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Need "personal" advice

Need "personal" advice

Old Apr 24th 2010, 3:56 pm
  #61  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Another porn aspect that nobody has mentioned is the negative effect it can have on an individuals sex life.

If used occasionally then a lot of people can find it enhances their experience. However, some men (and women) use it so often that they find it difficult to *perform* without it.

It's also much easier now to get hold of more and more explicit porn - people can find that something unexpected (and illegal) turns them on and this can create problems.

For some people it's not as simple as someone looking at a copy of Razzle.
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Old Apr 25th 2010, 1:33 am
  #62  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by sonlymewalter View Post
As can many things in life. We don't always know how our meat is slaughtered mate but it doesn't stop us eating it.

And there are lots of women who participate willingly. Fast buck, easy work. No different to prostitution. Even though incomprehensible to some of us, to some others it's not a moral issue to them at all.
Well, it does stop some of us eating meat - my husband too.

I watched a doco some time ago - could have been on Oprah, but I don't remember but it did say that something like 70% of women involved in the sex industry have been sexually abused (mostly as children). It is just something to bear in mind.
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Old Apr 25th 2010, 1:36 am
  #63  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by Shellfish View Post
Well, it does stop some of us eating meat - my husband too.

I watched a doco some time ago - could have been on Oprah, but I don't remember but it did say that something like 70% of women involved in the sex industry have been sexually abused (mostly as children). It is just something to bear in mind.
So following that logic mate, I presume you don't by anything made in China as human abuse is well documented

Something to bear in mind.
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Old Apr 25th 2010, 2:23 am
  #64  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

I think you are all missing the real point of her concerns, it is quite obvious that she is worried about her husband viewing these sites because when he is away SHE is starring in these movies to earn extra money!!
And performing like she has never done for him!!
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Old Apr 25th 2010, 5:11 am
  #65  
 
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by verystormy View Post
I have a bit of a problem!

As some of you are aware i work away from home and called the wife last night who was VERY upset. Turns out she had gone through the computer and discovered i have looked at some "naughty" sites.

I think most guys do / have, but havent a clue what to say to her. Its not easy being stuck here talking over the phone.

Help please
A few questions.

Why did she feel the need to 'go through the computer'? It sounds like she's looking for something because she doesn't trust you. What reason is there for that? When there is no trust in your marriage, you might as well get divorced now instead of letting it continue. It's not healthy.

You have looked at 'some' naughty sites... How many is 'some' exactly? It must be something you've done a number of times... and it's on the home computer, so you did it whilst you were at home... which leads to the next point...

I can see why she'd be upset. You work away from home so you don't see her often. When you do get home, you're looking at wank sites. I really think that would irk me too. You *should* in theory, if you were in a really healthy relationship, be all over your wife like a rash when you get home... but you're not .. you're spending time with 'plastic' women who aren't really real, whilst you've got the woman you supposedly love right there.

So generally, your wife is upset because she feels perhaps that you're spending time with porn instead of her. If it's something you enjoy in your sex life, but have never shared it with her, then you're keeping a part of your sexuality private from the person who's *meant* to share your most intimate moments.
What's wrong with this picture!?!

In her mind, you're putting the porn above her needs and that's not healthy. In effect, you might as well be having a fling in her mind, because it's crystal clear to me that you should be wining and dining the beautiful woman you married when you get home from working away, putting some effort into your relationship which quite obviously needs it, and getting real with yourself....

Where do your priorities lie? If you like porn, don't hide it, be honest and up front and tell her what you like. Find out what she likes... and watch it together... it could be a huge turn on for you both and it's healthy for your sex life together.
Alternatively, if it's something that she really can't get her head around and doesn't want to share, then you have to respect that... And in return she has to respect that it's part of your life and be ok with it... but don't put her second on the list of priorities. She's upset because she wants to be married to you, wants to be loved by you and adored by you. It's not rocket science.

Good luck.
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Old Apr 25th 2010, 7:31 am
  #66  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by TiddlyPom View Post
A few questions.

