one for sat arvo!
May 13th 2006, 1:47 am
#1
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Location: happy in the hills of Perth......
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one for sat arvo!
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.
”Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''
“Oh, no need to explain," Mrs Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat " After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs Smith. "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. "Oh my God!" Mrs Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider her mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right.
People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" said Mrs Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,.. um.. equipment?" "It's true, Ma'am yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
With that, Mrs. Smith fainted............
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.
”Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''
“Oh, no need to explain," Mrs Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat " After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs Smith. "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. "Oh my God!" Mrs Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider her mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right.
People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" said Mrs Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,.. um.. equipment?" "It's true, Ma'am yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
With that, Mrs. Smith fainted............
Last edited by Sam; May 13th 2006 at 2:13 am.
May 13th 2006, 1:52 am
#2
flirt
Joined: Feb 2006
Location: lincoln
Posts: 1,264
Re: one for sat arvo!
like it 
May 13th 2006, 1:55 am
#3
Cheeky member
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: West Side
Posts: 16,204
Re: one for sat arvo!
i tried reading it...but it is sat night here and i got bored/couldnt be arsed reading more than a couple of lines...
May 13th 2006, 1:56 am
#4
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: Durham
Posts: 1,558
Re: one for sat arvo!
Made me smile 
Lynne
Lynne
May 13th 2006, 1:59 am
#5
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Joined: May 2005
Location: Coventry to Ocean Reef,WA
Posts: 634
Re: one for sat arvo!
Originally Posted by alan and sam
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon. ”Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''
“Oh, no need to explain," Mrs Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you." "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat " After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs Smith. "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. "Oh my God!" Mrs Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider her mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" said Mrs Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in." Mrs Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,.. um.. equipment?" "It's true, Ma'am yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away." "Tripod?" "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
With that, Mrs. Smith fainted............
"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...''
“Oh, no need to explain," Mrs Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you." "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?" "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat " After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there." "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs Smith. "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said. "Oh my God!" Mrs Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider her mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look." "Four and five deep?" said Mrs Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in." Mrs Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,.. um.. equipment?" "It's true, Ma'am yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away." "Tripod?" "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
With that, Mrs. Smith fainted............
cheered me up
May 13th 2006, 2:01 am
#6
flirt
Joined: Feb 2006
Location: lincoln
Posts: 1,264
Re: one for sat arvo!
Originally Posted by Ransi
i tried reading it...but it is sat night here and i got bored/couldnt be arsed reading more than a couple of lines...
May 13th 2006, 2:06 am
#7
Cheeky member
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: West Side
Posts: 16,204
Re: one for sat arvo!
Originally Posted by stutess
trust us Ran, it's funny
I'll try again tomorrow
May 13th 2006, 2:11 am
#8
flirt
Joined: Feb 2006
Location: lincoln
Posts: 1,264
Re: one for sat arvo!
Originally Posted by Ransi
maybe when i can see straight...
I'll try again tomorrow
I'll try again tomorrow
May 13th 2006, 2:13 am
#9
here and staying
Thread Starter
Joined: Jul 2005
Location: happy in the hills of Perth......
Posts: 4,351
Re: one for sat arvo!
Ive spread it out more, to make it easier to read!!
I too have had to leave things till the next day so i can read them straight
I too have had to leave things till the next day so i can read them straight
May 13th 2006, 2:17 am
#10
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Joined: Mar 2005
Location: West Side
Posts: 16,204
Re: one for sat arvo!
Originally Posted by alan and sam
Ive spread it out more, to make it easier to read!!
I too have had to leave things till the next day so i can read them straight
I too have had to leave things till the next day so i can read them straight
i can only read a few sentences at a time after a skin full
May 13th 2006, 2:37 am
#11
Sunny Sydney
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Sydney
Posts: 6,241
Re: one for sat arvo!
very good
May 13th 2006, 2:55 am
#12
happy to be here!
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Ellenbrook, WA
Posts: 2,732
Re: one for sat arvo!
Originally Posted by Ransi
its not you alan/sam
i can only read a few sentences at a time after a skin full
i can only read a few sentences at a time after a skin full
And I don't know how you manage to type, I'm useless when I'm sober, I've got sods chance when I'm pi**ed!
Tracey
May 13th 2006, 2:58 am
#13
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Re: one for sat arvo!
Originally Posted by tracey brien
Do you have to read with one eye shut so you can focus - I do!
And I don't know how you manage to type, I'm useless when I'm sober, I've got sods chance when I'm pi**ed!
Tracey
And I don't know how you manage to type, I'm useless when I'm sober, I've got sods chance when I'm pi**ed!
Tracey
May 13th 2006, 3:02 am
#14
happy to be here!
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Ellenbrook, WA
Posts: 2,732
Re: one for sat arvo!
Originally Posted by Ransi
the one eye focus thing is when i know i need to go to bed..getting there
May 13th 2006, 3:05 am
#15
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Location: West Side
Posts: 16,204
Re: one for sat arvo!
Originally Posted by tracey brien
Go on then, you get up love
