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Need "personal" advice

Need "personal" advice

Old Apr 29th 2010, 2:01 am
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by Burbage View Post
Marriage is flawed, and the divorce laws are flawed. You aren't cynical about marriage because the laws favour women and they penalise men. From your point of view you're winning more with every divorce.
What! What a load of phooey Burbage.

I have not been 'favoured' at all in my divorce in any way, shape or form, nor has the father of my children been penalised in any way, shape or form.

From my 'point of view', I won nothing, other than experience and some good worthy lessons.
You could take more care telling people what their point of view is before being so liberal with your opinions! That's ****ing offensive.

I am not cynical about marriage because I still believe that it is a good thing that you *can* get right if you pick the right person as many of my friends have shown me is possible. I am not cynical about it because I still believe it's possible to be with someone in a monogamous relationship. Given I'm currently in a monogamous relationship, my belief is still that.

There are certainly people of both sexes who cannot cope with living alone. That doesn't mean marriage is necessarily the answer. .
No-one said it *was* the 'answer'. There *are* no answers. You do what you feel is right for you.
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Old Apr 29th 2010, 2:04 am
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by DunRoaminTheUK View Post
This does suck. I agree.
What law states people HAVE to marry in Australia if they've been living together? Really, cos I have friends who are obviously breaking said law... they've been together 18 years and they're still not married. Oh the shame.
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Old Apr 29th 2010, 2:05 am
  #153  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by TiddlyPom View Post
I am not cynical about marriage because I still believe that it is a good thing that you *can* get right if you pick the right person as many of my friends have shown me is possible. I am not cynical about it because I still believe it's possible to be with someone in a monogamous relationship. Given I'm currently in a monogamous relationship, my belief is still that.
Good for you...really. I find your words re-assuring
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Old Apr 29th 2010, 2:05 am
  #154  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by TiddlyPom View Post
What law states people HAVE to marry in Australia if they've been living together? Really, cos I have friends who are obviously breaking said law... they've been together 18 years and they're still not married. Oh the shame.
I think he was referring to the legalities of the de-facto relationship that is assumed after 6 months?
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Old Apr 29th 2010, 2:08 am
  #155  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by DunRoaminTheUK View Post
I think he was referring to the legalities of the de-facto relationship that is assumed after 6 months?
What he said.

Marriage is not a monogamous relationship. Marriage is a set of laws that force you to commit to one person for the whole of your life. These are two different things.
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Old Apr 29th 2010, 2:09 am
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by DunRoaminTheUK View Post
I think he was referring to the legalities of the de-facto relationship that is assumed after 6 months?
De facto is a sticky area that can be hard to prove.

'That is, two (2) people living together on a genuine domestic basis in a relationship based on intimacy, trust and personal commitment to each other'

Some people could argue that their entire relationship had none of the above and there was no such situation. It's been done before.
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Old Apr 29th 2010, 2:11 am
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by Burbage View Post
What he said.

Marriage is not a monogamous relationship. Marriage is a set of laws that force you to commit to one person for the whole of your life. These are two different things.
Marriage *to me* means a monogamous relationship and in my opinion, changes the commitment that you make to that person. That's purely my opinion, regardless of what the law and you think it is.
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Old Apr 29th 2010, 2:11 am
  #158  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by TiddlyPom View Post
De facto is a sticky area that can be hard to prove.

'That is, two (2) people living together on a genuine domestic basis in a relationship based on intimacy, trust and personal commitment to each other'

Some people could argue that their entire relationship had none of the above and there was no such situation. It's been done before.
Why would you even have to defend your right to live together in the way you choose? What if one person claims one thing and the other person claims something else?

The whole point is that there is nothing wrong with a relationship when it starts. But it's a shit fight when it ends.
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Old Apr 29th 2010, 2:12 am
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by DunRoaminTheUK View Post
Good for you...really. I find your words re-assuring
Thanks Dun.
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Old Apr 29th 2010, 2:14 am
  #160  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by TiddlyPom View Post
Marriage *to me* means a monogamous relationship and in my opinion, changes the commitment that you make to that person. That's purely my opinion, regardless of what the law and you think it is.
+1.
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Old Apr 29th 2010, 2:14 am
  #161  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by TiddlyPom View Post
Marriage *to me* means a monogamous relationship and in my opinion, changes the commitment that you make to that person. That's purely my opinion, regardless of what the law and you think it is.
But you have been married and are now having sex with someone different. Therefore you're a polygamist, because marriage assumes commitment for life.

Why do we not have short term marriages? Let's have marriages that MUST end after 7 years, unless people write a new contract. That'd make them think. No other business contract within the law is based on the lifetime of the shortest lived partner.
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Old Apr 29th 2010, 2:17 am
  #162  
 
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by Burbage View Post
Why would you even have to defend your right to live together in the way you choose?
Who's defending themselves? I have many friends in a defacto relationship and they're totally fine with it.

What if one person claims one thing and the other person claims something else?
Well that is the nature of the 'end' of things, is it not? Two people experience the same thing together yet each of their recollections are different. That is why we have courts to sort it all out for those who are incapable.

The whole point is that there is nothing wrong with a relationship when it starts. But it's a shit fight when it ends.
So to be safe, none of us should have a relationship just in case it breaks up?
After my marriage, I prefer to look at my three amazing and beautiful kids and remember all the really good times there were. Focussing on just the bad is pointless and a waste of energy. There was nothing wasted about that time. It was necessary.
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Old Apr 29th 2010, 2:19 am
  #163  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by TiddlyPom View Post
Who's defending themselves? I have many friends in a defacto relationship and they're totally fine with it.



Well that is the nature of the 'end' of things, is it not? Two people experience the same thing together yet each of their recollections are different. That is why we have courts to sort it all out for those who are incapable.



So to be safe, none of us should have a relationship just in case it breaks up?
After my marriage, I prefer to look at my three amazing and beautiful kids and remember all the really good times there were. Focussing on just the bad is pointless and a waste of energy. There was nothing wasted about that time. It was necessary.
And if your husband had wanted custody of the kids, and won it, would you be just as happy?
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Old Apr 29th 2010, 2:20 am
  #164  
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by Burbage View Post
But you have been married and are now having sex with someone different. Therefore you're a polygamist, because marriage assumes commitment for life.
Surely the context in which TiddlyPom is placing herself is one where sex is only experienced with one partner at a time, during the union of marriage? There is another definition that states that monogamy is the practice of marring only once in life but I didn't think that Tiddly was referring to this one myself?
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Old Apr 29th 2010, 2:23 am
  #165  
 
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Default Re: Need "personal" advice

Originally Posted by Burbage View Post
But you have been married and are now having sex with someone different. Therefore you're a polygamist, because marriage assumes commitment for life.
Polygamy means to be married to more than one person at the same time, does it not?
I am not married, not to the father of my children, nor to my partner of now. I don't really therefore understand what you are trying to say.

If you mean marriage means commitment for life, I think that you may be surprised that many people who marry do not see it that way at all.
What was it I read the other day... some kid wanted huge dress and stuff for formal... Mother says 'It's not like you're getting married'... Kid answers 'I'll get married more than once, but a formal only happens one time in your life'.

Why do we not have short term marriages? Let's have marriages that MUST end after 7 years, unless people write a new contract. That'd make them think. No other business contract within the law is based on the lifetime of the shortest lived partner.
We *do* have short term marriages. You can have your marriage last as long or as short term as you like.
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