Tell me a story.. No really, tell me a real story
Mar 11th 2010, 10:25 am
#61
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2005
Location: Mornington
Posts: 1,650
Re: Tell me a story.. No really, tell me a real story
One of many.
Out with a crowd of mates in East London after a big afternoon session we decided to go for a Chinese
For some reason or the other the owner of the restaurant thought I was Tony Adams (probably because I could just about talk) He insisted on buying us drinks all nignt, I signed autographs for all the staff and had photos taken with them and a load of customers
When it was time to go they wouldn't take a Penny towards the bill, I looked to my mates and said "best we get the f**k out of he before they realise we are just a bunch of pissheads on a night out
Out with a crowd of mates in East London after a big afternoon session we decided to go for a Chinese
For some reason or the other the owner of the restaurant thought I was Tony Adams (probably because I could just about talk) He insisted on buying us drinks all nignt, I signed autographs for all the staff and had photos taken with them and a load of customers
When it was time to go they wouldn't take a Penny towards the bill, I looked to my mates and said "best we get the f**k out of he before they realise we are just a bunch of pissheads on a night out
Mar 11th 2010, 10:29 am
#62
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2004
Location: Birkdale QLD
Posts: 7,642
Re: Tell me a story.. No really, tell me a real story
I was having a pint in the bar beside a train station before my train home.
I had a quick visit to the toilet before catching my train. I got home about 45 minutes later, and turned on the news. The bar I had just left had been blown up.
Later news reports said the bomb had been placed in the toilet. So I went to the police station the next morning to clear my name. They were fine about it.
JTL
I had a quick visit to the toilet before catching my train. I got home about 45 minutes later, and turned on the news. The bar I had just left had been blown up.
Later news reports said the bomb had been placed in the toilet. So I went to the police station the next morning to clear my name. They were fine about it.
JTL
Mar 11th 2010, 11:44 am
#63
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Currently Stubbly-on-the-Minge. Soon to be Melbourne!!
Posts: 79
Re: Tell me a story.. No really, tell me a real story
When I was 19 (18 years ago) me and a group of mates decided to spend a bank holiday weekend at Blackpool. Late one evening I was walking back to the B&B alone from Lineker's (after managing to lose my mates and the girl I'd pulled) when some guy beckoned me over from the other side of the road. He was standing at the boot of his car, which I distinctly remember was a dark coloured Vauxhall Cavalier.
As I approached he said something like "Would you be interested in this?", taking the lid off a shoebox in the boot of his car and showing me a black semi-automatic pistol. "£150 and it's yours. Ammo included."
"Yeah!" says I, (whilst thinking f*** f*** f***!!!) and rooting about in my pockets for cash, knowing full well I've only about £30 on me. "Give me a couple of minutes," I said "I'll just pop to the cashpoint, ok?" He seemed fine with it, so I headed off. As soon as I was out of sight I found a phone box and called 999. I gave the lady all my details, told her what happened, where the guy was parked and most of the reg number. I then carried made my way to my B&B fairly sharpish.
I never heard any more about it, so I don't know if the cops took me seriously, or caught the guy or what. I sometimes think about this and wonder.
As I approached he said something like "Would you be interested in this?", taking the lid off a shoebox in the boot of his car and showing me a black semi-automatic pistol. "£150 and it's yours. Ammo included."
"Yeah!" says I, (whilst thinking f*** f*** f***!!!) and rooting about in my pockets for cash, knowing full well I've only about £30 on me. "Give me a couple of minutes," I said "I'll just pop to the cashpoint, ok?" He seemed fine with it, so I headed off. As soon as I was out of sight I found a phone box and called 999. I gave the lady all my details, told her what happened, where the guy was parked and most of the reg number. I then carried made my way to my B&B fairly sharpish.
I never heard any more about it, so I don't know if the cops took me seriously, or caught the guy or what. I sometimes think about this and wonder.
