Need to have a vent about my DH
Apr 22nd 2008, 10:14 am
#16
Auntie Fa
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Seattle
Posts: 7,344
Re: Need to have a vent about my DH
No, I'm sorry but I really, really disagree. If my husband started firing off my CV he wouldn't be my husband for much longer, and I'm sure the reverse is true.
Apr 22nd 2008, 10:54 am
#17
I'm on a Highway to Hell
Joined: Apr 2008
Location: The "Country" - WA
Posts: 193
Re: Need to have a vent about my DH
By the sound of it he is not saying outright No just dragging his heels and procrastinating, so I view it as getting the ball rolling - if he starts to get some positive response he may pick up the ball himself and run with it.
I think it also depends on the kind of man your husband is - Babycatchers OH sounds very much to me like my husband who needs a little nudge now and then (and I think my OH secretly likes it.)
Some guys like being treated a little like children sometimes - eases the pressure on making decisions.
I am only offering my opinion, BC knows her husband well enough to know if doing such a thing would upset her husband or not, just as you know yours would be upset, its up to her if she follows the advice or not.
Apr 22nd 2008, 10:57 am
#18
Crazy Cat Lady
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 65,493
Re: Need to have a vent about my DH
I reckon you should start fireing off some CVs on his behalf, I dont see the harm in it - its not like he has to take a job, but it may prove that there are jobs out there, however, it may also prove that its not that easy and his fears are well founded, in which case you will also have a new perspective on things.
Either way, a job isnt going to come and find you and the only way to find out is to look and see, then a decision can be made.
Hope that helps
Either way, a job isnt going to come and find you and the only way to find out is to look and see, then a decision can be made.
Hope that helps
Apr 22nd 2008, 10:58 am
#19
Account Closed
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 8,913
Re: Need to have a vent about my DH
He is having his procrastinating, stubborn phase again and wont discuss Oz. He insists it's not that he has decided against the move but he seems to be firmly in the world of that he wont get a job yaddah yaddah yaddah.
Cause there appear not be jobs in Extreme Networking (something in IT) he says he wont get a job. He can do other support and networking roles but is convinced that this wont happen as he doesn't have formal quals. (Only 25 yrs working for Government)
I have suggested that he apply for some jobs now just to see if he gets any interest. I have pm'd a number of you guys for info and been told that there are lots of IT jobs but none of this seems to help.
I said to him today that if he just wants to give up on it thats ok I just need to know as this has been going on for years now I CANT StAND IT!
I read everything about emigrating and life in Oz and me and the kids want to go and I just need him to get his arse in gear! :curse: .....I always seem to be back here waiting for him....
Anyway I just thought I would let you know HOW FRUSTRATED I AM...AGAIN!
Cause there appear not be jobs in Extreme Networking (something in IT) he says he wont get a job. He can do other support and networking roles but is convinced that this wont happen as he doesn't have formal quals. (Only 25 yrs working for Government)
I have suggested that he apply for some jobs now just to see if he gets any interest. I have pm'd a number of you guys for info and been told that there are lots of IT jobs but none of this seems to help.
I said to him today that if he just wants to give up on it thats ok I just need to know as this has been going on for years now I CANT StAND IT!
I read everything about emigrating and life in Oz and me and the kids want to go and I just need him to get his arse in gear! :curse: .....I always seem to be back here waiting for him....
Anyway I just thought I would let you know HOW FRUSTRATED I AM...AGAIN!
Apr 22nd 2008, 1:04 pm
#21
I'm on a Highway to Hell
Joined: Apr 2008
Location: The "Country" - WA
Posts: 193
Re: Need to have a vent about my DH
I think a few of you are taking this a little out of context.
I am in NO WAY saying just go ahead and arrange his life for him!
All I am saying is that, obviously unlike all of your husbands, there are some guys around, like my husband, who on some occassions would rather the decision making process be taken out of their hands for any number of reasons - in the case of my husband it is because he is such an absolute worry wart that it physically prevents him from making a decision because he cannot choose which way to jump and goes around in circles because he worries about every single possible thing that could happen - when this situation arises I find it best to get all the info possible and spell it out to him and then make a descision together, when he sees some positive feedback it seems to calm him down a bit and clear his vision, e.g. me applying for some jobs (with his knowledge)and then him actually being offered some gave him the confidence to know that we werent going to move around the world and be destitute and that there were jobs available. Once that worry has been eliminated and occupying his every thought he his then able to move on.
This going round in circles can be very frustrating because one day your guy will be totally up for it then a week later he has found something else to worry about and its all off again and more often than not it is soooo frustrating because the worries are unfounded and the only way to get past that is to physically prove that it is not an issue - such as obtaining a job offer proved that lack of work is not an issue.
I am only offering a run down of my experience with my OH - I am not saying do this or else, and I am pretty sure that Babycatcher is of sound enough mind to know if she would be able to do such a thing with regards to her husband - only she will know if it is the right thing to do or not.
From what BC has put in the first post it sounds very familiar to me and I am only telling her how I got past this stage with my OH - thats all.
I am in NO WAY saying just go ahead and arrange his life for him!
All I am saying is that, obviously unlike all of your husbands, there are some guys around, like my husband, who on some occassions would rather the decision making process be taken out of their hands for any number of reasons - in the case of my husband it is because he is such an absolute worry wart that it physically prevents him from making a decision because he cannot choose which way to jump and goes around in circles because he worries about every single possible thing that could happen - when this situation arises I find it best to get all the info possible and spell it out to him and then make a descision together, when he sees some positive feedback it seems to calm him down a bit and clear his vision, e.g. me applying for some jobs (with his knowledge)and then him actually being offered some gave him the confidence to know that we werent going to move around the world and be destitute and that there were jobs available. Once that worry has been eliminated and occupying his every thought he his then able to move on.
