The Official Barbie Joke Thread! (NOT CHILD FRIENDLY)
Apr 17th 2007, 3:25 pm
#46
Going for a ride
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Monbulk, Victoria.
Posts: 2,838
Uncle Paul.
Uncle Paul
"Hello?"
Hi honey This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy - she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
Paul."
"Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause,
Daddy says - "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom
door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the
driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and
ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she
isn't
moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!!
What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the
swimming
pool.
But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to
clean
it
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"
"Hello?"
Hi honey This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy - she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
Paul."
"Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause,
Daddy says - "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom
door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the
driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and
ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she
isn't
moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!!
What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the
swimming
pool.
But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to
clean
it
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"
Apr 17th 2007, 3:49 pm
#47
Account Closed
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,037
Re: Uncle Paul.
Uncle Paul
"Hello?"
Hi honey This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy - she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
Paul."
"Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause,
Daddy says - "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom
door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the
driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and
ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she
isn't
moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!!
What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the
swimming
pool.
But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to
clean
it
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"
"Hello?"
Hi honey This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy - she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
Paul."
"Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause,
Daddy says - "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom
door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the
driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and
ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she
isn't
moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!!
What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the
swimming
pool.
But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to
clean
it
He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"
Apr 17th 2007, 4:14 pm
#48
Just wanna be there
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: UK ~Germany ~ where will we be next??
Posts: 240
Re: Uncle Paul.
lmao
Apr 17th 2007, 6:58 pm
#50
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Where the sun always shines
Posts: 3,627
Re: Uncle Paul.
Like it
Apr 17th 2007, 7:03 pm
#51
Going going.........
Joined: Sep 2006
Location: I'll soon be gone
Posts: 1,382
Re: Uncle Paul.
Very good PMSL
Apr 19th 2007, 1:55 am
#52
On the Dark Side :-)
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: South Wales to New South Wales!
Posts: 3,065
Anyone have any Funnies for me to Add to the Shopping Website please?
To liven up the shopping website I'm setting up I thought I'd add a 'just for fun' section,but.....................I need some funnies to add please 
Just links to the funnies would be great - either online games or jokes or stuff like that??
Any suggestions welcome
Thanks guys
Rach xxxx
Just links to the funnies would be great - either online games or jokes or stuff like that??
Any suggestions welcome
Thanks guys
Rach xxxx
Last edited by Mrs Jackaroo; Apr 19th 2007 at 3:05 am.
Apr 20th 2007, 9:43 pm
#53
Life's a gamble
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Solihull2Gold Coast-Sept '06
Posts: 2,492
Same Job - Different Pay
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage " Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year (a pretty small salary) and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic................................
''Try doing it with the engine running."
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make $39,675 a year (a pretty small salary) and you get the really big bucks ($1,695,759) when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic................................
''Try doing it with the engine running."
Apr 20th 2007, 9:46 pm
#54
Life's a gamble
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Solihull2Gold Coast-Sept '06
Posts: 2,492
Management
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.
She reduced altitude and spotted a man below.
She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can
you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I
don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41
degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am", replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well,
answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the
fact is I'm still lost.
Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything you've delayed
my trip even more."
The man below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot
air. You made a promise that you've no idea how to keep, and you expect
people beneath you to solve your problems.
She reduced altitude and spotted a man below.
She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can
you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I
don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41
degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am", replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well,
answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the
fact is I'm still lost.
Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything you've delayed
my trip even more."
The man below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot
air. You made a promise that you've no idea how to keep, and you expect
people beneath you to solve your problems.
Apr 20th 2007, 9:50 pm
#55
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2004
Location: South Yorks
Posts: 738
Re: Same Job - Different Pay
Apr 20th 2007, 9:51 pm
#56
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2004
Location: South Yorks
Posts: 738
Re: Management
:d
Apr 21st 2007, 2:34 pm
#57
Just wanna be there
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: UK ~Germany ~ where will we be next??
Posts: 240
Re: Management
lol
Apr 22nd 2007, 3:18 am
#58
Life's a gamble
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Solihull2Gold Coast-Sept '06
Posts: 2,492
The Pregnant Lady
AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are Comin' and I grinned."
"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling', and I had to smile.
"Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself."
But, your honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that read,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it."
"CASE DISMISSED!!"
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are Comin' and I grinned."
"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling', and I had to smile.
"Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself."
But, your honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that read,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it."
"CASE DISMISSED!!"
Apr 24th 2007, 6:18 pm
#59
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: Liverpool, UK for now but Melbourne here we come!
Posts: 213
Genie
Two Aussies, Davo and Johnno, were adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Davo stumbled across an old lamp. He rubbed the lamp vigorously and a genie came forth.
This genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter, Davo blurted out, "Turn the entire ocean into beer. Make that Victoria Bitter!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and Immediately the sea turned into the hard-earned thirst quencher.
The genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Johnno looked disgustedly at Davo whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment Johnno said, "You stupid git, Davo!
Now we're going to have to piss in the boat."
This genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter, Davo blurted out, "Turn the entire ocean into beer. Make that Victoria Bitter!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and Immediately the sea turned into the hard-earned thirst quencher.
The genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Johnno looked disgustedly at Davo whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment Johnno said, "You stupid git, Davo!
Now we're going to have to piss in the boat."
Apr 24th 2007, 6:23 pm
#60
Joined: May 2006
Location: in the Sydney asylum
Posts: 20,690
Re: Genie
Two Aussies, Davo and Johnno, were adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Davo stumbled across an old lamp. He rubbed the lamp vigorously and a genie came forth.
This genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter, Davo blurted out, "Turn the entire ocean into beer. Make that Victoria Bitter!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and Immediately the sea turned into the hard-earned thirst quencher.
The genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Johnno looked disgustedly at Davo whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment Johnno said, "You stupid git, Davo!
Now we're going to have to piss in the boat."
This genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter, Davo blurted out, "Turn the entire ocean into beer. Make that Victoria Bitter!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and Immediately the sea turned into the hard-earned thirst quencher.
The genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Johnno looked disgustedly at Davo whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment Johnno said, "You stupid git, Davo!
Now we're going to have to piss in the boat."