NickyP

We have just been told that Ian's Dad has cancer and is unlikely to respond to treatment. We knew that he was having a biopsy yesterday and got the news straight away. Ian is in Bristol at the moment with work (timing is pretty spooky) so will get to see them but he sounded awful on the phone. We knew that these sorts of things would happen at some point but when it happens to the family member who is most fit and most unlikely to have any problems it knocks you.
Ian can stay longer if he needs to but I am not sure if he will be able to cope with that as everything is so raw at the moment. So it is time to check out the reality of flights back for a trip as a whole family later as I am not sure if we will manage it financially. I have told the kids and it will hit our 11 year old hardest I expect she is old enough to have some idea of the finality of it and is very close to Ian's parents.
Hard as it is being here at the moment the hardest thing is being away from Ian when he needs the support.
Sorry to be so depressing.
Nicky

moneypenny20

Really sorry to hear that Nicky but nice in a way that Ian is already on hand to support his parents.

Is it a good idea for you all to go back? Don't want to be negative when you already have so much to contend with, but it might be really distruptive to all the kids especially your eldest, and if you have no idea how long he has got, sods law says that you will book your flights and he will sadly die weeks before.

Obviously you know your family best so will make the right decision. Cancer can be really weird sometimes and he might live a lot longer than they anticipate which would be great providing he wasn't in agony from it.

Big hugs, and hope you and the kids are ok.

fraser

So sorry to hear that Nicky, we're both thinking about you and Ian

NickyP

Thanks guys.
I personally don't think that it is the best idea to go back but I do remeber how I felt when I was cut out of my gran's death and funeral and wouldn't want the kids to feel like that. Alan is ill at the moment and I will leave it to Ian to say what he wants to do. He will find this weekend VERY difficult as the family will all be there and the atmosphere will be awful as if he has already died. Ian just isn't very good at showing his feeling especially when he hasn't had time to sort it out in his own head and will feel really uncomfortable. I worry more than anything that he will come back home (to escape the situation) and then seriously regret it later.
The worst thing is being unable to do anything to help him at the moment, usually I would be there to deal with all of the crap while he has some time with his father.
Nicky

sasbear

Sorry to hear about this - best wishes and a prayer coming your way

moneypenny20

It sounds so harsh when you put it like that - it is but you know what I mean. Could you not (when the sad time comes) have a really special family event - planting a beautiful bush or tree or something in a spot that you can all see regularly? It is very hard for me to say because I haven't as yet been away when someone close has died but vividly remember my sister coming back for my dad's funeral and to say she hated the flight would be making light of it and she was only going to the UK from Greece.

She said after that she wished she had stayed in Greece and remembered him at his favourite bar in her village and then planted a bush for him. She also hated leaving again afterwards because she wanted to stay with us, although she wanted to get back to her children - felt ripped in two.

Hope Ian is ok and can at least talk lots when he gets back.

NickyP

I think that this is how Ian will feel. He wants to be with us while he comes to terms with it all but feels that he needs to be there.
This is the forst time that any of us have had to deal with all of this (although I am sure it doesn't get easier). We will do something for his Dad I am sure when the time comes but that would have been easier if they had made it out to visit so that we could find somewhere that had family memories attached.
Oh well back to the daily grind .
Nicky

Fiona&malc

Nicky, sorry to hear your awful news, thoughts and prayers with you all

Fee x

NickyP

Thanks, I am feeling pretty useless at the moment.
Nicky x

Hels

Hi Nicky,

So sorry to hear about your FIL!!

If there is ANYTHING I can do...dont hesitate to let me know. I am not THAT far away.

Hels

NickyP

Thanks for that it is a bit isolating when things like this hit you.
You can borrow some kids if you like
Nicky

Hels

Do you wanna bring them over this way and we can do something with them? Might take your mind off things and theirs?

NickyP

Have snt you a PM.
Thanks.
Nicky

hilary6

Nicky, so sorry to hear this sad news
Try to keep strong and take care
Hilary
xx

NickyP

Thanks.
This place helps when you can't just pick up the phone in the day and speak to people or just get in the car and go and see them.
You are all really great and your good wishes and prayers really do help to make me feel less isolated.
Nicky