jad n rich

I would get some legal advice then try to agree on whats going to be the outcome anyway.

Why? I have a friend here who had 2 years of legal mess with ex spouse and it cost them over $20,000.00 each in legal bills. Guess what, the outcome was what they were told in the first legal meetings.

The CSA will decide on maintenence, they know your income and savings, and hers, its all there linked by the tax dept, they know the lot, unlikely she will get to hide much once they get involved, serioulsy CSA ATO and Tax dept all link info, they even know your passport and where you go.

If you do need solicitors, check how much they charge for every phone call, letter, meeting and court. Be clear on what you are ringing up!

With kids, the court will want to know whats happening to them, even with no fault divorce.

Good luck, look after yourself.

haggis supper

My sincere thanks to everyone for the comments, advice and karma - very much appreciated. It has also been extremely helpful, especially being able to understand my rights as a father and how custody etc works.

I'm feeling somewhat better this morning, probably the relief that at least a decision has been made. I also have my 13 year old daughter staying with me for a couple of days so it seems we're heading to DFO shortly for some retail therapy and frozen yoghurt !

Thanks again folks.
Col

Pollyana

Thats not always possible, as you must realise! Obviously if its possible, thats the way to go, its the way I am with my previous partners. However in a case like the one Cresta was referring to, and which I was piggy-backing on, that just was never going to happen. In fact, thinking of the situation with the people Cresta mentioned the word amicable simply did not exist.

comet555

When we left Australia I left with the kids and my husband stayed behind to finish work. I was never asked for a letter in Australia but was asked when we arrived in Canada, which struck me as odd since we were Canadian citizens returning home.

I would imagine a man travelling with kids probably gets asked for proof more often than a woman. I could be wrong though.

quoll

Sorry to hear that you are in this position but it does seem like you have been blindsided and from what you say this appears to have been well planned.

I'd add my voice to those urging caution - get yourself a good lawyer but stay civil! I'd also be worrying slightly that your wife and kids are proposing to leave the country with your blessing in September - what guarantee do you have that they will be back so you can be part of your kids life?

I hope that you can work out one of the civilised splits!

Jon77

Some very good advice here, hope you manage to get this sorted without having to resort to the courts, but get yourslef a good lawyer now.

The problem is that when the lawyers become involved they can turn a reasonably amicable situation in to a real fight. Your ex's lawyer will be in her ear advising on how to maximise the outcome if she so desires. Lawyers can have a knack of promising much more than the client might have been expecting if only they will go so far as............. well basically get dirty.

The family law courts do not show gender equality. Your wife will be at an advantage and prepare for it should it go that far.

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Briar

So sad Mr Haggis - I feel very much for you. As one poster said, try not to bad mouth your wife in front of your children as this will cause even more long ranging issues that you don't even want to think about. I think it is so sad too when some parents use the children as "weapons"to hurt the other party. I have never understood why parents who love their children would hurt them by doing this. Whilst the financial settlement is important for both parties involved, the mental health and well being of the children should always be paramount. That was by no means meant as a criticism at all, just making an observation about the way some people behave in these horrid circumstances - as I have been on the receiving end of this sort of behaviour and know only too well how deeply hurtful it can be. Sending best wishes your way.....

ABCD......

It is possible to apply for a passport and forge the other signature, but they are aware of this possibility, and they phone the other parent to confirm it is genuine.

If the child already has a passport, then there are no checks done when the child goes overseas. At least there weren't last December.

Alfresco

All the very best through this sad time.

paulry

All the best to you Col with navigating through this difficult time. There's lots of excellent advice above. All I can add really is try and keep things civil between you and your ex to minimise the trauma to your kids. And get some good legal advice as soon as possible.

Kelli28

Dads won't always get 50/50 custody, I've just recently been though the courts ( last month) with my nob of an ex who decided that he didn't want me to have the majority share in the assets, so his answer to that was to try and get custody. Thankfully he dropped himself in it in mediation when he said it was about the money! not our son which would have been the correct answer. also the parents must be amicable if you argue and bicker over everything then the courts won't put the children in the middle of you, that was another reason he didn't get custody.

Also the courts look at which parent has raised the children ie did the mother not work for a number of years or work part time, while the dad continued with his career. Also earnings if one partner has much higher earnings then there's likely to be a spousal maintenance payment as well as child maintenance.

Its unfortunate that you've separated but try and put your feelings out of the way, don't go down the tit for tat route and do whatever is best for the kids, in the long run you'll be happier.

RedDragon2008

Not sure I agree on the causal assumption of working not being associated with raising.

Plenty of parents not working for either employer or involved in raising kids.

Jon77

Agree, I am sure the majority of women would agree these days that having a career does not mean that they are not involved with the raising of the children. Especially as now often both parents have to work.

It can be a very difficult situation fighting your corner in these situations. If you try and fight for your financial share you will be accused of not putting the children first which isn't necessarily the case.

Kelli28

I didn't mean that if a person works then there not involved with thier kids! It was used just a simple example of what courts will look at. Obviously the law is far more complicated than that if it wasn't we wouldn't need to pay huge lawyer bills.

campervanfan

I'd love to see some stats for these amicable arrangements ! Where there's been love & pain there's usually a bit more fallout than that I think...well I more than think .... sweet & lovely thoughts though

Hope Col you can work it all out in time with the least pain possible.