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What the hell am I thinking of
:curse:
I warn this is a long post. However as well as getting feedback from any of you in a similar position, or who have been through similar and come out the other side. I hope that some of my experiences will help those of you either going through the same in either oz or the UK. Just to give you a history I have been back in the UK now for just over two years. I lived in Sydney for six years and my hubby for 8years. I loved living in Sydney initially, but as I met my husband and as the relationship progressed, I started to feel differently. Once my son came along, we decided to head back. It seemed like the right time, as both myself and my husband lost our jobs and we felt like it was fate and the timing was right to head home. We came home back to no jobs, and little to no money. Now some of you will recognize this scenario but in reverse. It’s tough for those moving to the other side of the world and starting again. For us, we were naïve, we thought as we were going home things would be easy….or easier. Not so. I can categorically say in many ways these last two years have been ‘the worst’ two years, of my life. Firstly we could not find work. My husband was looking very actively and we had based ourselves for him to commute into London, which we thought would give him more opportunities. He ended up after 3 months commuting up to Manchester 4-5 days a week to work as a laborer for his brother .At the time it was this or dole queue. We had issues finding doctors, setting up bank accounts etc. We had been away so long we were treated like immigrants in every way. Eventually my husband got a six week contract in the city. He was paid well but treated like an imbecile. The final straw was being asked to color in labels by his team leader (he is IT by the way) which was bad enough, but then to be told he was coloring them the wrong way, should be up and down not crossways!!! So we decided we would save as much as we could and he booked himself on a course to re-train as a plumber. The course was only 8 weeks and gave him no real experience, but we thought we would give it a go. We also decided at the end of the course to move up to Manchester, as my husbands’ brother had a building company and we thought that kind of connection would be invaluable. My mother in law also retired and offered to look after my son. We moved to Manchester and in with my in-laws for 4 months. The other half began to work for his brother doing plumbing jobs. His brother hadn’t told us before moving he was in financial difficulty and suddenly the cheques stopped coming. We had just bought a house and panic set in. Fortunately I had managed to get a full time job myself, and so my husband began looking for work elsewhere. He managed to get full time work for a solar insulation company. As a result of us looking elsewhere for work however my brother-in –law and his wife refused to speak to us for the next six months. Still things progressed for us. We moved into our new home, I started my job. Only on £5000 more than when I had left 6 years prior, but it was good money. I settled into work well. Hubby’s employment woes however continued. The company he joined had no work, it was a new venture for them and they had lied at the interview and said they had loads of work lined up. My husband was forced to ‘commute’ to Leicester, each day for 6 months as he was told there was nothing for him in Manchester. In those 6 months he also began to build some contacts and to get private jobs which he did at weekends. He built up just enough work this way to be able to resign and start his own business. That was back in April this year and he is finally going from strength to strength. As a couple we finally have some money saved, our own home, jobs that pay the bills, and we have a baby on the way due in February. On a personal level however, I’m not happy. The problem is I don’t think our hearts are in the UK at all. We thought it would all be so easy and maybe if it had been we would feel differently, then again maybe not. The thing that stops us moving back is a crippling fear of going through all this again. Although maybe worse because we wont have any family support. I must say I find the UK to be depressing. Financially I believe you can do well here, but that’s it. Socially there is no benefit to us because we were away far too long and so there is no old social circle to fall back into. We are too knackered physically and time poor to make a new one. As for family, I don’t see much of mine as they are down south, and our relationship with my husband’s family has been marred by silly pointless arguments. At times I feel as isolated here as I ever would have been in oz. The biggest thing though has been our sense of well being, I feel constantly warn out and low here, I miss just going to the beach for a walk, I miss feeling the sun on my skin (without the cost of a plane fare and a 2-3 hour plane trip that is), I miss the laid back accepting nature of the Australians and the camaraderie of the expats you inevitably meet. I miss Australia. I know we would not be able to return to Sydney. The price is just too high, I want to spend more time with my kids, not less. So we really would be starting again, completely. My husband would have to go back to a provisional plumber’s license, apparently and also complete crossover courses to get fully qualified, I would have to find work again, and with two small kids, would be reluctant to do more than part time. We would have to dip into savings to survive. Can I really sacrifice the foundation we have taken so long to build, for my ozzie dream? I do intend to stick it out for another couple of years, after that my husband will be corgi registered, kids a bit older. My husband says if I still feel unhappy we could try back down south. I guess I’m afraid of making a mistake, as in we move down south, with the upheaval (although far less so) that that will involve and I still feel the same. |
Re: What the hell am I thinking of
So sorry to hear that things are not going too well for you both. I don't know what to suggest.