Mar 11th 2010, 6:35 pm
#64
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: Hill overlooking the SE Melbourne suburbs
Posts: 16,622
Re: Tell me a story.. No really, tell me a real story
OK I've got another one (Yes there have been times when I wish I had a boring life!)
When I was 20 I was living with a close friend I went to school with, we had been living in the house for about 8 months. We lived in an OK suburb in Adelaide and had friends who lived about 10 minutes walk from our house so often we would walk home together or alone very late at night from their house after a night of drinking or just hanging out.
One morning I was enjoying my coffee in our front garden with my cats when I noticed a piece of paper folded up and pushed into my bedroom window frame, I picked it up and saw that it was a note, I can't remember exactly what it said as I didn't really take a huge amount of notice, it said something about me and my friends looking great in a bikini and that I had beautiful blonde hair. I thought it was a joke as the teenage kids next door had been known to pull pranks on us so I didn't put much thought into it.
Over the next few weeks I started to feel really uneasy about something, and more notes appeared in my window. My Mum told me one day to be careful, that there was something dark around me, some 'bad energy'. I sort of laughed it off but at the same time couldn't help feeling something was wrong. Over the next couple of weeks I felt like I was being watched.
Then one morning I rang my friend who lived nearby and told her I was coming over to her house before we went into the city, she lived about 15 minutes walk from my house.
About 2 minutes from my house at 11am I walked past the Deli on our street corner and noticed an old tan coloured car parked out the front, I had seen the car many times in the area but never parked outside our Deli. As I walked up the next street I heard a car drive into the street and stop. I turned around and saw it was the old car. As soon as I saw it, I don't know why but my heart starting pounding, a few seconds later there was a man behind me grabbing me and trying to drag me to the car. It happened so fast and at first I just froze as I was in shock. Then he said something which still sickens me today 'I'm going to make lots of money with you' and it was then I started screaming and swearing and either I got away or he let go. I didn't even stop, I just ran all the way to my friends house and told her what had happened. We reported it to the Police that day and they said that it sounded like he had been watching me and was just waiting for an opportunity.
The woman police officer taught me a lesson that day and told me that maybe this was the wake up call I needed, she said 'You my dear are so lucky, some people get their wake up call too late but you have got yours just in time'. I said 'What do you mean?'
She looked me in the eye and sais 'if that is what that bastard did to you in broad daylight imagine what he would have done in the middle of the night!'.
Never again did walk home a lone at night.
After that the police patrolled my house every night for a couple of weeks and rang me to check up on me. I couldn't stay in that house anymore as they never found the guy and we never saw the car again, I moved out and soon after that met my husband.
When I was 20 I was living with a close friend I went to school with, we had been living in the house for about 8 months. We lived in an OK suburb in Adelaide and had friends who lived about 10 minutes walk from our house so often we would walk home together or alone very late at night from their house after a night of drinking or just hanging out.
One morning I was enjoying my coffee in our front garden with my cats when I noticed a piece of paper folded up and pushed into my bedroom window frame, I picked it up and saw that it was a note, I can't remember exactly what it said as I didn't really take a huge amount of notice, it said something about me and my friends looking great in a bikini and that I had beautiful blonde hair. I thought it was a joke as the teenage kids next door had been known to pull pranks on us so I didn't put much thought into it.
Over the next few weeks I started to feel really uneasy about something, and more notes appeared in my window. My Mum told me one day to be careful, that there was something dark around me, some 'bad energy'. I sort of laughed it off but at the same time couldn't help feeling something was wrong. Over the next couple of weeks I felt like I was being watched.
Then one morning I rang my friend who lived nearby and told her I was coming over to her house before we went into the city, she lived about 15 minutes walk from my house.
