and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Hi

After spending the last year and a bit being totally excited and focused on everything OZ, crying with joy when all six of us got visas, spending hours researching places, properties, lifestyle etc, checking flights...
whats happening???? Suddenly I have second thoughts. Everything I hated here before doesn't seem quite as bad, including the wet Irish weather or the small town narrow mindedness. The friends I have and thought' oh well, they will visit us in OZ' have taken on a new importance . My positive thinking :' our eldest grown up boys will join us at least some time in the future' has turned into doubt and fear that maybe we are about to break up our family, take the children away from their friends and everything they know so well.

Is this normal???? I've gone from one extreme to the other. The adrenaline rush has turned into something resembling dread . I still want to give it a go, but its the permanence of the whole thing which is so scary. Don't want to turn into a Ping Ponger....
On the other hand I know that , should we decide not to even try it, the Irish rain would feel wetter again and I'd find loads to complain about.

I could picture myself in OZ, doing all the everyyday stuff, and now its gone and I want it back!!!!
Anyone else with experience of a ' split' mind ??

Mrs Ozbaz

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

I think it is.
In the years that I have been on this forum, that is one of the most common things that appears to happens shortly before the big day.

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Yes. I felt exactly the same and although not as bad now I still have days that I think what the hell have I done. I have been here 6 months now. The recent holiday period hasn't helped either. Many people I have met have said it can take 2 years to properly feel settled.

Good luck with your move. I am sure it is just fear of all things new!

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Your hesitation seems normal, cautious and healthy.

That sort of happened to us as well - just days before our visas were granted. Fear of the unknown and a few other considerations caused us to put our plans on ice. But like you we feel that it's something we have to do - and the sooner the better, before our lives and those of our sons become too attached to the UK.

Good luck, whatever you decide :)

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Bless you're heart - thats how I felt when we had packed everything up - all of a sudden though everything in my body shouted no don't do it, I started seeing everything here as rose coloured and missed everything before we even left......
We moved out there and due to other circumstances came back to the UK and in fact reality hit HARD and FAST within hours of being back here !!!
Our families weren't the family that I missed, I missed the ideal of how I wanted them to be, I missed the ideal of everything here, but i'm more miserable here in the UK than I was in Oz.

I think you need to try to find a way to focus on the bad things you're not going to miss here, to remember the terrible weather. An as awful as you WILL probably feel those first few months I've been reassured once you're settled in a rental with furniture and have a job or kids in school get chatting to a few people and get yourself busy things get better, you iwll probably have the occasional wobble but trust me I have had wobbles of missing Australia since we cam back here, I never thought I would when we left

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

I was exactly the same, couldnt get bk to the UK quick enough, now where almost ready to come bk to OZ (soon as house is rented out) and I feel very nervous again, its all the what ifs that go thru your mind, you can easily talk yourself out of anything, getting out of your comfort zone is really tough, but very rewarding!!! be brave

Bluekipper

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Mrs. Ozbaz I feel exactly the same.
We're just normal. :)

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Either that - or we're all abnormal together :p:D

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Sshhh! I think I'm doing a good cover up job here! :rofl:

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Hi,

Just had to reply to this, cos im so pleased im not the only one who is going through these emotions, its the unknown thats scary, taking the plunge, but i have now come to the conclusion im treating it as an adventure and taking one step at a time, i keep saying its better to regret the things you have done in life than the things
you didn't.:thumbsup:

Nicky

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

It is just like the pre-wedding jitters.
Although I never had serious doubts, and I feel settled here after 16 months, there are times when you think "What have I done?" - I miss stupid things like chocolate and gammon, but I've made new friends, DD is doing really well and is much happier, and OH, although working harder is also happier. The only time it seems a long way away is when something happens to the family, but you cannot put your life on hold for them or you end up having a limbo existance.
You are having perfectly normal feelings- treat it as an exciting holiday/adventure, and once you are here the number of times you have doubts will fade. I still feel slightly on holiday, mainly as I haven't worked here yet.

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

IT's a huge step & perfectly normal to have last minute doubts & worries.
The move only needs to be as permanent as you choose to make it.
Lots of luck:fingerscrossed::thumbsup:

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Madam,

Might I suggest you take a holiday under the shade of a coolibah tree? Perhaps a months constant southern summer sun sunshine downpour will renew your reverence for a more gentle rain.

http://images-1.redbubble.net/img/ar...ted-desert.jpg

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Not sure how many people really end up living in Breakaways WB!

