over 18s joke
Oct 10th 2006, 7:02 am
#1
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over 18s joke
im sorry if this is a bit naughty...
A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie.
After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?"
The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I''m a soft centre, I always end up getting my ****ing head kicked in."
"So", Smartie says. "Don''t worry about it, I''m a bit of a hard case, I''ll look after you."
Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says "Fair enough, as long as you''ll look after me", and off they go.
After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in.
As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table.
The Lockets take one look at Jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking cola bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh.
After a while they get bored and walk out.
Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood.
He turns to Smartie and says, "I thought you were going to look after me."
"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are ****in'' menthol!!!!
sorry
A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie.
After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?"
The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I''m a soft centre, I always end up getting my ****ing head kicked in."
"So", Smartie says. "Don''t worry about it, I''m a bit of a hard case, I''ll look after you."
Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says "Fair enough, as long as you''ll look after me", and off they go.
After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in.
As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table.
The Lockets take one look at Jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking cola bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh.
After a while they get bored and walk out.
Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood.
He turns to Smartie and says, "I thought you were going to look after me."
"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are ****in'' menthol!!!!
sorry
Oct 10th 2006, 7:05 am
#2
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Posts: 4,214
Re: over 18s joke
Originally Posted by aston man
im sorry if this is a bit naughty...
A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie.
After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?"
The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I''m a soft centre, I always end up getting my ****ing head kicked in."
"So", Smartie says. "Don''t worry about it, I''m a bit of a hard case, I''ll look after you."
Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says "Fair enough, as long as you''ll look after me", and off they go.
After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in.
As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table.
The Lockets take one look at Jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking cola bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh.
After a while they get bored and walk out.
Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood.
He turns to Smartie and says, "I thought you were going to look after me."
"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are ****in'' menthol!!!!
sorry
A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie.
After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?"
The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I''m a soft centre, I always end up getting my ****ing head kicked in."
"So", Smartie says. "Don''t worry about it, I''m a bit of a hard case, I''ll look after you."
Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says "Fair enough, as long as you''ll look after me", and off they go.
After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in.
As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table.
The Lockets take one look at Jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking cola bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh.
After a while they get bored and walk out.
Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood.
He turns to Smartie and says, "I thought you were going to look after me."
"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are ****in'' menthol!!!!
sorry
Oct 10th 2006, 7:09 am
#3
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Re: over 18s joke
Originally Posted by BertieB
Like it
Oct 10th 2006, 7:10 am
#4
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Re: over 18s joke
Originally Posted by thewoodz
do you have nothing better to do first blondes now jelly babies - have you no shame
Oct 10th 2006, 7:12 am
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Re: over 18s joke
Originally Posted by thewoodz
do you have nothing better to do first blondes now jelly babies - have you no shame
Oct 10th 2006, 7:15 am
#6
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Re: over 18s joke
Originally Posted by aston man
no and no
my kind of fun
Oct 10th 2006, 7:22 am
#7
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Re: over 18s joke
heres another from an irishman,thats me ,so that everything is fair...
Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from birmingham into perth Airport one night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Mick the co-pilot.
"B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will you look at how short that runway is". "You're not kiddin, Paddy, this is gonna be a tricky bloody landing" replied Mick.
"Right Mick, when I give the signal, you put th'engines in reverse," said Paddy, "and den put the flaps down straight away." "Right, I'll be doing that" replied Mick.
"And den stamp on the brakes as hard as you can" said Paddy, "and pray to Mother Mary with all a' your soul" "Right, I'll be doing that too" replied Mick.
As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Mick put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. With roaring engines, squealing tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt inches from the end of the runway.
As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Mick "Dat has gotta be the shortest bloody runway I EVER seen in my whole life".
Mick looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, and the f****n widest too".
Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from birmingham into perth Airport one night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Mick the co-pilot.
"B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will you look at how short that runway is". "You're not kiddin, Paddy, this is gonna be a tricky bloody landing" replied Mick.
"Right Mick, when I give the signal, you put th'engines in reverse," said Paddy, "and den put the flaps down straight away." "Right, I'll be doing that" replied Mick.
"And den stamp on the brakes as hard as you can" said Paddy, "and pray to Mother Mary with all a' your soul" "Right, I'll be doing that too" replied Mick.