About 2 minutes from my house at 11am I walked past the Deli on our street corner and noticed an old tan coloured car parked out the front, I had seen the car many times in the area but never parked outside our Deli. As I walked up the next street I heard a car drive into the street and stop. I turned around and saw it was the old car. As soon as I saw it, I don't know why but my heart starting pounding, a few seconds later there was a man behind me grabbing me and trying to drag me to the car. It happened so fast and at first I just froze as I was in shock. Then he said something which still sickens me today 'I'm going to make lots of money with you' and it was then I started screaming and swearing and either I got away or he let go. I didn't even stop, I just ran all the way to my friends house and told her what had happened. We reported it to the Police that day and they said that it sounded like he had been watching me and was just waiting for an opportunity.
The woman police officer taught me a lesson that day and told me that maybe this was the wake up call I needed, she said 'You my dear are so lucky, some people get their wake up call too late but you have got yours just in time'. I said 'What do you mean?'
She looked me in the eye and sais 'if that is what that bastard did to you in broad daylight imagine what he would have done in the middle of the night!'.
Never again did walk home a lone at night.
After that the police patrolled my house every night for a couple of weeks and rang me to check up on me. I couldn't stay in that house anymore as they never found the guy and we never saw the car again, I moved out and soon after that met my husband.
Mar 11th 2010, 6:37 pm
#65
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: Hill overlooking the SE Melbourne suburbs
Posts: 16,622
Re: Tell me a story.. No really, tell me a real story
OK I've got another one (Yes there have been times when I wish I had a boring life!)
When I was 20 I was living with a close friend I went to school with, we had been living in the house for about 8 months. We lived in an OK suburb in Adelaide and had friends who lived about 10 minutes walk from our house so often we would walk home together or alone very late at night from their house after a night of drinking or just hanging out.
One morning I was enjoying my coffee in our front garden with my cats when I noticed a piece of paper folded up and pushed into my bedroom window frame, I picked it up and saw that it was a note, I can't remember exactly what it said as I didn't really take a huge amount of notice, it said something about me and my friends looking great in a bikini and that I had beautiful blonde hair. I thought it was a joke as the teenage kids next door had been known to pull pranks on us so I didn't put much thought into it.
Over the next few weeks I started to feel really uneasy about something, and more notes appeared in my window. My Mum told me one day to be careful, that there was something dark around me, some 'bad energy'. I sort of laughed it off but at the same time couldn't help feeling something was wrong. Over the next couple of weeks I felt like I was being watched.
Then one morning I rang my friend who lived nearby and told her I was coming over to her house before we went into the city, she lived about 15 minutes walk from my house.
About 2 minutes from my house at 11am I walked past the Deli on our street corner and noticed an old tan coloured car parked out the front, I had seen the car many times in the area but never parked outside our Deli. As I walked up the next street I heard a car drive into the street and stop. I turned around and saw it was the old car. As soon as I saw it, I don't know why but my heart starting pounding, a few seconds later there was a man behind me grabbing me and trying to drag me to the car. It happened so fast and at first I just froze as I was in shock. Then he said something which still sickens me today 'I'm going to make lots of money with you' and it was then I started screaming and swearing and either I got away or he let go. I didn't even stop, I just ran all the way to my friends house and told her what had happened. We reported it to the Police that day and they said that it sounded like he had been watching me and was just waiting for an opportunity.
The woman police officer taught me a lesson that day and told me that maybe this was the wake up call I needed, she said 'You my dear are so lucky, some people get their wake up call too late but you have got yours just in time'. I said 'What do you mean?'
She looked me in the eye and sais 'if that is what that bastard did to you in broad daylight imagine what he would have done in the middle of the night!'.
Never again did walk home a lone at night.
After that the police patrolled my house every night for a couple of weeks and rang me to check up on me. I couldn't stay in that house anymore as they never found the guy and we never saw the car again, I moved out and soon after that met my husband.
When I was 20 I was living with a close friend I went to school with, we had been living in the house for about 8 months. We lived in an OK suburb in Adelaide and had friends who lived about 10 minutes walk from our house so often we would walk home together or alone very late at night from their house after a night of drinking or just hanging out.
