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What would your reaction be???

View Poll Results: Would you be impressed?
Yes, thats ok with me
3
6.25%
No, I wouldnt be overjoyed
16
33.33%
When does she leave?
29
60.42%
Voters: 48. You may not vote on this poll

What would your reaction be???

Old Jan 8th 2012, 9:46 am
  #16  
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Default Re: What would your action be???

Originally Posted by ozzieeagle
Your definitely not a Gutless wonder.... it's just not an issue for you really. I'd take a couple of days of work in protest..... Put the ole man between a rock and hardplace.

You dont handle all the finances do you ? If so then the parameter of the meal out should have been anticipated before hand and you should have told him you were not going. This is more your and your husbands issue IMO.

Damn I'm going against personal BBS rules to myself now.

Thats just my own personal way and everone is different... so its up to you.
BBS?

And yes I will have to take another shift or two... If only to make up for what we spend
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Old Jan 8th 2012, 9:49 am
  #17  
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Default Re: What would your reaction be???

Originally Posted by Hebe
I wouldn't be expecting anyone to pay money (nor would i take it when offered)who stays with us but do expect guests to pick up their share of the bill when eating out and to buy some wine for home. I think this is little to expect. Not the same with my family though as they have no money and I am more than happy to provide for them
Exact same for us.
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Old Jan 8th 2012, 1:26 pm
  #18  
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Default Re: What would your reaction be???

Originally Posted by eddie007
Wouldnt mind a share of the bill, however being pushed into an expensive meal out like this wrankles.... And yes it is nice to have "chipped in" however the price we appear to be paying is much higher than if it hadnt chipped in... What will be doing next? insisting we buy moet coz she chipped in a little...?

We have taken her out and about AND provided her with everything... With no expectations... Feels like what we were doing wasnt good enough...

$200 does not a millionaire make of us....

I feel sick
You don't appear to be some one who is backwards coming forwards - personally I would be telling her how I feel - a one to one. Nothing accusatory, just how you are feeling. Don't place any blame. If she is not big enough to take this then so be it. It is your house and your family. If your husband doesn't like it then tough - IMO he should have dealt with it before it got to this stage
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Old Jan 8th 2012, 2:26 pm
  #19  
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Default Re: What would your reaction be???

Originally Posted by ozzieeagle
Honestly.... I would have told MY father or Mother we couldnt afford it. in the first place. Thats a job for your ole man IMO, and a no go area for a DIL. So from your point of view in relation to this thread. I'm voting I wouldnt be overjoyed.
Originally Posted by Hebe
You don't appear to be some one who is backwards coming forwards - personally I would be telling her how I feel - a one to one. Nothing accusatory, just how you are feeling. Don't place any blame. If she is not big enough to take this then so be it. It is your house and your family. If your husband doesn't like it then tough - IMO he should have dealt with it before it got to this stage
Agree with these two. 'Bout time your OH stood up for you & to his mum.
You should not be being put under financial stress by a visitor who invited themselves in the first place. Time for a serious conversation with HIM imo!
Good luck
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Old Jan 8th 2012, 7:01 pm
  #20  
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Default Re: What would your reaction be???

Steal the old trout's jewelry. Put it on eBay and get some compensation.

When she's gone and stopped irritating you it will feel different. It's pretty thick skinned of her to expect you to pay. I'd mention it and ask at least for her share.
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Old Jan 8th 2012, 7:05 pm
  #21  
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Default Re: What would your reaction be???

Originally Posted by Turban Explorer
Steal the old trout's jewelry. Put it on eBay and get some compensation.

When she's gone and stopped irritating you it will feel different. It's pretty thick skinned of her to expect you to pay. I'd mention it and ask at least for her share.
A marks and sparks piece of glass wont get much on ebay
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Old Jan 8th 2012, 7:07 pm
  #22  
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Default Re: What would your reaction be???

Originally Posted by Hebe
You don't appear to be some one who is backwards coming forwards - personally I would be telling her how I feel - a one to one. Nothing accusatory, just how you are feeling. Don't place any blame. If she is not big enough to take this then so be it. It is your house and your family. If your husband doesn't like it then tough - IMO he should have dealt with it before it got to this stage
This is why its so bloody hard, I'm NOT backwards in coming forwards...

But I'm avery aware that her relationship with her son is tenuous and I know she is only here for a few weeks and I may be a back stabbing biatch coming on he and venting, but I can't be unkind to her.....

She's had a shite life.... She doesnt know any better ... And at the end of the day its HIS mother...
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Old Jan 8th 2012, 7:20 pm
  #23  
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Default Re: What would your action be???

Originally Posted by eddie007
I have mentioned that I've had to work 12 nights out of 14 over christmas/new years coz we're skint....

And pointed out that I've been casual since I quit my job and dont always get all the shifts I need...

And suggested we head to the beach for fish n chips so we can save some money.... But its "no, I've booked a table now, and we'll want a drink with our meal"

Am thinking my card is goung to get declined

HE needs to do something... And quickly
I would of told her that they sell coke at the chippy lol

Bloody cheek, I would of said something no matter who they are, obviously I would of chosen my words

IMO she should be taking you out for a slap up meal to say thanks, well that's the least I would do if I was her.

