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-   -   Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS) (https://britishexpats.com/forum/barbie-92/sexual-lubricants-what-not-use-adults-483314/)

Luke I Amyofath Sep 25th 2007 2:55 am

Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
The wife had surgery on her uteris last week so ive been a bit horny since because she's not quite up to sex just yet, so on Sunday morning as I give her a hug and quick feel of her boobs it made sense for her to smack me, tell me I wasnt getting any sex and also called me a dirty old horny bugger.

It must have been my charm........ What ever it was I got her to agree to a quickie boob sex and so off she went to get the hand cream. She gives me this little tube about twice the size of a lipstick and I rub a bit into the cleavage and go right to town.

After a while I said to the wife "feels like a bit of friction going on", too horny to stop off I go again. A couple minutes go by and I cant stand it any longer. It feels like my member has been dipped in hot tar so off I run into the shower trying desperately to put the fire down below out to no avail.

No matter what I did the burning carried on. It got so bad I grabbed my swimmers and sped to the local pool for a real long soak.

So for those of you who may find themselves in a similar position, my advise is to not use The Sanctuary brand body lotion as a lubricant. It has ginger in it, and its bloody hot on those sensitive male parts.

bridie Sep 25th 2007 2:58 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
PMSL that is the funniest thing I've read in ages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol: :rofl: :lol:

Ransi Sep 25th 2007 2:58 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
I will make a note of it...

Centurion Sep 25th 2007 3:00 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
Poor bastard. Made me laugh though I'm afraid. :rofl:

Hat off for getting to the position of being able to use said lubricant though!

Luke I Amyofath Sep 25th 2007 3:03 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by Centurion (Post 5350804)
Poor bastard. Made me laugh though I'm afraid. :rofl:

Hat off for getting to the position of being able to use said lubricant though!

Well she did have a choice, if you know what I mean ;)

Vanessa Sep 25th 2007 3:24 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by Luke I Amyofath (Post 5350791)

So for those of you who may find themselves in a similar position, my advise is to not use The Sanctuary brand body lotion as a lubricant. It has ginger in it, and its bloody hot on those sensitive male parts.

it could have been worse - she could have grabbed a tube of Deep Heat :eek:

or Veet - it would have then been hot and bald!

Wendy Sep 25th 2007 3:26 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by Vanessa (Post 5350835)
it could have been worse - she could have grabbed a tube of Deep Heat :eek:

Maybe she mixed some of that in :D

renth Sep 25th 2007 3:31 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
ROTFL

nightnurse2 Sep 25th 2007 3:42 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
Tooooooooooo much information ;)

nickyjohnt Sep 25th 2007 3:44 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
That is so funny !! should of gone straight to the freezer and stuck it in a

tub of ice cream :rofl:


Nicky

gedge Sep 25th 2007 3:48 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by nickyjohnt (Post 5350869)
That is so funny !! should of gone straight to the freezer and stuck it in a

tub of ice cream :rofl:


Nicky

eww, no ice cream dessert for me tonight thank you

nickyjohnt Sep 25th 2007 4:06 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by gedge (Post 5350872)
eww, no ice cream dessert for me tonight thank you


I could be a new flavour !

Hot ginger knob ! :rofl:

sasbear Sep 25th 2007 4:15 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by nickyjohnt (Post 5350900)
I could be a new flavour !

Hot ginger knob ! :rofl:

Funny as F:rofl:

bridie Sep 25th 2007 4:15 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by nickyjohnt (Post 5350900)
I could be a new flavour !

Hot ginger knob ! :rofl:

:lol:

gedge Sep 25th 2007 4:27 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by nickyjohnt (Post 5350900)
I could be a new flavour !

Hot ginger knob ! :rofl:

would you like curly pu... i mean sprinkles on that?

moneypenny20 Sep 25th 2007 4:30 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
PMSL. Don't care if you made it up. It's classic :rofl: Serves you right for only thinking about yourself when she's obviously not feeling her best. Are you sure she didn't get you to use it on purpose :lol:

DebraH Sep 25th 2007 5:35 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
:omg_smile:that is so funny:rofl:



obviously not for you though;)

charb Sep 25th 2007 5:48 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by DebraH (Post 5351027)
:omg_smile:that is so funny:rofl:



obviously not for you though;)

lmfao !!! Brilliant - or though not for you !!!

St.Georges Girl Sep 25th 2007 5:55 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
That is funny...., but you do realise by making it public that your little 'incident' will now be talked about at many a social get together. A friend of ours in England had just got out of the shower and was prancing around naked trying to get the OH to 'touch' him. What he didn't know was, she had just rubbed their sons aching leg with Deep Heat and had gone into their bathroom to wash her hands. Yes, it hurt. So much so, that he took himself off to the local hospital that night as it wouldn't stop stinging. Oh the embarrassment of it when he was shown into a cubicle to undress and in walked another friend of ours who was a casualty nurse there. Of course, we never let him forget it.:lol:

chris and farideh Sep 25th 2007 6:02 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
I have not laugh so much, for very long time,:rofl:
it's just classic.