One morning I was enjoying my coffee in our front garden with my cats when I noticed a piece of paper folded up and pushed into my bedroom window frame, I picked it up and saw that it was a note, I can't remember exactly what it said as I didn't really take a huge amount of notice, it said something about me and my friends looking great in a bikini and that I had beautiful blonde hair. I thought it was a joke as the teenage kids next door had been known to pull pranks on us so I didn't put much thought into it.
Over the next few weeks I started to feel really uneasy about something, and more notes appeared in my window. My Mum told me one day to be careful, that there was something dark around me, some 'bad energy'. I sort of laughed it off but at the same time couldn't help feeling something was wrong. Over the next couple of weeks I felt like I was being watched.
Then one morning I rang my friend who lived nearby and told her I was coming over to her house before we went into the city, she lived about 15 minutes walk from my house.
About 2 minutes from my house at 11am I walked past the Deli on our street corner and noticed an old tan coloured car parked out the front, I had seen the car many times in the area but never parked outside our Deli. As I walked up the next street I heard a car drive into the street and stop. I turned around and saw it was the old car. As soon as I saw it, I don't know why but my heart starting pounding, a few seconds later there was a man behind me grabbing me and trying to drag me to the car. It happened so fast and at first I just froze as I was in shock. Then he said something which still sickens me today 'I'm going to make lots of money with you' and it was then I started screaming and swearing and either I got away or he let go. I didn't even stop, I just ran all the way to my friends house and told her what had happened. We reported it to the Police that day and they said that it sounded like he had been watching me and was just waiting for an opportunity.
The woman police officer taught me a lesson that day and told me that maybe this was the wake up call I needed, she said 'You my dear are so lucky, some people get their wake up call too late but you have got yours just in time'. I said 'What do you mean?'
She looked me in the eye and sais 'if that is what that bastard did to you in broad daylight imagine what he would have done in the middle of the night!'.
Never again did walk home a lone at night.
After that the police patrolled my house every night for a couple of weeks and rang me to check up on me. I couldn't stay in that house anymore as they never found the guy and we never saw the car again, I moved out and soon after that met my husband.
Mar 12th 2010, 9:23 am
#66
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2004
Location: Birkdale QLD
Posts: 7,642
Re: Tell me a story.. No really, tell me a real story
I was in a car being driven by a friend from Uni in Belfast. There was a loud BANG, and as it was a shitty old car I assumed the suspension had broken or a wheel had fallen off, so I looked down.
As I did that the windscreen came in on me, but as my head was looking down I just got bits of windscreen in my hair.
When I looked up (remember this is happening in milliseconds) there was a yellow Ford Sierra in mid air flying in front of us, it did a wierd left turn in mid air and slammed into a fence.
My mate who was driving pulled over, well he had to, he had no windscreen, and went to check out the guy in the yellow sierra. He came back and said to me to not go look. I won't repeat the description he gave of state of the guy in the car. A bomb had gone off in it.
So we just sat there and waiting for the police to turn up while my mate vomited.
What a cheery thread this is. Does anyone have any uplifting or insightful stories?
JTL
As I did that the windscreen came in on me, but as my head was looking down I just got bits of windscreen in my hair.
When I looked up (remember this is happening in milliseconds) there was a yellow Ford Sierra in mid air flying in front of us, it did a wierd left turn in mid air and slammed into a fence.
My mate who was driving pulled over, well he had to, he had no windscreen, and went to check out the guy in the yellow sierra. He came back and said to me to not go look. I won't repeat the description he gave of state of the guy in the car. A bomb had gone off in it.
So we just sat there and waiting for the police to turn up while my mate vomited.
What a cheery thread this is. Does anyone have any uplifting or insightful stories?
JTL
Mar 12th 2010, 10:31 am
#67
Handsome Internet Guy
Joined: Feb 2008
Location: WA
Posts: 6,116
Re: Tell me a story.. No really, tell me a real story
ASSAULTED BY A TURKEY ?
Now I am a pretty calm guy and not many things would cause me to support the mass slaying of an entire species but to this day I have a bit of satisfaction every time I eat a turkey sandwich.
