Things you hate customers saying
Jun 29th 2006, 8:28 am
#1
Fighting my corner
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Posts: 11,948
Things you hate customers saying
When I worked at Telewest Broadband, we had an online staff forum which we were allowed to access during work hours.
Some of the funniest posts werefrom people who work in Customer Services; these are the poor souls whose hapless lot it is to talk with the punters.
I remember an 18-page thread entitled "Things you hate customers saying!!!", from which I now produce a few highlights...
Customer: My Internet isn't working.
Staff: What lights are on the cable?
Customer: Don't know, I'm not at home right now.
>>>>
Staff: OK, this is the number for sales.....
Customer: Oh hang on, I'll just get a pen. Has anyone got a pen? Where's my pen? I left a box of pens here just last Tuesday and they're all gone already! Sheila, where's our pens gone? Sheila, the dog must've eaten them pens...!
Staff [now being completely ignored]: Err... hello...?
>>>>
Staff: Can I take your password please? (Their password is "dog".)
Customer: Don't know!
Staff [carries out alternative security checks until he's through to the customer's account...] OK, would you like to reset your password?
Customer: Yes, you better put it as "dog" so I remember!
>>>>
Staff: Can I take your name and the first line of your address?
Customer: Do you want me account number?
Staff: No, your NAME and the FIRST LINE OF YOUR ADDRESS.
Customer: What about me phone number?
Staff: No, your NAME and the FIRST LINE OF YOUR ADDRESS.
Customer: Mr Jones.
Staff: ...and the first line of your address?
Customer: My what?
>>>>
Staff: Would you like the authorisation code for the payment you have made?
Customer: Would I like what?
Staff: The authorisation code for the payment.
Customer: What's that?
Staff: It's basically to confirm for your own records that you have paid your account; makes it easier to track if any errors with the payment occured.
Customer: Was there a problem with the payment ?
Staff: No, it was hypothical situation, thats why we supply the authorisation code, it makes things easier to track.
Customer: Eh!
Staff [giving up]: The payment will be on the account in 24hrs; thank you for your call!
>>>>
Staff: How can I help?
Customer: Well, I dont know if you can!
>>>>
Staff: Thank you for calling customer service, you're speaking with Craig Ferguson; today how can I help ?
Customer: Did you same your name was Gregg?
Staff: Craig.
Customer: Gregg?
Staff: No, that's Craig.
Cusomer: Ahh, OK Keith...
>>>>
Staff: Good afternoon, thank you for calling Blueyonder technical support, my name is Ian Clark; can I take your name please?
Customer: My Internet's not working!!
Staff: Do you have your username or account number?
Customer: No.
Staff: Telephone number?
Customer: No, don't know it.
Staff: House number and postcode?
Customer: No, it's not my account, I don't live here and I don't know the post code.
>>>>
Staff: I'll have to book a tech... I've got first thing Monday morning [it is currently a Friday]
Customer: OK, I'll have tonight then.
Staff: No, first available is Monday morning.
Customer: OK then, I'll have tonight.
>>>>
Customer: Ive just heard the message about loss of service in the L4 area.
Staff: And your postcode?
Customer: L4.
Staff: And what is the fault you are reporting?
Customer: Loss of service... Is this affecting me?
>>>>
[Customer is a Non-Pay Disconnect and phones to complain for the fifth time this morning that we are victimising him, and we can flick a switch and turn his phone back on?!]
Staff: No sir, it takes at least 24 hours.
Customer: That's not true, when I order the boxing it comes on straight away.
Staff: We can't do that unfortunately, it will take 24 hours.
Customer: But I've just paid at a paypoint!
Staff: Yes sir, I understand, but we won't receive that payment for another 24 hours [and you have 3 Non-Pay Disconnects this year already, so I'm not restarting you anyway - but I'm not telling you that!]
Customer: But if I've paid then you have the money, so why don't my services come back on!?
Staff: Because you have paid at a paypoint; that payment will take 24 hours to reach us.