Maybe you and your husband need to sit and have a long talk about what you want out of being here and if the same can be acheived back in OZ. If either of you are unhappy then it may be time to go back. You gave it two years of hard work so it is not as though you have given up after the first sign of difficulty. A question to ask yourselves may be "Can we see this getting any better if we stick at it?" not an easy question to answer granted but they may be some that follow which may help more. How your husband feel about being here? Does he know how you feel? does he feel the same way? I wish I could be more help but it seems to me that you have a lot of hard and difficult questions and times ahead of you. Good luck with whatever you decide to do eventually. With your soon to be two kids you have to think about their futures as well, where would you feel better bringing them up? |
Re: What the hell am I thinking of
Originally Posted by mandoz
(Post 5348109)
:curse:
I warn this is a long post. However as well as getting feedback from any of you in a similar position, or who have been through similar and come out the other side. I hope that some of my experiences will help those of you either going through the same in either oz or the UK. Just to give you a history I have been back in the UK now for just over two years. I lived in Sydney for six years and my hubby for 8years. I loved living in Sydney initially, but as I met my husband and as the relationship progressed, I started to feel differently. Once my son came along, we decided to head back. It seemed like the right time, as both myself and my husband lost our jobs and we felt like it was fate and the timing was right to head home. We came home back to no jobs, and little to no money. Now some of you will recognize this scenario but in reverse. It’s tough for those moving to the other side of the world and starting again. For us, we were naïve, we thought as we were going home things would be easy….or easier. Not so. I can categorically say in many ways these last two years have been ‘the worst’ two years, of my life. Firstly we could not find work. My husband was looking very actively and we had based ourselves for him to commute into London, which we thought would give him more opportunities. He ended up after 3 months commuting up to Manchester 4-5 days a week to work as a laborer for his brother .At the time it was this or dole queue. We had issues finding doctors, setting up bank accounts etc. We had been away so long we were treated like immigrants in every way. Eventually my husband got a six week contract in the city. He was paid well but treated like an imbecile. The final straw was being asked to color in labels by his team leader (he is IT by the way) which was bad enough, but then to be told he was coloring them the wrong way, should be up and down not crossways!!! So we decided we would save as much as we could and he booked himself on a course to re-train as a plumber. The course was only 8 weeks and gave him no real experience, but we thought we would give it a go. We also decided at the end of the course to move up to Manchester, as my husbands’ brother had a building company and we thought that kind of connection would be invaluable. My mother in law also retired and offered to look after my son. We moved to Manchester and in with my in-laws for 4 months. The other half began to work for his brother doing plumbing jobs. His brother hadn’t told us before moving he was in financial difficulty and suddenly the cheques stopped coming. We had just bought a house and panic set in. Fortunately I had managed to get a full time job myself, and so my husband began looking for work elsewhere. He managed to get full time work for a solar insulation company. As a result of us looking elsewhere for work however my brother-in –law and his wife refused to speak to us for the next six months. Still things progressed for us. We moved into our new home, I started my job. Only on £5000 more than when I had left 6 years prior, but it was good money. I settled into work well. Hubby’s employment woes however continued. The company he joined had no work, it was a new venture for them and they had lied at the interview and said they had loads of work lined up. My husband was forced to ‘commute’ to Leicester, each day for 6 months as he was told there was nothing for him in Manchester. In those 6 months he also began to build some contacts and to get private jobs which he did at weekends. He built up just enough work this way to be able to resign and start his own business. That was back in April this year and he is finally going from strength to strength. As a couple we finally have some money saved, our own home, jobs that pay the bills, and we have a baby on the way due in February. On a personal level however, I’m not happy. The problem is I don’t think our hearts are in the UK at all. We thought it would all be so easy and maybe if it had been we would feel differently, then again maybe not. The thing that stops us moving back is a crippling fear of going through all this again. Although maybe worse because we wont have any family support. I must say I find the UK to be depressing. Financially I believe you can do well here, but that’s it. Socially there is no benefit to us because we were away far too long and so there is no old social circle to fall back into. We are too knackered physically and time poor to make a new one. As for family, I don’t see much of mine as they are down south, and our relationship with my husband’s