Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

Has anyone experienced major difficulties with their relationship since coming over. I am not talking about obvious stuff like one wants to go back, the other stay or that the OH met someone else. Just stuff like each likes Australia in a different way and wants to do different things and that has strained or even ended a relationship.

How do you deal with it?

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

Can't speak about Aus as not there yet but when we lived abroad before we went through quite a bad patch shortly after moving. I think it was the stress of the move & adjusting to a completely different life but it was a bit rocky for a while. My OH came back to the UK for a friends wedding & that was when we realised how bad things were & we worked through it thereafter with lots of honest, sometimes painful, talking & taking time together.
We are older & wiser this time hopefully:thumbup:
Don't underestimate the strain of emigration.

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

I do not think we can blame it on the migration. We have been here two years and settled well in every other way.

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

We actually found the absence of the family support when going through normal hard things really affected us - neither one had a place to go and cool down or find help from.

No specific "Australia was to blame" but normal family pressures of teenagers and bad luck/planning. Funny thing was that I do not love it here much but found when the chips went down I would not blame the move ever.

Australia is a very different place for both of us but with a lot of hard work and always coming back to try again and respecting each other we have lasted six years here when splitting up could have been an easier decision.

I wish you luck - make sure you explore every avenue before making any big decisions .

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

Yes, there are times when I want to go running back to mum to get spoilt and get away from it all.

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

I guess it comes down to wether or not you want to still be together or not. If you do, then you will both compromise & work out a solution.

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

Then I agree with the previous posters comments that it was bad timing. If your lives had followed the same paths but at home you would probably have the same problems.

Have you had children or stoped working since moving here?

IMHO loads of people move here thinking they can make a 'fresh start' and forget any problems they had prior to coming and this is SO not the case!!

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

Agree!! Good luck...

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

A good relationship isn't a control 'competition' about how you spend your time. If you truly love your partner and they love you, then they respect the things you like to do and vice versa.
It also helps if you have things in common that you both like doing in the first place! If you don't, I think that migrating shows the holes very quickly.

I loved touching base with my pom friends here. My now ex hated me doing it... but then I spent too much time doing it because I was avoiding dealing with things that hurt. But in the end, I had to deal. He wanted me to give it up, so I did for a while and spend more time with him, but it didn't change anything. It just made the silences worse.

If things are bad, migration doesn't fix it. Just adds more stress imo.

It sounds like you have holes but they're not really about Australia... they're more about that you both want to spend time separate from each other persuing different things... It sounds like you're saying it's because each other likes different things about Australia, but I would say that's just the excuse.... not that I think that you're aware of it, but if you truly love each other and respect each other, you'll do things together.

I think there's also a 'settling in' period... but I think you're over that... but imo, that 2 year thing is often telling... You've settled in to new lives, you've got friends but your marriage is going wrong... time to deal with it.

If I'm totally wrong about all the above and there's too much reading between the lines, how about you each try what the other loves? You were open minded enough to move to Australia, so continue to branch out into new things. You may find you like them. And if you can't go there with each other, ask why not and get some marriage counselling.

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

Hey TP

Just wanted to say I wish I had someone to give that sort of advice to me and my ex when we needed it a few years back.

Nick x

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

I found that because we didnt really have a social life in the UK and I would spend alot of time on my own, Mr PP had in the past gone out with his work mates after work and I would sit at home twiddling my thumbs (or on BE:lol:) When we moved to Perth I still had/have a few evenings on my own.

Only now I have the chance to go out heaps with work pals and in the beginning I felt Mr PP and I were ever so slightly not as close.

Then I realised that it was me that had the 'new life' and if we wanted to avoid problems in the future then there was only one solution.

Yes it was great going out with the girls and getting pissed - new people and all that, fitting in to a new group and all that goes with it, talking about the night before at work and recalling events etc.

But it was even better when Mr PP met my work mates, came to the office to see where I worked and who I worked with and started going out with us all.

Sometimes he meets us after work, sometimes when he has the day off we all go out together.

He is accepted and liked in our group and he likes all of my colleagues. Now when I go out, instead of him hearing about it when I get home or the next day, he knows what has happened as he has been having a few beers with the lads from work while us girls are having a laugh as well.

Nights out with the 'girls/boys' are all well and good, but they are even better when they are with your partner and they are involved.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Drift apart for too long then it becomes harder to find each other and the new life that you moved here for will take on an entirely different direction - and not necessarily a better one.