Customer: But if I pay in a shop with a Switch card then it comes straight off my card!
Staff: Yes, but we aren't a shop and it doesn't come off your card straight away; it also takes 24 hours to come off your card.
Customer: But if I go to a cash machine, it shows I can't withdraw that!
Staff: Yes, but your balance won't change because the money hasn't left your account.
Customer: Yes, but it does.
Staff: Well, that is something you will have to take up with your bank - but all shops are the same; it all takes 24 hours to authorise the payment.
Customer: So why can't I withdraw it from a cash machine?
Staff: That's something you will have to take up with your bank.
Customer: Oh **** it, you're no ******* help, I'm ripping out my services now, I'm going to throw the box out of the ******* window and rip your phone sockets and cables out and shove them in a pile and cover them in kerosene and BURN THEM because you aren't helping me, and I'm not paying my bill, or a disconnection fee, or my outstanding balance. And you can take me to court for it, I dont care, you are treating me like **** I'm not having a rant at you mate, but your company is ******* **** and they always do this when I don't pay the bill! I can go to BT and they would never do this to me!!
>>>>
Staff: No Mr Smith, we will not restore your phone line until the outstanding balance is cleared.
Customer: But I always pay my bill!
Staff: Mr Smith, the bill is already 42 days overdue with over £300.00 in arrears. We are not going to let you continue to run up bills.
Customer: So you're not going to put my phone on, then?
Staff: No.
-*SLAM*-
>>>>
Customer: I need my phone on now!
Staff: [thinking]: We need the payment now!
Customer: I can't afford to pay, but I need my phone!
Staff [thinking]: I can just see them stood at Tesco, saying "I cant afford to pay, but I need this Mars Bar!"
>>>>
Staff :Can you confirm your password for me please?
Customer: I haven't got a password!
Staff: There is one on the account...
Customer: Erm, no. Dunno.
Staff [helpfully]: Would you like to have a guess at what it is?
Customer: Err, no!
>>>>
Staff: Had you thought about setting up a direct debit?
Customer: No, I don't believe in them.
Staff [thinking]: They are real, Mr Customer. I know; I've seen them...!
>>>>
Customer: I was wondering, you know that free voicemail service?
Staff: Yes?
Customer: Is it free?
>>>>
Customer: Now, where did I put the phone...? Oh! It's in my hand!
>>>>
Customer: I can't get this Surf Unlimited disc to work!
Staff: What happens when you put it in the computer?
Customer: You need to put it in the computer?!
>>>>
Staff: OK, your box will take 2/3 mins to load back up. but can you let me know when it says it's loading the data, please?
Customer: Yeah sure... it says that now
Staff: OK great. Now, how many lights are on the front of your box?
Customer: One...no two...no sorry, one.....no, its two again....no one....two!!
Staff: Is one of the lights flashing sir...?
Customer: Ah... yes.
Does anyone else have similar experiences that they'd like to share? 
Some of the funniest posts werefrom people who work in Customer Services; these are the poor souls whose hapless lot it is to talk with the punters.
I remember an 18-page thread entitled "Things you hate customers saying!!!", from which I now produce a few highlights...
Customer: My Internet isn't working.
Staff: What lights are on the cable?
Customer: Don't know, I'm not at home right now.
>>>>
Staff: OK, this is the number for sales.....
Customer: Oh hang on, I'll just get a pen. Has anyone got a pen? Where's my pen? I left a box of pens here just last Tuesday and they're all gone already! Sheila, where's our pens gone? Sheila, the dog must've eaten them pens...!
Staff [now being completely ignored]: Err... hello...?
>>>>
Staff: Can I take your password please? (Their password is "dog".)
Customer: Don't know!
Staff [carries out alternative security checks until he's through to the customer's account...] OK, would you like to reset your password?
Customer: Yes, you better put it as "dog" so I remember!
>>>>
Staff: Can I take your name and the first line of your address?
Customer: Do you want me account number?
Staff: No, your NAME and the FIRST LINE OF YOUR ADDRESS.
Customer: What about me phone number?
Staff: No, your NAME and the FIRST LINE OF YOUR ADDRESS.
Customer: Mr Jones.
Staff: ...and the first line of your address?
Customer: My what?
>>>>
Staff: Would you like the authorisation code for the payment you have made?
Customer: Would I like what?
Staff: The authorisation code for the payment.
Customer: What's that?
Staff: It's basically to confirm for your own records that you have paid your account; makes it easier to track if any errors with the payment occured.
Customer: Was there a problem with the payment ?
Staff: No, it was hypothical situation, thats why we supply the authorisation code, it makes things easier to track.
Customer: Eh!
Staff [giving up]: The payment will be on the account in 24hrs; thank you for your call!
>>>>
Staff: How can I help?
Customer: Well, I dont know if you can!
>>>>
Staff: Thank you for calling customer service, you're speaking with Craig Ferguson; today how can I help ?
Customer: Did you same your name was Gregg?
Staff: Craig.
Customer: Gregg?
Staff: No, that's Craig.
Cusomer: Ahh, OK Keith...
>>>>
Staff: Good afternoon, thank you for calling Blueyonder technical support, my name is Ian Clark; can I take your name please?
Customer: My Internet's not working!!
Staff: Do you have your username or account number?
Customer: No.
Staff: Telephone number?
Customer: No, don't know it.
Staff: House number and postcode?
Customer: No, it's not my account, I don't live here and I don't know the post code.
>>>>
Staff: I'll have to book a tech... I've got first thing Monday morning [it is currently a Friday]
Customer: OK, I'll have tonight then.
Staff: No, first available is Monday morning.
Customer: OK then, I'll have tonight.
>>>>
Customer: Ive just heard the message about loss of service in the L4 area.
Staff: And your postcode?
Customer: L4.
Staff: And what is the fault you are reporting?
Customer: Loss of service... Is this affecting me?
>>>>
[Customer is a Non-Pay Disconnect and phones to complain for the fifth time this morning that we are victimising him, and we can flick a switch and turn his phone back on?!]
Staff: No sir, it takes at least 24 hours.
Customer: That's not true, when I order the boxing it comes on straight away.
Staff: We can't do that unfortunately, it will take 24 hours.
Customer: But I've just paid at a paypoint!
Staff: Yes sir, I understand, but we won't receive that payment for another 24 hours [and you have 3 Non-Pay Disconnects this year already, so I'm not restarting you anyway - but I'm not telling you that!]
Customer: But if I've paid then you have the money, so why don't my services come back on!?
Staff: Because you have paid at a paypoint; that payment will take 24 hours to reach us.
Customer: But if I pay in a shop with a Switch card then it comes straight off my card!
Staff: Yes, but we aren't a shop and it doesn't come off your card straight away; it also takes 24 hours to come off your card.
Customer: But if I go to a cash machine, it shows I can't withdraw that!
Staff: Yes, but your balance won't change because the money hasn't left your account.
Customer: Yes, but it does.
Staff: Well, that is something you will have to take up with your bank - but all shops are the same; it all takes 24 hours to authorise the payment.
Customer: So why can't I withdraw it from a cash machine?
Staff: That's something you will have to take up with your bank.
Customer: Oh **** it, you're no ******* help, I'm ripping out my services now, I'm going to throw the box out of the ******* window and rip your phone sockets and cables out and shove them in a pile and cover them in kerosene and BURN THEM because you aren't helping me, and I'm not paying my bill, or a disconnection fee, or my outstanding balance. And you can take me to court for it, I dont care, you are treating me like **** I'm not having a rant at you mate, but your company is ******* **** and they always do this when I don't pay the bill! I can go to BT and they would never do this to me!!
>>>>
Staff: No Mr Smith, we will not restore your phone line until the outstanding balance is cleared.
Customer: But I always pay my bill!