On my last delivery before I head back to the office I notice the gate has "Beware of the Turkey" written on it.
I pull up to the house and walk up the driveway. As I approach a very nervous looking woman meets me at the porch and ushers me into the screened awning and takes her mail while looking around. She obviously wasn't kidding when she wanted to avoid said turkey. "So you see the Turkey?" she asks. I kind of grinned and said no. I wasn't sure if she was kidding or crazy. She smiles and enters the house. I turn around and head back to my van.
Standing there near the bonnet of my van with the gaze of a gunfighter at high noon was Mr. Turkey. I don't know exactly what I did to insult this turkey but he looked at me like I was the six fingered man in The Princess Bride.
I tried to strafe calmly towards the drivers door while trying not to excite the turkey. As I got closer he let out a turkey war cry and charged after me. I ran in a tight circle around my van and jumped into the passenger side door and slammed it shut. As he reached the door he unleashed a flurry of pecks at the glass and paint . As soon as I could I hopped into the driver seat and gunned it out of the driveway. "Shit, that was crazy!" I thought to myself under the impression the ordeal was over.
I was stuck in traffic at a junction not 20 yards away from the house and Mr. Turkey had chased me down the road. Imagine the confusion of the other cars trapped along with me as this deranged bird was jumping and pecking all over my van. Shortly after I had stopped an old woman pulled up behind me and managed to incite the rage of the turkey. He turned and jumped on her bonnet. I swear she must have shat her pants because she drove around me and blew the red light with the turkey on the front of her car. She hit a bump in the road as she flew through the junction and the turkey got tossed into oncoming traffic. The unfortunate driver who was about to cross the road slammed on his brakes nearly causing a pile-up.
Green light. I brave the turkey and drive quickly through the junction as soon as Mr. Turkey casts his gaze on some unfortunate couple in a convertible. All I can see in my rear view mirror is a flurry of feathers and a man punching in the air.
***** that turkey.
Now I am a pretty calm guy and not many things would cause me to support the mass slaying of an entire species but to this day I have a bit of satisfaction every time I eat a turkey sandwich.
On my last delivery before I head back to the office I notice the gate has "Beware of the Turkey" written on it.
I pull up to the house and walk up the driveway. As I approach a very nervous looking woman meets me at the porch and ushers me into the screened awning and takes her mail while looking around. She obviously wasn't kidding when she wanted to avoid said turkey. "So you see the Turkey?" she asks. I kind of grinned and said no. I wasn't sure if she was kidding or crazy. She smiles and enters the house. I turn around and head back to my van.
Standing there near the bonnet of my van with the gaze of a gunfighter at high noon was Mr. Turkey. I don't know exactly what I did to insult this turkey but he looked at me like I was the six fingered man in The Princess Bride.
I tried to strafe calmly towards the drivers door while trying not to excite the turkey. As I got closer he let out a turkey war cry and charged after me. I ran in a tight circle around my van and jumped into the passenger side door and slammed it shut. As he reached the door he unleashed a flurry of pecks at the glass and paint . As soon as I could I hopped into the driver seat and gunned it out of the driveway. "Shit, that was crazy!" I thought to myself under the impression the ordeal was over.
I was stuck in traffic at a junction not 20 yards away from the house and Mr. Turkey had chased me down the road. Imagine the confusion of the other cars trapped along with me as this deranged bird was jumping and pecking all over my van. Shortly after I had stopped an old woman pulled up behind me and managed to incite the rage of the turkey. He turned and jumped on her bonnet. I swear she must have shat her pants because she drove around me and blew the red light with the turkey on the front of her car. She hit a bump in the road as she flew through the junction and the turkey got tossed into oncoming traffic. The unfortunate driver who was about to cross the road slammed on his brakes nearly causing a pile-up.
Green light. I brave the turkey and drive quickly through the junction as soon as Mr. Turkey casts his gaze on some unfortunate couple in a convertible. All I can see in my rear view mirror is a flurry of feathers and a man punching in the air.
