GarryP

I'm not sure if you are naive, or just misinformed.

There is plenty of scope for acrimonious divorce, and for actions to be used against you. I've talked to men in Australia who've been through divorce under the laws you talk about and are much less sanguine about the state of the Australian legal system. The op could do with being realistic and not expecting things to be smooth sailing.

irishbloo

When my husband travelled with our children two years ago he was asked at passport control where I was.I was traveling to Ireland without them.I have never been asked where their Dad was if I was just with them.

Hebe

I hope you have someone you can off load to. If not and you want to talk then feel free to contact me. I have been divorced albeit in the UK. I also have big ears and used to be a divorce lawyer -many many moons ago

brissybee

Someone I know appears to have been stitched up financially on an agreement made to pay a certain amount... then he became ill and couldn't work. He was told "tough luck" as he'd made the agreement and has a child support debt still... even though his kids are now over 18.

It might have been a private agreement, maybe not done through CSA, but either way apparently neither his ex nor CSA is letting him off the debt.

Seems unfair.

Pollyana

Seems to vary a lot from place to place - I know its a topic that comes up frequently in the Canadian forum, Canada seems quite hot on wanting letters of consent.

papilon

When she heads over to England get yourself on a plane over to Thailand. You deserve it and it will be a great confidence booster. Just don't fall in love :-)

cresta57

I disagree TP, A couple here on B.E separated & divorced after 25 yrs of marriage. Their house valued at 750k car at 45k & both had superfunds/pensions of comparable equity. He walked away with a suitcase full of clothes & a cash payment of 29k She kept the house & car & he had to pay 30k to educate their son to grade 12. So he effectively walked away with nothing after 25 years. Supposedly mediated

TiddlyPom

Neither. I've been divorced in Australia and have an excellent grasp of what the law says. Divorce by its very nature isn't 'smooth sailing' but the law exists to protect both parties and children.

TiddlyPom

Sure does. Doesn't sound right either. If I was him I'd be going to my MP.


This is the thing with mediation. You shouldn't be agreeing to things which are patently unfair. If you do, then you have to then get it past the court as a 'fair' agreement.
Divorce court generally picks up on it, but not always.
For example in my case my ex husband just refused to deal with the property settlement and I couldn't afford a lawyer to make him do it. Then the time period ran out... so the court passed it. Fair, no. But we never even had the mediation in the first place.
There are holes in the system, but agreeing to an unfair split, frankly, is stupid. I have a friend who's done it but she knew it was happening and agreed to it because she was fatigued by the entire process.
50/50 splits are backed up by law and agreeing to anything other than that is just stupid.

Hebe

I know a number of people here who have divorced and not one has had a 50/50 split and not one of the parties have been stupid, in fact the complete opposite! What it may sayin law and what happens in practice is often worlds apart.

TiddlyPom

Totally agree with you, but the only people in mediation are you, your ex partner and some facilliatators.
How that ends up being 'unfair' is down to the people there, in the moment.

I do think too that we never hear the full story. We quite often get whatever story people feed us and without actually setting sight on their divorce papers, none of us never really know.

My (now) partner went through this with his ex wife. She proposed that she fully intended to live in the house whilst he continued to pay her mortgage for her, even though they were divorced.... and I've read the paperwork. Some of it's pretty gobsmacking and some quite laughable, but in the end, the law said it wasn't viable. He wasn't some multi millionnaire, earning shed loads of $$$, with four houses in Sydney. He was just a guy, with one house and because she had declined to work for years and he was near retirement age, he was awarded more in the final settlement. The fact that she had an affair with some bogan drug addicted manic depressed alcoholic ex-gun runner didn't come into it.
What people tell you happened isn't always the accurate situation imo.

I'm not saying it's stupid to not push for a 50/50 split. Like my friend, she gave it away and was happy with that decision. I'm saying that people have to agree to stuff in mediation which makes it 'even' in some way. Whether it be 65/35, 70/30 etc etc it doesn't matter. I'm saying if you sit there and let yourself be walked over in mediation without pushing for what is legally yours, then that's stupid.

Pollyana

You (thats the global "you" by the way, nothing personal! ) must admit though that once the mediation is over, what actually happens can be very different.
OK, so say there's a 50/50 split agreed which involves both parties paying 50/50 on school fees for three kids. Then the party without the full-time custody decides to default - what does the other do?

a) tell the kids they have to leave the school they love and go to a cheaper State school, without all the extra-classes and activities they enjoy?
b) take the absent partner through a protracted court case, causing bad feeling on all sides and leaving the kids feeling bad cos the parents have fallen out over them and their needs?
c) Fork out the $60k needed to finish putting the kids through school and keep everything as amicable as possible, with less emotional stress on all sides?

I don't think there is a right answer, by the way, but there sure as heck is no wrong one. Every split is different, cos all the parties concerned are different......

Kapri

Col, I'm so sorry to hear things haven't worked out. From your posts on the matter you seem like a really decent bloke.
The only thing I can add comes from my experience of counselling children who have been through a parental divorce and that is try and keep things as civil as possible. Not always easy and obviously it depends on your wife too. Good luck - eventually you will come out the other side

Hebe

Absolutely and I dont mean to preach but No matter what may occur keep your opinions about your wife or how she maybe acting out of earshot of the children, regardless. It's can so very difficult at times, especially if things do get acrimonious, which I hope they don't. Save any bitching and ranting for your friends!!!

TiddlyPom

d. Contact the other parent and work out an amicable plan between each other to do the right thing for the kids?


It is entirely possible to be divorced and still have a decent relationship.