Staff: Mr Smith, the bill is already 42 days overdue with over £300.00 in arrears. We are not going to let you continue to run up bills.
Customer: So you're not going to put my phone on, then?
Staff: No.
-*SLAM*-
>>>>
Customer: I need my phone on now!
Staff: [thinking]: We need the payment now!
Customer: I can't afford to pay, but I need my phone!
Staff [thinking]: I can just see them stood at Tesco, saying "I cant afford to pay, but I need this Mars Bar!"
>>>>
Staff :Can you confirm your password for me please?
Customer: I haven't got a password!
Staff: There is one on the account...
Customer: Erm, no. Dunno.
Staff [helpfully]: Would you like to have a guess at what it is?
Customer: Err, no!
>>>>
Staff: Had you thought about setting up a direct debit?
Customer: No, I don't believe in them.
Staff [thinking]: They are real, Mr Customer. I know; I've seen them...!
>>>>
Customer: I was wondering, you know that free voicemail service?
Staff: Yes?
Customer: Is it free?
>>>>
Customer: Now, where did I put the phone...? Oh! It's in my hand!
>>>>
Customer: I can't get this Surf Unlimited disc to work!
Staff: What happens when you put it in the computer?
Customer: You need to put it in the computer?!
>>>>
Staff: OK, your box will take 2/3 mins to load back up. but can you let me know when it says it's loading the data, please?
Customer: Yeah sure... it says that now
Staff: OK great. Now, how many lights are on the front of your box?
Customer: One...no two...no sorry, one.....no, its two again....no one....two!!
Staff: Is one of the lights flashing sir...?
Customer: Ah... yes.
Jun 29th 2006, 8:37 am
#2
Fighting my corner
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Posts: 11,948
Re: Things you hate customers saying
A few more...
Staff: Hello Mrs Jenkins... if I could just confirm your date of birth, please?
Customer: I'm 77, pet... I'm too old to talk on the phone!
>>>>
Staff: Hello Mrs Smith, your husband rang earlier requesting a deal that would help to reduce your phone bills. I wonder if you could talk me through your current phone usage?
Customer: This is outrageous! Why are you asking such personal things?
Staff: I'm sorry Mrs Smith, I was just attempting to help you reduce your phone bill...
Customer: BT wouldn't make me use my phone less!
Staff: No, Mrs Smith, if you would let me explain...
Customer: NO, I'M NOT HAVING, THIS, IT'S DISGRACEFUL!
Staff: Mrs Smith, I have called you today, having already spoken with your husband; he asked me to call you back as you deal with the phone, so I can help you save money and use the phone more should you wish. Surely that would benefit you?
Customer: I cannot BELIEVE how personal this is, why should I tell you when I use the phone? [bear in mind that the staff member had not asked this question... yet!]
Staff: Mrs Smith, I can save money on your account and provide with you with a better service. If you want to discuss this now we can, if not that's entirely your choice, I'm sorry if I have offended you in any way, but I assure you that the purpose of my call is to save you money.
Customer: That's it, I'm going to BT, they wont care if I spend a lot of money; I don't ask you to pay my bills, do I?
Staff: Well... no, would you rather not pay less for your bills, though? As I say Mrs Smith, if I've offended you in anyway, I apologise and will leave you to it.
Customer: BT, thats where I'm going! I'll ring 'em up now, then you'll see!
>>>>
Staff: And do you use a computer there, Mr Brown?
Customer: Don't talk to me about ruddy computers, 50 year ago I last touched one of them, and another thing, I hate that ruddy metric system rubbish as well, it's ridiculous, I cant fathom the stuff out...!
[This rant continued for 5 minutes!]
>>>>
Sales support staff [speaking to a sales rep on the phone] So, how are you taking the payment?
Rep: £25 on a card.
[the usual rigmarole follows, as staff member confirms the card details and attempts to take the payment through the online debit system]
Staff: OK, well that payment has been declined.
Rep [speaking to customer]: Your card has been declined.
