Serious question about my 8 year old
Jul 22nd 2008, 6:01 pm
#16
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Tropical North QLD
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Re: Serious question about my 8 year old
Parenting...hardest job in the world!
When children get into a cycle of behaviour, it can be difficult to break. We have been through this several times with our two boys. It can become hard to see the good in them & all you do is tell them off & it is very easy to forget to reward the good stuff.
I think the advice about a drama club was very good though as it can be quite disciplined, help confidence & is something they can really enjoy.
Lots of luck & enjoy the performance!
When children get into a cycle of behaviour, it can be difficult to break. We have been through this several times with our two boys. It can become hard to see the good in them & all you do is tell them off & it is very easy to forget to reward the good stuff.
I think the advice about a drama club was very good though as it can be quite disciplined, help confidence & is something they can really enjoy.
Lots of luck & enjoy the performance!
Jul 22nd 2008, 6:16 pm
#17
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Canberra
Posts: 8,378
Re: Serious question about my 8 year old
Basic rule of parenting - never promise what you wont deliver! It does sound like you managed to worm your way out of this one this time but I guess the message in future is plan beforehand - you and your OH need to sit down and plan what is expected behaviour and what will happen if that behaviour is transgressed. You need to, as someone else said, accentuate the positive as much as possible but you also need to have very clearly defined boundaries beyond which you will not budge - because if you do, you will be making a rod for your own back in the future!!!
I am glad you are seeking professional support - most schools have school counsellors who will help if you ask them (and they are cheaper than the alternatives most of the time!!!). But I think you have done the right thing in this instance - enjoy the year 3 mad scientists
I am glad you are seeking professional support - most schools have school counsellors who will help if you ask them (and they are cheaper than the alternatives most of the time!!!). But I think you have done the right thing in this instance - enjoy the year 3 mad scientists
Jul 22nd 2008, 9:10 pm
#18
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Joined: Nov 2005
Location: Mornington Peninsula
Posts: 2,887
Re: Serious question about my 8 year old
Basic rule of parenting - never promise what you wont deliver! It does sound like you managed to worm your way out of this one this time but I guess the message in future is plan beforehand - you and your OH need to sit down and plan what is expected behaviour and what will happen if that behaviour is transgressed. You need to, as someone else said, accentuate the positive as much as possible but you also need to have very clearly defined boundaries beyond which you will not budge - because if you do, you will be making a rod for your own back in the future!!!
I am glad you are seeking professional support - most schools have school counsellors who will help if you ask them (and they are cheaper than the alternatives most of the time!!!). But I think you have done the right thing in this instance - enjoy the year 3 mad scientists
I am glad you are seeking professional support - most schools have school counsellors who will help if you ask them (and they are cheaper than the alternatives most of the time!!!). But I think you have done the right thing in this instance - enjoy the year 3 mad scientists
Totally agree with consistency - both decide on what behaviour results in what reward/punishment. Even have it on a chart to visually reinforce if needed.
Wishing you all the best (I have a 10 yr old and 15 yr old
)J x
Jul 22nd 2008, 9:47 pm
#19
.
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 21,374
Re: Serious question about my 8 year old
I think you're mad you had the perfect excuse to get out of going and go to the pub
Jul 22nd 2008, 10:38 pm
#20
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Jul 23rd 2008, 12:52 am
#22
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Joined: May 2008
Location: Victoria Australia
Posts: 60
Re: Serious question about my 8 year old
In a slight deviation form some of my recent posts (!) I need some advice.
Mrs Haggis and I have been having some right royal battles with our 8 year old daughter recently. We've tried everything to improve her behaviour and on the advice of Mother and Mother in Law we're getting some professional help next week to help us understand what the problem is/may be and how we can deal with it.
In a fit of anger last night in response to yet another episode/tantrum I told her that I would not be going to her school performance tomorrow night. She's now beyond upset and desperate for me to come along. She's had it planned for months, has been rehearsing most nights this month and has been excited that I was going.
I now feel guilty but this is the first time she's actually listening to us - all other threats and actions usually get ignored or forgotten about. Do I relent and go - and run the risk that she sees this as getting her own way again - or do I stick with the "tough love" approach and show her that her actions have consequences.
All advice appreciated.
Mrs Haggis and I have been having some right royal battles with our 8 year old daughter recently. We've tried everything to improve her behaviour and on the advice of Mother and Mother in Law we're getting some professional help next week to help us understand what the problem is/may be and how we can deal with it.
In a fit of anger last night in response to yet another episode/tantrum I told her that I would not be going to her school performance tomorrow night. She's now beyond upset and desperate for me to come along. She's had it planned for months, has been rehearsing most nights this month and has been excited that I was going.
I now feel guilty but this is the first time she's actually listening to us - all other threats and actions usually get ignored or forgotten about. Do I relent and go - and run the risk that she sees this as getting her own way again - or do I stick with the "tough love" approach and show her that her actions have consequences.
All advice appreciated.
Never make a threat you don't intend to carry out and never back away from it. Kids have to learn (at any age) that with rights comes responsibilities and every action has consequences.