family has been marred by silly pointless arguments. At times I feel as isolated here as I ever would have been in oz. The biggest thing though has been our sense of well being, I feel constantly warn out and low here, I miss just going to the beach for a walk, I miss feeling the sun on my skin (without the cost of a plane fare and a 2-3 hour plane trip that is), I miss the laid back accepting nature of the Australians and the camaraderie of the expats you inevitably meet. I miss Australia. I know we would not be able to return to Sydney. The price is just too high, I want to spend more time with my kids, not less. So we really would be starting again, completely. My husband would have to go back to a provisional plumber’s license, apparently and also complete crossover courses to get fully qualified, I would have to find work again, and with two small kids, would be reluctant to do more than part time. We would have to dip into savings to survive. Can I really sacrifice the foundation we have taken so long to build, for my ozzie dream? I do intend to stick it out for another couple of years, after that my husband will be corgi registered, kids a bit older. My husband says if I still feel unhappy we could try back down south. I guess I’m afraid of making a mistake, as in we move down south, with the upheaval (although far less so) that that will involve and I still feel the same. hi ive only just spotted this post now and i wanted to see how your doing, you said your expecting sometimes that plays havoc with our emotions and as you prob dont have your family there with you and there is a strain with your hubbys then it will make you feel not settled. I personally think after you have your baby see how you feel and if you still feel unsettled and miss Australia then try a holiday go for a month see if its what your missing i would recommend Brisbane as well they are really looking out for all trades persons and he would get work while he is completing his extra courses actually i think you can do them before going over not 100% sure of that so im sorry if im wrong there as for making mistakes i think you only live once your wiser from making the move back to the uk so you know what the worst case scenario would be and what are savings for if not for bettering your family's life. hope these feelings resolve them selfs soon and if you do decide to take a holiday over i should hopefully be on the sunshine coast so drop in for a cuppa best of luck Niamh |
Re: What the hell am I thinking of
Im sorry you are feeling so unsettled I cant offer any miracles but you sound still young and your children are young so if you do decide to return to aus I think you will work hard to make it succeed as you have in the uk over the past couple of years. Dont leave it too long or you will have all the emotional stuff to deal with of taking them from their friends etc. Good luck and keep in touch.
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Re: What the hell am I thinking of
OMG Mandy you really have been throught it.
I would definatley wait for your OH to be corgi registered and then if you still feel the same then go for it........:) ((((((( hugz))))))) |
Re: What the hell am I thinking of
Originally Posted by mandoz
(Post 5348109)
:curse:
I warn this is a long post. However as well as getting feedback from any of you in a similar position, or who have been through similar and come out the other side. I hope that some of my experiences will help those of you either going through the same in either oz or the UK. Just to give you a history I have been back in the UK now for just over two years. I lived in Sydney for six years and my hubby for 8years. I loved living in Sydney initially, but as I met my husband and as the relationship progressed, I started to feel differently. Once my son came along, we decided to head back. It seemed like the right time, as both myself and my husband lost our jobs and we felt like it was fate and the timing was right to head home. We came home back to no jobs, and little to no money. Now some of you will recognize this scenario but in reverse. It’s tough for those moving to the other side of the world and starting again. For us, we were naïve, we thought as we were going home things would be easy….or easier. Not so. I can categorically say in many ways these last two years have been ‘the worst’ two years, of my life. Firstly we could not find work. My husband was looking very actively and we had based ourselves for him to commute into London, which we thought would give him more opportunities. He ended up after 3 months commuting up to Manchester 4-5 days a week to work as a laborer for his brother .At the time it was this or dole queue. We had issues finding doctors, setting up bank accounts etc. We had been away so long we were treated like immigrants in every way. Eventually my husband got a six week contract in the city. He was paid well but treated like an imbecile. The final straw was being asked to color in labels by his team leader (he is IT by the way) which was bad enough, but then to be told he was coloring them the wrong way, should be up and down not crossways!!! So we decided we would save as much as we could and he booked himself on a course to re-train as a plumber. The course was only 8 weeks and gave him no real experience, but we thought we would give it a go. We also decided at the end of the course to move up to Manchester, as my husbands’ brother had a building company and we thought that kind of connection would be invaluable. My mother in