Tourist Signs
Jun 21st 2006, 4:48 pm
#1
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,347
Tourist Signs
Probably been around before but still (mildly) amusing....
TOURIST SIGNS - POSTED IN ENGLISH
Cocktail lounge, Norway: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any food, give it to the guard on duty.
Doctors office, Rome: Specialist in women and other diseases.
Hotel, Acapulco: The manager had personally passed all the water served here.
Car rental brochure, Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour.
Sign in men's rest room in Japan: To stop leak turn cock to the right
In a Nairobi restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
On the grounds of a private school: No trespassing without permission.
On an Athi River highway: Take notice, when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: Do not activate with wet hands.
In a Pumwani maternity ward: No children allowed.
In a cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
Sign in Japanese public bath: Foreign guests are requested not to pull cock in tub.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours in bed.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand: Please do not bring solicitors into your room.
Hotel brochure, Italy: This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.
Hotel elevator, Paris: Please leave your values at the front desk.
Hotel, Yugoslavia: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
Hotel, Japan: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
Hotel catering to skiers, Austria: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
Taken from a menu, Poland: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers
beaten in the country people's fashion
Supermarket, Hong Kong: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
From the "Soviet Weekly": There will be a Moscow Exhibition of arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two
years
Hotel, Vienna: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel port
A laundry in Rome: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special Today - No Ice-Cream.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
TOURIST SIGNS - POSTED IN ENGLISH
Cocktail lounge, Norway: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any food, give it to the guard on duty.
Doctors office, Rome: Specialist in women and other diseases.
Hotel, Acapulco: The manager had personally passed all the water served here.
Car rental brochure, Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour.
Sign in men's rest room in Japan: To stop leak turn cock to the right
In a Nairobi restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
On the grounds of a private school: No trespassing without permission.
On an Athi River highway: Take notice, when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: Do not activate with wet hands.
In a Pumwani maternity ward: No children allowed.
In a cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
Sign in Japanese public bath: Foreign guests are requested not to pull cock in tub.
Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours in bed.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand: Please do not bring solicitors into your room.
Hotel brochure, Italy: This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.
Hotel elevator, Paris: Please leave your values at the front desk.
Hotel, Yugoslavia: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
Hotel, Japan: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
Hotel catering to skiers, Austria: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
Taken from a menu, Poland: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers
beaten in the country people's fashion
Supermarket, Hong Kong: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
From the "Soviet Weekly": There will be a Moscow Exhibition of arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two
years
Hotel, Vienna: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel port
A laundry in Rome: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: Take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special Today - No Ice-Cream.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
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