Hutch

Someone said the forum was too serious. I think it is - and my 'home truths' thread didn't help. Was reminded of this topic when reading an old thread in the lounge from cuckoo.

So - the questions. Men, do you suffer from shy bladder and have to retreat to a stall to wee? Everyone - do you mind having a poo somewhere other than your home bog?

True story. My missus hates pooing anywhere other than her home bog. One day we're out riding out bikes on the cycle path between Bristol and Bath and she gets caught short. After a hilarious couple of minutes during which she tries to pedal really fast back to Bath (a good four miles distant), she gives in. She tells me to mind the bike and wanders off across this field of corn. She crosses the entire field trying to find a spot in which she can poo in peace. Eventually satisfied, she coopies down next to this embankment, drops her kecks and gets down to business... ... just as the 11:45 Paddington to Temple Meads train chugs ever so slowly by on an amber on the tracks above the embankment she'd carefully selected. Several people even waved to her.

mooncat

Yippee nothing like poo talk to lighten the mood!!
No probs crapping anywhere personally but my 10 year old son refuses to go to the school toilets and comes home to poo at exactly 4pm every day!!!

LouiseR

I find most discussions end up with either poo, politics or sex! All equally entertaining

Hutch

My 7 year old son loves his toilet time. He takes a book or magazine in with him and spends about 30 minutes in there, often singing show tunes too.

Nu-Shooz

Oh great, lets talk shit


OH hates using customers toilets, so he often takes a dump in the back of his van. He even takes a pee in any old bottle lurking around in his cess pit of a van.
He brings home his mega turds in plastic bags and puts them in the bin

I have no idea why

crystal23

Can you clarify this Mrs

Does he poo in the van, pick the poo up and put it in a bag or does he poo straight into the bag

Nu-Shooz

He poos in a bag LOL....

Filthy habit isn't it

BadgeIsBack

Takes all sorts.

I am a firm believer in 'bombs away' as quickly as possible, especially at work. I realise that it's a chance to get paid to sit quietly and reflect but normally I am actually in the middle of something I actually want to do when nature calls. I'm in whistling, bang the door - do the deed, remark at the stench to all present - splash around in the sink!! Out the door - then check the fly(!) even though the lift is bound to open opposite at the same time.

I get pissed off by the bloke who absolutely pebbledashes Stall No 3 EVERY DAY - even the cleaners now leave it but I have never been a shy retiring type who can't even fart if someone else is in the room.

Then you get the curious case of guys who are too scared to piss in the urinal, but try to save face by pissing in the toilet, door wide open as some form of mitigation. Maybe they feel like they are at home. I've been know to do this at the end of the day when I have my bag over my shoulder.

I went into work this morning after a Thai last night and boy, it soon became apparent I was in for a bit of the long haul. Was propped up leaning against the wall! Might have been the chillis in the subway at lunch, too.

I've trained myself to leave the seat down too, and scrub the toilet whether it needs it or not - but that's partly because there's a toddler in the house who is not quite up to speed herself yet.

Do people have their ego certificates in the toilet? I have an old rugby cartoon in ours. I like it.

EDIT a highlight of migrating is the fact that after years of flats, I now have the choice of a toilet here in this house - often I go for the one furthest away from MrsB so I can stink the place out.

crystal23

THORPES

LouiseR

Errrrm yeah! Next time someone tells me off for cracking my knuckles and says its a filthy habit, I shall reply with "At least I don't shit in a bag!"

Hutch

Is it one of those green recycleable grocery bags?

covphoenix

Different types of poo


GHOST POOP: The kind where you feel the poop come out, but there is no poop in the toilet.

CLEAN POOP: The kind where you poop it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

WET POOP: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.

SECOND WAVE POOP: This happens when you're done pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poop some more.

POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOP: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG POOP: The kind of poop that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSY POOP: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.

DRINKER'S POOP: The kind of poop you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

CORN POOP: Self explanatory.

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOP POOP: The kind where you want to poop but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP POOP: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS POOP (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

THE DANGLING POOP: This poop refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poop-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.

THE SURPRISE POOP: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poop!

Hutch

Woah - sounds like that was written by a plopologist.

Cheetah7

Sweet child of mine!