roobush

Hello

Is there anyone out there who can give me some advice on how I can help my son? We are planning to move out to oz in january 2011.

He is only just four and told me today he is very sad to be leaving his school and all his friends. I know he is sad as he has told me before, but he seems to be getting very withdrawn and worried looking these days about it.

I told him I understood that he feels this way and it's ok to feel like this.

I then said very positively that he will make lots of new friends in australia which will be fun and exciting.

He didn't seem convinced.

Are there any parents out there who can empathize with this?
How did you deal with it?
Did it get easier once they are in oz or do they still mention missing their friends etc?

merry chrimbo! roobush

pink13

Hi roobush,

Well my son is a few years older (11 ) but i have worked with lil ones for the last 4yr before moving here,
Just reassure him that it is ok to feel sad and that you feel the same, he is very young and although able to let you know what he is feeling he will be unable to process it,
let him know that although you will be a long way from friends and family he will be able to say hello over the internet (skype is fantastic and fun), he will make new friends as they do really easy at his age,
allow him to release his feelings in any way that works for him, if that means him crying, getting angry, drawing, talking, whatever works let him know you will all be alright and that it is really exciting as well as a little frightening,
not sure but i bet someone out there has cashed in on writing a childrens book about it which might help(if not maybe a business idea there)
It really is just about making him feel ok about how he is feeling and letting him go through it with you there to support him
there will be lots of people on here who have younger children who will probably give you more advice,
I have always moved round the UK with my children when they were younger and i used to make it into an adventure, buy them a teddy with a little case of it own, ask them about what they thought it was going to be like, what they were worried about, look at pictures of the area,

good luck and don't worry to much our lil ones are a lot more resilient than we think they are

Pink x

spartacus

I can totally empathise, my son was exactly the same . . . I bought him a Playstation . . .

curly

We bought ours a dog


Seriously sounds terrible but bribery does work wonders! Our two were 10 and 16 and neither wanted to come! Now neither want to go back for even a holiday. Don't stress he's very young and will be absolutely fine

Bernieboy

Yeah very nice, but did you bring him with you to oz

quoll

Kids are generally quite resilient and I wouldnt be talking about it all the time, no matter how excited or stressed you are just keep it very quiet and normal. Of course he will be sad, so will you and when he gets old enough he may well return on his own - once kids hit about 20 they tend to want to escape from Australia to see the rest of the world. For the moment, though, he is 4 and he just goes along for the ride - dont make extravagant promises or bribes just take it for granted that he will be there and things will be just fine and chances are that they will.

You might just have to be a bit vigilant with extended family - grandparents can be quite insensitive with the "oh you wont be here with us for Christmas" or "we wont see you on your next birthday" remarks and while of course they are quite true they are a sort of emotional blackmail and make a little chap feel worse.

It will be different for him growing up though - we were a little family unit and very successfully self sufficient in that way but both my boys have now partnered with girls with huge local extended family/social networks (one in Aus one in UK) and both have commented independently at just how isolated we were as a family even though we had plenty of friends - both now make the most of their extended family when they get the chance but realize the isolation of their childhood.

avi

my youngest is a bit the same she is 8.

What I have done is show her the school we are gonna send her to in oz in a brochure form and also on the net. We show her houses we might rent and explain in detail so she understands and it is not the unknown and therefore scary. Seems to have worked

and no bribary involved (smug look)

ducks behind chair to avoid missles

jothefw

I can totally understand your situation as well!

My boys were 3 and 5 and my eldest (the more sensitive of the two) was most concerned about leaving his school and friends. As you say, quite tearful and generally worried.

I'm a fan of bribery in young children too Useful in it's time and place. It could be as easy as new bed linen for his room in Australia, or more expensive like a DS (handy for the plane!). It could be a new book - it depends on your child of course, and your budget!

2nd - lots of talking about the new things. As someone else said, the more you discuss, the less it becomes the big unknown! Children are often scared of what they don't understand. I was aware that my husband and I stopped discussing some elements of the move in front of the children because we didn't want them to worry but in the end our change of subjects meant they were worrying more! It's a learning curve!

I've waffled enough but I will conclude that it was 2 weeks of being here, started school, new home, no toys for another 6 weeks but my eldest then quietly, said "I understand why we're here mum!"

TiddlyPom

I told my son that there was a little boy and girl just waiting in Australia to be his friends... except that the little boy and girl didn't know that just yet. And then I talked with my son (and my older daughter) about how they were going to bring lovely things with them to this person's life...
And we talked about what they might look like and what sort of person they might be... and in all that excitement about the new people in his life, he quite forgot to be sad about the people he lost and started thinking about the people he was going to gain....

Amazulu

He'll get over it.

TiddlyPom

You're so tough.

But right.

roobush

Thank you so much to everyone who replied, I can't tell you how much better I feel for reading the responses and to know that I'm not the only one who has this "problem".

I will take all the advice given on board and use it wisely, it's such a relief to know that other parents have gone through this as well and come through it on the other side!

bestest wishes
roobush

Laights

Once he gets here and into pre-school or school he will make lots of friends, young children are very adaptable.

If he is into Thomas the Tank engine there is one that runs along the Esplanade on a weekend it costs about $3.50, also there is an old fashioned carousel that he can go on. I have got some pictures somewhere if you think he would be interested.

Lisa

eddie007

Ours were 17, 10, 8 and 7 when we came..

Made a point of being very up beat about the whole oz thing.. Excited... And matter of fact about the sadness of leaving...

Acknowledging it but not dwelling on it

When we arrived we went straight to bunnings and brought a bag of cement.. A teaspoon each a day for three months soon helped them to HTFU...

floss in dubai

We bought ours a cat while in Dubai. Worked a treat.