renth

He died in bed, his 7 year old daughter discovered his body. His wife was away on business.

He was 47 years old.

I'm trying to decide whether I should go to the funeral, obviously I'd go if I lived in the UK, Europe or probably even the USA but from Aus I'm looking at spending over $2,500 all in.

I would get another chance to see my seriously ill mother though, so that would be a bonus...

What do you guys think?

Possums

sorry to hear that, that poor little girl

Yes I would def go, especially as you get to see your mum too

ex_exile

If you can go then you should, especially if your mother is ill, you will regret not seeing her if she passes.

Friend of mine was in the same situation from NZ, father was diagnosed with cancer but expected to survive; she decided to spend a lot to take the children to see their Grandfather. He died of a infection whilst undergoing chemo 3 months later.

bridie

Sorry to read that Renth.... if I were in your shoes I'd go, esp as you say you'll get to see your mum as well.

JayDeee

Hey Renth,

I'm really Sorry to hear that, especially for the little girl. I cant answer the question for you as only you can do that in my opinion.

Kala

comet555

If it was only you're friend I'd probably be undecided.

But... since your mom is really sick as well then I think it's a good chance to see her as well.

NKSK version 2

I was in a similar position (but without the sick relative) about 8 years ago. I'd just started a new job in SE Asia and my oldest friend died.

He was seriously ill in the years before so I could say that it was not entirely unexpected but there was still a choice to be made.

I didn't go. Strangely enough (or not), I don't feel that I made the wrong decision. I suppose it comes down to your philosophy about funerals - to me they are depressing anyhow and one's attendance comes down to showing support for close family of the person who died. I'd spent many hours with him in hospital in the preceding few years and the family understood that I couldn't really attend - and there were so many family members who were much more emotionally involved than me.

Contrast that with the death of my grandmother 5 years ago. On that occasion I flew back for the funeral - but my motivation was to support my father. With hindsight I am really pleased that I did go back - and I would have regreted not doing so.

Does this help or hinder?

BTW - couldn't vote on something so personal.

Kooky.

Sorry to hear that, renth (and have to agree, scrap the poll).

You say he was one of your best mates so, if you can afford it, go.

DrWho

Do it... You'll feel a total knob later if you don't...

moneypenny20

Poor little girl Poor wife also, getting that news.

Definitely go if the money's there. You're mum would be chuffed to see you and it'll be good for you too.

jad n rich

Renth - go if only for you mum. Can you imagine what it would mean to her.

Richs half brother has just been found, disappeared 2 weeks ago, boating accident dubbo, found him this morning after a 2 week search. I am relieved they have now found him, the stress on the family not knowing intolerable in the end.

moneypenny20

That's awful. Thank 'whatever' they can now get closure and put him to rest. Sympathies to Rich and the rest of the family.

Deutschmaster

I think that I would fly. OK might be pissed off about the cost - especially if money is a bit tight and it's a last minute expensive flight - but you have to give your friend a good send off as its the last thing you will do for him. If you miss it then you can't do it a second time round can you?

SillyOldBag

Personally, it if were just a best friend, unless it was of the "they're another brother/sister" type best friend, I would probably not go... However, as you have added to the equation your mum who is sick, then I think in those circumstances I probably would do my best to get there, but more for an opportunity to see her while she is still fit enough to appreciate your visit.

Hope that doesn't sound heartless. If financially you decide it just isn't something you can do right now, then could you mark the day some way locally? Go for some beers with your friends here and raise a glass to him? Do something that the pair of you used to enjoy doing together? Just an idea.

Its very difficult and something I presume most of us that have emigrated will have to face in some shape or form.

Good luck with your decision making, to be honest though, its not a situation where you can make a wrong decision, just different decisions.

framac67

Money means f**k all when people and health are concerned Renth.. Believe me, I know. Coupled with the visit to your mum, there is only one answer and I think you know it. Good luck.