This going round in circles can be very frustrating because one day your guy will be totally up for it then a week later he has found something else to worry about and its all off again and more often than not it is soooo frustrating because the worries are unfounded and the only way to get past that is to physically prove that it is not an issue - such as obtaining a job offer proved that lack of work is not an issue.
I am only offering a run down of my experience with my OH - I am not saying do this or else, and I am pretty sure that Babycatcher is of sound enough mind to know if she would be able to do such a thing with regards to her husband - only she will know if it is the right thing to do or not.
From what BC has put in the first post it sounds very familiar to me and I am only telling her how I got past this stage with my OH - thats all.
Apr 22nd 2008, 3:06 pm
#22
Da bing bing!
Joined: Nov 2007
Location: Kreissknows!!!
Posts: 2,202
Re: Need to have a vent about my DH
Obviously Kris wasn't suggesting doing this behind the OH's back, no-one in their right mind would do that!
Apr 22nd 2008, 4:26 pm
#23
I'm on a Highway to Hell
Joined: Apr 2008
Location: The "Country" - WA
Posts: 193
Re: Need to have a vent about my DH
I didn't read it like that at all - more like being proactive in this situation & doing something to find out the truth about the employment prospects, instead of sitting around wondering & feeling down about it.
Obviously Kris wasn't suggesting doing this behind the OH's back, no-one in their right mind would do that!
Obviously Kris wasn't suggesting doing this behind the OH's back, no-one in their right mind would do that!
Apr 24th 2008, 11:25 pm
#24
Dreams can come true :)
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2006
Location: Northamptonshire
Posts: 330
Re: Need to have a vent about my DH
I think a few of you are taking this a little out of context.
I am in NO WAY saying just go ahead and arrange his life for him!
All I am saying is that, obviously unlike all of your husbands, there are some guys around, like my husband, who on some occassions would rather the decision making process be taken out of their hands for any number of reasons - in the case of my husband it is because he is such an absolute worry wart that it physically prevents him from making a decision because he cannot choose which way to jump and goes around in circles because he worries about every single possible thing that could happen - when this situation arises I find it best to get all the info possible and spell it out to him and then make a descision together, when he sees some positive feedback it seems to calm him down a bit and clear his vision, e.g. me applying for some jobs (with his knowledge)and then him actually being offered some gave him the confidence to know that we werent going to move around the world and be destitute and that there were jobs available. Once that worry has been eliminated and occupying his every thought he his then able to move on.
This going round in circles can be very frustrating because one day your guy will be totally up for it then a week later he has found something else to worry about and its all off again and more often than not it is soooo frustrating because the worries are unfounded and the only way to get past that is to physically prove that it is not an issue - such as obtaining a job offer proved that lack of work is not an issue.
I am only offering a run down of my experience with my OH - I am not saying do this or else, and I am pretty sure that Babycatcher is of sound enough mind to know if she would be able to do such a thing with regards to her husband - only she will know if it is the right thing to do or not.
From what BC has put in the first post it sounds very familiar to me and I am only telling her how I got past this stage with my OH - thats all.
I am in NO WAY saying just go ahead and arrange his life for him!
All I am saying is that, obviously unlike all of your husbands, there are some guys around, like my husband, who on some occassions would rather the decision making process be taken out of their hands for any number of reasons - in the case of my husband it is because he is such an absolute worry wart that it physically prevents him from making a decision because he cannot choose which way to jump and goes around in circles because he worries about every single possible thing that could happen - when this situation arises I find it best to get all the info possible and spell it out to him and then make a descision together, when he sees some positive feedback it seems to calm him down a bit and clear his vision, e.g. me applying for some jobs (with his knowledge)and then him actually being offered some gave him the confidence to know that we werent going to move around the world and be destitute and that there were jobs available. Once that worry has been eliminated and occupying his every thought he his then able to move on.
This going round in circles can be very frustrating because one day your guy will be totally up for it then a week later he has found something else to worry about and its all off again and more often than not it is soooo frustrating because the worries are unfounded and the only way to get past that is to physically prove that it is not an issue - such as obtaining a job offer proved that lack of work is not an issue.
I am only offering a run down of my experience with my OH - I am not saying do this or else, and I am pretty sure that Babycatcher is of sound enough mind to know if she would be able to do such a thing with regards to her husband - only she will know if it is the right thing to do or not.
From what BC has put in the first post it sounds very familiar to me and I am only telling her how I got past this stage with my OH - thats all.
Apr 25th 2008, 9:15 am
#25
I'm on a Highway to Hell
Joined: Apr 2008
Location: The "Country" - WA
Posts: 193
Re: Need to have a vent about my DH
Hiya - firstly thank you for taking the time to give your advice, secondly I am of sound enough mind to work out what I can/can't do and I totally get what your saying as well as think it's a good idea. I have talked to DH and he has agreed to do his CV. Dont hold your breath I think it will take a while - my patience test! - but I totally intend to send it off (with his knowledge). Your OH could be related to mine !!! Thanks so much P)
Glad I was able to help a little and hope it gets things moving for you - it only took me 7 years and having a baby to get my OH to consider moving away from the UK - ha ha ha!
And he still keeps getting bouts of doubt here and there but they are getting less and less.
Keep me updated.