***** that turkey.
Mar 12th 2010, 12:34 pm
#68
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2004
Location: Birkdale QLD
Posts: 7,642
Re: Tell me a story.. No really, tell me a real story
Oh just remembered one, and it ties the two threads I've been reading tonight.
I was in an apartment in Dublin, and was trying to make some toast. But for some reason the toaster wasn't heating up the bread. So I took the bread out, and turned the toaster on again, and still there was no heat.
So I put my hand in to the toaster to see if there was any heat coming from it.
Needless to say I was blown across the kitchen with a toaster attached to my hand that I managed to eventually dislodge.
It took me at least a day to recover from that electric shock, because it went on for what felt like hours, but was probably 30 seconds.
JTL
(and I think the Simpsons stole that story from me)
I was in an apartment in Dublin, and was trying to make some toast. But for some reason the toaster wasn't heating up the bread. So I took the bread out, and turned the toaster on again, and still there was no heat.
So I put my hand in to the toaster to see if there was any heat coming from it.
Needless to say I was blown across the kitchen with a toaster attached to my hand that I managed to eventually dislodge.
It took me at least a day to recover from that electric shock, because it went on for what felt like hours, but was probably 30 seconds.
JTL
(and I think the Simpsons stole that story from me)
Mar 12th 2010, 1:22 pm
#69
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 23,400
Re: Tell me a story.. No really, tell me a real story
ASSAULTED BY A TURKEY ?
Now I am a pretty calm guy and not many things would cause me to support the mass slaying of an entire species but to this day I have a bit of satisfaction every time I eat a turkey sandwich.
On my last delivery before I head back to the office I notice the gate has "Beware of the Turkey" written on it.
I pull up to the house and walk up the driveway. As I approach a very nervous looking woman meets me at the porch and ushers me into the screened awning and takes her mail while looking around. She obviously wasn't kidding when she wanted to avoid said turkey. "So you see the Turkey?" she asks. I kind of grinned and said no. I wasn't sure if she was kidding or crazy. She smiles and enters the house. I turn around and head back to my van.
Standing there near the bonnet of my van with the gaze of a gunfighter at high noon was Mr. Turkey. I don't know exactly what I did to insult this turkey but he looked at me like I was the six fingered man in The Princess Bride.
I tried to strafe calmly towards the drivers door while trying not to excite the turkey. As I got closer he let out a turkey war cry and charged after me. I ran in a tight circle around my van and jumped into the passenger side door and slammed it shut. As he reached the door he unleashed a flurry of pecks at the glass and paint . As soon as I could I hopped into the driver seat and gunned it out of the driveway. "Shit, that was crazy!" I thought to myself under the impression the ordeal was over.
I was stuck in traffic at a junction not 20 yards away from the house and Mr. Turkey had chased me down the road. Imagine the confusion of the other cars trapped along with me as this deranged bird was jumping and pecking all over my van. Shortly after I had stopped an old woman pulled up behind me and managed to incite the rage of the turkey. He turned and jumped on her bonnet. I swear she must have shat her pants because she drove around me and blew the red light with the turkey on the front of her car. She hit a bump in the road as she flew through the junction and the turkey got tossed into oncoming traffic. The unfortunate driver who was about to cross the road slammed on his brakes nearly causing a pile-up.
Green light. I brave the turkey and drive quickly through the junction as soon as Mr. Turkey casts his gaze on some unfortunate couple in a convertible. All I can see in my rear view mirror is a flurry of feathers and a man punching in the air.
***** that turkey.
Now I am a pretty calm guy and not many things would cause me to support the mass slaying of an entire species but to this day I have a bit of satisfaction every time I eat a turkey sandwich.
On my last delivery before I head back to the office I notice the gate has "Beware of the Turkey" written on it.