Customer: Oh.
Rep [speaking to customer]: Is there any money in that account?
Customer: No.
>>>>
Customer: Can I speak to the sales rep I met in the pub on Saturday?
Staff: Did you get his name?
Customer: No, but you must know him; very chirpy, red hair, drives a Ford.
All names have been changed to protect the innocent - and the guilty! 
Staff: Hello Mrs Jenkins... if I could just confirm your date of birth, please?
Customer: I'm 77, pet... I'm too old to talk on the phone!
>>>>
Staff: Hello Mrs Smith, your husband rang earlier requesting a deal that would help to reduce your phone bills. I wonder if you could talk me through your current phone usage?
Customer: This is outrageous! Why are you asking such personal things?
Staff: I'm sorry Mrs Smith, I was just attempting to help you reduce your phone bill...
Customer: BT wouldn't make me use my phone less!
Staff: No, Mrs Smith, if you would let me explain...
Customer: NO, I'M NOT HAVING, THIS, IT'S DISGRACEFUL!
Staff: Mrs Smith, I have called you today, having already spoken with your husband; he asked me to call you back as you deal with the phone, so I can help you save money and use the phone more should you wish. Surely that would benefit you?
Customer: I cannot BELIEVE how personal this is, why should I tell you when I use the phone? [bear in mind that the staff member had not asked this question... yet!]
Staff: Mrs Smith, I can save money on your account and provide with you with a better service. If you want to discuss this now we can, if not that's entirely your choice, I'm sorry if I have offended you in any way, but I assure you that the purpose of my call is to save you money.
Customer: That's it, I'm going to BT, they wont care if I spend a lot of money; I don't ask you to pay my bills, do I?
Staff: Well... no, would you rather not pay less for your bills, though? As I say Mrs Smith, if I've offended you in anyway, I apologise and will leave you to it.
Customer: BT, thats where I'm going! I'll ring 'em up now, then you'll see!
>>>>
Staff: And do you use a computer there, Mr Brown?
Customer: Don't talk to me about ruddy computers, 50 year ago I last touched one of them, and another thing, I hate that ruddy metric system rubbish as well, it's ridiculous, I cant fathom the stuff out...!
[This rant continued for 5 minutes!]
>>>>
Sales support staff [speaking to a sales rep on the phone] So, how are you taking the payment?
Rep: £25 on a card.
[the usual rigmarole follows, as staff member confirms the card details and attempts to take the payment through the online debit system]
Staff: OK, well that payment has been declined.
Rep [speaking to customer]: Your card has been declined.
Customer: Oh.
Rep [speaking to customer]: Is there any money in that account?
Customer: No.
>>>>
Customer: Can I speak to the sales rep I met in the pub on Saturday?
Staff: Did you get his name?
Customer: No, but you must know him; very chirpy, red hair, drives a Ford.
Last edited by Vash the Stampede; Jun 29th 2006 at 10:10 am.
Jun 29th 2006, 9:01 am
#3
Account Closed
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,997
Re: Things you hate customers saying
Superb
Jun 29th 2006, 9:08 am
#4
I'm now an Aussie too!!!
Joined: May 2006
Location: 'Home by the Sea' Elanora
Posts: 5,030
Re: Things you hate customers saying
Classic!!!!!!! Some of them are very subtle compared to the customers we have at M&S!!!!!!!!!!!! :scared: 
:scared:
:scared:
Jun 29th 2006, 10:46 am
#5
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Mount Tamborine
Posts: 17,426
Re: Things you hate customers saying
Lol
I've had loads, I should write them down because I forget!
I called a client tonight to ask her something, it needed further clarification so I said I'd call her back.
She said "ok then, have you got my number?" - and I am speaking to you now how exactly?!?
I've had loads, I should write them down because I forget!
I called a client tonight to ask her something, it needed further clarification so I said I'd call her back.
She said "ok then, have you got my number?" - and I am speaking to you now how exactly?!?
Jun 29th 2006, 11:07 am
#6
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 472
Re: Things you hate customers saying
lol - there are some classy ones out there - you get off the phone and just shake your head thinking - did that really happen?
Having worked in Hotels for years Reservations was a cack. I worked up in the Blue Mountains and how many people would call with the following conversation taking place -
After confirming booking details for winter -
Caller - does it snow up there?
Operator - Not really - maybe one day a year you get some sleet
Caller - so will it snow when I'm up there then?
Ended up just saying - Well, I can't guarantee it, but I'll fill the forms in and see what happens!
A colleague also had a caller who was asking what was in the room - she told them the usual, desk, chair, wardrobe, tv/dvd player etc. Caller then asked if there was a bed in the room! Not missing a beat colleagues said 'bed? No, you'll have to bring your own'. Spent next 5 minutes convincing caller she was kidding.
Worst I had was a real b***h who called last minute before Easter. We are always full at Easter. We had one room left, which was at full rate. She launched a tirade of abuse at me claiming I was penalising her for booking last minute. I repeatedly told her that discounted rates were offered for booking early, and the rate on this room was clearly stated as the usual rate for the room on all publications, including the web. This abuse went on for a good 10 minutes -with me reminding her she had no room booking and it was going to sell any minute. Sure enough someone else booked the room on another line -she then had the audacity to tell me 'You KNEW I was going to book that room!' I really could have hung up on her.... Such a COW!
S
Having worked in Hotels for years Reservations was a cack. I worked up in the Blue Mountains and how many people would call with the following conversation taking place -
After confirming booking details for winter -
Caller - does it snow up there?
Operator - Not really - maybe one day a year you get some sleet
Caller - so will it snow when I'm up there then?
Ended up just saying - Well, I can't guarantee it, but I'll fill the forms in and see what happens!
A colleague also had a caller who was asking what was in the room - she told them the usual, desk, chair, wardrobe, tv/dvd player etc. Caller then asked if there was a bed in the room! Not missing a beat colleagues said 'bed? No, you'll have to bring your own'. Spent next 5 minutes convincing caller she was kidding.
Worst I had was a real b***h who called last minute before Easter. We are always full at Easter. We had one room left, which was at full rate. She launched a tirade of abuse at me claiming I was penalising her for booking last minute. I repeatedly told her that discounted rates were offered for booking early, and the rate on this room was clearly stated as the usual rate for the room on all publications, including the web. This abuse went on for a good 10 minutes -with me reminding her she had no room booking and it was going to sell any minute. Sure enough someone else booked the room on another line -she then had the audacity to tell me 'You KNEW I was going to book that room!' I really could have hung up on her.... Such a COW!
S
Jun 29th 2006, 11:35 am
#7
Coventry to Caloundra....
Joined: Dec 2005
Location: Caloundra, Sunshine Coast, Queensland
Posts: 534
Re: Things you hate customers saying
excellent start to friday vash ...and love the 'Customer: Now, where did I put the phone...? Oh! It's in my hand!', absolute banger
...and love the 'Customer: Now, where did I put the phone...? Oh! It's in my hand!', absolute banger
Jun 29th 2006, 12:53 pm
#8
Aussie Finn Mixture!
Joined: May 2005
Location: Leschenault WA (after few locations around WA and Around Europe!)
Posts: 1,151
Re: Things you hate customers saying
Gotta say, plenty of bad experiences but one great customer sticks to mind as well. He, a regular at our restaurant, came for lunch during a very busy time and had to wait for his order for quite a while.
I took his drinks to him with a comment "sorry for the wait, sir".
His response: "Don't worry love, it's not your fault I'm fat!"
I took his drinks to him with a comment "sorry for the wait, sir".
His response: "Don't worry love, it's not your fault I'm fat!"
Jun 29th 2006, 12:54 pm
#9
Made the move -
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 2,910
Re: Things you hate customers saying
The one thing that rubs me up the wrong way, is when a customer says.. I pay your wages !! i tell them, no you dont, Payroll dept pays my wages thank you
GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR that annoys me !!!!!!!!!!
GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR that annoys me !!!!!!!!!!
Jun 29th 2006, 2:55 pm
#10
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2006
Location: Riddells Crk, Vic
Posts: 1,565
Re: Things you hate customers saying
I used to work at GAME in the UK and this story was in our newsletter.
A guy had bought a PS2 and it had been scratching all his game discs because it had been shaking around while it was on. So he brought it in to exchange and was told to make sure the PS2 was absolutely still while it was on so the discs didn't get scratched by the laser.
A few hours later he calls up the shop and says 'my PS2 is smoking'.
The sales assistant knew it was the same guy from earlier in the day so asked him how he had his PS2 setup etc etc and whether anything was blocking the vents.
The guy comes back with: ' Well you told me to make sure the PS2 couldn't move while I was using it so I made sure that it couldn't. I wrapped the thing up in bubble wrap with a slit in the front so I could put discs in and out and wedged it into my entertainment cabinet so it was braced against the frame. I must have only been using it for 10 minutes when it turned itself off and I smelt something burning. But the good news is my disc didn't get scratched!'.
Then there is the timeless one of the guy trying to install something on his computer and the tech asking him if he had put the CD in the drive.
'I don't have a CD drive only a cup holder.'
Some people
A guy had bought a PS2 and it had been scratching all his game discs because it had been shaking around while it was on. So he brought it in to exchange and was told to make sure the PS2 was absolutely still while it was on so the discs didn't get scratched by the laser.
A few hours later he calls up the shop and says 'my PS2 is smoking'.
The sales assistant knew it was the same guy from earlier in the day so asked him how he had his PS2 setup etc etc and whether anything was blocking the vents.
The guy comes back with: ' Well you told me to make sure the PS2 couldn't move while I was using it so I made sure that it couldn't. I wrapped the thing up in bubble wrap with a slit in the front so I could put discs in and out and wedged it into my entertainment cabinet so it was braced against the frame. I must have only been using it for 10 minutes when it turned itself off and I smelt something burning. But the good news is my disc didn't get scratched!'.
Then there is the timeless one of the guy trying to install something on his computer and the tech asking him if he had put the CD in the drive.
'I don't have a CD drive only a cup holder.'
Some people
Jun 29th 2006, 3:14 pm
#11
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: Infinity and beyond
Posts: 1,324
Re: Things you hate customers saying
Found on the internet....
Customer: My computer won't work.
Service: Can you give me more details?
Customer: It's completely dead
Service: Is it plugged in?
Customer: Yes
Service: What model is it?
Customer: I don't know
Service: OK have a look on the back, there should be a sticker.
Customer: I can't see, it's too dark
Service: Can you put a light on?
Customer: The lights aren't working.
Service: Is the TV working? is anything electrical working?
Customer: No
Service: OK. Put the computer back in the box and return it too us. On the form where it says "reason for return" write "too stupid to own a computer."
Customer: My computer won't work.
Service: Can you give me more details?
Customer: It's completely dead
Service: Is it plugged in?
Customer: Yes
Service: What model is it?
Customer: I don't know
Service: OK have a look on the back, there should be a sticker.
Customer: I can't see, it's too dark
Service: Can you put a light on?
Customer: The lights aren't working.
Service: Is the TV working? is anything electrical working?
Customer: No
Service: OK. Put the computer back in the box and return it too us. On the form where it says "reason for return" write "too stupid to own a computer."
Jun 29th 2006, 8:07 pm
#12
Account Closed
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 555
Re: Things you hate customers saying
Originally Posted by Teliko21
Then there is the timeless one of the guy trying to install something on his computer and the tech asking him if he had put the CD in the drive.
'I don't have a CD drive only a cup holder.'
Some people
'I don't have a CD drive only a cup holder.'
Some people
I have known people remove the cd drive to keep chocolate in the little hole as the fan keeps it cool...
