Wilgar

Totally unrelated to life in Oz but out of interest at which age do parents stop contacting other parents before their chld visits another home?
My son soon to be 15 is fairly sassy and socially confident and insists that I don't contact the parents of new friends who invite him round.I feel that I should speak to the parents hosting if only to ensure they know he is visiting and that there are responsible adults present.He says it is babyish and makes him look silly..........................................ans wers on a post card please.

Bernieboy

Are you contacting them cause he's a nutter or just to let them know there is going to a party at their place

brissybee

I let my (one year older) teen make social arrangements but, unless I have already met the parents, do try to go to the door to say hello to the "grown up" before leaving my teen there... and do ask if there will be a parent home if I don't go to the door.

Whether or not there is a responsible adult there for the entire time your teen is visiting is beyond your control. I've accepted that with mine. Different parents have different values and many do leave their teens for extended periods.

I do insist on no sleep overs where I haven't met the parents.

carolinephillips

My 16 year old has to ask permission before she makes any social arrangements, and yes, I do check things out. OH and I recently said no to her going to a karaoke bar with some friends, as there would be no adult chaperone and two girls would be travelling on the train at night to the CBD.
It took a bit of digging to find out the facts- at first it was presented as just going with a group of teens/young adults who had been in a musical to Pennant Hills. We questioned the arrangements and did some phoning to get at the truth.

DD accepted our decision once the perils of this idea were explained to her, and instead she and her friend spent the afternoon and evening together at her friend's parent's house. I think DD was a bit uneasy about going to a bar where there would be drinking anyway. She didn't go to the after show party at her school's musical, as last time there was smoking and drinking, and she didn't like it. She isn't really a party animal.

eddie007

No

But he's a mature 15 1/2 year old......

Dorothy

At 15 3/4 I was living in my own apartment. While my children are not as mature as I was at that age I still wouldn't insist on meeting the parents of all their friends before they were allowed to go to their homes. I think we stopped meeting our kids' friends' parents when they were about 12 or 13.

northernbird

If mine is sleeping over at someones house or going to a party I always have a quick chat with the parents just to check they are where they say they are going. Just regular hanging out I don't usually bother unless I don't know the family.

moneypenny20

I think I stopped doing that at about 14/15. However I do have a friend in the UK who has probably checked out the parents of the people her son is at uni with so it's a personal thing.

Margaret3

My 13 year old had a sleepover at a friends i had met, but i hadnt met the parents , although i wasnt that worried as the friend is lovely, but i didnt give her her sleeping bag and dropped in round later with the excuse she 'forgot' it.

Wilgar

Thanks guys. Interestingly conflicting ideas there.Basically he is a good boy but slightly naughty and given the chance will get up to no good. He wants to go to a friends house 4pm-11pm .Apparantly its not a party but there will be 6 teens(girls and boys) just hanging out/pizza/movies etc.They are all 15 and apparantly the parents will be present.However he has toally flipped at thought of me either calling parents beforehand or just popping head in to say hi as I drop him off.I donot know the girls in question infact oddly none of the teens apparantly going are his sual crowd. I have to drive him to the house which is about 1/2 hr from home. The teens are all at his school.
HMMMMMMMM! Maybe I am too protective.

moneypenny20

If you're really twitchy then you simply tell him that he'll have to get over the fact that you have a problem, that he can go on the proviso that you're allowed to stick your head round the door to say hi. No big deal really, let him roll his eyes and bitch to his mates but he's a kid, has to put up with his parents embarrassing him sometimes.

Wilgar

Well really thats all I would do.just say `hi` and check they knw they have a houseful of teens.

Hebe

Like Dorothy I was living on my own at a very young age but with the supervision of social services (I was a child in care) and coped ok. Whilst I am not advocating that for your children I do think that you need to start cutting the apron strings at around 14 and giving them some responsibility, particulalry if only visiting friends. Yes kids/young adults will make mistakes but surely that is part of growing up? How will they ever learn if they are being heavily supervised/micro managed. I personally feel that at 15.5 you shouldn't be insisting on meeting the parents - if the rules are explained and they are not followed then you have a reason not to trust them/their judgment but first let them walk and see what happens.

carolinephillips

I'd pop in just to confirm the time he needs to be picked up. If he doesn't want you to do that, then he doesn't go. Simple. You are doing it for his own safety and so that you don't have to hang around worrying. You are the parent and while he is under your roof he has to go by your rules.

Yes you can loosen the apron strings, but you are still the person responsible.

Margaret3

Well said, , I am constantly explaining to my 13 year old that the most important thing is for to keep HERSELF safe as i cant be there all the time. We have little chats about it and i advise her what to do if she finds herself in situations.