As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Mick put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. With roaring engines, squealing tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt inches from the end of the runway.
As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Mick "Dat has gotta be the shortest bloody runway I EVER seen in my whole life".
Mick looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, and the f****n widest too".
Oct 10th 2006, 7:23 am
#8
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Posts: 8,635
Re: over 18s joke
Originally Posted by aston man
heres another from an irishman,thats me ,so that everything is fair...
Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from cardif into Dalaman Airport one night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Mick the co-pilot.
"B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will you look at how short that runway is". "You're not kiddin, Paddy, this is gonna be a tricky bloody landing" replied Mick.
"Right Mick, when I give the signal, you put th'engines in reverse," said Paddy, "and den put the flaps down straight away." "Right, I'll be doing that" replied Mick.
"And den stamp on the brakes as hard as you can" said Paddy, "and pray to Mother Mary with all a' your soul" "Right, I'll be doing that too" replied Mick.
As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Mick put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. With roaring engines, squealing tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt inches from the end of the runway.
As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Mick "Dat has gotta be the shortest bloody runway I EVER seen in my whole life".
Mick looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, and the f****n widest too".
Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from cardif into Dalaman Airport one night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Mick the co-pilot.
"B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will you look at how short that runway is". "You're not kiddin, Paddy, this is gonna be a tricky bloody landing" replied Mick.
"Right Mick, when I give the signal, you put th'engines in reverse," said Paddy, "and den put the flaps down straight away." "Right, I'll be doing that" replied Mick.
"And den stamp on the brakes as hard as you can" said Paddy, "and pray to Mother Mary with all a' your soul" "Right, I'll be doing that too" replied Mick.
As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Mick put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. With roaring engines, squealing tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt inches from the end of the runway.
As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Mick "Dat has gotta be the shortest bloody runway I EVER seen in my whole life".
Mick looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, and the f****n widest too".
Oct 10th 2006, 7:24 am
#9
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Joined: Sep 2006
Location: 4226.au
Posts: 12,364
Re: over 18s joke
Originally Posted by aston man
heres another from an irishman,thats me ,so that everything is fair...
Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from cardif into Dalaman Airport one night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Mick the co-pilot.
"B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will you look at how short that runway is". "You're not kiddin, Paddy, this is gonna be a tricky bloody landing" replied Mick.
"Right Mick, when I give the signal, you put th'engines in reverse," said Paddy, "and den put the flaps down straight away." "Right, I'll be doing that" replied Mick.
"And den stamp on the brakes as hard as you can" said Paddy, "and pray to Mother Mary with all a' your soul" "Right, I'll be doing that too" replied Mick.
As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Mick put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. With roaring engines, squealing tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt inches from the end of the runway.
As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Mick "Dat has gotta be the shortest bloody runway I EVER seen in my whole life".
Mick looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, and the f****n widest too".
Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from cardif into Dalaman Airport one night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Mick the co-pilot.
"B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will you look at how short that runway is". "You're not kiddin, Paddy, this is gonna be a tricky bloody landing" replied Mick.
"Right Mick, when I give the signal, you put th'engines in reverse," said Paddy, "and den put the flaps down straight away." "Right, I'll be doing that" replied Mick.
"And den stamp on the brakes as hard as you can" said Paddy, "and pray to Mother Mary with all a' your soul" "Right, I'll be doing that too" replied Mick.
As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Mick put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. With roaring engines, squealing tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt inches from the end of the runway.
As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Mick "Dat has gotta be the shortest bloody runway I EVER seen in my whole life".
Mick looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, and the f****n widest too".
Oct 10th 2006, 7:26 am
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Re: over 18s joke
Originally Posted by thewoodz
you saying they're as thick as the blondes :scared:
Oct 10th 2006, 7:27 am
#11
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Re: over 18s joke
Originally Posted by aston man
you trying to get me in trouble???
Oct 10th 2006, 7:27 am
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Re: over 18s joke
Originally Posted by aston man
you trying to get me in trouble???
Oct 10th 2006, 7:28 am
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Re: over 18s joke
Originally Posted by sassycat
Isn't it past your bed time
you wish
Oct 10th 2006, 7:29 am
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Re: over 18s joke
Love them both LOL
Oct 10th 2006, 7:30 am
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Re: over 18s joke
Originally Posted by aston man
you wish