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

And heaving masses live on sodden sod in Ireland.

Why?

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

so its all normal then?? Phew...never thought it would happen to me though !( becaus I am not normal??:lol:)
Thanks for all the replies , I will indeed sit under a Coolabah tree!

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Umm because they were born and grew up there. :blink:

As we've been told countless times on BE, it's not so simple to just upsticks and move from wherever you are. But that's another story...

I'm not native to the UK and will probably also have second thoughts about moving to Oz because of the upheaval factor, but not for too long I don't think. :D

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Err; because they could be born and grow up there. :blink:

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

We crapped out a few years ago, and binned the whole idea. Then about 6 months ago we jumped back in, got skills assessed, and a few weeks ago submitted the main application.

Right at this very moment my wife and i are sitting talking and still shitting ourselves and wondering if we're doing the right thing.

We call it "having an Oz day" those are the days you feel so buoyed up and raring to go, committed and passionate about the move.

The next day we're filled with dread and ready to bin it again.

It's perfectly normal to be feeling this way, don't sweat it, get the head down and do it, you've come so far after all. Get there and be prepared to want to come back to the UK on a regular basis.:fingerscrossed::thumbup:

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

The worlds most famous coolabah tree:
Burke and Wills Dig Tree, Thargomindah

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

I'm told its perfectly normal :)

We have sold our house, it settles on the 20th and I have the movers booked...our plan is to fly out on Feb 1st. I have had ALOT of 'WTF am I doing' moments recently. I think the holidays haven't helped and I have grown children that are staying behind, so its tough.

But I continue to look and move forward and I really do believe that things will be better for us there than here (Canada) and it will be a better place for our 9yr old daughter to grow up in.

Good luck!

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Phew I am feeling the same. Especially when I tell people our plans to move to OZ I am met with such responses as;
Your brave,
Why?,
I couldn't do it,
it's along way,
etc. etc.
Does make me question our decision.

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

feel for you ....exact same doubts happened to me. It had been a couple of years of careful planning, we had sold our house, lots of our stuff, were within touching distance of the dream then massive self doubt, are we doing the right thing. We pulled out of the sale. It was the right decision at the time because the stress of it all was a nightmare, but now I think we should have just gone for it. Wish we had a crystal ball. I do think we will eventually go for it, but I don't think the doubts and worries will go away, will have to live with them and just get on with it. I do know exactly how you feel, nothing anyone can say though will help, its a personal journey. Good luck with your journey.

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Those thought are normal we all have them it's called the rollercoaster of emigrating

the main things you need to think is flights are expensive your friends may not come to visit
having children and grandchildren in different continents may mean you are always torn in two

However you may also be as happy as Larry and love the lifestyle here we do and we have some good friends here too.

remember why you made the decision to emigrate in the first place :thumbsup:

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

It is soooooooo normal to feel like this. The things you hate dont seem too bad at the moment cos you know that you are leaving them behind & thats why they dont bother you anymore... We were originally applying back in 2005 but my OH bottled it & wouldn't apply :frown: So June 2007 we finally did it & we have been here 11 weeks now & absolutely love it..... May sound really silly but I think facebook is fantastic especially for chatting to your friends & family on a daily basis, they are still there for advice & support even tho they are miles away... I also use Skype to speak to my mum & dad & for the kids to keep intouch...
It will all be good in the end. Get yourselves over here & start living the dream. My OH is now saying we should have done it years ago :sneaky:

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Positive thought there. Just booked our furniture in with removal company it is going on the 2nd June so I went into panic mode again yesterdy. We have just set my mum and mum-in-law up with Skype. My mum asked if she had too speak louder on Sype when we go over to Oz:rofl:

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

:eek::rofl::lol::eek::rofl::lol:

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

I have days where I'm really excited and can't wait, but then if I talk about actually leaving my family and friends then I'm holding tears back. I know for a fact I'll be a mess on the way over and probably want to go home for a good while.....much to the annoyance of my husband who keeps telling me I better not be like that or we're not going :frown: but I think once we're there I'll have to just take each day as it comes and try to keep occupied.

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

I remember the day our visa came through 19 months after applying for it - we were in South West Africa at the time and as soon as I got the news, all the waiting, hoping, planning of the past two years suddenly seemed insignificant - I felt physically sick because it had become real.

