ExSmoggie

I'm just interested in other peoples opinions on this...

I moved to Australia 5 years ago to live with my now husband who is an Aussie by birth and left all my friends and family behind in the UK.

My husband and I have been trying for a baby and have just had some bad news. I'm pretty devastated and feel like picking up the phone and pouring my heart out to my mum and/or friends. I have friends here but not close enough ones to want to share this with.

My dilemma is this - although doing that will probably make me feel better, it will make my mum feel really upset and worried about me. Apart from being able to talk to me about it, there is absolutely nothing else she can do from the other side of the world. Is is therefore selfish of me to do this?

I'm weighing up the whole 'she's my mum and would want to know and have the opportunity to be there for me' argument against the 'you made the decision to move to the other side of the world so just deal with it' argument.

I can see both sides so the opinion of someone else who has been in a similar situation would be great!

iamthecreaturefromuranus

How would your mum feel if you didn't tell her and she found out about it at a later date somehow?

Tell her

Sass73

There are times when you just need your Mum. Phone her, pour out your heart, cry like you've never cried before, and then cuddle up with your hubby and cry some more. Your Mum will want to be there even if it is from the other side of the world and over the phone.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sally Simpson

Tell her!
I have been through a few shitty months lately & kept it all to myself for exactly those reasons you mention. In hindsight, it was completely the wrong thing to do.
If it was good news you would share it wouldn't you? Those who love us & know us best, are there for the good & bad regardless of where we are geographically.
Best wishes x

quoll

Nah, I vote for the dont tell her. I know that my parents have kept things from me because they didnt want to worry me and I too have had a couple of operations that they know nothing about, one quite serious. If it is life or death then yes, probably, but in that case I would hope to be able to do it in person and if I couldnt, then I would delegate it to someone else to tell them in person.

I can sit on both sides of the fence here - do I want to know what worries my son in UK? Sure, I want to be a support to him but some of the ups and downs he has had has made me very anxious and unhappy at times partly because there was nothing I could do about it and I have worried like hell and he has worked his way through things.

Sorry to hear about your bad news though, it can be hard to deal with that stuff on your own but its questionable whether sharing the misery is the way to go. {{{hugs}}} for you!

LaLaLayla

Not sure what to advise re. your mum, but if you need to speak to someone about fertility issues, feel free to PM me...

moneypenny20

Don't have the sort of relationship with my mother whereby she would spring to mind if I needed to pour my soul out to someone. However if you have a normal relationship with your mum and you need to have a cyber hug from her then ring her. Just because you moved overseas doesn't mean you lose the right to her love and support.

floss in dubai

As a mother, I advise you to ring her. It would do her the world of good to know that she can help you and that she's still your Mum even though you're on the other side of the world. Not to mention how much better you'll feel. Sometimes, you just need your Mum. And sometimes, Mums just want to be needed.

chris1386

Shes your mum.Ring her.I wish you well.

soapy©

i would ring her. mums need to feel needed sometimes and this sounds like the type of call where she might at least be able to talk to you
i would also work on finding some friends that you can trust to lean on
isnt that what friends are for?

good luck

CEM

I'm with Quoll and can see both points of view. If my problem wasn't life threatening I'd probably keep it from my Mum, only because I wouldn't want to worry her. But as the mother of three daughters, I'd hope they'd feel they could talk to me anytime about anything. I wouldn't want them to feel that their decision to live in another country had changed our relationship - that would make them feel even further away.

Good luck

fish.01

If she lived next door would there be anything she could do about it anyway? Sometimes it's the talking that helps rather than anything more concrete if you know what I mean so does it matter where you are? As long as you keep her updated so she doesn't worry unnecessarily after you've recovered...