Lewis Lapthorn

Abandoning an alcoholic doesn't cure their drug addiction.

Deer Hunter

Nor does staying with them.

Sorchar

I agree with this advice, but not an easy thing to do. Sometimes when we do love someone we have to show "hard love". Maybe then her husband will see that he has to try and help himself, as she is enabling him to carry on drinking. Sometimes the drinking is a result of other, more deep seated issues going on. Would her husband consider counselling as an alternative to AA? I have seen this work for some people. It's a very hard and lonely place to be, both for the person with the alcohol problem as well as the family. I do so much hope they both get the help they desperately need.

remmie1

Counselling sounds like a good idea because alcoholism usually stems from something doesn't it? Be it family tragedy, insecurites, shyness etc. etc.

Pollyana

Couldn't remember if you were on there or not, though I thought you probably were. And I'll be honest, I didn't feel like reading it tonight
xx

Lewis Lapthorn

I never said it did.

iPom

Here's an irony... she is a counsellor. And a C of E minister... one of the first female ones in the uk actually.
'Physician heal thyself' and all that.

remmie1

Ah bloody hell! Our vicar (who was informed of my family situation re: alcoholism) said his wife's mum had the same problem and there was nothing they could do.

What a ray of sunshine I am turning out to be.

Lewis Lapthorn

According to Carr, it's society and the way we perceive alcohol (particularly in our childhood and adolescence) that is really the only problem.

Once the brainwashing has been removed, and you see alcohol for what it really is, it's incredibly easy to stop drinking.

My problem stemmed 15 years. There's nothing worse than knowing you're slowly killing yourself, but feeling powerless to do anything over it.

remmie1

Do you think our perception of alcohol in childhood is because of the way adults (possibly with issues) in close proximity to us drink too and therefore becomes a vicious circle?

In my family it's spread through the generations with various degrees of severity. Shyness, low self esteem and mental health problems have been issues too the alcohol became the crutch. Being aware of it I drink only occasionally - terrified of it 'getting me' too.

I wish I had heard of Carr years ago. It sounds as though it's really done the trick for you. It's encouraging to know there is hope. Well done for 'getting away' from it.

iPom

It sounds like a good read anyway, regardless of alcohol problems. I might get it. It might help me understand.

I've sent the link for the book to my Aunt. Cheers.

Lewis Lapthorn

Thanks remmie. I don't know mate. I can only preach Carr's theory and methods which have absolutely astounded me at how easy it can be to stop. He has over an 80% success rate, so I shouldn't have been too surprised.

The theory is, that as a child we generally see the adult world as a example of how life 'should' be at that age. Now this isn't always the case, e.g. children of smokers don't always become smokers. However, if a kid spends alot of time in a pub, they may see drinking as a harmless pass time, and grow to associate getting p!ssed with joviality.

Many of us had an 'Uncle Ted' who was the life and sole of the party. But did we ever see his wrath in the mornings or when he couldn't have a drink?

At the adolescent stage, most simply don't have the confidence to say no to joining piers with a 2 litre bottle of Strongbow in the park. This is where our perceptions of the drug are concreted, and we begin the downward spiral.

Carr quotes a professor who claimed it can then take between 2 and 70 years to reach rock bottom. This is why so many of the drinking fraternity - 90% of adults, die without reaching the George Best, or to a lesser extent Oliver Reed stages. The reason it might take one person longer than another, can be due to how they were first exposed to alcohol, morals and general upbringing, health, wealth etc.

What he is keen to stress is the problem is by no means genetic. This is an excuse - not a reason. It's currently conservatively estimated that 35% of the UK population is alcohol dependent. Liver disease in the U.K. has doubled in the last 15 years. The figures are simply too significant for over a third of our population to have this fallacy of a faulty gene. The problem is the alcohol - which never changes.

Lewis Lapthorn

If he doesn't want to stop, then there's nothing she can do mate.

But if he feels as trapped and desperate as most alcoholics, then this could be the answer. Without wanting to sound like his marketing manager, Carr has 'Easyway' clinics all over the world - listed in the book.

The book worked for me, but the clinics have the added advantage of being able to ask questions etc. and if you're not cured at the end of the treatment, you get your money back.

Hope things work out.

L

lollyno1

sorry to hear about your troubles...

im not sure what the answer is...stay or leave its a very difficult decision..however if violence is involved in any way they she needs to leave for her own sake. Maybe she could get somewhere near him just so she can give herself peace of mind but also be close at hand...just in case..she can then chose to help or not...

My young cousin has only just been buried a few weeks ago. She was an alcholic and had distanced herself from family for the last five years..to the point of being verbally abusive to them whenever she saw them...nothing could save her as she wouldnt admit she had a problem...she left a nine year old ( he actually found her dead)

I also have a very good friend who is a recovering alcholic..a teacher, very good lifestyle etc..but could not admit she was an alcholic even when she went to meetings. She said what changed her was seeing a women doctor hit rock bottom due to drink and gave her the courage to stop its been over a year now and shes a totally different person.

Im not sure what the answer is..but i believe your uncle has to want to stop for himself..no one else!!!

wishing you and your aunt and uncle the very best..i hope things work out for you all..

regards and K sent..

lorraine x

gobbyjock

I think thats the thing - it is very much a secret disease done in the comfort of your own home - having a drink is seen as much more accepable and normal than shooting up heroin or cocaine. Alcohol is cheap and easily accessable. It affects people from all walks of life but you never really hear it being discussed.