What a Cr*p existence! A sequel to...
Jun 23rd 2006, 10:40 am
#1
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Thread Starter
Joined: Nov 2005
Location: Woop Woop
Posts: 4,808
What a Cr*p existence! A sequel to...
What A Crap life a prequel to - what a crap day.....
For Tom and any other ungrateful teens mum's
MOM - JOB DESCRIPTION
POSITION :
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mummy
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needsa couple of bucks . Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Read it and weep Tom my boy...... 
For Tom and any other ungrateful teens mum's
MOM - JOB DESCRIPTION
POSITION :
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mummy
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needsa couple of bucks . Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Read it and weep Tom my boy......
Jun 23rd 2006, 11:38 am
#2
Breast Inspector
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: On the road
Posts: 1,770
Re: What a Cr*p existence! A sequel to...
Originally Posted by sasbear
What A Crap life a prequel to - what a crap day.....
For Tom and any other ungrateful teens mum's
MOM - JOB DESCRIPTION
POSITION :
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mummy
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needsa couple of bucks . Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Read it and weep Tom my boy......
For Tom and any other ungrateful teens mum's
MOM - JOB DESCRIPTION
POSITION :
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mummy
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needsa couple of bucks . Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Read it and weep Tom my boy...... Sounds like an easy Job....
ZX.....
Jun 23rd 2006, 1:21 pm
#3
Account Closed
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,533
Re: What a Cr*p existence! A sequel to...
Hit the nail on the head Fantastic!!
Fantastic!!
Jun 23rd 2006, 2:02 pm
#4
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: What a Cr*p existence! A sequel to...
Originally Posted by sasbear
What A Crap life a prequel to - what a crap day.....
For Tom and any other ungrateful teens mum's
MOM - JOB DESCRIPTION
POSITION :
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mummy
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needsa couple of bucks . Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Read it and weep Tom my boy......
For Tom and any other ungrateful teens mum's
MOM - JOB DESCRIPTION
POSITION :
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mummy
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needsa couple of bucks . Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Read it and weep Tom my boy...... By the yard, life is hard. By the inch its a cinch.
Don't be humble, the human race is not that great.
Jun 23rd 2006, 9:12 pm
#5
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Cairns
Posts: 3,918
Re: What a Cr*p existence! A sequel to...
Originally Posted by sasbear
What A Crap life a prequel to - what a crap day.....
For Tom and any other ungrateful teens mum's
Read it and weep Tom my boy......
For Tom and any other ungrateful teens mum's
Read it and weep Tom my boy...... 
Jun 23rd 2006, 9:35 pm
#6
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,859
Re: What a Cr*p existence! A sequel to...
I'm going to send that to my sister - my nephew is about to become a teenager 
Jun 23rd 2006, 10:07 pm
#7
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: Ballarat
Posts: 7,005
Re: What a Cr*p existence! A sequel to...
Originally Posted by Pollyana
I'm going to send that to my sister - my nephew is about to become a teenager
I dread the teenage years as i have 3 boys :scared: .
Mandy
Jun 24th 2006, 4:21 am
#8
s**t rolls down hill
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Currimundi, Sunshine Coast
Posts: 490
Re: What a Cr*p existence! A sequel to...
Originally Posted by geordie mandy
I dread the teenage years as i have 3 boys :scared: .
Mandy
Mandy
Jun 24th 2006, 2:41 pm
#9
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Thread Starter
Joined: Nov 2005
Location: Woop Woop
Posts: 4,808
Re: What a Cr*p existence! A sequel to...
Originally Posted by sparks124
don't worry about it; I've got three girls and a wife to contend with :scared: :scared: :scared: :scared:
Jun 24th 2006, 7:46 pm
#10
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Dec 2005
Location: miles from a pint of milk!
Posts: 863
Re: What a Cr*p existence! A sequel to...
great post sasbear
two sons..and i didn't even apply for the jobs..just sorted landed on me..wrong tiime wrong place i suppose..
and your right u dont get a manual with them when they arrive..but made my own up..its only got one page and on it it says
'ITS MY FAULT'
for:
not realising the mound of clothes on the bedroom floor had his dirty school trousers in that needed washing.
loseing his ipod
not fixiing his bike
having a rubbish computer
moving his cds (cos i picked them up from the lounge floor)
not realising the crumpled up paper on the table was his homework and putting it in the bin.
etc etc etc..
oh an having a £200 metro..oh the shame of it!!!!!
two sons..and i didn't even apply for the jobs..just sorted landed on me..wrong tiime wrong place i suppose..
and your right u dont get a manual with them when they arrive..but made my own up..its only got one page and on it it says
'ITS MY FAULT'
for:
not realising the mound of clothes on the bedroom floor had his dirty school trousers in that needed washing.
loseing his ipod
not fixiing his bike
having a rubbish computer
moving his cds (cos i picked them up from the lounge floor)
not realising the crumpled up paper on the table was his homework and putting it in the bin.
etc etc etc..
oh an having a £200 metro..oh the shame of it!!!!!
Jun 24th 2006, 8:57 pm
#11
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Nov 2005
Location: Woop Woop
Posts: 4,808
Re: What a Cr*p existence! A sequel to...
Originally Posted by lollyno1
great post sasbear
two sons..and i didn't even apply for the jobs..just sorted landed on me..wrong tiime wrong place i suppose..
and your right u dont get a manual with them when they arrive..but made my own up..its only got one page and on it it says
'ITS MY FAULT'
for:
not realising the mound of clothes on the bedroom floor had his dirty school trousers in that needed washing.
loseing his ipod
not fixiing his bike
having a rubbish computer
moving his cds (cos i picked them up from the lounge floor)
not realising the crumpled up paper on the table was his homework and putting it in the bin.
etc etc etc..
oh an having a £200 metro..oh the shame of it!!!!!
two sons..and i didn't even apply for the jobs..just sorted landed on me..wrong tiime wrong place i suppose..
and your right u dont get a manual with them when they arrive..but made my own up..its only got one page and on it it says
'ITS MY FAULT'
for:
not realising the mound of clothes on the bedroom floor had his dirty school trousers in that needed washing.
loseing his ipod
not fixiing his bike
having a rubbish computer
moving his cds (cos i picked them up from the lounge floor)
not realising the crumpled up paper on the table was his homework and putting it in the bin.
etc etc etc..
oh an having a £200 metro..oh the shame of it!!!!!
