quoll

Nope, wouldnt go for a friend and have even missed some funerals of relatives over the years. However a sick mum is a whole other issue and I would be off like a shot.

Jad n Rich, my sympathies for your loss but, as you said, it is better to know than to live in limbo. So sorry.

asher

I have voted yes simply for your mum

your mate is different he's gone he's not there, his wife and daughter are how close were you? will you be of any support to her?

if you can support her then go

but go anyway just to see your mum anyway take every chance you can or you will kick yourself later.

so sorry it must have been shocking for you and his poor daughter my heart goes out to her

Kapri

Renth - I'm another one saying yes go for your Mum.
I don't think you would ever regret spending the money on that.

emelems

Just nipped on to convey my sincerest condolences...

Not sure if I can say yes or no... depends on too many factors...

I do have some experiences which I can share.. not sure if they will help or hinder!... OH's Father died last June and he did not go to the funeral (Father was terminally ill and we had spent 2 months living and looking after him before coming out here).. His Father had told us that he did not want us coming back.. he wanted us to carry on living the dream as he put it.. with hindsight OH should have gone back.. not because of supporting his family etc etc.. but because he needed to be around other people and grieve with them... saying that his Mum was quite determined that he should carry out his fathers last wishes (for him NOT to come back)...

ANyway, that is our experience ...

Em x

MattW82

Going back for the funeral? No, I probably wouldn't. Going back to see my seriously ill mother and attending the funeral whilst in the UK? Very probably, yes.

Racht70

Go Renth - for your mum and say your farewells to your friend...worry about the money afterwards.

cresta57

I haven't read the rest of the thread just your first post so sorry if I'm repeating.
If it were just your mate I'd say send flowers/donation/condolences. He's dead & no amount of grieving will change that. Your mate would understand the expense involved.
Your mum however is different, she's alive, though seriously ill. Go to her & make peace & say your goodbyes etc.etc.
The British military used to have a system where if someone was seriously ill they would pull out all the stops to return you in time. If they were already dead that didn't happen.
From my own experience, my Dad flew back from the U.S when my Nan was seriously ill, he stayed for a couple of weeks & she perked up a bit. They said goodbye & she made him promise not to "spend time & money coming home again to put her corpse in a hole in the ground"
He returned state side & she died the next week, I sent a wreathe in his name & everyone that mattered understood about the promise.

Keith Moon

Renth, you do not know me, i do not know of you, but may i offer you my condolences, sorry mate for your loss, sometimes a mate is like losing part of your big family.

I would go, when i lose a mate, it makes me realise how old i am, and i am getting older, so how precious every day is, every next day, so yes go my old son, and see you mum, spend time with your mum, if you ain't got it, borrow it, at the end of the day, none of us know how long we have left?

Good luck and a safe journey! Keith.

renth

I'd just like to say thanks to all who have given me their best wishes. I'm still gutted about my mate. Still can't believe he's gone. I've never lost a close mate before.

Amazulu

Sorry for your loss R.

Have you decided to go? I think you should.

renth

I need to do some delicate negotiation on the home front.

memewest

Renth.

Sorry for your loss.

When we went to Oz for a month in 2006 one of our really close friends had a car accident and died 4 days after we had flown out. We didn't find out he had gone until half way through our hols, and that was cause someone spilt the beans, they were going to keep it quiet and tell us when we got back.

By the time we got home 3 weeks later, the funeral had happened and everyone was moving on. We had missed it.
It was the 2yr anniversary of his death last month and i still find it really hard to believe he's gone. We didn't attend the funeral, or grieve with any friends or family, and i think because of that, because there was no goodbyes, he's not really gone. I even still have his number on my mobile!!

So figure out a way to finance the trip and say goodbye to him. Plus you have the bonus of going to see your mum.

Don't know if this has helped any, it's a tough decision for you.

Deutschmaster

that sounds familiar. My granny passed away a couple of years ago. Folks took their time telling me. First I had heard about it was when my Mum got back from the funeral! 'but we didn't want to disturb your university studies'. It wasn't a shock in a way - she was old and had been ill for a while so it was expected sooner or later.

They like only telling me things after they had happened. One task I have next year is to go back and sort all my stuff at my parents - they announced a while back that they would be moving to the west country - but - luckily with the housing market it's slowed them down

Still, I'm half expecting when I go home next time the locks will have changed and different people will be living there.

sasbear

Ditto.

Also my sympathies to you, your mate's wife and family.

My husband's best mate (and best man) died a couple of months ago. suicide. He didn't go back for the funeral.

kez81

How awful sorry to hear about that.

If you have the money go my hubby couldnt go back to his best mates funeral in January and it still upsets him.