Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

The wife had surgery on her uteris last week so ive been a bit horny since because she's not quite up to sex just yet, so on Sunday morning as I give her a hug and quick feel of her boobs it made sense for her to smack me, tell me I wasnt getting any sex and also called me a dirty old horny bugger.

It must have been my charm........ What ever it was I got her to agree to a quickie boob sex and so off she went to get the hand cream. She gives me this little tube about twice the size of a lipstick and I rub a bit into the cleavage and go right to town.

After a while I said to the wife "feels like a bit of friction going on", too horny to stop off I go again. A couple minutes go by and I cant stand it any longer. It feels like my member has been dipped in hot tar so off I run into the shower trying desperately to put the fire down below out to no avail.

No matter what I did the burning carried on. It got so bad I grabbed my swimmers and sped to the local pool for a real long soak.

So for those of you who may find themselves in a similar position, my advise is to not use The Sanctuary brand body lotion as a lubricant. It has ginger in it, and its bloody hot on those sensitive male parts.

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

PMSL that is the funniest thing I've read in ages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol: :rofl: :lol:

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

I will make a note of it...

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Poor bastard. Made me laugh though I'm afraid. :rofl:

Hat off for getting to the position of being able to use said lubricant though!

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Well she did have a choice, if you know what I mean ;)

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

it could have been worse - she could have grabbed a tube of Deep Heat :eek:

or Veet - it would have then been hot and bald!

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Maybe she mixed some of that in :D

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

ROTFL

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Tooooooooooo much information ;)

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

That is so funny !! should of gone straight to the freezer and stuck it in a

tub of ice cream :rofl:


Nicky

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

eww, no ice cream dessert for me tonight thank you

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

I could be a new flavour !

Hot ginger knob ! :rofl:

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Funny as F:rofl:

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

:lol:

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

would you like curly pu... i mean sprinkles on that?

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

PMSL. Don't care if you made it up. It's classic :rofl: Serves you right for only thinking about yourself when she's obviously not feeling her best. Are you sure she didn't get you to use it on purpose :lol:

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

:omg_smile:that is so funny:rofl:



obviously not for you though;)

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

lmfao !!! Brilliant - or though not for you !!!

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

That is funny...., but you do realise by making it public that your little 'incident' will now be talked about at many a social get together. A friend of ours in England had just got out of the shower and was prancing around naked trying to get the OH to 'touch' him. What he didn't know was, she had just rubbed their sons aching leg with Deep Heat and had gone into their bathroom to wash her hands. Yes, it hurt. So much so, that he took himself off to the local hospital that night as it wouldn't stop stinging. Oh the embarrassment of it when he was shown into a cubicle to undress and in walked another friend of ours who was a casualty nurse there. Of course, we never let him forget it.:lol:

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

I have not laugh so much, for very long time,:rofl:
it's just classic.

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Pleeeease ..just use the best ..various port covered ....
..allegedly

http://www.astroglide.com/

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Free samples, but in US only.

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

is that a cross between a hob nob and a ginger nut........................New from McVities the Ginger Knob.............hahahaha

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

good for dunking ;)

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

but not rubbing :rofl:

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

A titty wank:lol: ya dirty bugga!!!

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

as long as the cream filling doesnae drip in yer coffee haha

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

curdled cappuccino :rofl:

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

with a salty aftertaste hehe

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

eeeuuuuuughhhhhhhh :ohmy:

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

:rofl::rofl::rofl::thumbsup:

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

I have found that my prowess in the bedroom means that lubricant is a thing of the past in this house.

Ha ha ginger bollox. :lol:

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

:rofl::rofl:

Now what am I gonna do with my sanctuary body lotion!! Can't use that again after reading this, gonna make me go all queasy every time I smell the ginger!

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

or if anybody sits down next to you and smells of the stuff you will be thinkin durty bugger a know what uve been up to lol

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

:rofl::rofl: well it'll be very worrying if Dale starts smelling of it :lol:

ah man I love the sanctuary stuff too!

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

MIL allways buys me sanctuary stuff for my birthday!:sneaky: do you think shes trying to tell me something?:eek:

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Men - tip number two.

try not to get horny when you are chopping chillies in the kitchen :rofl:

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

Far too much information from the OP :eek: but this whole thread has really made me laugh this morning so thanks!:rofl:

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

:lol:

One word ...

http://www.ionikh.gr/ico/VaselineJelly.jpg

Re: Sexual Lubricants.... What not to use (ADULTS)
 

I once was 'fumbling' around in the dark and mistakenly grabbed the wella hair wax tub instead of the lube ,they were next to each other on the bedside table (well it was dark and we were a bit pissed)
My god it got sticky and the missus was rather tender the next day

wouldnt recommend it :thumbdown:

Lee:thumbdown: