Pingpong dilemma:lifestyle or family, collywobbles?
Apr 27th 2010, 10:29 am
#31
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Re: Pingpong dilemma:lifestyle or family, collywobbles?
Well i pinged to Brisbane ponged back to the uk and now im pinging to Melbourne,i dont intend to pong back here again.too much pinging and ponging in my life
Apr 29th 2010, 7:02 pm
#32
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Thread Starter
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 92
Re: Pingpong dilemma:lifestyle or family, collywobbles?
hello,
chatted to the OH night before last re: my feelings about the move to oz.
He was gobsmacked.
Said he couldn't believe his ears and why the turnaround.
He's not best pleased as he stuck out a contract for a year (finishes end of May). He says he did it because we would be moving back to oz. He only told me in December that he was willing to move back, I was the one who was dead keen to move back, so I'm not sure if I'm totally to blame for him sticking out a job which he didn't really enjoy.
In my heart of hearts, I know that moving back here has nearly destroyed our marriage,it's been stressful and really horrible at times and I don't think another move would do us any favours, the stress and all the upheaval would almost certainly destroy us, even though I know that oz could offer us a better quality of life. (and I'm not talking about material things here).
My OH doesn't handle stress well and I'm worried that if it all goes t***s up in oz then I'll be the one he blames because I was the one who wanted to go back. He has done too many contracts in his time and feels that he struggles to find work especially as he hurtles towards the big four zero! This concerns me, because if he struggles to find work in oz, it would be me who would get the stress dumped on, and being alone with my son and no other support is just too awful to think about.
In my heart of hearts I just don't think we're "strong" enough at the moment to survive such a big upheaval.
I know it is a decision I may always regret and wonder what if, but I'm determined to try and look forwards now to making a life for ourselves here in the UK and not look back.
I also want my relationship with my OH to get back on track with some stability in our lives rather than constantly putting our lives on hold for moving backwards and forwards.
I think maybe moving to another part of the UK may help, we always talked about moving to be nearer to the coast which really appeals to me.
Thanks for all the advice everyone, this may be the worst decision of my life, but hopefully it's the right one for right now!
big hugs to you all, Lucy.
chatted to the OH night before last re: my feelings about the move to oz.
He was gobsmacked.
Said he couldn't believe his ears and why the turnaround.
He's not best pleased as he stuck out a contract for a year (finishes end of May). He says he did it because we would be moving back to oz. He only told me in December that he was willing to move back, I was the one who was dead keen to move back, so I'm not sure if I'm totally to blame for him sticking out a job which he didn't really enjoy.
In my heart of hearts, I know that moving back here has nearly destroyed our marriage,it's been stressful and really horrible at times and I don't think another move would do us any favours, the stress and all the upheaval would almost certainly destroy us, even though I know that oz could offer us a better quality of life. (and I'm not talking about material things here).
My OH doesn't handle stress well and I'm worried that if it all goes t***s up in oz then I'll be the one he blames because I was the one who wanted to go back. He has done too many contracts in his time and feels that he struggles to find work especially as he hurtles towards the big four zero! This concerns me, because if he struggles to find work in oz, it would be me who would get the stress dumped on, and being alone with my son and no other support is just too awful to think about.
In my heart of hearts I just don't think we're "strong" enough at the moment to survive such a big upheaval.
I know it is a decision I may always regret and wonder what if, but I'm determined to try and look forwards now to making a life for ourselves here in the UK and not look back.
I also want my relationship with my OH to get back on track with some stability in our lives rather than constantly putting our lives on hold for moving backwards and forwards.
I think maybe moving to another part of the UK may help, we always talked about moving to be nearer to the coast which really appeals to me.
Thanks for all the advice everyone, this may be the worst decision of my life, but hopefully it's the right one for right now!
big hugs to you all, Lucy.
Apr 29th 2010, 7:10 pm
#33
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Joined: Jan 2009
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 20,821
Re: Pingpong dilemma:lifestyle or family, collywobbles?
hello,
chatted to the OH night before last re: my feelings about the move to oz.
He was gobsmacked.
Said he couldn't believe his ears and why the turnaround.
He's not best pleased as he stuck out a contract for a year (finishes end of May). He says he did it because we would be moving back to oz. He only told me in December that he was willing to move back, I was the one who was dead keen to move back, so I'm not sure if I'm totally to blame for him sticking out a job which he didn't really enjoy.
In my heart of hearts, I know that moving back here has nearly destroyed our marriage,it's been stressful and really horrible at times and I don't think another move would do us any favours, the stress and all the upheaval would almost certainly destroy us, even though I know that oz could offer us a better quality of life. (and I'm not talking about material things here).
My OH doesn't handle stress well and I'm worried that if it all goes t***s up in oz then I'll be the one he blames because I was the one who wanted to go back. He has done too many contracts in his time and feels that he struggles to find work especially as he hurtles towards the big four zero! This concerns me, because if he struggles to find work in oz, it would be me who would get the stress dumped on, and being alone with my son and no other support is just too awful to think about.
In my heart of hearts I just don't think we're "strong" enough at the moment to survive such a big upheaval.
I know it is a decision I may always regret and wonder what if, but I'm determined to try and look forwards now to making a life for ourselves here in the UK and not look back.
I also want my relationship with my OH to get back on track with some stability in our lives rather than constantly putting our lives on hold for moving backwards and forwards.
I think maybe moving to another part of the UK may help, we always talked about moving to be nearer to the coast which really appeals to me.
Thanks for all the advice everyone, this may be the worst decision of my life, but hopefully it's the right one for right now!
big hugs to you all, Lucy.
chatted to the OH night before last re: my feelings about the move to oz.
He was gobsmacked.
Said he couldn't believe his ears and why the turnaround.
He's not best pleased as he stuck out a contract for a year (finishes end of May). He says he did it because we would be moving back to oz. He only told me in December that he was willing to move back, I was the one who was dead keen to move back, so I'm not sure if I'm totally to blame for him sticking out a job which he didn't really enjoy.
In my heart of hearts, I know that moving back here has nearly destroyed our marriage,it's been stressful and really horrible at times and I don't think another move would do us any favours, the stress and all the upheaval would almost certainly destroy us, even though I know that oz could offer us a better quality of life. (and I'm not talking about material things here).
My OH doesn't handle stress well and I'm worried that if it all goes t***s up in oz then I'll be the one he blames because I was the one who wanted to go back. He has done too many contracts in his time and feels that he struggles to find work especially as he hurtles towards the big four zero! This concerns me, because if he struggles to find work in oz, it would be me who would get the stress dumped on, and being alone with my son and no other support is just too awful to think about.
In my heart of hearts I just don't think we're "strong" enough at the moment to survive such a big upheaval.
I know it is a decision I may always regret and wonder what if, but I'm determined to try and look forwards now to making a life for ourselves here in the UK and not look back.
I also want my relationship with my OH to get back on track with some stability in our lives rather than constantly putting our lives on hold for moving backwards and forwards.
I think maybe moving to another part of the UK may help, we always talked about moving to be nearer to the coast which really appeals to me.
Thanks for all the advice everyone, this may be the worst decision of my life, but hopefully it's the right one for right now!
big hugs to you all, Lucy.
All the best Lucy. Your relationship is the most important thing. Good luck with your decision and all the best for the future.
Apr 29th 2010, 7:21 pm
#34
no stressin no fussin....
Joined: Aug 2007
Location: Fantasy Island....
Posts: 12,616
Re: Pingpong dilemma:lifestyle or family, collywobbles?
It's the best decision mate, as it's your decision. You can still have a great life in UK if it's for you.
Good luck going forward mate
Good luck going forward mate
Apr 29th 2010, 8:36 pm
#35
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Thread Starter
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 92
Re: Pingpong dilemma:lifestyle or family, collywobbles?
hello
OBH (oh bloody hell), my OH isn't taking no for an answer!
Now, he's putting all the positives for living in oz!
Says I've really screwed him around on the job front and what's there to stay in the uk for?
OBH (oh bloody hell), my OH isn't taking no for an answer!
Now, he's putting all the positives for living in oz!
Says I've really screwed him around on the job front and what's there to stay in the uk for?
Apr 30th 2010, 12:05 am
#36
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 398
Re: Pingpong dilemma:lifestyle or family, collywobbles?
He's just voicing what's in his head. He obviously spent a lot of time trying to see that a move would be a positive thing, now he has to turn all that around again! He must be feeling confused! I've been in a similar situation. Try to let him talk about it without it turning into an argument - much easier said than done, but he will need time to see a way forward for himself (and all of you) in the UK, if that's where you decide to stay.
Good luck
Apr 30th 2010, 6:32 am
#37
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Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Pacific Pines, Gold Coast.
Posts: 775
Re: Pingpong dilemma:lifestyle or family, collywobbles?
No words of wisdom from me Lucy....I just wanted to wish you luck, and hope you manage to sort everything out.
LibbyX
LibbyX
May 1st 2010, 12:54 am
#38
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 53
Re: Pingpong dilemma:lifestyle or family, collywobbles?
Look, I really really get where you are coming from. I completely understand the stresses of moving. It can test your limits and your sanity!
Perhaps he is testing you, and perhaps you need to be tested on your motives. From my personal experiences I believe you should consider your immediate family first, DH, DS and you. What is better for your family now?
Being close to your other family is a bonus. The UK is not that bad, look at what you have. Find what works for you.
I also think that your mum does a good line in emotional blackmail, but she obviously loves you. That means something.
Good luck!
Perhaps he is testing you, and perhaps you need to be tested on your motives. From my personal experiences I believe you should consider your immediate family first, DH, DS and you. What is better for your family now?
Being close to your other family is a bonus. The UK is not that bad, look at what you have. Find what works for you.
I also think that your mum does a good line in emotional blackmail, but she obviously loves you. That means something.
Good luck!
May 4th 2010, 12:16 am
#39
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Joined: May 2009
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 192
Re: Pingpong dilemma:lifestyle or family, collywobbles?
Hello
I'm facing making the biggest decision of my life and I don't know what to do!
In a nutshell: my partner and I emigrated to oz as perm residents in 2004. I had my son out there and we returned to the uk in 2008. Reasons for returning: missed friends and family and wanted son to get to know parents.
We've been back 2 years and I realized after 1 week we'd made a dreadful mistake to move back to the uk. I missed my friends, lifestyle, weather in oz. I realized that what I'd missed in the uk didn't exist anymore (we lived in London child free before emigrating).
Having lived in both places, I think oz is a better place to bring up kids IMO.
We told my son (aged 3 and half) on good friday. We are intending to leave uk end of june.
His reaction was devastating. He was very upset, crying, saying why do we have to go, he wants to stay where we live. I was very surprised as I hadn't realized he was so attached to our house / his playgroup / friends he's made / even family.
His reaction has upset me terribly and almost destabliized my plans to move back to oz. Everyday he is crying about the move, saying he doesn't want to go, asking when will he see grandma again etc etc. It breaks my heart and I find it is making me feel very anxious about the move back. I didn't feel like this before telling him.
I visited family up north last week and it was very poignant to watch my son playing with his cousins who he gets on very well with. I felt sad that he wouldn't get to grow up with them,and that he would miss out on having grandparents and all our family to grow up with. This is the only pull for me for staying here as I feel oz is better in most every other aspect.
My mum took the news of us moving back very badly and this has made me feel very guilty for moving back also.
My dilemma is this.
Do I stay in UK, so that my son can grow up with extended family around him?
OR: ping pong back to oz, where he can have a better lifestyle (IMO) and opportunities but not see his family very much other than by skype.
I don't have much time to make a decision, we have to sort out shipping by end of next week and I haven't spoken to my OH yet about my new mixed feelings, as I'm unsure whether I'm thinking with my head or heart at the moment...it took him a long time to come around to the idea and I'm frightened of talking to him about it in case he just changes his mind!
I just don't know what to do anymore, please can anyone advise me how I can make a decision?
thanks!
Lucy
I'm facing making the biggest decision of my life and I don't know what to do!
In a nutshell: my partner and I emigrated to oz as perm residents in 2004. I had my son out there and we returned to the uk in 2008. Reasons for returning: missed friends and family and wanted son to get to know parents.
We've been back 2 years and I realized after 1 week we'd made a dreadful mistake to move back to the uk. I missed my friends, lifestyle, weather in oz. I realized that what I'd missed in the uk didn't exist anymore (we lived in London child free before emigrating).
Having lived in both places, I think oz is a better place to bring up kids IMO.
We told my son (aged 3 and half) on good friday. We are intending to leave uk end of june.
His reaction was devastating. He was very upset, crying, saying why do we have to go, he wants to stay where we live. I was very surprised as I hadn't realized he was so attached to our house / his playgroup / friends he's made / even family.
His reaction has upset me terribly and almost destabliized my plans to move back to oz. Everyday he is crying about the move, saying he doesn't want to go, asking when will he see grandma again etc etc. It breaks my heart and I find it is making me feel very anxious about the move back. I didn't feel like this before telling him.
I visited family up north last week and it was very poignant to watch my son playing with his cousins who he gets on very well with. I felt sad that he wouldn't get to grow up with them,and that he would miss out on having grandparents and all our family to grow up with. This is the only pull for me for staying here as I feel oz is better in most every other aspect.
My mum took the news of us moving back very badly and this has made me feel very guilty for moving back also.
My dilemma is this.
Do I stay in UK, so that my son can grow up with extended family around him?
OR: ping pong back to oz, where he can have a better lifestyle (IMO) and opportunities but not see his family very much other than by skype.
I don't have much time to make a decision, we have to sort out shipping by end of next week and I haven't spoken to my OH yet about my new mixed feelings, as I'm unsure whether I'm thinking with my head or heart at the moment...it took him a long time to come around to the idea and I'm frightened of talking to him about it in case he just changes his mind!
I just don't know what to do anymore, please can anyone advise me how I can make a decision?
thanks!
Lucy
May 4th 2010, 1:27 pm
#40
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Thread Starter
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 92
Re: Pingpong dilemma:lifestyle or family, collywobbles?
Hi
Thanks for all the replies, all are food for thought...
My OH is still adamant that we should move back to oz but a little voice in my head keeps saying don't go... guess it could be called my intuition...?
MY OH is also mad at me because he stuck out a not very interesting contract for the last 12 months as we were making up our minds whether to go back or not and he didn't want to commit to a permanent job.
Now he's angry because I'm saying that I have doubts about going back and he could have looked for a better more permanent role. However I've only had these doubts the last few weeks and thought it best to tell him as soon as I could.
He says he's had a real blow by hearing this news. I feel really s***ty for telling him so soon to us going but better to tell him now than once we've moved.
He keeps saying let's give it a go, it will be exciting, we can always come back...!
He was looking forward to us having a nice cheap holiday in Bali on the way and Byron for his 40th...he will also be hitting the gobi desert for jobs in June / July for work in the uk which means more stress as he will be scrabbling around for work.
We could take a holiday in Europe but will still have rent to pay on top of him not working so that will be stressful and I'll be the one who will have to live with Mr stresshead. Not good.
I don't want to agree to go back just so he can have a couple of nice holidays (although it would be nice!).
I just keep having this gut feeling to stay here even though I don't particularly like the area that we live in. What's that about?
I'm so darned confused I just don't know what to think anymore!
We need to make a final decision very soon as he'll need to start looking for other work, so I"ve got until the end of the week probably..
....makes me feel even more panicky as I keep changing my mind but in my heart or gut there is this voice saying don't go...even though my head tells me that we could have a much better lifestyle in oz (in terms of weather etc, not material things as we're not materialistic in particular...!)
maybe I should just toss a coin?!
Damn it.
Thanks for all the replies, all are food for thought...
My OH is still adamant that we should move back to oz but a little voice in my head keeps saying don't go... guess it could be called my intuition...?
MY OH is also mad at me because he stuck out a not very interesting contract for the last 12 months as we were making up our minds whether to go back or not and he didn't want to commit to a permanent job.
Now he's angry because I'm saying that I have doubts about going back and he could have looked for a better more permanent role. However I've only had these doubts the last few weeks and thought it best to tell him as soon as I could.
He says he's had a real blow by hearing this news. I feel really s***ty for telling him so soon to us going but better to tell him now than once we've moved.
He keeps saying let's give it a go, it will be exciting, we can always come back...!
He was looking forward to us having a nice cheap holiday in Bali on the way and Byron for his 40th...he will also be hitting the gobi desert for jobs in June / July for work in the uk which means more stress as he will be scrabbling around for work.
We could take a holiday in Europe but will still have rent to pay on top of him not working so that will be stressful and I'll be the one who will have to live with Mr stresshead. Not good.
I don't want to agree to go back just so he can have a couple of nice holidays (although it would be nice!).
I just keep having this gut feeling to stay here even though I don't particularly like the area that we live in. What's that about?
I'm so darned confused I just don't know what to think anymore!
We need to make a final decision very soon as he'll need to start looking for other work, so I"ve got until the end of the week probably..
....makes me feel even more panicky as I keep changing my mind but in my heart or gut there is this voice saying don't go...even though my head tells me that we could have a much better lifestyle in oz (in terms of weather etc, not material things as we're not materialistic in particular...!)
maybe I should just toss a coin?!
Damn it.