Why did she feel the need to 'go through the computer'? It sounds like she's looking for something because she doesn't trust you. What reason is there for that? When there is no trust in your marriage, you might as well get divorced now instead of letting it continue. It's not healthy.
Remember it is perfectly possible to stumble by mistake across the fact your fella has been looking at porn on the computer - ie without trawling or hunting for things. I did while I was typing in a website address for something and it came up with an 'auto-suggest' of some website OH had been looking at previously in the history. The title was not very subtle to say the least. He was very embarrrassed - didn't really bother me that much, but I hadn't been looking for anything or not trusting him.
I haven't looked since either but I suspect he is clearing the history after that!
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Old Apr 25th 2010, 9:30 am
  #67  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by sonlymewalter View Post
So following that logic mate, I presume you don't by anything made in China as human abuse is well documented

Something to bear in mind.

That's a good point. I do consider myself a conscientious shopper and I try but no, obviously some of the items I buy come from China - it's unavoidable in Australia and most of the world, I would think.

That said, I don't think that negates my other point - I am certainly not going to run off and buy a stack of porn and a serloin streak now because there are children in China working 16 hours a day for a bowl of rice.
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Old Apr 25th 2010, 9:49 am
  #68  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

I am sitting back with a cuppa right now watching all you wannabe "dear Deidre" girls dishing out your versions of advice.
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Old Apr 25th 2010, 10:28 am
  #69  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by Broad Shoulders View Post
I am sitting back with a cuppa right now watching all you wannabe "dear Deidre" girls dishing out your versions of advice.
The OP asked for advice!
He's had a few different perspectives from different women; now he needs to find out what his wife's perspective is.

All in all, I'd say that's great advice

Next question?
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Old Apr 25th 2010, 10:29 am
  #70  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by Broad Shoulders View Post
I am sitting back with a cuppa right now watching all you wannabe "dear Deidre" girls dishing out your versions of advice.
I used to love Dear Deidre!
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Old Apr 25th 2010, 10:34 am
  #71  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by Broad Shoulders View Post
I am sitting back with a cuppa right now watching all you wannabe "dear Deidre" girls dishing out your versions of advice.
Well, god forbid he should follow the advice that the men are giving him
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Old Apr 25th 2010, 10:41 am
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by Broad Shoulders View Post
I am sitting back with a cuppa right now watching all you wannabe "dear Deidre" girls dishing out your versions of advice.
Deidre does Dallas ?
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Old Apr 25th 2010, 11:28 am
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by scotdownunder View Post
Remember it is perfectly possible to stumble by mistake across the fact your fella has been looking at porn on the computer - ie without trawling or hunting for things.
It was the way the OP said 'going through' that made me wonder.
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Old Apr 25th 2010, 12:45 pm
  #74  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by Shellfish View Post
[F]...........
That said, I don't think that negates my other point - I am certainly not going to run off and buy a stack of porn and a serloin streak now because there are children in China working 16 hours a day for a bowl of rice. [/FONT]
It does negate your point mate as the point is we all buy unethical crap to satisfy our needs, whatever those needs may be. Unless unethical porn is any less usavoury than unethical Chinese products

My original point is we all buy unethical crap as it's the way of the world. Doesn't make us bad people as it's unnavoidable to wrap our lives in cotton wool

Originally Posted by Broad Shoulders View Post
I am sitting back with a cuppa right now watching all you wannabe "dear Deidre" girls dishing out your versions of advice.
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Old Apr 25th 2010, 12:53 pm
  #75  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by sonlymewalter View Post
It does negate your point mate as the point is we all buy unethical crap to satisfy our needs, whatever those needs may be. Unless unethical porn is any less usavoury than unethical Chinese products

My original point is we all buy unethical crap as it's the way of the world. Doesn't make us bad people as it's unnavoidable to wrap our lives in cotton wool


We should at least try to make ethical choices. It's not impossible to avoid porn or most things made in china or eating meat. The only things we really need are food and shelter. Everything else is choice.
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