law also retired and offered to look after my son. We moved to Manchester and in with my in-laws for 4 months. The other half began to work for his brother doing plumbing jobs. His brother hadn’t told us before moving he was in financial difficulty and suddenly the cheques stopped coming. We had just bought a house and panic set in. Fortunately I had managed to get a full time job myself, and so my husband began looking for work elsewhere. He managed to get full time work for a solar insulation company. As a result of us looking elsewhere for work however my brother-in –law and his wife refused to speak to us for the next six months. Still things progressed for us. We moved into our new home, I started my job. Only on £5000 more than when I had left 6 years prior, but it was good money. I settled into work well. Hubby’s employment woes however continued. The company he joined had no work, it was a new venture for them and they had lied at the interview and said they had loads of work lined up. My husband was forced to ‘commute’ to Leicester, each day for 6 months as he was told there was nothing for him in Manchester. In those 6 months he also began to build some contacts and to get private jobs which he did at weekends. He built up just enough work this way to be able to resign and start his own business. That was back in April this year and he is finally going from strength to strength. As a couple we finally have some money saved, our own home, jobs that pay the bills, and we have a baby on the way due in February. On a personal level however, I’m not happy. The problem is I don’t think our hearts are in the UK at all. We thought it would all be so easy and maybe if it had been we would feel differently, then again maybe not. The thing that stops us moving back is a crippling fear of going through all this again. Although maybe worse because we wont have any family support. I must say I find the UK to be depressing. Financially I believe you can do well here, but that’s it. Socially there is no benefit to us because we were away far too long and so there is no old social circle to fall back into. We are too knackered physically and time poor to make a new one. As for family, I don’t see much of mine as they are down south, and our relationship with my husband’s family has been marred by silly pointless arguments. At times I feel as isolated here as I ever would have been in oz. The biggest thing though has been our sense of well being, I feel constantly warn out and low here, I miss just going to the beach for a walk, I miss feeling the sun on my skin (without the cost of a plane fare and a 2-3 hour plane trip that is), I miss the laid back accepting nature of the Australians and the camaraderie of the expats you inevitably meet. I miss Australia. I know we would not be able to return to Sydney. The price is just too high, I want to spend more time with my kids, not less. So we really would be starting again, completely. My husband would have to go back to a provisional plumber’s license, apparently and also complete crossover courses to get fully qualified, I would have to find work again, and with two small kids, would be reluctant to do more than part time. We would have to dip into savings to survive. Can I really sacrifice the foundation we have taken so long to build, for my ozzie dream? I do intend to stick it out for another couple of years, after that my husband will be corgi registered, kids a bit older. My husband says if I still feel unhappy we could try back down south. I guess I’m afraid of making a mistake, as in we move down south, with the upheaval (although far less so) that that will involve and I still feel the same. If I was in a position to offer you guys a relocation package I would not HESITATE. You are what makes Britain Great , and the stuff of battlers, true grit, determination and a willingness to re shape yourselves and your lives given the situation and circumstances that prevail. I think you guys are real digger material, and worthy of a BritishExpats award. Good ONYAS and I wish you all the luck in the world, success, and happiness for the future... Steve |
Re: What the hell am I thinking of
I really wish you luck too!
As a family we lived abroad before, only for 2 years but in the time we were away, house prices went mad & it has been (& still is)a major financial struggle.Building friendships has taken time & we are only now (5 years later) starting to feel more a part of everything! So what on earth are we doing, applying for a visa to Oz? Better weather, more opportunity to do the outdoor things we like as a family & individually & a more laid back approach to life in general. Sometimes it terrifies me that it won't work out & we will return to UK 'cos I know how hard that will be. However, I balance that with the fact that I do not want to be sitting here later in life thinking what if? We get one chance at life & just got to take a chance sometimes! Best wishes, Sally |
Re: What the hell am I thinking of
So sorry to read what a tough time you've had. I'm not sure a move down South would help as it would just be a compromise and not what you really want - moving is costly both financially & emotionally and the thing that makes it worth it is really wanting it. If your instincts are still drawing you to Aus in a couple of years when your OH has his corgi & you have weighed up the benefits and risks (which you seem to have) & your OH is happy too then why not go for your dream...good luck:)
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