When I booked the flights I didnt feel the euphoria I thought I would feel, I felt devastated yet excited (now that doesnt make sense I know).

I then lived off the adrenaline that it takes to organise shippers, pet export and a new life, and while that was going on I would not allow myself to think of my family/friends.

We had our leaving party and family members were crying their eyes out - except me. My doctor had given me tablets to calm me down as I was going days without sleep, so I must have come across as hard and uncaring.

I remember my 15 year old neice hanging on to me telling me she loved me, I remember two of my friends going to the export kennels to drop my cat off and when I said goodbye to my cat, I was crying as the realisation hit me that I was crying because I was saying goodbye to my friends who are both in very poor health and looked so fragile standing by the cattery, crying at me crying at my cat:o

Then I said goodbye to my friends in Harrow when they dropped me off, one of my friends felt so frail as I hugged her and I felt like the worst friend ever for leaving her when I know how ill she is, I walked down the high street bawling like a kid while they drove off also crying.

The last real goodbye was saying goodbye to my Dad on the underground, he squeezed my shoulder and told me not to forget I have a dad who loves me in England.

I still felt numb and hugged him by the ticket barriers and said in a detached way 'Ill call you at the airport' and without even looking back I ran onto the train. Dad said one minute I was there and the next I was gone.

The last night in my flat was spent crying - Mr PP said he never thought it possible for someone to cry so much and for so long.

Mr PPs brother came to the airport with us and was tearful when he said goodbye which nearly set me off again. When we walked down the tunnel to get on our plane, I saw the plane and felt sick - I didnt know what to do, this took years in the planning - about 4 years, why did I feel like this?

By the time we landed in Perth airport I looked so ill, as though the past 4 years had caught up.

The first few weeks were spent 'plotting' rabies injections for the cat should I need an 'escape route' and more than once I craved the security of my tatty London rental house and it was sheer inner strength that kept me from bolting back.

My advice to you would be to make the most of every single second with your family, don't rub your new life abroad in their faces yet make it clear to them how much you will miss them.

Say it, mean it and do so every day because I so regret the drug induced detachment that took over me when I said goodbye to my dad at the underground.

If I could turn the clock back I would have hung on to him, spent more time with him instead of packing stupid boxes, and made that goodbye really count.

Because its been nearly 2 years now and I havent seen him, so much has happened to my family since then and I wish I had made more of an effort in the lead up to our migration to spend time with them.

They are not going to be happy for you Im afraid. You are leaving them and it takes great finance, time, distance and travel to see you and in the event of an emergency, there is no such thing as 'only 24 hours away' and they know it.

Do what you have to do for your family but please treasure these moments now.

Is it normal to feel like this? Hell yes.

(I still dream about my family most nights and love living in Perth, realise its my home but have a huge part of me tinged with sadness)

:o

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Townsville is so luvelly in winter.

You should see it at this time of year...:ohmy:
:rofl::rofl:
WW

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

It's just human nature really, isn't it? Once you have kids and responsibilities you become more cautious about decisions in your life. Much like when you get a new job, you spend the whole interview period doing your hardest to get the job, then they offer it to you and suddenly you have fear of the unknown. I am lucky, as I came over here with no responsibilities or kids and so the move for me was simple and really exciting, but I know now that when I get offered new jobs I get that same fear as you as I have a lot riding on my shoulders. If you've planned this well and have good contingency plans then there shouldn't really be too much to worry about

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

A leetle damp maybe?:blink:

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

I've just read this after asking how you were getting along in my k message. I'm really happy for you. I remember the stress that you went through during the last couple of months before you left the UK so it's great to hear that you are enjoying your new life there. You deserve it! :thumbsup:

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

Brownsville. Damp??? :rofl::rofl:
Mt Isa upon Sea

WW

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

WOW. I think you needed to write that down. Thanks for sharing. At the moment I am sooo stressed I have thought about tablets. I am taking calms at the moment but I am finding organising everything very hard and it seems to be work thatt I can't cope with at the moment and don't want to be there. I think that because there is no let up in my stress levels at home at the moment, I am then going to work already full of stress then adding to it at work, adding to it at home, then back to work I cannot destress. I am now leaving work at the end of April so I have 8 weeks purely at home to sort out final things.

Re: and suddenly...second thoughts !
 

I've got tears in my eyes after reading this post.