If you don't follow through you will lose credibility in the child's eyes.
Odd as it seems, children need parameters to feel secure and the only people who can set those are parents.
Of course they push the boundaries, didn't you?
jingles
Jul 23rd 2008, 7:49 am
#23
Kate,Mark,Jack and Scott
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: away with the fairies
Posts: 152
Re: Serious question about my 8 year old
hi hagis,
I have a 7yr old boy who used to get out of hand, and I found that omega 3 every day has calmed him down. This has had an effect on the whole house, i'm not shouting at him- he's not shouting back you know the stuff. He does as he's told straight away. I did stop the tablets for a little while just for my own experiment but he went back on them after 2 weeks it definately makes a difference to my boy. It's very hard when all you ask of them is good behaviour and you don't get it. Be strong. Good luck
kate
I have a 7yr old boy who used to get out of hand, and I found that omega 3 every day has calmed him down. This has had an effect on the whole house, i'm not shouting at him- he's not shouting back you know the stuff. He does as he's told straight away. I did stop the tablets for a little while just for my own experiment but he went back on them after 2 weeks it definately makes a difference to my boy. It's very hard when all you ask of them is good behaviour and you don't get it. Be strong. Good luck
kate
Jul 23rd 2008, 8:53 am
#24
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Re: Serious question about my 8 year old
Well I went to the show, survived it and delighted I did. My daughter was over the moon.
We also had a long talk last night and Mrs Haggis and I met with her teacher today who has assured us that she is doing well and he has no issues at all with her at school or socially.
He did mention that she felt I was away on business a lot and that it upset her. She's never mentioned it before so I'll make sure my travel plans are changed.
Many many thanks for all the comments. It honestly helped.
On a separate note her teacher comes from England and having worked in both countries he felt very strongly that the australian curriculum was superior to the english one and that pupils had a more all round education. Just thought I'd mention that as I know its a subject of much debate.
Off to the pub now for my football end of season drinks and curry - not before I tuck the wee one into bed though.
We also had a long talk last night and Mrs Haggis and I met with her teacher today who has assured us that she is doing well and he has no issues at all with her at school or socially.
He did mention that she felt I was away on business a lot and that it upset her. She's never mentioned it before so I'll make sure my travel plans are changed.
Many many thanks for all the comments. It honestly helped.
On a separate note her teacher comes from England and having worked in both countries he felt very strongly that the australian curriculum was superior to the english one and that pupils had a more all round education. Just thought I'd mention that as I know its a subject of much debate.
Off to the pub now for my football end of season drinks and curry - not before I tuck the wee one into bed though.
Jul 23rd 2008, 9:26 am
#25
Crazy Cat Lady
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 65,493
Re: Serious question about my 8 year old
Brilliant. Looks like you might have accidentally picked on the one punishment that made her sit up and think. Don't beat yourself up about being away from home but if you're able to arrange being at home more then fantastic.
Jul 23rd 2008, 9:41 am
#26
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Tropical North QLD
Posts: 21,434
Re: Serious question about my 8 year old
I like a happy ending
Jul 23rd 2008, 10:00 am
#27
Never been to Australia
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Homeless
Posts: 495
Re: Serious question about my 8 year old
Wont say what she did last week but it has resulted in me threatening her with phoning social services so they can take her away and do something with her! Suffice to say this has had the right effect so far and things have been alot better!
Mrs kevinl.
Jul 26th 2008, 3:31 am
#28
......in the sand !
Joined: Nov 2004
Location: Perth, WA :)
Posts: 4,421
Re: Serious question about my 8 year old
Well I went to the show, survived it and delighted I did. My daughter was over the moon.
We also had a long talk last night and Mrs Haggis and I met with her teacher today who has assured us that she is doing well and he has no issues at all with her at school or socially.
He did mention that she felt I was away on business a lot and that it upset her. She's never mentioned it before so I'll make sure my travel plans are changed.
Many many thanks for all the comments. It honestly helped.
On a separate note her teacher comes from England and having worked in both countries he felt very strongly that the australian curriculum was superior to the english one and that pupils had a more all round education. Just thought I'd mention that as I know its a subject of much debate.
Off to the pub now for my football end of season drinks and curry - not before I tuck the wee one into bed though.
We also had a long talk last night and Mrs Haggis and I met with her teacher today who has assured us that she is doing well and he has no issues at all with her at school or socially.
He did mention that she felt I was away on business a lot and that it upset her. She's never mentioned it before so I'll make sure my travel plans are changed.
Many many thanks for all the comments. It honestly helped.
On a separate note her teacher comes from England and having worked in both countries he felt very strongly that the australian curriculum was superior to the english one and that pupils had a more all round education. Just thought I'd mention that as I know its a subject of much debate.
Off to the pub now for my football end of season drinks and curry - not before I tuck the wee one into bed though.
Someone once said to me that children who were more comfortable and secure with their parents tended to act out more, as they felt able to do this in the context of their relationship with their parents. I'm not sure this is exactly true for all behaviours, and certainly doesn't excuse awful behaviour, it did make me relax a bit about it all.
Good luck Haggis !!!!!