I pull up to the house and walk up the driveway. As I approach a very nervous looking woman meets me at the porch and ushers me into the screened awning and takes her mail while looking around. She obviously wasn't kidding when she wanted to avoid said turkey. "So you see the Turkey?" she asks. I kind of grinned and said no. I wasn't sure if she was kidding or crazy. She smiles and enters the house. I turn around and head back to my van.
Standing there near the bonnet of my van with the gaze of a gunfighter at high noon was Mr. Turkey. I don't know exactly what I did to insult this turkey but he looked at me like I was the six fingered man in The Princess Bride.
I tried to strafe calmly towards the drivers door while trying not to excite the turkey. As I got closer he let out a turkey war cry and charged after me. I ran in a tight circle around my van and jumped into the passenger side door and slammed it shut. As he reached the door he unleashed a flurry of pecks at the glass and paint . As soon as I could I hopped into the driver seat and gunned it out of the driveway. "Shit, that was crazy!" I thought to myself under the impression the ordeal was over.
I was stuck in traffic at a junction not 20 yards away from the house and Mr. Turkey had chased me down the road. Imagine the confusion of the other cars trapped along with me as this deranged bird was jumping and pecking all over my van. Shortly after I had stopped an old woman pulled up behind me and managed to incite the rage of the turkey. He turned and jumped on her bonnet. I swear she must have shat her pants because she drove around me and blew the red light with the turkey on the front of her car. She hit a bump in the road as she flew through the junction and the turkey got tossed into oncoming traffic. The unfortunate driver who was about to cross the road slammed on his brakes nearly causing a pile-up.
Green light. I brave the turkey and drive quickly through the junction as soon as Mr. Turkey casts his gaze on some unfortunate couple in a convertible. All I can see in my rear view mirror is a flurry of feathers and a man punching in the air.
***** that turkey.
Mar 12th 2010, 1:29 pm
#70
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 23,400
Re: Tell me a story.. No really, tell me a real story
I was in a car being driven by a friend from Uni in Belfast. There was a loud BANG, and as it was a shitty old car I assumed the suspension had broken or a wheel had fallen off, so I looked down.
As I did that the windscreen came in on me, but as my head was looking down I just got bits of windscreen in my hair.
When I looked up (remember this is happening in milliseconds) there was a yellow Ford Sierra in mid air flying in front of us, it did a wierd left turn in mid air and slammed into a fence.
My mate who was driving pulled over, well he had to, he had no windscreen, and went to check out the guy in the yellow sierra. He came back and said to me to not go look. I won't repeat the description he gave of state of the guy in the car. A bomb had gone off in it.
So we just sat there and waiting for the police to turn up while my mate vomited.
What a cheery thread this is. Does anyone have any uplifting or insightful stories?
JTL
As I did that the windscreen came in on me, but as my head was looking down I just got bits of windscreen in my hair.
When I looked up (remember this is happening in milliseconds) there was a yellow Ford Sierra in mid air flying in front of us, it did a wierd left turn in mid air and slammed into a fence.
My mate who was driving pulled over, well he had to, he had no windscreen, and went to check out the guy in the yellow sierra. He came back and said to me to not go look. I won't repeat the description he gave of state of the guy in the car. A bomb had gone off in it.
So we just sat there and waiting for the police to turn up while my mate vomited.
What a cheery thread this is. Does anyone have any uplifting or insightful stories?
JTL
I needed to take a dump so I went to the toilet that happened to be right near other diners. I went in and realised I was quite desperate and literally filled the pan up.
Honestly I was in there ages, far longer than my usual one I do in Big W (a regular habit and Mr PP dispairs of me).I got up to pull the chain and was mortified to see a sign saying something like 'toilet out of order' and I glanced down and saw no water in the pan at all. That was it, I had made a faecal mountain and no way of disposing it, so I did what any decent honest person would do, I sneaked out of the door unseen and went back to my seat. How noone noticed me coming out I do not know.
