denise6372

Long story cut short as possible!

We decided last January to apply for visa for Australia, my parents already live there but I can assure you that apart from giving us free holidays they had nothing to do with our decision. We're not going to be living anywhere near them.

We are now coming (hopefully) to the end of our visa application, meds done, bond lodged, etc and MIL still doesn't know. FIL does but has asked us not to tell her until weather gets warmer and she gets over SAD. Problem is that we are hoping to be off in July by the time the weather gets warmer she is only going to have about 2 months to get used to it.

Then, there's how! Hubby thinks he needs to drive all the way to their house to tell her face to face. I don't understand this, I told everybody over the phone. He hasn't got a clue what to say to her anyway and at least over the phone she can't throw anything.

Any advice anyone?

Denise
xxx

curly

The only advice I can give you is , let your husband tell your MIL face to face, yes she will be terribly upset, but I don't think something like this can be said in a phone call.
Good luck (are you going to stay at home? !!!! at a safe distance!!!!)

Oz wannabe1

If she is that scary..................land in Oz and send a post card!!!

denise6372

Absolutely right, he's going to Cornwall to tell them and I'm staying here, keeping very, very quiet.

Denise
x

denise6372

I thought about that too, but decided it wasn't fair. The sad thing is that she is actually quite a nice woman, heart is in the right place just goes about things the wrong way and loves to be the centre of attention. Plus the depression card gets banded around everytime things aren't going her way.

When we moved from Cornwall to Gloucester, she made a big hoo ha but decided that at least it wasn't Australia!!!!!! That was only 3 years ago.

Denise
x

thepomandozzy

Hi,

We didnt quite know how to tell OH parents either and when we did go round to tell them they already knew cause our then 5 year old had heard us talking about it and had told them. Its been 12 months now since we told them and they still dont like to talk about it. We had to tell OH grandparents last week cause we hadnt told them but we got FIL to have a word first to get them over the shock but as it turned out they are very excited for us just wish it would rub off on OH parents. The other thing is that I am the australian and I felt I was getting the blame for us moving to oz until I had the chance yesterday to clear the air and tell them that it wasnt me that made the decision it was up to OH to make the decision on whether he could leave his family or not and he has made that decision now and he has visa and house up for sale. So I dont think how you go about it they will either see that you are making a great decision for your family or they wont. Just keep your fingers crossed that the reaction wont be too bad.

Good luck with it hope it goes well.

Tracey x

GinaUK

Denise,

do it face-to-face. We had a similar problem with my MIL. We did it face-to-face with other family around (BIL plus wife, SIL). Having other people around helped as they were all positive. But even without them, we would have still done it face-to-face.

MIL then stipulated that it wasn't to be mentioned again as she didn't want to have to think about it. We decided that this was a bad idea - she *has* to get used to the idea; pretending it ain't gonna happen is not a good idea. So, whilst we don't "shove it in her face" in every telephone conversation, we try to bring it up naturally in the conversation.

Good luck!!!

Gina

Oz wannabe1

Jeez Denise, I think we are related!! That sounds just like my Mother. She has a Phd in "doing the guilt trip". I think she actually wrote a book on it called, Guilt - or how to get your own way without trying!

Besy of luck!!

oliverandlisa

My MIL was jsut the same in fact if you search for threads stared by me you can read all about it! She was a nightmare and has only jsut started to improve... Good luck, i say face to face but let your hubby do all the talking as it is his family. That way they wont be able to say "she has made him do it"

denise6372

That sounds like a parrot version of my story! She is just like that, won't talk about it because it doesn't suit her and what she wants. Will let you all know how he gets on.

Denise
x

denise6372

Well everybody.

News it, its done. He went to Cornwall on his own, and told them on their own. She is not talking to him and is refusing to eat! But its done, and its their choice if they don't want to know all the details. She won't listen to any of our reasons and basically doesn't want to talk bout it at all. As Gina said, if we don't talk about it, it won't happen - yeah right.

His dad is asking sensible questions about dog, etc which is good. So she has to listen to it.

I better get that visa now, if we get turned down for any reason she will laugh her socks off

Denise
x

micmay3_in_oz

Good luck with your visa quest. Don't worry about the MIL she'll get over it and if she doesn't you won't have to see her - you'll be worlds apart, well half a world anyway
Mx

thebears

What a nice guy

It means a lot more being told face to face - its a higher level of interpersonal communication. By telephone is process orientated and suitable for practical reasons only - be it great distance or alot of calls locally.

With the distance coming up she needs to be reassured of their bond and this is best done face to face followed by a big hug.

denise6372

Good point. Thanks for putting karma on the situation, its easy to moan about the MIL when quite rightly she has the right to be upset.

xx

esperanza

Well done for getting it over with - I bet it is a relief, even if she is acting like a child. Don't suppose she's menopausal is she? I swear my MIL (although I'm not married, but long-term-boyf's mum) has some serious hormonal issues. That or she is just devious and manipulative.... Either way, we'll be on opposite sides of the world soon! Certainly think it is best to let your OH handle it and stay out of the way as much as possible. Enjoy!