We have an idiot board at work for most stupid request.
The current top is a customer that I had to deal with. They were a London councils IT Department. They were in a panic as all their printing was ineligible. (I have to fix this over the phone). We tried every setting and still printing rubbish. So I asked for a fax of the output. Turns it the print was double printing. Some bright spark had loaded all the recycle paper back into the printer.
Jun 29th 2006, 9:41 pm
#13
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2006
Location: Greenwood, WA
Posts: 575
Re: Things you hate customers saying
Our company telephone number is quite similar to the Malmaison Hotel in Newcastle, occassionally get a call asking for rooms etc - one caller rang - I told her very politely they have dialed the wrong number and before I get the chance to give her correct one the caller asked if I could transfer her direct!!
Another one is the Job Centre - keep getting strange people ringing up saying cant make their appointment etc, so when I tell them it is not relevant to me as I am at a Software company they said could I leave a message for them as they dont have any credit left on their phone!!
Overseas Pensions Directorate has a 08 number which was close to our company one (now discontinued) and again they kept saying as was in Newcastle could I just nip across and let them know client still in Malta!!
Another one is the Job Centre - keep getting strange people ringing up saying cant make their appointment etc, so when I tell them it is not relevant to me as I am at a Software company they said could I leave a message for them as they dont have any credit left on their phone!!
Overseas Pensions Directorate has a 08 number which was close to our company one (now discontinued) and again they kept saying as was in Newcastle could I just nip across and let them know client still in Malta!!
Jun 30th 2006, 1:59 am
#14
Account Closed
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 555
Re: Things you hate customers saying
Originally Posted by Downies
Our company telephone number is quite similar to the Malmaison Hotel in Newcastle, occassionally get a call asking for rooms etc - one caller rang - I told her very politely they have dialed the wrong number and before I get the chance to give her correct one the caller asked if I could transfer her direct!!
Another one is the Job Centre - keep getting strange people ringing up saying cant make their appointment etc, so when I tell them it is not relevant to me as I am at a Software company they said could I leave a message for them as they dont have any credit left on their phone!!
Overseas Pensions Directorate has a 08 number which was close to our company one (now discontinued) and again they kept saying as was in Newcastle could I just nip across and let them know client still in Malta!!
Another one is the Job Centre - keep getting strange people ringing up saying cant make their appointment etc, so when I tell them it is not relevant to me as I am at a Software company they said could I leave a message for them as they dont have any credit left on their phone!!
Overseas Pensions Directorate has a 08 number which was close to our company one (now discontinued) and again they kept saying as was in Newcastle could I just nip across and let them know client still in Malta!!
I'm getting panicky now... we are a software company in Newcastle and keep getting calls for the Tax Office...you don't work here do you !!!
Jun 30th 2006, 2:26 am
#15
Account Closed
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,630
Re: Things you hate customers saying
Just a few from my flights:
We used to hold a teapot in one hand and coffee pot in the other so would go through asking tea or cofee
Me: Tea or Coffee
Pax: Yes please
Me: which one tea or coffee
Pax: I said yes are you deaf
So I poured in half tea and half coffee
Another one we often get is
Pax: Can I change my baby
Crew: Yes, what would you like to exchange it for
After giving out the meals once an American says to me 'maa'm, is uht in Britain because we can't find it on our map'
after a bit of head scratching it turned out she had seen UHT (ultra heated treatment) on the milk pot and though it as a place.
We used to hold a teapot in one hand and coffee pot in the other so would go through asking tea or cofee
Me: Tea or Coffee
Pax: Yes please
Me: which one tea or coffee
Pax: I said yes are you deaf
So I poured in half tea and half coffee
Another one we often get is
Pax: Can I change my baby
Crew: Yes, what would you like to exchange it for
After giving out the meals once an American says to me 'maa'm, is uht in Britain because we can't find it on our map'
after a bit of head scratching it turned out she had seen UHT (ultra heated treatment) on the milk pot and though it as a place.