And for my husband I would through him some balls and tell him 'grow some!'

Hope things get better for the rest of her stay... When she go home
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Old Jan 8th 2012, 7:43 pm
  #24  
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Default Re: What would your reaction be???

Originally Posted by eddie007

She's had a shite life.... She doesnt know any better ... And at the end of the day its HIS mother...
This is always the over riding problem I have with Himself's mother.

But..

Is she likely to come back again, or do you think this is it for visits?

If you think she might have a return visit, you need to get HIM to have a quiet word with her. Perhaps she thinks $200 was a lot of money and that it goes further than it does?

(Himself's mother has just informed us that she'll be here for a month at the end of September. Deep joy. We're also likely to get TheOriginalMrDreamy's mother and her partner for a month over the beginning of September for EldestChild's 21st.. deeper joy. Anyone want a visitor for a couple of months? )
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Old Jan 8th 2012, 7:45 pm
  #25  
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Default Re: What would your reaction be???

I'd be feeling extremely uncomfortable. Your OH needs to sort things out with his mum about this. If you do it, it will just be "evil DIL" in her eyes.

However, what is done is done, and it might not be possible to get any more out of her.
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Old Jan 8th 2012, 7:57 pm
  #26  
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Default Re: What would your reaction be???

Originally Posted by carolinephillips
I'd be feeling extremely uncomfortable. Your OH needs to sort things out with his mum about this. If you do it, it will just be "evil DIL" in her eyes.

However, what is done is done, and it might not be possible to get any more out of her.
HE hasnt sorted her out in 46 years.. Realistically its not going to happen...

"Should" Is all very well... But its a few weeks every couple of years and I'm going to suck it up... Yes she may well come out again ... Her health isnt an issue YET.... And she is talking about next time already...

i HAVE taken the only one of her kids who has turned out half way decent half way across the world...

We will have to do some long term financial planning and save for her next visit... Lets hope none of the kids wants to go to uni ey?

She drives me NUTS... And the tacky weather vane station she has stuck in my garden will be coming out the minute she leaves.... Thats what she does... Buys you a gift and imposes it by sticking it onto a wall, into the garden etc... Its very kind hearted of her... But its MY GARDEN... And MY BLOODY WALL in MY HOUSE... Shit... There I go again..... Breathe eddie.... Breathe.... In.... Out.... In....out....in ..... Out...... Nmmmmmmmh nmmmmmmmh nmmmh nmmmmh....
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Old Jan 8th 2012, 8:45 pm
  #27  
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Default Re: What would your action be???

Originally Posted by eddie007
BBS?
Older terminology for Forum.... Bulletin Board Service. They use it on my other board. I get confused as to which one I'm talking on sometimes.
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Old Jan 8th 2012, 9:19 pm
  #28  
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Default Re: What would your reaction be???

Hey Eddie,

No, it is not you who has taken her only half decent son to Australia, it is a decision you both made. Although I can understand why she would see it like that. I do agree with other posters saying that your OH should have sorted it out and want to applaud you (even if you have to grit your teeth) for being as kind as you are. Maybe next time - if she books you guys a well deserved family dinner - you can just smile and say, ooohhh that's so nice of you to ask us all out, what a nice gift, I will get changed straight away...you don't mind me getting the lobster do you ? Cheers.

Miranda
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Old Jan 8th 2012, 10:06 pm
  #29  
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Default Re: What would your reaction be???

Originally Posted by Sally Simpson
Agree with these two. 'Bout time your OH stood up for you & to his mum.
You should not be being put under financial stress by a visitor who invited themselves in the first place. Time for a serious conversation with HIM imo!
Good luck
+ (another) 1!
She must be pretty thick skinned to have ignored those hints. Time for a foot up the OH's derriere and tell him to get it sorted!
6 weeks is a long time to put someone up, esp if you are not loaded, and if there are repeat visits in the offing then she definitely needs telling that you can't afford to pay for everyone to go out for posh meals.

We are going back to the Uk in a few months for three weeks and are staying with SIL - already planning to take them out somewhere really nice, chip-in for the shopping, and have a few nights here and there at someone elses place so we all get a break from each other. Least we can do(and they are quite well-off).

IMO she is taking the mickey mate.
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Old Jan 8th 2012, 10:58 pm
  #30  
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Default Re: What would your reaction be???

Don't blame you for venting Eds and this is a great place to do it.

Sounds like you are putting on a brave face while she is here and that's the best thing you can do imo.

Let's face it, she won't be around forever and as you say, she doesn't know (and probably can't afford) any better. It probably cost her an arm and a leg just to get here (and a lot of effort if she's elderly) and obvisously she just wants some happy memories with her son and family.

Personally, I would also just suck it up with the costs... as it is just short term. I wouldn't expect family to pay their way during a long haul visit but I can understand why you're peeved if it's your credit card and earnings that are funding your Mil.

I hope Mr Eddie puts his hand in his pocket too. Otherwise I would be having a polite chat. Good luck.
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