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

my marriage has been a bloody nightmare since coming here, i am truly exhausted by it all:(

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

oh bogg off troll, i have been around BE long enough to know, i am exhausted by trolls also:lol:

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

You whinging AGAIN:p

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

Oh Mags that's awful.

Do you reckon you have just gone in different directions or has he settled more than you?:( It's an added stress that you don't need.:(

A big fat hug to you. <hug>:wub:

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

Hi Margaret & My Alias

Hope you manage to sort out your relationship difficulties. I agree with others, and if its not Australia related, chances are with the stress/change of something else in your lives problems may have occured anyway. Compromise, spending quality time together, and appreciating each others feelings bodes well for securing your future together. However, it really does depend want people want deep down inside, sometimes individuals find this difficult to admit to themselves never mind their partner...
sending you both k. x Good luck :)

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

The way things are right now, OH is out at work all day & getting in late - I sit at home feeling as if I'm waiting for my life to start.

When we get to Oz, I'm sure I'll be doing lots of things without him, but we have a background of 2 years long-distance relationship, so we both were pretty independent. I can't see him taking part in my activities (horse-riding, surfing & rowing) much as I'm not interested in his (historical vehicles, geeking on computers & cycling)

I think it's about striking a balance, to be honest. Both of you should hopefully be secure enough in your relationships NOT to need to be in each other's pockets all the time, although shared interests are vital to help you keep sight of what it is you are trying to achieve together. Despite the fact we have our differences, we do share a heck of a lot.

I find myself agreeing with the poster who also referred to some relationship stresses that would be the same wherever you are: Stroppy kids, overwork, bills.... those things are the same the world over & no, you can't blame Australia for that, although it might be fair to say that being somewhere unfamiliar makes them harder to deal with.

Wishing you all the best :wub:

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

seems like you have had a lot of very good advice on here, obviously only you know whether you have drifted too far apart to ever agree about anything but If you are this concerned try getting some relationship counselling.

You can enjoy very different hobbies and still make time to spend together It is when you do not make time to be together at all that a relationship crumbles, I have friends who live parallel lives to their husbands neither communicating with each other except for daily necessities and their children this is so sad.
Try to make a date each week to go out together just you two and talk as though you have just met get to know each others dreams and aspirations again as though it is a first date.

Good luck

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

ehhhhhhhhh apologies, this was meant for another thread:o

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

I get your differences - sounds like me and hubby. He likes particpating in sports, running, squash, badminton, tennis, beach life etc etc! I like computers and reading. We both like socialising but have to find a balance of the occasions for both! The Sunday morning Coffee at the beach is so much nicer than a whinge over whose turn it is to wash the kitchen floor - we come back and do it later!

Anyway I bought a Kayak a year ago and loved it through the summer - I bought him a blow up boat and engine and the kids and him love that. We both started dancing together a few months ago and though will never be Fred and Ginger we are having a ball spending time together.

I have gone back to tavel with my work and although this puts pressure on other areas we make sure we tackle the issues together. Especially the family ones - we are the joint team decision makers and the children are highly valued team members :sneaky:

I have no solutions but know that the occasions I want to drop it all and leave on the next flight have decreased - in fact hubby has actually managed for the first time in years to come and join me for the odd weekend when working away. :thumbsup: We have grabbed back a little of what made life for us very special and we intend to keep doing that.

We dropped the excuses (as a previous poster said - we were making loads of them) and found positives for us to do and commit to. Not everything is perfect yet but then that would not be real life.

Viva La Difference!

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

Good post, sandra. I think you're absolutely right about the excuses we make. I think for everyone who has this sort of relationship difficulty, you've also got nothing to lose at the end of the day to drop the excuses and try to find a way to still stay together.

The alternative, though you think about it, is far more difficult than you really imagine and people change like you'd never think.

To the OP please explore all your options with a good counsellor that you both really like and trust. You have nothing to lose when things are bad, and I truly believe that if you have respect for each other and trust is still there, it's possible to re-negotiate something different for you both, as long as you both want to do that.
But you only find that out by really being honest and communicating with each other. Nothing to lose.
x

Re: Relationship difficulties in Oz?
 

Brilliant post.

Mr PP and I bought the book of vouchers/discounts 'Entertainment Guide' and have already used it to get discounts in our favourite restaurants and have earmarked several trips to do together in the summer.

He wants to do the dive with dolphins tour - I cant dive so Ill just get a life jacket and float around a bit.:p

We plan to do the camel trekking and also get away and book some of the discounted hotels on offer in the book.

It inspires us to do these things together as we get it discounted and keeps us busy.