Ray Sep 25th 2007 6:08 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
Pleeeease ..just use the best ..various port covered ....
..allegedly

http://www.astroglide.com/

St.Georges Girl Sep 25th 2007 6:10 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by Ray (Post 5351071)
Pleeeease ..just use the best ..various port covered ....
..allegedly

http://www.astroglide.com/

Free samples, but in US only.

biggy Sep 25th 2007 6:21 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by St.Georges Girl (Post 5351074)
Free samples, but in US only.

is that a cross between a hob nob and a ginger nut........................New from McVities the Ginger Knob.............hahahaha

curly Sep 25th 2007 6:24 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by biggy (Post 5351095)
is that a cross between a hob nob and a ginger nut........................New from McVities the Ginger Knob.............hahahaha

good for dunking ;)

Streaks Sep 25th 2007 6:30 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by curly (Post 5351100)
good for dunking ;)

but not rubbing :rofl:

Nu-Shooz Sep 25th 2007 6:36 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by Luke I Amyofath (Post 5350791)
The wife had surgery on her uteris last week so ive been a bit horny since because she's not quite up to sex just yet, so on Sunday morning as I give her a hug and quick feel of her boobs it made sense for her to smack me, tell me I wasnt getting any sex and also called me a dirty old horny bugger.

It must have been my charm........ What ever it was I got her to agree to a quickie boob sex and so off she went to get the hand cream. She gives me this little tube about twice the size of a lipstick and I rub a bit into the cleavage and go right to town.

After a while I said to the wife "feels like a bit of friction going on", too horny to stop off I go again. A couple minutes go by and I cant stand it any longer. It feels like my member has been dipped in hot tar so off I run into the shower trying desperately to put the fire down below out to no avail.

No matter what I did the burning carried on. It got so bad I grabbed my swimmers and sped to the local pool for a real long soak.

So for those of you who may find themselves in a similar position, my advise is to not use The Sanctuary brand body lotion as a lubricant. It has ginger in it, and its bloody hot on those sensitive male parts.


A titty wank:lol: ya dirty bugga!!!

biggy Sep 25th 2007 6:37 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by curly (Post 5351100)
good for dunking ;)

as long as the cream filling doesnae drip in yer coffee haha

curly Sep 25th 2007 6:38 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by biggy (Post 5351133)
as long as the cream filling doesnae drip in yer coffee haha

curdled cappuccino :rofl:

biggy Sep 25th 2007 6:43 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by curly (Post 5351138)
curdled cappuccino :rofl:

with a salty aftertaste hehe

curly Sep 25th 2007 6:50 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by biggy (Post 5351157)
with a salty aftertaste hehe

eeeuuuuuughhhhhhhh :ohmy:

Sheff_Sparky Sep 25th 2007 7:25 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
:rofl::rofl::rofl::thumbsup:

Fat Bloke Sep 25th 2007 7:38 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
I have found that my prowess in the bedroom means that lubricant is a thing of the past in this house.

Ha ha ginger bollox. :lol:

Clippy Sep 25th 2007 7:43 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
:rofl::rofl:

Now what am I gonna do with my sanctuary body lotion!! Can't use that again after reading this, gonna make me go all queasy every time I smell the ginger!

biggy Sep 25th 2007 7:54 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by Clippies (Post 5351295)
:rofl::rofl:

Now what am I gonna do with my sanctuary body lotion!! Can't use that again after reading this, gonna make me go all queasy every time I smell the ginger!

or if anybody sits down next to you and smells of the stuff you will be thinkin durty bugger a know what uve been up to lol

Clippy Sep 25th 2007 7:58 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Originally Posted by biggy (Post 5351327)
or if anybody sits down next to you and smells of the stuff you will be thinkin durty bugger a know what uve been up to lol

:rofl::rofl: well it'll be very worrying if Dale starts smelling of it :lol:

ah man I love the sanctuary stuff too!

black cat Sep 25th 2007 8:11 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
MIL allways buys me sanctuary stuff for my birthday!:sneaky: do you think shes trying to tell me something?:eek:

Kapri Sep 25th 2007 8:16 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
Men - tip number two.

try not to get horny when you are chopping chillies in the kitchen :rofl:

Sally Simpson Sep 25th 2007 8:23 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
Far too much information from the OP :eek: but this whole thread has really made me laugh this morning so thanks!:rofl:

Hutch Sep 25th 2007 9:53 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
:lol:

One word ...

http://www.ionikh.gr/ico/VaselineJelly.jpg

stuckinblighty Sep 25th 2007 10:18 am

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 
I once was 'fumbling' around in the dark and mistakenly grabbed the wella hair wax tub instead of the lube ,they were next to each other on the bedside table (well it was dark and we were a bit pissed)
My god it got sticky and the missus was rather tender the next day

wouldnt recommend it :thumbdown:

Lee:thumbdown:


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