A few moments later I saw a waiter go by with rubber gloves on and I think a bucket but I cant remember, shouting 'Bloody tourists they cannot read!' and then some diners who were making gagging noises, some holding their noses were moved to other tables.
Mr PP looked at me in horror and said 'That was you wasn't it?' I just shrugged my shoulders and carried on eating.
I pity the poor waiter cleaning out that toilet because dropping my guts did not cover it.
Mar 12th 2010, 1:38 pm
#71
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2004
Location: Birkdale QLD
Posts: 7,642
Re: Tell me a story.. No really, tell me a real story
Well Ive posted this before but Mr PP and I were in Italy having lunch in some cafe or other.
I needed to take a dump so I went to the toilet that happened to be right near other diners. I went in and realised I was quite desperate and literally filled the pan up. Honestly I was in there ages, far longer than my usual one I do in Big W (a regular habit and Mr PP dispairs of me).
I got up to pull the chain and was mortified to see a sign saying something like 'toilet out of order' and I glanced down and saw no water in the pan at all. That was it, I had made a faecal mountain and no way of disposing it, so I did what any decent honest person would do, I sneaked out of the door unseen and went back to my seat. How noone noticed me coming out I do not know.
A few moments later I saw a waiter go by with rubber gloves on and I think a bucket but I cant remember, shouting 'Bloody tourists they cannot read!' and then some diners who were making gagging noises, some holding their noses were moved to other tables.
Mr PP looked at me in horror and said 'That was you wasn't it?' I just shrugged my shoulders and carried on eating.
I pity the poor waiter cleaning out that toilet because dropping my guts did not cover it.
I needed to take a dump so I went to the toilet that happened to be right near other diners. I went in and realised I was quite desperate and literally filled the pan up.
Honestly I was in there ages, far longer than my usual one I do in Big W (a regular habit and Mr PP dispairs of me).I got up to pull the chain and was mortified to see a sign saying something like 'toilet out of order' and I glanced down and saw no water in the pan at all. That was it, I had made a faecal mountain and no way of disposing it, so I did what any decent honest person would do, I sneaked out of the door unseen and went back to my seat. How noone noticed me coming out I do not know.
A few moments later I saw a waiter go by with rubber gloves on and I think a bucket but I cant remember, shouting 'Bloody tourists they cannot read!' and then some diners who were making gagging noises, some holding their noses were moved to other tables.
Mr PP looked at me in horror and said 'That was you wasn't it?' I just shrugged my shoulders and carried on eating.
I pity the poor waiter cleaning out that toilet because dropping my guts did not cover it.
No matter how hard I tried I could not make myself go on to a train track.
JTL
Mar 12th 2010, 1:44 pm
#72
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 23,400
Re: Tell me a story.. No really, tell me a real story
I love your tales from Ireland though.
Mar 12th 2010, 4:29 pm
#73
Account Closed
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 380
Re: Tell me a story.. No really, tell me a real story
Mar 12th 2010, 8:05 pm
#74
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: Hill overlooking the SE Melbourne suburbs
Posts: 16,622
Re: Tell me a story.. No really, tell me a real story
I was having a jimmy on a train in Sweden, where the bowl was side on to the door, when I realised the door was not shut properly because a very attractive girl opened it. I had planned to freshen up a bit as well so had taken off my t-shirt and hung it on the door handle.
It fell off, so she smiled and in mid-stream she picked it up, and handed it to me, offering it to the free hand I had, the other was directing operations.
All of a sudden the plots of several hundred Scandinavian movies flashed through my mind - but alas, she was away and not hanging around...
and B
Had a curry in St Andrews, Scotland.
Got the train down to London the next day. By Durham I was making a series of regular trips to the commode. It was one of those situations where you missed the peace and calm, and privacy of your own home.
Mar 12th 2010, 10:46 pm
#75
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2008
Location: Sydney, previously Northern Ireland
Posts: 729
Re: Tell me a story.. No really, tell me a real story
You know the Darwin Awards? If they had something similar for Near Misses, surely JTL would rate a mention?