many people cant always stay at home & look after their children full time, whether their OH wants them to or not.