sasbear

Well folks I would value your input here. For those of you (newbies) who won't know me (as I haven't been on here for a while now), I emigrated out here with hubby almost 8 years ago. Marraige broke down approx 2 years ago and have been separated for 20 months or so now.

Initially, Hubby sent angry message that he was going to divorce me and just needed a copy of the marraige certificate. I was fekkin annoyed as he could never do anything on off his own bat without asking for something from me - and here he was, asking for the bloody certificate. Me being spiteful (and angry that he stole from me) told him to get his own copy from the UK.

Not heard a thing for almost 9 months now so presume he is not going ahead with his plan. I checked with step-daughter and she has no idea either....suffice to say I really would like to be divorced but I am loathed to have to be the one to initiate is. The cost is the main thing - I really do feel an aversion to throwing any more moeny after the b&$#@d.

So am I being stubborn and what would you do?

carolinephillips

Make it final so you can get on with your life without having to think of him or worry that he'll try some new trick.

Cheetah7

There is no benefit to him being in your life, I would do everything in my power to get this divorce underway, you wont be throwing money away you will be securing your future, your freedom and drawing a line under a dark period of your life.

You wont even remember the cost in a few years but you will remember each and every shitty thing he put you through so I would cough up, do what you have to in order to be released from this marriage and only then will you be free to move on.

If however, you want to stay married to him which is the bottom line, then dont agree to the divorce but in all honesty, you have nothing to gain from doing that.

The quicker it is over the better for you - money is money, it comes and goes but the freedom that is afforded us ticks away until we are at an age to not appreciate it.

sasbear

I def do not want to remain married to him...this much I know.

I am really peeved over the $$ it will cost tho and am loathe to begin the proceedings..I just see it as more money...and I vowed to myself to not spend one more cent over him.

Sally Redux

I say get it over with.

Cheetah7

Then if that is the main reason, I would leave it and let him do it all as and when he sees fit but he may never want to and may never will.

Money can buy happiness when it comes to divorce proceedings but if you weigh up what is the most important and money really is an issue, then it is a matter of taking the gamble on if he wants to divorce and if he is prepared to pay for the divorce and if not, if you can find away of staying married without any of the hassles that go with it.

Kelli28

If you have children you both need to go through mediation before the divorce, if you don't and meet the two yr requirement I'd see if he will do the joint application first before you file a solo case.

Luthien

First thing I would do is make sure your will and superannuation is up to date. God forbid something should happen but I would spit chips if he lined up or sued my executors for a share of my estate.

sasbear

No children. All finances settled in court with consent orders - not seen the bloke in over 20 months and don't know his address. I did wonder it might be worth getting in touch to see if he wanted to share the cost - but I don't trust him.

Cheetah7

Honestly Sass, I would pay and get it sorted and would not rely on him for anything, you have been self sufficient up until now and I would not let him have any more control in your life purely because of resenting the cost.

ozzieeagle

Isnt it a rubber stamp type of thing ? Costing less than 1K ?

I honestly dont know about the cost of these things.

sasbear

looking at fees online this morning and think it was something like approx $700 to do it yourself - but if the consent orders DIY are anything to go by....i had three attempts at that (each time it cost me) and ended up using a solicitor.....

ozzieeagle

Hmmm sounds like it would definitely cost less than 2K then. Is 2K worth peace of mind if it brings you that ?

Unless spending the 2K on this is less palatable than obtaining the offical paperwork. Which I kind of understand.

Probably better of getting the super and other stuff sorted first, by the looks of the advice on here.

Hope it works out well for you.

sasbear

Thanks - yeah everything is 'sorted' - all finances covered - house in my name - pensions and supers all agreed - monies paid. The only thing is the marriage.

1k is a lot to me right now - I am planning on going to UK for a visit so saving like mad - I do not have the spare $$$ and I find it difficult to use hard earned $$ to obtain a divorce. The bloke cost me so much more than $$ but when the chips are down he cost me $$ hard cash as well.

I I won a lot of money I wouldn't hesitate to divorce him so I suppose I am just reluctant to spend what i don't have on something I want him to pay for....

ozzieeagle

Wait till you can definitely and easily afford it then If this issue is causing you angst re doing the deed then it's the wrong time. Try and put it out of your mind and look forwards to and and enjoy your holiday.